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Title: If I Die (20a/20c)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dani_grl4
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: So glad this isn't true.
Feedback: Is very appreciated. Okay I'm a h0r! for it. Smooches to all those who have given such lovely feedback so far.
Warning: Angst. And I lied (not on purpose, I didn't know). OFC death.
Summary: The letter.
A/N: Yes, this is the last chapter but it's so long that I had to split it into 2 posts. 20b will be along in a few days. No, I did not mean for it to be a cliffhanger. I wanted all of this in one chapter, but it simply won't fit. Sorry about that. Part b will pick up where this leaves off. Hugs and kisses tocanciona for the friendship and the beta. Tons of love and props to hansbekhart for the important role she's playing in chapter 20b as I write this. And much love and soup to greyest_skies and crazy4dominic because they're both really, really ill.
Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9a / Part 9b / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19
Chapter 20a
“It’s good to see you again, Billy. Make yourself comfortable. How are you?”
“You know, no matter how many times I come here, I can’t get used to the idea of just sitting down and talking about myself straight away.”
“What you have to say and why you’re saying it are important. It isn’t self-indulgent at all.”
“I realise it has to be done if I’m to get better. Slowly, but surely. I learned my lesson about hurrying my healing process the hard way.”
“That’s exactly right, Billy. Setbacks are to be expected, even years down the line. But every day you’re becoming more prepared to handle them. Now, where did we leave off on Monday? I believe you started to tell me that Dom is still offering to sleep in the guest bedroom for a while, to give you some space. Have you changed your mind about that?”
“No. I told him I still don’t want that. Despite everything that happened when we, well, when we had sex. That was weeks ago now, and every time he mentions sleeping apart, I still say no.”
“Why is that, do you think?”
“Even if I’m not ready to have sex with Dom, I still want him near me, and especially at night. When I have those nightmares, he soothes me in a way I couldn’t do on my own. He makes me feel safe, which is the thing I desire more than anything else right now. And he reaches out for me in his sleep, too, so I know he needs me as well. I’m comfortable sleeping in the same bed and just holding him and kissing occasionally, for the time being.”
“And you feel completely at ease with that level of intimacy at this point? The kissing and holding?”
“It’s more intimate to me right now than anything we could do, to be honest. I didn’t share that with… anyone else. I’ve only kissed Dom for a very long time now. So I suppose it makes me feel secure. I also feel confident sharing that with him, because that part of me isn’t…damaged. I can give him that part of me, one-hundred percent, without hesitation.”
“Has Dom ever made you feel as though you’re damaged?”
“Never. Not once. He’s been brilliant. I feel that way, though, sometimes. Dom deserves to have all of me there with him, and there’ve been times when I’ve felt like my mind was somewhere else entirely. I feel as though I’m becoming more secure about touching him, and letting him touch me, maybe. When he holds me now, I only see him. When I think about being really intimate with him again, it doesn’t fill me with anxiety and panic. It’s something that I can see myself wanting and even needing again. Something that I think I may actually be ready for this time.”
“That’s wonderful news, Billy.”
Billy feels drained on the drive home. He always feels that way after he’s seen his therapist, regardless of whether they really get to talk about anything substantial. It just happens that this time they did talk about important things. Dom things. Dom and sex things, which are very important to Billy. Having to recall memories he’d rather not, like the first time he and Dom had sex after his kidnapping, always makes him feel exhausted. In a good way, though, because Billy knows the only way to get to the other side of this is to go through it. No shortcuts, no dodging around it, but rather, straight through.
He likes it when Dom’s home after his sessions. They infrequently have appointments at the same time, and even when they do, Billy goes three times for every one of Dom’s sessions, so often he will be on his own afterwards. Billy will rarely go into detail about what he talked about that day, but Dom offers the kind of quiet support and reassurance that allows Billy the strength to face his next session. It’s a sort of ritual now that he’s come to expect and love. Dom will lay on the couch with Billy, for hours if he needs it, and stroke his hair or hold his hand, as they talk about nothing and everything in the same conversation.
What Billy does not expect to find when he pulls into the driveway is Detective McNamara sitting on the front steps of their home.
“Detective. How nice to see you,” Billy says as he gets out of his car and walks towards the house. “Why are you sitting outside? Is Dom not in?”
“Well, I rang the bell and no one answered.” Detective McNamara gestures towards the door. “I just thought I’d sit here for a few minutes, in case you came back soon.”
“I’m glad you did. Come on in,” Billy says. He unlocks the door and indicates that the detective should make himself comfortable. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Just some water would be great, thanks,” he says.
“Sure. I’ll just be a moment.” Billy goes to the kitchen, wondering why Detective McNamara is there. He rings them frequently with developments in the case and such, but everything has been pretty straightforward to this point. Little further testimony had been necessary from Billy lately, for which he is incredibly grateful. So he wonders now why the detective is making a personal visit.
“Here you are,” Billy says, as he hands the detective his glass and sits down opposite him. “So, I take it this isn’t just a friendly call.”
“Well, it’s that too. How are you doing, Billy?”
“I’m well, actually. And for the first time in a while I’m not just saying that because I think people need to hear it,” Billy says, honestly. He’s always liked Detective McNamara, and finds him quite easy to talk to. Dom has spoken fondly of him as well, which Billy knows must mean the detective is quite a strong character, to have made such an impression on Dom during such a difficult time.
“That’s wonderful to hear. But you should know that you can tell me the truth, and not what you think I need to hear,” Detective McNamara says.
Billy smiles. “Fair enough.”
He nods and returns Billy’s smile. “And how’s Dom?”
“Really good, actually. You probably won’t recognise him, since you haven’t seen him in ages. He’s back to being full of endless amounts of energy. I imagine you didn’t get to see that side of him too much,” Billy adds with a sad half-smile.
“No, but I look forward to it.” He drinks his water slowly with one hand, and clutches a piece of paper in the other. Billy wonders what sort of bad news that paper likely contains. He simply waits.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Detective McNamara says, finally.
“Ah.” Billy attempts to brace himself. “I sensed that. What’s happened, then?”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Billy, but April passed away last night.”
Billy blinks a few times as the words settle in. April, the woman to whom he is sure he owes his life, has lost hers. And there’s no way around it, she lost her life because of Billy. They were both in such incredible danger at one point, but Billy survived, and April, sadly, had not.
“Oh,” is all Billy eventually manages. He stares at the floor for a while before facing the detective. “She never woke up, did she?”
“No, she didn’t. I’m sorry, Billy. I know how you felt about her and all she’d done for you.”
“Aye, it’s hard to believe. Just a bit of a shock right now. I’ve been so caught up with everything else. I just assumed she’d be alright.” Billy shakes his head, wondering if perhaps this entire experience might turn out to be some long, drawn-out nightmare after all.
Detective McNamara nods. “This means that in addition to your attempted murder, both Tony and Jay will be charged with April’s murder.”
Billy thinks he might be nodding as well, to let the detective know that he understands, but he’s not sure. It all just feels so surreal. Murder. It could so easily have been him. Detective McNamara could be sat here having this conversation with Dom, telling Dom that Tony and Jay will be charged with his murder. But he isn’t, Billy repeats in his mind. He was lucky. And April, who Billy knows really was innocent in this, has died.
“Billy?” Detective McNamara interrupts his thoughts. “There’s something else.”
“More bad news?” Billy asks hesitantly.
“I’m not sure, actually. I hope this isn’t too much to spring on you, but we found a letter in April’s belongings. A letter that I believe you wrote.” He hands Billy the piece of plain white paper he’d been holding. The paper looks as though it has been folded and unfolded several hundred times.
Billy takes the paper, but he doesn’t have to open it to know that it is the letter he wrote to Dom, days before he was rescued. The letter that April risked their lives to let him write, to be given to Dom in the event of Billy’s death. He remembers the feel of the paper vividly. It’s odd that he remembers that detail, he thinks, given how despondent he was when he wrote it.
He opens it slowly anyway, and barely reads a line before he folds it again. “Yes. I wrote this,” he says, completely numb now. He never thought he’d see this letter again, nor did he ever want to.
“I thought so. We’ve made a copy of it for evidence, but I thought perhaps you might want the original. I considered that you also might desperately not want to see it. I wasn’t sure.” The detective looks at Billy, apprehensive and sad all at once.
Indeed, Billy does not want to read the letter, but he’s oddly touched that April made sure it remained safe. That Tony and Jay never found it, so that she could at least try and keep her promise, should anything have happened to Billy. He notices that the letter looks worn, and he suspects that she probably read it many times. He wonders if that’s what made her decide to help him escape in the end.
“I read the letter, Billy. We had to, looking for evidence and all…” the detective trails off.
“It’s fine,” Billy assures him. He’s gotten used to certain people knowing quite personal things about what happened to him. At least he considers the detective a friend. This is just another one of those things.
“It’s probably not my place to say this, but it’s a really heart-wrenching letter. One of the most touching things I’ve seen in my entire career. Hell, this case was one of the most touching things I’ve ever seen. But that letter is just proof of what sort of relationship you and Dom have, and it’s not something I see every day. ”
Billy smiles. “Thank you for saying that.”
The detective nods and stands up to leave before adding, “And speaking as someone who has spent quite a lot of time with Dom in the past several months, I can say wholeheartedly that he feels the same things you do.”
“I meant everything I wrote,” Billy looks down at the letter, held gently in his hand.
“I imagine you did, Billy. I’m just thankful I didn’t have to give that letter to Dom.”
The meaning of Detective McNamara’s words seep in, and Billy winces at the thought.
“I don't even want to think about that.”
Billy sits in the living room, clutching the letter he won’t read for a long while after the detective leaves. He wants nothing to do with the memory attached to it, or the simultaneous feelings of love and despair he felt when he was writing it. Certainly he meant what he’d written. There is no doubt about that. But there’s a difference between writing a love letter and writing a letter to someone you love as you face what you believe to be your last days.
At the same time, he feels as though he has to tell Dom about the letter now. He’s told Dom nearly everything that happened to him during those two months – except about this. He knew Dom would just be overwhelmed with pain at the thought of Billy writing his ‘farewell’ letter; of knowing he was about to die. Given all the other gruesome details he’s had to reveal to Dom, Billy had conveniently left out this one thing.
But the letter is there, in front of him, and he reminds himself that there’s no going around this. Only through. No shortcuts. That means telling Dom about the letter and about April. He knows Dom will be shocked and saddened as well, because in Dom’s mind, April is the only reason Billy is alive at all. Now they will never have the chance to thank her.
“Hey, love. Sorry I’m late,” Dom calls out when he finally gets home. Billy places the letter on the end table, completely prepared to have yet another long, shattering evening with Dom.
“That’s okay,” Billy says, as Dom kisses him and settles in next to him on the sofa.
Billy watches Dom sort through a large pile of mail. “So, what exciting post have we got today?”
“Let’s see. Well, we’ve got the credit card bill!” Dom says with simulated enthusiasm. “I’ll let you do the honours,” he says as he hands Billy a thick envelope.
“You’re too kind.”
“I don’t even want to know what’s in there.” Dom sorts idly through some junk mail instead.
“Mmm,” Billy says absently, glancing over the bill. His mind is reeling over how to break the news of April’s death, and of the letter, when something catches his eye.
“Dom, what is this charge to Gay Cruise Vacations dot com?”
“Ah, well…” Dom stops sifting through the post and purses his lips, trying to suppress a laugh. He watches Billy’s face, waiting for the realisation to set in. He has no idea how he’s been able to keep this hidden from Billy for this long, and in fact had forgotten that it would be on the credit card statement this month. He sees the moment when it all suddenly comes together for Billy in his mind.
“Dominic Monaghan, that holiday you said you booked for Elijah. You didn’t – you…you sent our Elijah on a gay cruise?!”
Dom finally laughs out loud, unable to stop himself. “An exclusive gay cruise, I’ll have you know,” he says when he catches his breath. “Don’t want him getting hit on by mingers, of course. He is our best mate,” Dom manages to nod very seriously.
Billy shakes his head. “Dom, I cannot believe you did that. When I agreed to send him on a luxury cruise as a surprise, I did not have this in mind!” Billy wants to properly chastise him, and the news of April’s death is still lingering in his mind, but Dom’s laughter is infectious. A smile creeps into Billy’s face instead.
He doesn’t want to condone this behaviour, but he has to admit that one, it is pretty funny and he knows Elijah would never stay mad at Dom in a million years. And two, and this is more important, it makes Billy feel so good to see Dom being his usual, cheeky self. Not that Dom has been too sad lately. For the past couple of weeks, anyway, he’s been in seemingly high spirits. Compared to the past few months, he’s been positively exuberant. This is definitely the kind of prank Dom would have pulled on Elijah a year ago, and they all would have had a good laugh. Billy hasn’t really had a glimpse of this Dom, the one that he’s missed terribly. He hasn’t seen Dom really let go and enjoy himself in far too long. It’s a relief. It’s comforting. And he’d rather do anything else in the world except ruin this moment for Dom right now.
“Oh, don’t think he won’t enjoy it,” Dom says. He looks positively conspiratorial.
Billy raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“I reckon so,” Dom nods vehemently. “And if I’m wrong, we’ll take him on a proper holiday when he gets back. Somewhere lovely, where we can all have a great time.” Even though Dom is completely serious about making it up to Elijah if he’s not happy with his gift, he’s still laughing.
Billy shakes his head, knowing he has no choice but to laugh as well. “Now I know why you were so keen to take care of all the details. I should know better than to trust you with something like this.”
“Billy, I’m insulted,” Dom says, his hand on his heart in mock hurt. “I just think Elijah deserves to have a good time, same as you.”
“No, you want Lijah to have a very different, very special kind of ‘good time’ that I don’t even want to know about. I’d better not see photos from this trip either,” Billy warns.
“Hell, I want to see ‘em. Wonder what sort of taste Elijah has,” Dom muses.
“Dom, did Lijah have any idea-”
“Nope.”
“So he didn’t find out until he actually boarded the ship two days ago.”
“Yep.”
“Aha,” is all Billy says, shaking his head.
Dom resumes sorting through the mail, chuckling to himself occasionally.
Billy stares at his lover, smiling. “You’re really proud of yourself, aren’t you?” he asks several minutes later.
“You know that I am,” Dom laughs, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
Author:
dani_grl4Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: So glad this isn't true.
Feedback: Is very appreciated. Okay I'm a h0r! for it. Smooches to all those who have given such lovely feedback so far.
Warning: Angst. And I lied (not on purpose, I didn't know). OFC death.
Summary: The letter.
A/N: Yes, this is the last chapter but it's so long that I had to split it into 2 posts. 20b will be along in a few days. No, I did not mean for it to be a cliffhanger. I wanted all of this in one chapter, but it simply won't fit. Sorry about that. Part b will pick up where this leaves off. Hugs and kisses to
canciona for the friendship and the beta. Tons of love and props to hansbekhart for the important role she's playing in chapter 20b as I write this. And much love and soup to greyest_skies and crazy4dominic because they're both really, really ill.Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9a / Part 9b / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19
Chapter 20a
“It’s good to see you again, Billy. Make yourself comfortable. How are you?”
“You know, no matter how many times I come here, I can’t get used to the idea of just sitting down and talking about myself straight away.”
“What you have to say and why you’re saying it are important. It isn’t self-indulgent at all.”
“I realise it has to be done if I’m to get better. Slowly, but surely. I learned my lesson about hurrying my healing process the hard way.”
“That’s exactly right, Billy. Setbacks are to be expected, even years down the line. But every day you’re becoming more prepared to handle them. Now, where did we leave off on Monday? I believe you started to tell me that Dom is still offering to sleep in the guest bedroom for a while, to give you some space. Have you changed your mind about that?”
“No. I told him I still don’t want that. Despite everything that happened when we, well, when we had sex. That was weeks ago now, and every time he mentions sleeping apart, I still say no.”
“Why is that, do you think?”
“Even if I’m not ready to have sex with Dom, I still want him near me, and especially at night. When I have those nightmares, he soothes me in a way I couldn’t do on my own. He makes me feel safe, which is the thing I desire more than anything else right now. And he reaches out for me in his sleep, too, so I know he needs me as well. I’m comfortable sleeping in the same bed and just holding him and kissing occasionally, for the time being.”
“And you feel completely at ease with that level of intimacy at this point? The kissing and holding?”
“It’s more intimate to me right now than anything we could do, to be honest. I didn’t share that with… anyone else. I’ve only kissed Dom for a very long time now. So I suppose it makes me feel secure. I also feel confident sharing that with him, because that part of me isn’t…damaged. I can give him that part of me, one-hundred percent, without hesitation.”
“Has Dom ever made you feel as though you’re damaged?”
“Never. Not once. He’s been brilliant. I feel that way, though, sometimes. Dom deserves to have all of me there with him, and there’ve been times when I’ve felt like my mind was somewhere else entirely. I feel as though I’m becoming more secure about touching him, and letting him touch me, maybe. When he holds me now, I only see him. When I think about being really intimate with him again, it doesn’t fill me with anxiety and panic. It’s something that I can see myself wanting and even needing again. Something that I think I may actually be ready for this time.”
“That’s wonderful news, Billy.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Billy feels drained on the drive home. He always feels that way after he’s seen his therapist, regardless of whether they really get to talk about anything substantial. It just happens that this time they did talk about important things. Dom things. Dom and sex things, which are very important to Billy. Having to recall memories he’d rather not, like the first time he and Dom had sex after his kidnapping, always makes him feel exhausted. In a good way, though, because Billy knows the only way to get to the other side of this is to go through it. No shortcuts, no dodging around it, but rather, straight through.
He likes it when Dom’s home after his sessions. They infrequently have appointments at the same time, and even when they do, Billy goes three times for every one of Dom’s sessions, so often he will be on his own afterwards. Billy will rarely go into detail about what he talked about that day, but Dom offers the kind of quiet support and reassurance that allows Billy the strength to face his next session. It’s a sort of ritual now that he’s come to expect and love. Dom will lay on the couch with Billy, for hours if he needs it, and stroke his hair or hold his hand, as they talk about nothing and everything in the same conversation.
What Billy does not expect to find when he pulls into the driveway is Detective McNamara sitting on the front steps of their home.
“Detective. How nice to see you,” Billy says as he gets out of his car and walks towards the house. “Why are you sitting outside? Is Dom not in?”
“Well, I rang the bell and no one answered.” Detective McNamara gestures towards the door. “I just thought I’d sit here for a few minutes, in case you came back soon.”
“I’m glad you did. Come on in,” Billy says. He unlocks the door and indicates that the detective should make himself comfortable. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Just some water would be great, thanks,” he says.
“Sure. I’ll just be a moment.” Billy goes to the kitchen, wondering why Detective McNamara is there. He rings them frequently with developments in the case and such, but everything has been pretty straightforward to this point. Little further testimony had been necessary from Billy lately, for which he is incredibly grateful. So he wonders now why the detective is making a personal visit.
“Here you are,” Billy says, as he hands the detective his glass and sits down opposite him. “So, I take it this isn’t just a friendly call.”
“Well, it’s that too. How are you doing, Billy?”
“I’m well, actually. And for the first time in a while I’m not just saying that because I think people need to hear it,” Billy says, honestly. He’s always liked Detective McNamara, and finds him quite easy to talk to. Dom has spoken fondly of him as well, which Billy knows must mean the detective is quite a strong character, to have made such an impression on Dom during such a difficult time.
“That’s wonderful to hear. But you should know that you can tell me the truth, and not what you think I need to hear,” Detective McNamara says.
Billy smiles. “Fair enough.”
He nods and returns Billy’s smile. “And how’s Dom?”
“Really good, actually. You probably won’t recognise him, since you haven’t seen him in ages. He’s back to being full of endless amounts of energy. I imagine you didn’t get to see that side of him too much,” Billy adds with a sad half-smile.
“No, but I look forward to it.” He drinks his water slowly with one hand, and clutches a piece of paper in the other. Billy wonders what sort of bad news that paper likely contains. He simply waits.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Detective McNamara says, finally.
“Ah.” Billy attempts to brace himself. “I sensed that. What’s happened, then?”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Billy, but April passed away last night.”
Billy blinks a few times as the words settle in. April, the woman to whom he is sure he owes his life, has lost hers. And there’s no way around it, she lost her life because of Billy. They were both in such incredible danger at one point, but Billy survived, and April, sadly, had not.
“Oh,” is all Billy eventually manages. He stares at the floor for a while before facing the detective. “She never woke up, did she?”
“No, she didn’t. I’m sorry, Billy. I know how you felt about her and all she’d done for you.”
“Aye, it’s hard to believe. Just a bit of a shock right now. I’ve been so caught up with everything else. I just assumed she’d be alright.” Billy shakes his head, wondering if perhaps this entire experience might turn out to be some long, drawn-out nightmare after all.
Detective McNamara nods. “This means that in addition to your attempted murder, both Tony and Jay will be charged with April’s murder.”
Billy thinks he might be nodding as well, to let the detective know that he understands, but he’s not sure. It all just feels so surreal. Murder. It could so easily have been him. Detective McNamara could be sat here having this conversation with Dom, telling Dom that Tony and Jay will be charged with his murder. But he isn’t, Billy repeats in his mind. He was lucky. And April, who Billy knows really was innocent in this, has died.
“Billy?” Detective McNamara interrupts his thoughts. “There’s something else.”
“More bad news?” Billy asks hesitantly.
“I’m not sure, actually. I hope this isn’t too much to spring on you, but we found a letter in April’s belongings. A letter that I believe you wrote.” He hands Billy the piece of plain white paper he’d been holding. The paper looks as though it has been folded and unfolded several hundred times.
Billy takes the paper, but he doesn’t have to open it to know that it is the letter he wrote to Dom, days before he was rescued. The letter that April risked their lives to let him write, to be given to Dom in the event of Billy’s death. He remembers the feel of the paper vividly. It’s odd that he remembers that detail, he thinks, given how despondent he was when he wrote it.
He opens it slowly anyway, and barely reads a line before he folds it again. “Yes. I wrote this,” he says, completely numb now. He never thought he’d see this letter again, nor did he ever want to.
“I thought so. We’ve made a copy of it for evidence, but I thought perhaps you might want the original. I considered that you also might desperately not want to see it. I wasn’t sure.” The detective looks at Billy, apprehensive and sad all at once.
Indeed, Billy does not want to read the letter, but he’s oddly touched that April made sure it remained safe. That Tony and Jay never found it, so that she could at least try and keep her promise, should anything have happened to Billy. He notices that the letter looks worn, and he suspects that she probably read it many times. He wonders if that’s what made her decide to help him escape in the end.
“I read the letter, Billy. We had to, looking for evidence and all…” the detective trails off.
“It’s fine,” Billy assures him. He’s gotten used to certain people knowing quite personal things about what happened to him. At least he considers the detective a friend. This is just another one of those things.
“It’s probably not my place to say this, but it’s a really heart-wrenching letter. One of the most touching things I’ve seen in my entire career. Hell, this case was one of the most touching things I’ve ever seen. But that letter is just proof of what sort of relationship you and Dom have, and it’s not something I see every day. ”
Billy smiles. “Thank you for saying that.”
The detective nods and stands up to leave before adding, “And speaking as someone who has spent quite a lot of time with Dom in the past several months, I can say wholeheartedly that he feels the same things you do.”
“I meant everything I wrote,” Billy looks down at the letter, held gently in his hand.
“I imagine you did, Billy. I’m just thankful I didn’t have to give that letter to Dom.”
The meaning of Detective McNamara’s words seep in, and Billy winces at the thought.
“I don't even want to think about that.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Billy sits in the living room, clutching the letter he won’t read for a long while after the detective leaves. He wants nothing to do with the memory attached to it, or the simultaneous feelings of love and despair he felt when he was writing it. Certainly he meant what he’d written. There is no doubt about that. But there’s a difference between writing a love letter and writing a letter to someone you love as you face what you believe to be your last days.
At the same time, he feels as though he has to tell Dom about the letter now. He’s told Dom nearly everything that happened to him during those two months – except about this. He knew Dom would just be overwhelmed with pain at the thought of Billy writing his ‘farewell’ letter; of knowing he was about to die. Given all the other gruesome details he’s had to reveal to Dom, Billy had conveniently left out this one thing.
But the letter is there, in front of him, and he reminds himself that there’s no going around this. Only through. No shortcuts. That means telling Dom about the letter and about April. He knows Dom will be shocked and saddened as well, because in Dom’s mind, April is the only reason Billy is alive at all. Now they will never have the chance to thank her.
“Hey, love. Sorry I’m late,” Dom calls out when he finally gets home. Billy places the letter on the end table, completely prepared to have yet another long, shattering evening with Dom.
“That’s okay,” Billy says, as Dom kisses him and settles in next to him on the sofa.
Billy watches Dom sort through a large pile of mail. “So, what exciting post have we got today?”
“Let’s see. Well, we’ve got the credit card bill!” Dom says with simulated enthusiasm. “I’ll let you do the honours,” he says as he hands Billy a thick envelope.
“You’re too kind.”
“I don’t even want to know what’s in there.” Dom sorts idly through some junk mail instead.
“Mmm,” Billy says absently, glancing over the bill. His mind is reeling over how to break the news of April’s death, and of the letter, when something catches his eye.
“Dom, what is this charge to Gay Cruise Vacations dot com?”
“Ah, well…” Dom stops sifting through the post and purses his lips, trying to suppress a laugh. He watches Billy’s face, waiting for the realisation to set in. He has no idea how he’s been able to keep this hidden from Billy for this long, and in fact had forgotten that it would be on the credit card statement this month. He sees the moment when it all suddenly comes together for Billy in his mind.
“Dominic Monaghan, that holiday you said you booked for Elijah. You didn’t – you…you sent our Elijah on a gay cruise?!”
Dom finally laughs out loud, unable to stop himself. “An exclusive gay cruise, I’ll have you know,” he says when he catches his breath. “Don’t want him getting hit on by mingers, of course. He is our best mate,” Dom manages to nod very seriously.
Billy shakes his head. “Dom, I cannot believe you did that. When I agreed to send him on a luxury cruise as a surprise, I did not have this in mind!” Billy wants to properly chastise him, and the news of April’s death is still lingering in his mind, but Dom’s laughter is infectious. A smile creeps into Billy’s face instead.
He doesn’t want to condone this behaviour, but he has to admit that one, it is pretty funny and he knows Elijah would never stay mad at Dom in a million years. And two, and this is more important, it makes Billy feel so good to see Dom being his usual, cheeky self. Not that Dom has been too sad lately. For the past couple of weeks, anyway, he’s been in seemingly high spirits. Compared to the past few months, he’s been positively exuberant. This is definitely the kind of prank Dom would have pulled on Elijah a year ago, and they all would have had a good laugh. Billy hasn’t really had a glimpse of this Dom, the one that he’s missed terribly. He hasn’t seen Dom really let go and enjoy himself in far too long. It’s a relief. It’s comforting. And he’d rather do anything else in the world except ruin this moment for Dom right now.
“Oh, don’t think he won’t enjoy it,” Dom says. He looks positively conspiratorial.
Billy raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“I reckon so,” Dom nods vehemently. “And if I’m wrong, we’ll take him on a proper holiday when he gets back. Somewhere lovely, where we can all have a great time.” Even though Dom is completely serious about making it up to Elijah if he’s not happy with his gift, he’s still laughing.
Billy shakes his head, knowing he has no choice but to laugh as well. “Now I know why you were so keen to take care of all the details. I should know better than to trust you with something like this.”
“Billy, I’m insulted,” Dom says, his hand on his heart in mock hurt. “I just think Elijah deserves to have a good time, same as you.”
“No, you want Lijah to have a very different, very special kind of ‘good time’ that I don’t even want to know about. I’d better not see photos from this trip either,” Billy warns.
“Hell, I want to see ‘em. Wonder what sort of taste Elijah has,” Dom muses.
“Dom, did Lijah have any idea-”
“Nope.”
“So he didn’t find out until he actually boarded the ship two days ago.”
“Yep.”
“Aha,” is all Billy says, shaking his head.
Dom resumes sorting through the mail, chuckling to himself occasionally.
Billy stares at his lover, smiling. “You’re really proud of yourself, aren’t you?” he asks several minutes later.
“You know that I am,” Dom laughs, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
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poorElijah!But oh, now I want to read that letter! You will reveal what it says, no?
I'm all... 'arg, cliffhanger!' but in the good way.
P.S. Yay, first post!
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Thanks for reading and thanks for all the lovely comments you've left. I really appreciate them.
*hugs*
*cookies for being first*
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Cookies! *gobbles them up*
*speaks with her mouth full* Ta, love!
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PS. *germy hugs*
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*hugs you even though you have germs*
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awesome chapter!!
can't wait for *tear* the last *tear* chapter *cries*
It's going to be so sad to say goodbye to this story!
~*Stacy*~
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Poor Billy, and oh, that crazy Dom...
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this has been such a good story. i can't wait to read that letter, but i don't want it to end! you've done a wonderful job.
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hehehe Lijah on a gay cruise cracked be up despite the seriouness of the chapter. Im sure Lij is having a fab time!
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YAY!
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Fantastic, as usual. I just had to leave a quick comment before running to part b of this.
Dani-angst should be bottled and sold as a perfume.
*loves you*
Jewelz
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*laughs at thought of bottling angst as perfume and wonder what it would smell like...*
*loves*
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