Star Burn
d/b
Disclaimer: This is not a diary of true facts.


It was late and the streets were dark. Dom and the rest of them were singing the drunk song from Jaws. “Show me the way to go home…” Billy stopped in the street and spun in a circle.

“Are you a ballerina then?” Dom leaned heavily on his shoulder and slurred his words all down Billy’s cheek.

“You can see the Milky Way,” Billy breathed.

Dom grew curiously quiet and sober as he processed these words. “You can,” he said, but when Billy looked, Dom was just staring at him, a bit too close for comfort.

“You’re not even looking.”

“I can see it. I can see the stars in your eyes. I can see the universe written on your face.”
Billy rubbed his forehead self-consciously. “I’m not that old.”

Dom laughed and ran his fingers over the furrows of Billy’s brow. “Even when you are I know I’ll see still the wonder there, the delight, the starlight in your eyes.”

It was suddenly all too much for Billy to bear. Dom’s voice in his ear, his breath enticing and warm on his cheek.

“I’m going for a run,” he said.

“You’ve got your suit on.”

“I don’t care.” Billy hurried away, up the street and away from the singing party who had started singing We are juvenile delinquents! They don’t love us anymore! We drink with sailors and we smoke with bums!”

“You’re mad!” Dom shouted as Billy hurried away, walking fast, leaning in to his impending run.

At the end of the road he turned it on, big breath, elbows at the ready, balls of his feet poised on the pavement. He ran past darkened houses with baby-powdered children sleeping in their beds, past closed up shops, past the too-bright lights of the all-night gas station. His muscles complained but he ignored them. He ran for the beach road, grateful that he’d swapped his dress shoes for trainers for the walk home. When the lights of the town gave way entirely and the fields of sea grass opened up on either side of him Billy stripped off his tie and threw it down on the side of the road. His suit coat followed, then his dress shirt. Billy didn’t pause. He stripped and ran. A mile fled under his feet, then two. Billy felt it under his feet when the pavement gave way to dirt. He ran on though the track got narrower and narrower.

He saw a firefly and then two more. Six and a dozen and then the whole field of waving sea grass was alight with them, as if they were trying to mirror the heavens above. As if they were trying to call Dom back to his mind.

Billy ran faster, harder, his breath pounding from his chest, his legs burning. The track turned sharply left and Billy was running through soft sand, the Earth tugging at him, holding him, calling him back down.

He was crying. He knew this and the tears and effort of running brought him to gasping walk at the crest of the small hill leading to the sea. It was so dark. Only the fireflies and the light of the Milky Way on the white surf let him know that he was still alive.

He’d been to a wedding, a beautiful wedding on an island in the sea. The couple had been beautiful, so full of the kind of love Billy longed for but that would never be.

He was hot. That, above all, took precedence in Billy’s mind, as he was hoping it would. He struggled to remove his trousers over his trainers. He cursed and pulled and in the end he kicked off his shoes, and then his pants and lay back in the cool sand to look at the stars. He lay there and breathed and cursed the short days of June as the sky grew grey and the stars winked out all too soon.

“My own, unique, walk of shame,” he mumbled to a curious gull as he gathered his shoes and pants and headed back towards the town. The sun turned the clouds pink as he rounded up his shirt and blazer and forlorn tie. He had just enough in his pocket for a coffee from the gas station. He sipped it and tried to find some joy in the rising sun.

The grass was soaked with dew as Billy stumbled across the lawn towards his bed in the rented house.

It was darker within, quiet with sleepiness.

“I was worried about you. I was just about to drive out to find you.”

Dom. Of course. Struggling to sit up on the couch. His suit wrinkled, his hair disheveled, his eyes dark with smudged kohl that he’d applied himself, and what looked like a ring of lipstick around his mouth, that he probably hadn’t.

“Wanted to see the sunrise,” Billy said, wondering how he looked, walking in wearing his boxers and undershirt with the rest of his clothes slung over his shoulder.

“You’re missing it,” Dom noted. As if on cue a ray of sunlight danced into the living room, lighting up Dom’s hair, making him squint.

I wanted you. I couldn’t have you. Billy wanted to say.

“You’ve lipstick all over you,” he said instead. He tried to keep the bitterness from his voice.
Dom swiped at his mouth with back of his hand. “Orli and Viggo tried to mess with me, succeeded really. I missed you.”

Billy didn’t say anything at all. He tried not to stare at Dom’s smeared lips or the back of Dom’s hand that had touched them. He tried not to feel the heat rising in his body, little fireflies of lust impelling him to leap towards Dom. He looked instead at sunlight in the window. It made his eyes water and he looked away.

Dom shifted uncomfortably. “It’s Midsummer’s Eve. What are you going to do?”
Billy shrugged. The longest day of the year. The day with the least amount of darkness to hide in.

“Sleep.”

Dom nodded. “Did you sleep at all? Did you sleep under the stars? I bet you’ve got a star tan. Let me look at you?”

It was Dom’s tone more than his words that made Billy’s blood leap. There was something tremulous and vulnerable in it. And Dom’s hand was not quite steady as it moved aside the strap of Billy’s tank top. Perhaps it was the late night and the early hour.

“Yep, you’re all star-burnt.”

Billy’s heart began to beat so fast he felt sure that Dom could feel the pulse of it where he held his fingers curled so close to Billy’s neck.

“I can put some aloe on it. Kiss it better.”

“I…I was out in just my boxer shorts,” Billy lied with a wild thumping of his heart and a prayer to the gods that Dom was not taking the piss.

A cloud passed over Dom’s face and left it serene and happy as the sun fully rose beyond the curtains. “So you need my help? Everywhere? You need me?”

Dom’s face, still questioning, but about to blossom with roses on Midsummer’s Eve.

“I need you,” Billy confirmed.

Dom’s face. Smeared with cheap lipstick, eyes heavy with a late night and too many drinks among friends. Billy smelling of sweat and coffee and the sea. Dom’s face advancing upon Billy’s as inevitable as a wave meeting the shore.

“I’ve always needed you,” Billy said.

“You’ve always had me. I saw the whole of my universe written on your face, the first time I saw you.” Dom said and his lips were on Billy’s. Billy felt Dom’s lips curl around the words.

Dom’s face was awfully close. He was warm and soft. Billy was home.

He saw stars.
.

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