Fic - PG - Monaboyd - 'I Should Have Known'.

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Title: ' I Should Have Known'
Pairing: Monaboyd.
Author: rainbowcobweb
Rating: PG, boringly enough.
Genre: Angst, Domesticity.
Word Count: 570
Disclaimer: As untrue as the Paul is Dead theory.
Feedback: Plz omgz.
Warnings: Character death.
Summary: I should have known that I would miss you every minute of my day. Just you…the way you would run your fingers through your hair so that it stuck up on end, the look in your eyes when you were concentrating and your smile that brightened entire days of mine. I should have known that I would miss your smile.
Notes: Unbeta-ed. I felt it too cruel to send Baby even more stuff to look at, and I also just wanted to stop my fic journal looking as though it was dead. This takes place in an alternate universe of sorts - Billy and Dom were bringing up Jack, and Ali just doesn't feature in this at all. Billy dies. Dom does his best to cope.

I should have known that I would miss you every minute of my day. Just you…the way you would run your fingers through your hair so that it stuck up on end, the look in your eyes when you were concentrating and your smile that brightened entire days of mine. I should have known that I would miss your smile.

I should have known that making dinner or taking Jack to school or even doing the washing would make my heart ache for you. Folding the shirts without yours in the tangled mess of clothes, especially that blue shirt with the little tear in the side, which you refused to throw away, has brought me to my knees in tears. I should have known that going food shopping would make me yearn for you at my side, taking the wrong kind of butter off the shelf. That I would sob out loud doing the dishes. That your seat at the dinner table would never be filled, even if Jack and I invited the world and his wife for tea. I should have known I would miss you even in my daily routine.

I should have known that when I’m running lines with my reflection, or when I pass your guitar in the corner, still on its stand, that a lump would form in my throat. That I can’t watch the news without you shouting obscenities at the politicians; having absolute control of the remote doesn’t hold the same satisfaction as fighting you for it would. I should have known that passing the bookshelf would make me sigh because your copy of Rings sits next to mine. One worn with use, the other, mine, barely flicked through. I should have known that watching films we watched together is impossible. That your voice would jump out at me, making comments about the acting or the camera work, or your invented dialogue coming back to me from the times we muted the film entirely and made it up ourselves.

I should have known that going to sleep alone in the too-big bed would cause me to break down in tears, keeping quiet so Jack doesn’t hear me. I should have known that watching Jack colour at the table by himself would make me stop dead in my tracks and wish for you to come back, stick him on your knees and tell him stories as you both draw. I should have known that having Jack fall asleep at my side would feel as though we’re just two-thirds of a whole. I should have known that helping him with his homework and going to parent’s evening for him and taking part in the father’s race at his sports day would make me feel as though I’m a poor substitute for you. I should have known.

I should have known that catching Jack kiss your picture before he went to sleep would destroy me. I should have known that one day, he’d ask to watch Rings. I should have bought more tissues for that.

I should have known the pain of losing you would be almost unbearable, Bill. You touched the deepest parts of me – heart and soul. I am so grateful for the time I had you in my life. You filled our days with love, laughter and life. I only wish I would have soaked in these memories just a little bit more.