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[sweetzattack.livejournal.com]

Title: Every River
Series: Precious Years 2/10
Author: sweetzattack
Pairings: DM/BB, DM/EW in series, DM/BB in chapter
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Warning: Character death in series
Summary: Even the deepest love of all sometimes turns out to be a troublesome thing...
Disclaimer: I own them and I cut this out of some newspaper, I bought from a bavarian donkey 2346 years ago on Mars. *rolleyes* It's a LIE. Made UP. Wish I owned them nevertheless, so lemme dream ;o)
All titles and lyrics in this series taken from the wonderful Runrig.
x-posted to: fellow_shippers and my own journal



Six months into shooting, six months into knowing you, six months into being in a love so deep I was afraid it might make me burst...and still I had not found the courage to let you know. It was not only love, it was one of the closest friendships I had ever had and I was so afraid to ruin it all, considering I didn’t know about your feelings. Sometimes I was almost sure I had seen love in a look you gave me, but then there was my old Billy again, acting like you’d ever done, fooling around, being tookish as one can be. Still there was a sparkle in your eyes, but I got to know this as a clear sign that you were up to some kind of mischief, nothing more, nothing less.
Until the night when Elijah came over when we were sitting in the makeuptrailer, having our feet removed. “You guys comin’ to the pub tonight?” He was so unbelievably bouncy, I think I never learned where he took that energy from after such a long and hard day of shooting. I was about to nod when you suddenly mumbled “I don’t think I’ll be coming along today, Lighe, I’m tired as fuck and not feeling too well. You go and have fun.” Your voice was so husky, you really did sound ill. I shot you a concerned glance before I noticed that Elijah was staring at me expectantly. “Uhm...no, I don’t think I’ll be comin’ either. Y’know, I spent what seemed to be eternity on Treebeard and my poor best parts need some rest from sitting. I think I’m just gonna take a bath and go to bed early tonight.” Elijah just grinned. “Suuuuuuuure. Old men need rest. Don’t forget about condoms, guys!” With that he was off, leaving me staring open-mouthed at the closed door of the trailer and you blushing so hard I was afraid your feet might fall off. There just couldn’t be any blood left in them. “Errrm...” You cleared your throat and kept staring at your jacket on the floor. “Now that I think about it...I’m not that tired.”
Okay...*YOU* weren’t that tired and *I* was starting to be confused.
“Uhm...yes...same here.” Shuffeling your jacket with your left foot, you went on. “Umph...wanna come over and listen to some music?” This wasn’t the Billy I knew. This wasn’t even a Billy I could ever have imagined to exist. I’ve never seen you that insecure before, I had always seen you as the stronger one of us. There was something awfully wrong about the situation, I felt you were hurting and I really, really wanted to get you out of this, so: “Sure...just let me have a quick shower to get that glue out of my ears and I’ll be there. Gonna bring along some food if you like.” You just nodded and left.
I had never driven that fast on the way to my apartment. I just wanted to get ready to learn about what was troubeling you, so I just grabbed some bread, cut it into slices, put some stuffed tomatoes, spinach and cheese on them and rammed these things into the oven.
While the Bruschetta were backing, I jumped into the shower, got back out in record-time, searched desperately for a clean shirt while leaving puddles of water all over the floor, decided to wear my Manchester United home shirt as it was the only one I found that couldn’t walk on its own yet and was back in the kitchen just the second the little chef-shaped kitchenclock set off.
“Ouch!” I burned my fingers when I got our dinner out of the oven, it wasn’t really done yet but I’d bake it for another five minutes at your place. That way we’d have something hot to eat.
I forgot my jacket inside, when I ran towards my car but I just didn’t care. I was so worried about you, Billy, that I didn’t even feel the cold air of a late evening in fall. It was just three blocks from my place to yours, I could’ve walked like I usually did but this would’ve taken too long.
When I pulled up your driveway I couldn’t help but smile. Warm yellow light was shining onto the frontyard from every single window. Orlando and Elijah had been joking about this once, saying you’d be afraid of monsters under your bed, so you’d leave the lights on everywhere to scare them away. You just smiled at them and didn’t reply. Later that night, when we were on our way home, you told me that having a light and welcoming home was the only thing that reminded you of your parents. And then you cried. Silent tears were falling from your eyes and seeing you like that broke my heart. In that moment, I had wished harder than ever before that I could kiss you, give you all the love and comfort you needed, but it had been impossible. The next day you were acting normal again, but I never forgot about it.
The smile left my face when I walked to your front door, knocking very softly, because I knew you didn’t like people slamming your door to pieces just because they want to let you know they’re there. “’S not locked.” I jumped a little. Your voice sounded so strange.
Hesitantly I popped my head through the half-opened door, just to see you sit on your couch, staring onto a CD case in your hands. I really didn’t know what to say, so I said the first (and most stupid) thing that came to my mind. “Brought some food. May I put it into your oven to give it the finishing touch?” You just waved into the general direction of the kitchen without saying a word, not even looking up. I was getting seriously worried now. The Billy I knew was babbling all day (and even night), whenever he got the chance. This was so not like you. I rushed into the kitchen, put the Bruschetta into the oven, adjusted the temperature and came back into the livingroom to sit beside you. “Okay, who are you and what did you do to my Bills? Hope he’ll be back right now, ‘cause if you hurt him, I...”
I tried to be funny but stopped mid-sentence and stared at you in horror. A little tear found its way through tightly closed lids and fell to the floor, its sound swallowed by be thick blue carpet. “Billy, I...” I started, but you just shook your head hastily and stood up. You turned your back to me but I could tell from the shaking of your shoulders that you were crying. I felt like a mess but you just put the CD you were holding into the stereo, pushed play and remained where you were. Softly, music started to fill the room.
I didn’t even listen to the lyrics at all, I was too busy being concerned what was wrong with you, staring at your shoulders which were shaking slightly, until suddenly you turned around to face me, tears streaming freely down your cheeks. It was so hard to open my mouth to say something with all the pain inside, but I didn’t even have to, because you put a finger on your lips, telling me to remain silent and listen. The chorus was playing and I really tried my best to pay attention, which was hard with my eyes fixed to your face, covered in tears, but somehow I managed.

Every river I try to cross
Every hill I try to climb
Every ocean I try to swim
Every road I try to find –
All the ways of my life
I’d rather be with you
There’s no way
Without you.

Okay, this was expressing very much what I felt for you but...why did you want me to listen to this? You waited until the song ended before you sat down beside me again, tears still falling. Finally I gained my ability to speak again. “Bills...what’s wrong?” I asked softly, not wanting to scare you, but you didn’t reply. You just looked up at me and there was so much pain in your eyes that I felt tears dwelling up in mine. “Oh Billy...come on...please tell me. You know you can talk about everything to me. I’m your Dommie, right?” Your reaction wasn’t quite as I had imagined. Sobbing hard you dropped your head into your palms, crying like I had never seen anyone cry before. “No, you’re not.” you finally managed to choke out. “I’m not what?” I was so confused and worried, all your pain was too much for me. I had to concentrate hard enough not to cry, that I just couldn’t get myself to think clearly. My sentence was hardly finished when you jumped up and faced me, a furious look replacing the vulnerability in your eyes. “Not what? Not ‘my Dommie’ and that’s the problem! You just don’t understand anything at all.”
Yes, I did. My mind was whirling, but one thought stood out. But...could this really be possible? I was on my feet before I knew what I was doing, grabbing your shoulders and holding you in place. “Billy?” - “Oh, just leave me alone, I can cope with this...!” – “Billy.” – “...I’ve been doing this for quite some time now, I should have some experience...” – “Boyd! For fuck’s sake, shut UP!”
You stared at me in disbelief, mouth slightly open because you had just been about to continue screaming at me but I didn’t give you the chance.
I felt like my heart would stop when my lips brushed against yours ever so softly. Your whole body stiffend, for a second I was afraid you’d pull away but suddenly you gave in. You replied to my kiss in such a shy way at first, but when the tip of my tongue touched your upper lip, it met yours. I could easily have drowned in this kiss but way too soon you backed away. The tears were still there but your eyes were shining. It was probably the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I wanted to let you know, but I just couldn’t force a single word to leave my lips.
My lips that still tasted of you.
You didn’t seem to be in a better state, my beloved little Billy, because you were just looking at me, finally mouthing “Oh, Dommie...” before I pulled you into another kiss.
We dropped onto the couch, nibbling, probing, tasting, not letting go of each other, our dinner left burnt and forgotten in the oven.

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[sweetzattack.livejournal.com]

*laughs*
I bet he will ;o)