monaboyd | Men, Mountain and Molehills 4/?

Title: Men, Mountains, and Molehills 4/?
Author: Phentalon
Pairing: Billy/Sean B Billy/Viggo Dom/Sean B Dom/Viggo
Summary: Billy and Dom are rent boys in London, haunted by the death of their mentor Sean, and they are only just getting back into the swing of life when someone turns it all upside down.
Rating: Generally R for language and smutty setting.
Feedback: Pretty please with Domlijah flavoured porn and chocolate on top! If I get zero feedback I wont bother finishing, so if you like it just a tiny comment?
Chapter Summary: Short chapter, flashback Billy has a little revelation, and present Dom tries to force some truths on Billy.

In his room he had smoked his way through twenty cigarettes and realised he was in love with Sean. His reprimand had stung, his off-hand ending of the sex had wounded. It was stupid, and it was weak. Sean had been in role, and apologised and made Billy look into his eyes so he could see the sincerity. He cared what Billy thought of him. Those eyes…

He wasn’t cut out for this. Would he have another tempter tantrum because a total stranger had less then no right to treat him like that? Or would it in fact bother him less?

~*~

He remembered very clearly, as he thought of those questions, stubbing a cigarette into his arm and relishing the stabbing burning.

He sat on the same bed now, having spent two and a half years training himself to be cut out for it. He had had far worse treatment over the years then Sean had given him that day. Hat day when he had fucked him for the one and only time. The man Billy would have had make love to him over and over again. Anger consumed him and he examined the multiple cigarette burns on his arms. They tallied his pain and his internalised frustration, sadness, rage, jealousy, regret, stupidity and weakness.

He hadn’t done a very good job of cheering himself up. He found good moments left very slight impressions. He forced a few snapshots into his mind, like the day Karl had discovered a mouse nest behind his wardrobe and Billy walked in to find him training one to run up one arm and down the other. He had a very specific photograph image in his mind, Karl’s arms are outstretched, hands curled the way they are in Romantic old paintings, thick hair is falling over his eyes and the mouse is sat in the dent of his shoulder, sitting up and looking at the new arrival that is himself.

He remembers tucking Sean’s fringe behind his ear as he vomited drunkenly in the toilet. Not a very nice image but it was the classic friendly duty, wasn’t it?

He did have a few vague pictures, sitting in the living room, drink in hand, almost pulling a muscle from laughter, but damned if he can remember what was said. He can remember being called a fucking child, but not the best joke Sean ever made.

“Billy?” Dom’s voice floats through the door.

“What?” He comes in warily with a cup of tea, and the look of a frightened creature serves to irritate Billy further.

“No need to shit yourself I’ve had my strop.” Dom smiles and sits on the end of the bed, handing Billy the mug. He sips it. “Thanks.”

:That’s ok. Sorry I pissed you off. I know it’s not all rainbows and bunny rabbits, I only meant that we’re going along. We’re paying the bills and stuff, that’s all I meant by ‘ok’.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Can I say something?”

“Depends.”

“Not going to go off the deep end?”

“Depends.” Dom gave an impatient snort.

“Fine. You need to let go of Sean. You need to move on. You need to stop being afraid of this huge morbid fucking elephant of grief in your life.” There was a long silence as Dom seemed almost out of breath from the short speech.

“Get out.”

“No Billy come on-”

“I said-”

“Billy please I’m trying to he-”

“GET OUT!”