Title: Bittersweet
Author: [livejournal.com profile] dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: R, for dark themes.
Summary: Dom’s alone with his thoughts.
Feedback: Would be appreciated, but unbeta'd so please forgive my errors.
Disclaimer: Sadly, not at all true in reality. This is why fantasy is so popular.
A/N: Yup. Still listening to Fuel. Title is from song of the same name. It’s dark. It’s bitter. I’m not kidding.

It’s raining so hard that even though the cab pulls as close to the door as possible, Dom is soaked by the time he reaches his front door. It doesn’t help that he’s more than a bit sloshed. Perhaps pickled is a better word for it, not that Dom cares much. He’s still thinking about Billy, so he’s evidently not drunk enough.

Stumbling through the front door and down the hall to the kitchen, leaving a wet trail, Dom wrenches open a cupboard and wraps his fingers around a glass. For a moment he stares at the puddle forming on the floor at his feet and then makes a grab for the bottle of good whiskey that he bought the last time Billy came to visit. It nearly slips out of his fingers, but he manages to retain his grasp on the bottle and after twisting off the top, fills his glass nearly to the brim.

Taking a healthy swallow of the whiskey, Dom stumbles out of the kitchen and into the living room, making his way over to the blinking red light of his answering machine. After two tries he finally pushes the right button and listens to the brief message. It’s from Evey. Because of the storm, tomorrow’s shooting has been canceled. Terrific.

Lurching over to the large patio windows facing the ocean, Dom presses his forehead against the door and watches the torrents of rain beat against the glass. Through the downpour Dom can see the waves rolling in, row after row of white water relentlessly pounding the shore. It’s almost as though Dom feels the waves hit, but then he realizes it’s just his heart aching.

Seven sins of wantonness and
everything that's good is gone
Sell it all for glory from the peers


Funny thing is, he’d been having a good day. Then he had logged on to check his email and seen the picture on an entertainment site. Billy. Ali. Nuzzling. Smiling. Putting on a show for the cameras. Disgustingly happy. In that moment Dom wished he was back in LA, where Elijah or Sean were just a phone call away -instead of being in Hawaii. Getting ‘LOST’ was supposed to be the next step after Rings. His big break into Hollywood. Being on the other side of the world for so many months for Rings was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but it was okay, because he hadn’t been alone. Not like now.

Silicone priestess scratch the back and
twists the knife to bone
Kick against the pricks and scrape the shins


It was Billy who told him that moving away from LA would be a good thing. Away from the harsh glare and the sharp edges of a ruthless city. Oahu would mean he could go surfing everyday if he felt like it, just like New Zealand. It was Billy who convinced him that moving a little bit further away wouldn’t change anything. Turns out he lied.

I'm the enemy in the enemies now

The whiskey blurs the edges of his memory, and even through the haze of alcohol, Dom is profoundly grateful. It hurts too much to remember the day Billy had said goodbye, ending a relationship that to the outside world had been the closest of friendships. Only they knew better. They knew that it went far beyond friendship. They’d crossed that line years ago in New Zealand and had never regretted it. Then there was that fateful morning. How Billy had risen early and gotten dressed, knowing that he never again would share Dom’s bed. He tried to justify it, tried to make Dom understand that it was for the best, but in the end they had parted with harsh words and slamming doors.

Swallowed the pill
Drank to the fill
All these things I carry now
In this bittersweet, in this bittersweet now


After Billy left, Dom was drunk for a week straight. Ignored the phone. Erased the messages without bothering to listen to them, because he just didn’t care. Bad weather had shut down filming. Good thing, too, as getting sacked would have very likely pushed him completely over the edge.

Already tipsy he went to a different club every night and found the darkest places to lose himself in. Found a few others that wanted to be in the dark as well. Misery loves company, right? Several times he woke up in strange places. Always alone. Apparently his charm was lacking these days. He didn’t care much. He didn’t want anyone else. He just wanted Billy.

Part of Dom wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, to throw himself down on the ground and demand his way like a toddler would. Another part of him wanted to fly to Scotland and beg Billy to change his mind. To come back to him and never leave his arms again.

Try to hold the world there sinking,
swimming in a paper cup
Try to own the one beneath the skin


Tipping his head back, Dom pours the last of the whiskey down his throat, bringing with it a fiery burn that sears a trail down to his belly. It’s all well and good and then the smell hits him. The whiskey smells like Billy. Not regular, everyday Billy, but the exhausted and sated, sweat-slicked, just-got-shagged-into-the-mattress Billy. The one who loved to trail kisses down Dom’s neck and slide his hands over Dom’s tummy to wake him up.

Held up to the flame 'till singeing
skin begins to draw and tuck


Rage boils over and then the glass is being hurled at the nearest wall. Unable to hold back the screams of anguish, Dom finds the largest shards and throws them again, slicing his hands to ribbons. He screams and screams until his voice is gone and the well of tears is empty again. Everything is empty. There’s nothing left.

Never told there's a chance to win

What couldn't be, wouldn't be now


Ignoring the smears of red on the hardwood floor and blood streaks on his damp trousers, Dom throws open the patio door and steps outside. Sheets of rain soak him to the bone immediately, but he doesn’t notice. Or care. Lurching forward, he nearly tumbles down the short flight of stairs, saved only by grabbing the railing to stop his fall.

The sand is so saturated with water that Dom’s sneakers are nearly swallowed up within the first dozen steps. Deciding that he doesn’t want to struggle with them any longer, Dom heels the shoes off and continues toward the shore in his bare feet. The wind is vicious, blowing from all directions and swirling madly around Dom’s slight frame.

Hold your hands up to the sky and try
so hard to rise above
But everything is beating down


Falling heavily to his much abused knees, Dom lifts his tearful face to the angry, black sky and silently dares Mother Nature to do her worst. Screams and curses at her. Begs for release from the pain.

And then he falls back onto the sand, and into a welcoming blackness.

* * *

Someone is laying very close to him, whispering words he can’t quite make out, warm breath ruffling his hair. Shifting a little under what feels like twenty wool blankets, Dom realizes two things. One. He’s in his bed. Two. He’s very naked.

Then he recognizes the voice.

Eyes flying open, Dom tries to scramble away, but cries out and stops suddenly when pain rips through his palms and up his arms. Looking down he realizes that both hands are swathed in white gaze and tape, giving him puffy white mittens for hands.

“You cut yourself pretty bad,” the voice says, louder now. “On all that glass I’m guessing.”

“What are you doing here?” Dom chokes out hoarsely. “Thought you’d be in Scotland with your beloved Ali.”

“Dom,” Billy protests, tightening the robe wrapped around him and shifting on the bed, moving closer to him. “I’ve been trying to call you for two bloody weeks. What did you do, delete the messages without even listening to them?”

“Did you do this?” Dom asks, nodding at his hands. Billy shakes his head.

“Evey called a nurse friend of hers. She figured you wouldn’t want the studio to know about it.”

“Evey? How-”

“She called me. Was really worried about you. Said I was a right prat if I didn’t get my arse back here and fix the fucking mess I’d made.”

“Where is she?”

Billy jerks his chin and nods towards the living room. “Couch. Refused to leave. Made me promise to wake her when you came ‘round.”

“What happened?” Honestly, the details aren’t too clear. Dom remembers the pub, whiskey, the rain and sand.

“My plane was late. The storm,” Billy explains, eyes shining with excess moisture. “Evey picked me up and we came straight here. Found the door wide open, glass and blood everywhere. Scared the living shite out of us both.”

A pang of guilt twangs in Dom’s belly. Shame quickly follows.

“When we found you, we thought you were dead,” Billy continues, tears now flowing down his cheeks to drip onto the lapels of his robe. “I was about to ring for an ambulance when you started talking.”

“Talking?” Dom repeats.

“Muttering really. Weren’t making much sense, but at least we knew you were alive.”

“Oh.”

It gives Dom some relief to know that he didn’t immediately start begging Billy to take him back. While there isn’t much of it left, he still has his pride.

“You were so cold, so we got you into the tub and I held you under the spray until you quit shivering. Figured you didn’t want Evey to see you that way, so she left us alone.”

They were alone. In the shower. Were they naked, Dom wonders for a moment before shoving the thought away.

“Okay, so I’m awake now. I’m fine,” Dom says stiffly. “You can be on your way.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Billy repeats firmly. “Not until you forgive me for driving you to this. For taking away the light and beauty that used to make you shine like the sun.”

His face twisted in anguish, Billy tries to move closer once again, but Dom leans back against the pillows, as far away as he can.

“I was so stupid, Dommie. I never should’ve said those things to you.”

“No argument here.”

“I know I never should’ve left things that way, but you were just doing so well out here and I was afraid that if word about us got out-”

“Billy,” Dom interrupts sharply. “There have been rumors about us since Fellowship came out. And you should’ve known that I wouldn’t have given a rat’s arse what anyone thought. I loved you and didn’t care what anyone else thought.”

Loved. Past tense. They realize it at the same time and Dom looks away.

Refusing to give up, Billy seizes the opportunity while Dom is distracted and scurries across the bed until he’s straddling Dom’s thighs. Thanks to the blankets, it immobilizes the younger man rather effectively.

“Give me a chance, Dommie. Let me help.”

“I don’t need it. And don’t call me that,” he spits out as he struggles to get loose.

“Dom, please,” Billy begs, aching to lean forward and touch him. to show him how sorry he is. “Tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it. I know I can’t take it back, but I want to fix it. Make us all better.”

“Did Ali dump you or something?”

Dom can’t suppress the bitterness in his tone.

“No. We tried for a while, but it didn’t work. We’d start to get closer, but all I wanted was you. It didn’t take long for us to realize that it wasn’t meant to be.”

Inching forward, Billy continues.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, day or night. It was like I had your shadow with me everywhere.”

When he sees Dom’s shoulders sag a little, Billy moves closer, almost within cuddling distance now.

“I knew it was a mistake. I knew it before I even said the words. I sat on the plane all the way to Scotland, hating myself for hurting you.”

“Billy-” Dom starts to say, but is suddenly cut off by a pair of bow-shaped lips covering his mouth.

“Please Dom,” Billy says when they break apart a moment later. “I’ll do anything.”

“Kiss me again,” Dom says softly, and with wide eyes, Billy complies. This kiss is longer and deeper, but still the most tender of touches.

Laying his puffy hands on Billy’s bare thighs, Dom pushes the hem of the robe a little higher. “Promise me that I’ll never have to wonder if you love me.”

“I’ll spend the rest of my life convincing you,” Billy vows solemnly, eyes shining with relief and joy.

“Will you do anything I ask?”

“Anything.”

Looking up from under the curtain of long, dark eyelashes, Dom asks, “Will you get under these covers with me now?”

The words are barely out of Dom’s mouth and Billy’s robe is tossed aside. Naked as the day he was born, he slides between the sheets and envelopes Dom in his embrace.

When Evey stumbles in from the living room several hours later, she stops short when she spots two bodies curled up together, fast asleep. The extra blankets have been pushed away, leaving only a sheet to shield their nudity.

Even in exhausted sleep, Billy’s arms haven’t released Dom.

Quietly closing the door, Evey tiptoes down the hall and lets herself out of the house. Squinting up at the sky, she smiles at the sun shining down.

Yes, the sun is returning.

* * *

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


Ooohhhhhhhh.......

That was good. Too good. I need to dream of this now......

;D

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


I love the line 'Yes, the sun is returning.' It described that vibe you get when you see B&D together. I really think Dom misses him and that in Lost he puts a lot of that sadness into his character Charlie, so that's why he acts so well! AWWW!!! *pets Dom* Don't worry hun, you'll see Billy soon enough. Heh heh heh heh....Even if I have to set it up. >:D

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


*feels bad for neglected Dommie*

Someone should, like, set up a fund raiser to get them back together! *laughs*

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


OooooOOOOooo!!!!!

Now why didn't I think of that?! HAHA!!!!

*drools*

Yis, that is a beautiful possibility....

CLAIRE?! MOVE ASIDE!!!!!

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


Yis, she would not get in the way of true love, but she could be a tad bit jealous, yeah? I mean, c'mon! Two beautiful men hooking up on a deserted island, all sweat and rippling muscles? COUNT ME IN DUUUUUDE!!!!

*grabs beach towel and sunblock*

*sets up lemonade stand*

*and displays a few chocolate bars*

All set! >:p

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


Now all we need is a professional photographer!

*rubs hands together*

Ooooooh Viggoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

From: [identity profile] celticpickle.livejournal.com


Ehhh, maybe not. Yanno how Viggo likes to experiment with light and all that kind of stuff, and all I'm looking for is for someone who can get right in there and just take the damn photo, make it pretty and polished, and yeah!

*takes photo herself*

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Sorry boys, but I have to have my fun too.....

From: [identity profile] sparkythehamstr.livejournal.com


Aww. *pets teh hobbitses* We're suckers for happy endings, aren't we?

From: [identity profile] frikatilhi.livejournal.com


We're suckers for happy endings, aren't we?

Oh, I know I am! Thank you so much for this. Mmmmm.. I think I need to read this again now, excuse me.

From: [identity profile] wbearsmom.livejournal.com


Very nice.

And Hooray to Evey for kicking Billy in the pants when he needed it.

From: [identity profile] sistersluge.livejournal.com


ah this was wonderful. i loved the anguish in the first half, it was very well captured. i love that evey is the one to call billy and arange for him to get out to hawaii, i like this much better than when billy just comes out on his own as if by intuition; it makes more sense your way. and as usual, i LOVE your happy endings!

From: [identity profile] loozy.livejournal.com


Perfect.
Simple, beautiful, without being über- mushy, it was just a perfect combination of everything good a fic needs.

From: [identity profile] sourgreenapples.livejournal.com


You do angsty anguished Dom so well. It hurts (so good) to see him like that... I just wanna huggle him!

I'm glad that Dom didn't beg for Billy back right away either! *g*

Now this just needs to happen in RL. And they should send us pictures.

From: [identity profile] sourgreenapples.livejournal.com


I'm not so sure I want RL Dom to get that sad.

He's already sad without his Billy! The Billy making him better part needs to happen in RL! Hehehehehe.

*loves*
.