rec

[philomel.livejournal.com]

On behalf and with permission of the author, raynemaiden:

Bent
Monaboyd with whisperings of OT3.
pg-13 for mention of cutting.
Summary: Dom is bent but Billy will always be there to put him back together when he breaks. A little angsty but mostly fluffy.

Feedback is more then welcomed it's almost begged shamelessly for. Please. :)
Disclaimer: Certainly not true. Just a product of my life and imagination. All characters are real and owned by themselves and all situations and words belong to me. If cutting offends or squicks you then please refrain from clicking on the link.

And without further ado....

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_riz/]

Whenever I see a warning for cutting or self-harm, my reaction is usually "Oh, christ, here we go again..." Always seems to be Brooding Boy fucking himself up only to get the attention and love of the Unrequited One in the end. Always some mention of suicide, too. And it drives me up the wall. The "oh my god that's not the point at all" wall. People just shouldn't be writing about what they don't understand. But you've nailed it here, and I really appreciate that. Whether you understand personally or not, you've managed to make it dark and realistic without condescension or false presumption of motive. It's good.

One suggestion, though... Your sentences are long. I'm sure you realize this. ^_^;; It does work as a literary device, but sometimes the meaning gets tangled with the lack of commas, etc. Look at each of them individually. Sometimes if too many sentences in a row are long, thoughtful, and meandering, they start to lose the effect. Sentence variety is cool. (Ugh, sorry, that sounds too much like my high school English teacher, but it's generally true.)

Other picky thing... Spaces between paragraphs are good when they can't be indented. Especially with the long sentences. A solid phalanx of words can be intimidating and confusing to readers.

Anyway, er, I don't usually do the constructive criticism thing because I worry people will be offended, but I felt compelled here. Maybe cos this wasn't just about the hot sex. Heh. ^__^;

[http://users.livejournal.com/_riz/]

P.S. LJ wouldn't let me reply to the fic post itself cos I'm not a friend. Hope this gets to whom it should.

[vanya.livejournal.com]

I can feel the sharp sting of a fresh cut under my clothes and privately they remind me to be alive. I can see the compassion in Billy's eyes that tells me he feels it too, indeed he feels it, through empathy. But I still crave the thing that marks my sickness. I'm not sure if getting better means I have to give this up. You're not asked to give up tattoos or piercing. It's the same thing to so many people. It's marking yourself with your thoughts and your emotions. It's leaving scars so you never forget what it is to be you.


So true. This touched me, it is beautiful and insightful.

I would have replied there but I am not friended.

Romy