LOTR RPF AU - WWII Chapter 9

[foxtales.livejournal.com]

Author: SuthunFox
Title: Running With the Shadows
Rating: This part hard R for language, violence etc.
Pairing: various
WARNING - HEAVY angst
Disclaimer: This story is not to be taken as factual even though there are factual elements to it - it is a fictionalized account and it did not happen. The characterizations are not the real people who's names and images I've used in my story - they are false and should not be taken to indicate any sort of agreement with what I've written. I am not making any money from this, only using my (admittedly) overactive imagination.
A/N: Artistic license is my friend. I've tried to be as accurate as possible but sometimes I tweak history to help myself out. ;-)
Many thanks to Julianne and aire_blair for the lovely and lightning quick betas. ::hugs:: While this has been betaed, I am a compulsive tinkerer and any and all mistakes are mine.

Fabulous icon courtesy of the lovely sandelwood.

Previous chapters here.


Boyd was set just inside the door and Bloom closed and latched the door while Bean gave Wenham the word to go.

Comments

[babydazzle.livejournal.com]

Hi there! I wrote a comment last night, but then my computer took a dump and didn't post it. URGH.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say how much I like this story. Again. I think it's so fun and interesting. I love the time period as well.

I really liked the part where you described the turbulence, and how it aggrevated the pain in Dominic's leg. I also liked how you described Billy's pupils constricting with the morphine. I thought those were both great little details that really put the reader in the story.

The only thing that I could suggest as far as constructive critisism (since you asked) is to be really careful with the POV.

At the beginning of the story, we're in Dominic's POV. A little ways in though, we can feel Billy's pain through Billy's POV, and then we see a little glimpse of the situation through Bean's and Orlando's eyes. We even see David Wenham's POV.

Generally, if you're in one POV, in this case Dominic's, you'd only be able to see, hear, feel, smell, think or assume things that Dominic could. You could describe Billy moaning in pain through Dominic's eyes, and Dominic could assume that he was suffering, but we wouldn't be able to feel Billy's pain, or know what he's thinking. If you're in Dominic's POV, you're limited to his actual viewpoint and thoughts/assumptions.

You can change POV, but sometimes it works best if you stay in one POV for awhile, and then end the paragraph or section with ***** or something before you start again, to let the reader know when you're changing POV.

For instance, when Dominic loses consciousness, we would automatically lose his POV. That would be a perfect time to end that part, add **** and then maybe pick up again from David Wenham's POV.

You can always show the same scene twice, once from one person's POV, and once from another person's POV, but it's really hard if not impossible to do it at the same time.

Sorry that was such a long comment. I hope that helps, and that it didn't sound negative. I really do like your story a whole lot, and you're a very good writer! (better than me!!!)

[foxtales.livejournal.com]

First of all, thank you for the concrit. I've always had somewhat of an issue with pov so this isn't the first time I've heard something like that. It didn't sound negative atall. I really appreciate you telling me about something that pulled you out of the story. Can't improve it if I don't know about it, right? =)

Also, yaye! I'm so glad that you are enjoying it! =D

[babydazzle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no worries! :D It didn't pull me out of the story too much. I noticed it a couple of times, only b/c I thought we were shifting POV, but the story is so interesting, I got over it quickly.

I think I'm sensitive to POV shifts b/c I did the same thing in one of my WIP's, and someone pointed it out to me, and now I'm very aware of it with my own writing as well as other people's fic as well. It's hard to take and give constructive critisism, but I think that as long as it's done politely, and constructively, it's cool. I just try and give the same kind of concrit I'd like to receive.


And yes...I'm LOVING this story! I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm so happy that Billy's okay!!! :D