monaboyd | Like a Lullaby

Title: Like a Lullaby
Author: Ami
Pairing: BB/DM, slight BB/OB, slight DM/OFC, and implied OB/EW
Rating: um. PG-15?
Summary: Billy agonizes over his relationship with Dom. A lot. Misunderstanding and lots of kissing ensue.
Disclaimer: Is not true. Bummer, right?
Author's Notes: Prolly contains too much angst and sap. But am so tired to death of poking at this fic. *pokes at it once more and then sets fic free* Yay!

Like a Lullaby

Idly, Billy trails his fingertips over Dominic's chest, down and across his abdomen, his fingers skirting the sheet draped loosely across Dom's stomach, barring the way from more intimate caresses. But instead of pushing the sheet aside, Billy follows the little c's and o's of hair across Dominic's torso, his gaze soft and serious as he traces similar c and o patterns across bare skin. Dom sighs softly in his sleep and twitches, his leg that rests heavily over Billy's own lifting and then settling down again, trapping Billy closer and tighter.

But Billy doesn't mind. He doesn't mind being trapped under Dom's weight, doesn't mind Dom's warm breath ruffling the loose strands of hair around his ears or the way Dom moves constantly in his sleep, twitching, turning. It doesn't bother Billy.

Billy is content to lay like this with Dom, tangled up in sheets and limbs and the scent of sex and sweat. He likes to trail his fingers over Dom's body like this, to watch Dom sleep. And he likes to think of how this came to be and what he wants to say.

He's still not really sure how it happened and why this is. He only knows what he knows.

And he knows that Billy liked Dominic. And that Dominic liked Billy.

He knows that Billy is Dominic's best mate. And that Dominic is Billy's.

He knows that Billy confided that he liked guys like *that*. And that Dominic confessed he did too.

And he knows that Billy admitted to being attracted to Dominic. And that Dominic said he was attracted to Billy.

He knows that Billy kissed Dominic. And that Dominic kissed Billy back.

He knows that Billy likes sleeping with Dominic and that he doesn't ever want it to end. And he knows that Dominic doesn't want it to be over either, not just yet anyway.

And he knows that Billy is in love with Dominic. And that Dominic...

...He doesn't know about Dominic. Billy doesn't *know* what Dominic would say if Billy were to admit, his very deepest and most carefully guarded of secrets that he was falling in love, was already in love with, Dominic. He doesn't know if Dom would say yes, yes he loved Billy too. He doesn't know if Dom would laugh and think it an awkward joke. He doesn't know if Dominic would flat out reject him.

And that terrifies Billy.

He knows he should tell Dominic what he feels. Everything he has ever known and learned about love and relationships and people tells him that emotions of the magnitude he feels for Dominic are dangerous when kept inside. But still...every time he looks at Dom, every time he touches Dom or Dom touches him, he feels so...so...so *lucky*. Blessed, even. Blessed that Dominic wants *him*. Dom who could have had any man, any girl, Dom who wants *him*, Billy. Billy who is years older than him, Billy who is quiet when Dom is loud, Billy who is solemn when Dom is enthused, Billy who takes every word, every action Dom says and does and tucks it away in some deep, secret part of him to be relived and cherished whenever the opportunity arises. Billy, who for the first time, is so in love. In love with Dom.

And it frightens him. Billy has never felt so deeply, so wholly, so selflessly and completely in love. He has loved before. But he has never been *in* it. He has never experienced falling like this, falling so quickly and so hard. And he has never been more afraid to open his mouth than now.

Because if Billy tells Dom he loves him - then what? Either Dom will say he loves Billy too...or Dom will reject Billy. Although the thought of Dom's positive response always fills Billy with some sort of delirious hopeful joy...he cannot, simply *will* not open his mouth. Because the thought of Dom rejecting him, pushing him away kills Billy. To never lay like this with Dom again?

Billy would rather die.

And Billy decides then and there as his fingertips travel in circles and ovals over Dominic's chest he will never say a word of this to Dom. And then Dom's eyes open slightly and his lips pulls back into a lazy smile as he says sleepily, "Bills? Why aren't you asleep?"

Billy shrugs, his eyes lowered and focused on his hand that still moves over Dominic's body, slowly and gently. "Billy?"

"Dom...." Billy's eyes lift, meet Dominic's, and then lower again. "I...” I love you. But he can't say that. "I...” He *won't* say that. "I...I need you to get off of me. I can't breathe."

"Oh. Sorry." Dom grunts and rolls off of Billy, taking the blankets with him and wrapping them tightly around his body, tucked under his arms, leaving his back bare and vulnerable-seeming to Billy. With gentle fingers, Billy reaches out and clasps Dom's shoulder, pulling them closer together.

And his eyes close and he brushes his lips gently against the bare skin of Dom's back before closing his eyes. Dominic's body is warm and solid against Billy and their breathing falls into a synchronized rhythm that comforts Billy as he slowly, slowly falls asleep.

---

A thin layer of steam hovers in front of Elijah, masking his entire face from view except for his eyes. And what lovely eyes they are, big and wide and blue and innocent and knowing all at once. If Dom wasn't sleeping with Billy and loving it, he couldn't help but to think what those blue eyes would do to him. Because Elijah does have very, very lovely eyes.

A loud slurping sound emits from behind the steamy cloud and Dom rolls his eyes. Elijah is anything but refined in the morning. "D'you think you could drink that any louder, you animal?" Dom glares daggers across the kitchen at the steamy cloud and the eyes hovering ominously above it brighten with a grin that Dom can sense rather than see.

SLLLUURRRRP!

"Pig."

"Ass."

"Wanker."

"Bitch." Elijah pauses, coffee cup hovering in mid-air and Dominic watches as his eyebrows dance with amusement. "Billy's bitch!"

Dom glowers at this and several giggles escape from behind the cloud of steam. If anyone else had persisted giggling like this, Dominic would have been severely disturbed - but because it is Elijah and because Elijah is acting the part of a right wanker, Dom lets it go and instead takes a haughtily delicate sip of his own coffee. A few giggles are still being spluttered but Dom pays no mind, staring off into space, waiting until Elijah has control of himself again.

Control is regained presently and the two men drink their morning coffee in relative silence, Dominic still staring and taking silent inventory of what is needed - another roll of paper towels and a box of coffee filters...something for lunch, I think we've eaten everything there is to eat...might as well shop for the whole week then... A grocery list begins to be compiled in Dom's thoughts and the cloud of steam still hovers in front of Elijah's face, only his eyes showing as he gazes intently at Dominic. "Christ, Elijah, would you stop staring already? Have I grown another nose or something?"

Elijah puts his tongue out at this and Dom rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to tell Elijah off for acting like a kid when Elijah suddenly begins to speak, his voice impatient at first and then slower, softer. "Don't be an idiot, I wasn't staring at you, I was only...I was just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"You." An eyebrow raises at this and Dom awaits for some biting insult or sarcastic remark from Elijah, but none comes. Instead, Elijah only looks at him for a long moment and his eyes are suddenly old, weary and wise - but that's ridiculous because Elijah is barely legal - and he slowly speaks. "Just...why Billy?"

"Why Billy?" Dom repeats, his voice confused and his eyes even more so. "Lij-"

But Lij isn't finished. "Why *Billy*," he repeats and his voice isn't condescending or disgusted but only honestly wondering. "Why, when you could have had anyone?"

"Anyone?" Dom is completely lost.

"*Anyone*," Elijah verifies. "Any guy, any girl...but you wanted *Billy*. Why?"

And before Dom can answer (indeed, before Dom can fully understand), there is the sound of keys in the door, the opening and closing slam of the door, and heavy footsteps in the foyer, footsteps coming down the hallway toward the kitchen. Dom looks helplessly at Elijah, once again take aback by the almost *sage* look in the blue depths he finds and then he can hear the loud exhale of air as Billy sighs and then, suddenly, Billy is in the entryway of the kitchen.

Dom looks up and for a brief instant, he sees the lines in Billy's face, lines that speak of time and age and weariness and defeat - but only for an instant. Because the second Dom's eyes meet Billy's it all drops away from his face and his eyes light up and a smile spreads over his face. Not just a smile. A grin, a huge adoring grin that lights up Billy's face and sends every nerve in Dom's body both tingling and melting all at once.

Vaguely, he is aware of Elijah's small, smirk of a smile behind the now slowly dissipating cloud of steam - but not very aware.

Mostly Dom is aware of Billy and the way Billy is looking at Dom. And the fact that it is *Billy* and no one else because Dom makes Billy happy.

And making Billy happy makes Dom happier than anything or anyone else ever has.

---

"I'm in love with him. I'm in fucking *love* with him." Billy sighs and buries his face in his hands; fingers reaching up to gently massage his temples. "I hate it. I hate it. I *hate* it." The words are muffled by his hands, but no less venomous and roughly, he drops his hands and stands up.

Billy paces the limited length of the room, trying to decide what to say, what to do. What he wants, more than anything, is to tell Dominic. To tell him and to hold him and to kiss him, to be held and be kissed, to hear and to say all the promises that lovers always promise, to love Dom *forever*. But what he wants, he can't have. Can't because he's scared, can't because he loves too much, too deeply, can't because he's not used to this. He's never been able to be completely open and fearless, to put himself out there and be *okay* if it all his hopes and dreams and expectations fall flat before him.

He ought to be. Heaven knows he ought to be. Auditioning for Lord of the Rings - wasn't that the same thing? Throwing himself into something without knowing what would expect and risking everything just because he thought he had a chance? Isn't that exactly what he should do with Dom?

But it isn't, Billy realizes. Because Pippin had been his career - not his life. If he hadn't made it, he could have gone back to the theater, back home, back to where he was known and was safe and was comfortable. But Dom - Dom is his life. Dom isn't something that he can deal with if it doesn't work out. Dom is something he honestly thinks he could *die* without if it doesn't work out.

And that is terrifying.

Billy isn't much for putting such store on people, things. Because things are ruined, stolen, given up. Because people are fickle, people left, people died. No point to it, really. Just enjoy it for the moment, but don't let it consume you.

That's what he had said. Thought. Believed.

But not anymore.

Because what he feels for Dom goes beyond all of that.

Its passion, its love, its fear, its lust, its desire, its want, and its need. Its beautiful, its ugly, its easy, its hard, and its everything and it is *nothing*.

It’s Dom. Oh God. *Dom*.

Billy sighs and stops his pacing, turns and looks into the mirror. He sees his reflection. And he doesn't like it, tears his eyes away from it.

He still hasn't come to a decision.

Billy sighs at the exact instant there's a sharp rap at the door and Dom sticks his head in, his expression impatient and still slightly concerned. "Bills? We've got to go, we said we'd meet Lij and Orlando twenty minutes ago. I've been looking all over for you, why're you locked away up here?"

"Oh." Billy smiles as he walks back across the room, toward Dominic. "I was just thinking."

A wry smile crosses Dom's face as he drops an arm around Billy's shoulder, resting his head against Billy's for a moment as he says, "You and Lij both." And then he presses a quick, soft kiss against the corner of Billy's mouth and adds, "Don't think so much."

"Why not?" Billy gives Dom an askance look.

"Well...um..." Dominic looks sheepish and as they walk down the stairs, Billy is amazed to see a faint reddish tinge cover the back of his neck and the tips of his ears. "I...I don't want you to think me out of your life," Dom says in a rush, his voice muffled as he keep his head lowered and a step or two ahead of Billy. "That's all."

"*Dom*." Billy is touched and he reaches his hand out, catches Dominic by the shoulder and pulls him around so that they are facing one another. Dom fidgets and for a fleeting moment Billy thinks that yes, he can tell Dom - but its gone and all Billy does is step closer to Dom and wrap his arms around him, holding him close while his eyes close and he whispers fiercely, "I would *never* do something like that. *Never*." And then he presses his lips against Dom's neck, his jaw, his eyes and finally Dom's lips. "I...” I love you is what Billy desperately wants to say, now is the perfect time to say it, Billy knows it is...but instead he only says, "I need you in my life. I couldn't 'think' you out of it."

Dom nods and gives Billy a quick kiss and steps away, looking vaguely disappointed for a brief moment. But it's gone and Dom smiles saying, "Come on. We've got to go."

And they go, leaving everything between them known and still nothing said and absolutely nothing certain or sure.

---

The place is fairly pulsing with music, sex, booze, people, light. Dominic doesn't know why it appeals to Elijah so much. It’s cheap and it’s vulgar and it’s a place for selfish, bodily pleasures. It’s where the drunks are, where the prostitutes and sluts frequent, where the good girl goes bad and where the addict indulges the addiction. There's a smoky haze over everything and it smells of alcohol, sweat and other bodily fluids. The lights are harsh and glaring, the corner table where Dominic and his friends are sitting at has the remains of someone else's drink and the marks of many, many others' fingers permanently etched into the wood.

But the beer is good.

The music is irresistible.

And it appeals to everything young and wanton and restless in Dom.

So that when Elijah sets down his half-finished beer and grins at Dominic across the table, Dom can't help but to smile back. And when Elijah stands up and sways his hips suggestively, Dom can't help but to stand and show him up. And when Elijah moves onto the dance floor, Dom can't help but to follow him, leaving Orlando and Billy behind, shaking their heads and laughing.

Immediately the throng of dancers envelops Elijah and Dom. Of bodies moving as one, pressed against one another, sticking together. There's someone breathing loudly in Dom's ear, someone else plastered against his back. But he doesn't mind. There's something sensual in this sort of dancing, of rubbing against and sometimes sticking to a stranger's back or front. Of the ragged heavy breathing that escapes everyone's lips. Of the way hands and lips are everywhere, of the way the music vibrates the floor and pulses in Dom's body and every other dancer's. Of the way they are all connected, all touching, one way or another.

Dom's eyes close briefly and when they open again, Elijah is no where to be seen and he's in the middle of the dance floor with a girl with dark hair and bright gray eyes biting her lip and fluttering her thickly mascaraed lashes at him. He smiles at her and she stops biting her lip to smile back, her teeth white and even behind crimson lips and a come-hither look in her eyes. She begins to dance toward him, her hips defined and voluptuous in a short tight skirt.

He's feeling drunk off of a few beers, the music, the dancing, the way girl is suddenly near him, *on* him with her body plastered against his. She's smiling, her long dark hair flying everywhere as she rubs against his torso, her shoulders against his chest, her hips pressed flat across his pelvis, her legs tangled between his. He's breathing hard and lowers his head to wipe sweat away from his face, giving her the perfect angle to shout in his ear - "What's your name?"

"Dominic."

"WHAT?"

"DOM!"

"DOM?" He nods, smiles again at her as the first song ends, another immediately begins to play, this beat even faster and harder than before. He picks up the pace in his movements, falls in time with the others and she smiles, her own hips swaying faster and lower against him, deliberate attempts, Dom suddenly realizes, to awaken parts that ought not be awoken. He steps away and she follows, saying in first what seems to be a promising voice and then gives up and yells. "MY NAME'S VIVIAN!"

"Vivian?" Dom smiles for the millionth time and steps away again, crashing into a dancing trio and getting dirty looks from them. "Um...that's a lovely name. Yes, Vivian, very nice." His smile is growing pained.

She gives him a dazzling smile and Dom starts wondering how desperate is she? How much has she had to drink? What would she do if I said I was with Billy as in *with* him? The lashes flutter again and Dom gives up, closing his eyes and falling back into the dancing rhythm.

---

Billy drains his drink and scans the room for Dom anxiously, his fingers drumming on the wooden tabletop. He can feel Orlando watching him, can feel the tiny smile playing at the other man's lips. He doesn't know Orlando all that well, Billy realizes. Not like he knows Dom (but then again, he doesn't really know anyone like he knows Dom because he is not sleeping with and completely in love with anyone else) or Elijah, who he has seen nearly every day since coming to visit Dom in L.A. 'indefinitely'. But still.

It's Orlando.

"Would you stop twitching around like that?" Orlando finally says, setting down his drink and giving a loud snort of exasperation.

"Oh. Sorry."

Orlando rolls his eyes and leans back in his seat, stretching his arms out far above his head. "So why were you late again?" he asks, the front legs of his chair lifting up as he stretches again.

Billy watches him stretch; finding is surprisingly and amusingly catlike. "Oh. I took a while to get ready, was thinking and that sort of slowed me down."

"Thinking slowed you down?" Orlando repeats this and grins. "That's quite funny, actually. Thinking slowed you down." Billy gives him a grin back and for a moment, there's a sort of happy companionable silence between them and neither one can help breaking into a soft laughter whenever their eyes meet. But then its broken as Orlando asks brightly, "So what were you thinking about?"

"Oh stuff," Billy replies vaguely and traces his index finger around the mouth of a beer bottle. "Just...stuff."

"Don't be an ass. *What* were you thinking about?" Orlando grins and nudges Billy playfully in the shoulder. "*Dom*?"

"Yeah." But Billy's yeah isn't teasing or playful or even defensive, as Orlando had expected. His voice is very quiet and very desolate.

Orlando takes note of this and looks at his friend curiously. "Why d'you sound so sad then?"

"I don't sound sad."

"Yes you do."

"*No*, I don't."

"*Yes* you do!"

"I don't!"

"I told you, don't be an ass! What's wrong with you and Dom? Did you guys have a fight?" Orlando's voice is stern but his eyes are soft and concerned as they watch Billy's countenance.

"No....it's just..." Billy sighs and goes on, suddenly emboldened and the words rush out. "I don't know what to do, it's like we're stuck and we can't go forward or back and all I can think about is how much I love him, how *badly* I want to tell him that I love him and I can't because I'm so God damned *scared*." And then Billy takes a deep breath and follows it up by finishing the contents of the beer Elijah left behind.

Orlando stares at him and shakes his head. "Have you kissed him?"

"What?"

"Have you kissed Dominic?"

"Bloody wanker, of course I have."

"More than once?" Billy gives Orlando a *look* and Orlando shrugs. "Just asking. If you've kissed him more than once, then you can't be worried he'll find you a poor kisser." Orlando takes a sip of his drink and says thoughtfully, "Have you slept with him?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Have you or haven't you?"

"I said I'm not answering you."

"But I'm asking you for an answer. Did you fuck Dom - or did he do you, not that it matters to *me*, but still-"

"Shut up!" Billy hisses at him under his breath and kicks him, not being particularly fond of his sex life being blurted out in such a crude fashion. "Yes!"

"More than once?"

"I'm definitely not answering that," Billy replies flatly.

"Okay, okay. Touchy, are we?" Orlando gives him a small smirk and then says logically, "Well, if you've kissed and slept with him, you can't be worried he'll find you unattractive. Or an unsatisfactory lover. So we've ruled out physical inhibitions...as for mental ones, well you're living with the guy-,"

"Only visiting."

"Yes, visiting for more than three months, makes loads of sense as you are not living together...but anyway, that proves you two can commit and blah blah blah." Billy can't hide a grin at this horribly lame conclusion and Orlando looks put off at first, but gives in with a grin of his own. "Well that didn't sound too terribly educated, but - do you understand me?"

Billy doesn't reply and after a long moment Orlando sighs. "Forget you understanding *me*, it's *you* I don't understand. You love him. You said you do, everything about you says that you do. Like now, you're hearing me but you're not listening, really, because you're looking for him. You've been searching for him all night and if he suddenly appeared behind you, you'd completely forget me because he's *all* there is to you."

"I am so listening," is what Billy says quietly without turning to look at Orlando. "He is *not* all there is to me - its more than that. It's like...it's...” He sighs and says in a low voice of one confessing, "It's like he's part of me, like he's been grafted on somehow and if I tell him that I love him, he'll suddenly be torn away and I'll be left with this big hole in me somewhere and I'll be stumbling around for the rest of my life, searching for something to fill the hole again, but nothing ever will because there is nothing else like *him* and I..." Billy breaks off and takes a noisy drink from Orlando's bottle, as there is nothing else to say and nothing else to drink.

Orlando is quiet, watching Billy. And when he does speak, his voice is gentle. "Well, that was just *lovely*. You ought to take up writing romance novels in your spare time, you'd be *wonderful* at it." Billy scowls at this, feeling slightly hurt and abused when Orlando continues, "I'm serious, Billy, I've never heard *anyone* ever talk that way about someone else before. It....aw hell, you've made me jealous."

"Er, sorry?"

Orlando laughs at Billy's awkward reply, leaning back, his eyes closing and his mouth open as he laughs, his laughter and smile infectious as several people around them break into smiles and soft chuckles as well. Billy is smiling as well, watching his friend and when Orlando leans forward again, his eyes opening, he sighs and says quietly, still smiling, "Billy."

"Orlando."

Orlando smiles again. And then quite suddenly, Billy is aware of Orlando's lips on his, warm and firm and gentle all at the same time. The fact that they've both had too much to drink, that Dom could see them any minute, that this doesn't really mean anything to either of them flashes through Billy's mind. And then the fact that Orlando's lips are opening against his flash through his mind and before he knows it, Billy is kissing him back.

---

Dom sighs deeply as he moves away from the bar, his hand clenched tightly around the slick neck of a bottle. There is still a dark-haired girl next to him and he closes his eyes briefly as her body brushes against his. His eyes open and he realizes that the girl - Vicki is her name, he thinks - is holding an iced tea. Iced tea. Christ, how old is she? "Er...um,"

"Vivian." She rolls her eyes and sips her iced tea.

"Vivian. I knew that. How old are you, Vivian?"

"Twenty-two."

At least she's legal. Dom sighs and tries to think of a way to politely ditch the girl. For some reason Dominic cannot fathom she seems to be infatuated with him or at the very least, deeply in lust with him. Some part of Dom's mind tells him at ought to be flattered but he is mostly just irritated and annoyed by the girl. He scans the room, looking to see if Elijah is back on the dance floor, hoping that he will be able to convey a message of S.O.S. to him. But Lij isn't on the dance floor, of course not, not when Dom needs him.

Dominic sighs again and realizes Vicki-Vivian or whatever the hell her name is, is staring up at him. "Do you want to, you know, get out of here?" she asks, practically purrs and blinks her gray eyes once, the picture of innocence.

Dom blanches, saying hastily, "Actually there is someone I want you to meet." He starts walking quickly back towards the table where he left Billy and Orlando, half-hoping he'll lose Vivian in the horde of people. However he is not so lucky, the girl keep one hand clutching her drink and the other firmly on his shoulder. But no matter. He'll be rid of her a moment; girls have a habit of dropping good-looking men when a beautiful man is dangled before them, and that is exactly what he is expecting to happen as soon as Vivian gets even the briefest of glances at Orlando.

And if that doesn't penetrate her thick skull, Dom is quite sure that the disappearing act he plans to commit with Billy will.

"Oi! Orlando! Billy!" Dom says their names loudly as he nears the table, pushing through a crowd of people gathered in front of it, Vivian's hand still firmly latched onto his shoulder. The crowd dissipates almost as suddenly as it appeared and Dom freezes with a loud "OH!" feeling as though all the wind has suddenly been knocked out of him.

"Dom?" Vivian comes up behind him and says loudly, disgustedly, "Are *those* your friends?"

Dom can't quite remember how to breathe, can't quite remember how to think or to speak or to do anything. He's frozen, absolutely frozen, and the only thing he can comprehend is *Billy*.

"Billy..." the name leaves his lips and Vivian looks furious at his side. "DOM! I said, Do-hom! Are you listening to me? Let's *go*, I didn't come here to see a couple of *queers*." She spits the word out as though it is a foul substance in her mouth and nudges Dom irritably with her foot.

Dom jerks and what seems like an agonizingly amount of time has only been a few seconds has passed between his first stunned realization to the incredible amount of hurt and anger surging through him now. He grabs Vivian's hand. "Come on Vick-Vivian. Let's *go*." And he nearly drags her out of the building, his head pounding hollowly and his heart breaking.

Billy.

---

With a sharp gasp, Billy breaks off the kiss with Orlando as suddenly and awkwardly as it began, his eyes open and wild as he looks around the dance floor, the bar, the tables around them for Dom. Orlando sits beside him, his eyes closed and his lips turned slightly up at the corners, calm. Billy is in a panic as he sees the retreating figure he knows so well. *Dom*. With a *girl*.

"Oh my *God*. *Dominic*." The words are almost literally torn from his mouth and he turns to Orlando with pleading eyes. "He saw."

"I gathered as much." Orlando's voice is dry but not altogether lacking in sympathy as he adds, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I...I don't know."

"Christ Boyd!" Billy jumps a bit in his seat as Orlando stands up and slams his fist onto the table, rattling empty beer bottles and sending several paper napkins wafting to the floor. "This isn't a fucking fairy tale! There isn't going to *be* any fairy godmother to wave her fuckin' wand and make it all right again. You're not a God damn prince riding up on a God damn white horse, you're Billy Boyd and you're in love but you're human and you *can* screw up. Dominic's not a princess who you've got to prove yourself for a million and one times or an ogre who you ought to be frightened of - he's only a human, just like *you*. And if you can't make your own happy ending then, damn it, you don't fuckin' *deserve* it!"

Billy stares up at Orlando. A sense of awe and amazement creeps over him and he is quiet for a moment, contemplating Orlando's words even as the man slowly sits down again. And before Orlando is fully seated, Billy is up and walking away, his pace fast and anxious.

"OI! BOYD! WHERE'RE YOU GOING?"

Billy turns on his heel and smirks at Orlando. "I'm gonna go save the fuckin' princess, mate."

And Orlando snickers to himself as Billy disappears into the crowd and stands up to go get another drink.

---

Mouths open and close in a hot wet rhythm, soft gasps and sighs are heard in between kisses. Dominic and Vicki - no Vivian - barely made it out the door because anger lends itself to passion's place and now, Dom has her firmly pressed up against the brick wall of the building, her body molded against his and his hands clasped against hers, over her head and against the wall.

Dom's eyes close as he loses himself in the actions, his body imitating Vivian's seductive rolling and pushing, his mouth opening and accepting her lips, her tongue, her taste.

She tastes like cigarettes and tea, like something muskier, darker and a territory unknown. There is nothing familiar or inviting about her kiss or her taste, it is take, take, take - and Dom is lost.

He kisses Vivian and in his mind he thinks *Billy*.

He tastes her taste of cigarettes and tea and in his mind thinks Billy tastes different. Better.

He smells her smell of cheap perfume and smoke and in his mind thinks Billy smells different. Of soap and his own unique scent that drives Dom mad when he rolls over in the morning and finds Billy's side of the bed empty, only his scent left behind.

He rakes a hand through her dark hair and in his mind thinks Billy's hair is shorter. And wilder, fairly crackles with static if Dom plays with it enough.

And when her voice says breathily, "*Dom*", he replies hoarsely with, "*Billy*."

And then the world comes crashing back around him as a high-pitched voice shrieks, "*BILLY*?" and surprisingly strong hands thrust Dom away. He staggers a few steps and back, gasping for breath as he struggles to meet her eyes. Her eyes are disgusted and angry as she repeats, quieter this time, "*Billy*? Is that one of your gay friends, faggot?"

Dominic has never wanted to hit a woman before now and he has never come as close to doing so as he does right now. "What the hell is this? A minute ago it was all 'oh Dom, fuck me now' and now it's 'oh gross, a *faggot*'?"

"A minute ago I didn't *know* you were...were..." Dom doesn't even know this girl and yet a harsh stab of pain goes through him at the words, at the look on her face. This is what he is going to deal with every second of his life, he realizes dimly as she splutters at him, rude, insensitive, narrow-minded people. Every day. Every second. The rest of his life. And Dom aches hollowly as he looks beyond the dark-haired girl and looks down toward the future. And he sees Billy and he suddenly doesn't mind the hurtful words as much, barely even registers as she completes her tirade with the harsh pronouncement of "Fuckin' *pervert*."

Dom doesn't say anything to this, letting go of the brief hurt she's caused because he *doesn't know her*. And he really doesn't care what she thinks, Dom realizes. If she wants to think he's disgusting, bloody well fantastic for her because he *doesn't care*. He wonders dimly, if he'll ever care again.

Her lower lip trembles and before Dom can even think 'oh shit, she's gonna slap me', she slaps him, the ring on her finger cutting deeply into the flesh of his cheek.

Dom curses and backs away from her, saying loudly and angrily, "Chrissake woman!" He doesn't get a reply, only watches as Vivian turns on her heel and stomps away - away, back into the building, he notices with a note of dry irony. "I would say I deserved that but I don't think that I do," he mutters, kicking the wall as he feels his face, wincing as his fingers touch a welt from her ring. "That'll bruise quite nicely."

Still feeling his face tenderly and swearing under his breath, Dom slowly crumples to the ground, drawing up his knees and wrapping his arms around them, resting his forehead on his knees. A few moments later, he is aware of someone running and then stopping a few feet away from him. He can hear the runner's ragged breathing and gulps of air.

"Dom?"

And Dom knows that it is Billy.

---

Billy stands still before Dom, his heart pounding and his head spinning. Dom looks so small then, so young and defeated and vulnerable - it kills Billy to see Dominic like this. "Dom?" he asks, taking a brave step forward. Dom doesn't speak, doesn't even raise his head and Billy's heart gives a great jerk inside his chest. "Dom?" he says again, taking another step forward, this one not quite as brave.

Still no reply from Dom.

Billy sighs and awkwardly, crouches down so that he is eye-level with Dom. Or what would be eye-level if Dominic would just *look* at him. Slowly, he reaches out and his fingers brush Dom's chin, catch it and force Dom's face upward to look at him. Dom's eyes aren't angry like he expected, only a little sad, a little hurt - but mostly empty. There's a bruise forming along his left cheek and Billy wonders where it came from. But he only says, "Are you okay?"

Dominic knocks his hand away. "Fantastic."

Billy tries again. "Look, Dom, I know that-,"

"Do you know what I was thinking when I went over there? It's funny, really." Dom interrupts, his voice loud and harsh as it cuts through Billy's words. "I was thinking that I could get rid of Vicki or Vivian or whatever her name was and that we could slip out. Know why?"

"Dom, *please*."

But Dom doesn't please. He continues speaking, his eyes focusing on a spot hovering somewhere over Billy's head. "I thought she'd leave me because once a girl gets a load of Orlando, they drop whoever they're with - me, in this case - like a fuckin' hot brick. And while I was thinking this, while I was being a delusional ass, you had his tongue halfway down your throat, you bloody *prick*. And isn't that *funny*?" And it is, in a horrible ironic sort of way and the bitter taste of the irony lays thick on Dominic's tongue.

"*Dom*!" Is all that Billy can come up with, wanting to cry and to hold Dom, but doing neither. "I...it wasn't like that," is what he says instead.

"What was it like then?"

"It was...I don't know."

"How can you not *know*? Did you kiss him back?" And Dom's eyes are on Billy again, meeting his own and making it impossible to lie, and Billy's head slowly, pathetically, nods yes. An odd, strangled noise comes from Dom and Billy gives him a sharp look, which Dom chooses to ignore, saying instead, "Why'd you kiss him?"

Billy is helpless, shrugging and his hands flying out as if their movements will help give him the words to say to make everything right. "I don't know. Because we'd been drinking. Because we'd been talking. Because he kissed me. Because I wanted you and you weren't there. Because it didn't mean anything. Because he looked sad and because he said he was jealous. I don't *know*!"

Dom is quiet for a long moment after this outburst, his eyes gazing down on his hands locked around his knees. He studies them as he says, "Now what?"

"What do you mean, 'now what'?"

"I mean, now *what*? Do I tell you never mind, it's all right and forgive you? Do I make you grovel a bit and then forgive you? Do I just let it all fade away and have neither of us say anything but pretend it never happened when it *did*, let everything become weird and awkward between us? Do I just stand up and walk away and leave you here and don't come back? Is that what this is supposed to be, the end's beginning?"

"God, *no*!" Billy can't help the words that are torn from his mouth, his whole body running both hot and cold by turns at the thought of Dom leaving. "*No*!"

"Billy?" Dom looks up, mildly surprised at the tone in Billy's voice.

"I told you earlier that I needed you in my life. And I do. I need to see you, to talk to you, to wake up with you, to go to sleep with you, to be able to touch you and to hold you, to *be* with you. Christ, Dominic, I *love* you." And the words are out, all the words he's tried to hold back for the past century it seems, that's how long it feels like he's loved Dom without saying, and he wants to both take them back again and to say them again, and there's this feeling of complete despair and complete joy in what he has just said.

Dominic is making a choking sound again, managing to take a sudden gasp of breath and then still making that odd strangled noise low in his throat. Billy opens his mouth to ask, 'Dom? Are you all right?’ suddenly worried that maybe Dominic can't breathe when he sent sprawling across the hard, cold ground, flat on his back and wheezing under the added weight of Dominic Monaghan.

Dominic's legs are between and tangled up with Billy's, his arms are wrapped tightly around Billy's neck, Billy's own arms awkwardly around Dom's middle and some kind of rock or something is stabbing Billy in the lower back. It is not the most comfortable position he has ever been in.

But Dominic's lips are pressed against Billy's, warm and frantic, hard enough that Billy can feel the imprint of Dom's teeth against his lips, Dom's tongue against his own. Dom's fingers are digging through the thin barrier of Billy's shirt into his shoulders and leaving red imprints, one knee is pressed up against Billy's groin and making it difficult for Billy to breathe quite right and he's torn the hem of Billy's right pant leg. There's dirt in Billy's hair and the rock stabbing Billy's back seems to have multiplied because there is another stabbing him in the ass and another in the shoulder. And Dom's lips are still frantically pressed against his own.

It is the best kiss of Billy's life.

---

Orlando glowers as he finishes yet another drink, wondering where the hell Elijah has gone off to and feels very much alone, abandoned and neglected.

"Bloody assholes," he declares his friends, spinning the now-empty beer bottle around the table. Then he feels guilty, thinking about Billy and Dom and how it’s mostly his fault that they are probably arguing right now. "But Elijah hasn't any excuse," he amends.

And for the umpteenth time that night, Elijah is declared a right wanker.

---

Dominic sighs softly, burying his face into the juncture of Billy's neck and shoulder, breathing deeply in. Billy smells like soap and some sort of aftershave and his own scent that continues to drive Dom mad and Dom breathes in again, loving this scent after Vivian's perfume and smoke. Billy's hand is traveling in soft, soothing circles around Dom's back and Dom can't help making the choking noise again, his sounds muffled by Billy's shoulder.

"Dom?" Billy's voice is tentative, his hand still moving gently across Dom's back. "What...why..." Billy can't really put a name to the noise and he pats Dom's shoulder helplessly.

"William Boyd, you wanker, I'm trying not to cry."

Billy skips over the insult, affectionately administered as it was and sits up, bringing Dom with him, asking pathetically, "*Why* are you wanting to cry?"

Dom's head is still resting on Billy's shoulders, his legs folded up beneath him now, still with Billy's legs outstretched on either side of him. His voice is quiet when he speaks. "Because you love me."

There are no words available for Billy to reply to this and instead he presses a soft kiss to Dom's neck. They sit there for a long moment, quiet and together, very oblivious that they are sitting on the dirty cold ground in the middle of the narrow alleyway that the back exit of the club leads too.

Presently, Billy ventures to ask, "Am I forgiven?"

Dom sits up straight and leans slightly away from Billy so that he can look at him. "No." His voice is petulant and sulky and he actually gives a slight pout. "Billy, you *kissed* somebody else. Somebody who wasn't *me*. Somebody who wasn't just a *somebody* but one of our *friends*."

"Do you want to know why I kissed him?"

"No-oh....yes..."

"Because he told me he was jealous. Because he looked so sad when I said that loved you." Billy sighs, wrapping his arms around Dominic again and saying, "I love you."

"Oh." Dom's voice is quiet and he gives Billy an askance look. "I kissed her, you know. Vivian."

"I know." Billy looks at him, his eyes and face solemn.

"I love you, Billy," Dom whispers, his voice shaky. And when he looks up to meet Billy's eyes, he's sees *that* look on his face. That huge, adoring grin that deepens all the laugh lines around his mouth and crinkles his eyes all up and looks comical to anyone but Dominic. And once again, Dom remembers why it is *Billy* and no one else as he puts his arms around Billy's neck again and hears Billy's soft voice in his ear saying, "Let's go home Dom. Let's go *home*."

---

Elijah giggles wildly as he slides into his seat opposite of Orlando and beams, his eyes big and glowing with laughter. His hair is soaked through with sweat and his face is shining, but with the huge grin and bright eyes, everything else fades away.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Orlando demands ungraciously.

"Around."

"What is *that* supposed to mean?"

"I dunno. Around means around."

Orlando looks at him suspiciously. "Have you been taking something?" He is convinced that the kid has been taking drugs or drinking too much or at the very least, screwing some under-aged American girl and is about to be attacked by an enraged big brother.

"Nope. Been dancing."

"Liar. I haven't seen you for hours."

Elijah grins and leans forward, a mysterious and enigmatic look in his eyes. Slightly intrigued, in spite of himself, Orlando leans forward, his forehead bumping against Elijah's lightly. "I'll never tell," is what Elijah whispers and drops a kiss on the tip of Orlando's nose before leaning back and giggling again.

"*Wanker*." Orlando stares at him, incredulous. Elijah's eyes have closed and his head is leaning back, baring a suddenly inviting-looking neck and is breathing heavily through slightly parted lips. He looks terribly sensual to Orlando then and he can't help standing up and leaning over Elijah, his lips touching the bare neck. "You'll tell me," Orlando informs him and heads back to the bar.

Elijah gives a muffled shriek at this and sits up straight again, looking for Orlando. He sees the brunette at the bar and with a small grin, follows him there, tapping his shoulder impatiently. When Orlando turns around, Elijah gives him a mischievous grin, and the challenge, "You'll have to catch me," amid a flurry of giggles before darting away and out of the bar.

Orlando's eyes light up and he leaves the girl tending the bar holding a beer in either hand as he races after Elijah.

---

"Dom." Billy gives his hand a half-hearted tug and it remains trapped, held fast in Dom's hand. Dom pulls the hand towards him and the rest of Billy follows, clambering over rumpled sheets and pillows in mismatched cases to lay against Dom, their bodies pressed firmly together. Dom's leg lays over Billy's and their hands are still clasped together as they stare up into the darkness, quiet.

Dom is the first to fall asleep, rolling over and taking the blankets with him as he always does. Billy smiles as the blankets fall away, leaving Dom's back exposed to him and he reaches out to pull them closer together. And he brushes his lips against the bare skin of Dom's back and closes his eyes, as their breathing falls into an even rhythm and comforts Billy as he falls asleep, comforts like a lullaby.

::END::

billy boyd and dominic monaghan

Like a Lullaby

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