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monaboyd Oct. 10th, 2006 12:26 pm)
lavitanuova.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Oct. 10th, 2006 12:26 pm)A Rogue in Love
R
Billy/Dom
Dom's a big fan of sex.
He's a really, really big fan of it. Has been for years, now. He likes sweating and grunting and licking and sucking and all of that. He likes collapsing in bed after, drowsy and smelly and affectionate. He likes falling asleep beside someone, sharing space.
Dom is also a big fan of Billy.
He likes to do a lot of things with Billy. He likes surfing and kayaking. He likes to go over to Billy's for breakfast. He likes to play pool with Billy and have Playstation tournaments with him. He likes to listen to Billy play the guitar and sing. He likes to make dinner for Billy, because Billy can't cook like shite and needs to be reminded what real food tastes like once in a while. He likes to kill time on set with Billy. If he has a free few minutes, he can usually be found in Billy's trailer. He likes going shopping with Billy and out to pubs and clubs with Billy. He likes drinking with Billy, because they drink at the same rate and get drunk at the same time. They're very in sync, he and Billy are. It's quite comforting. It's more than that; it's fantastic and fun and exhilarating.
It's almost as good as sex. No, it is as good as sex, in a strange way. Maybe even better.
So it should really make sense to Dom that sex with Billy would be the best thing ever. Except it isn't.
The sex itself - that was good. Even with it being the first time, and all. The sex was quite nice. The timing wasn't horribly off. Nothing Billy did struck Dom as too perverse or unwanted. Dom's fairly certain the same goes for him, with Billy. It was good, solid sex.
It just wasn't fireworks or earthquakes, which is sort of what Dom expected sex with Billy would be. Now that his theory has been debunked, nothing seems quite right. All the things that he used to do with Billy that were such great fun seem lackluster. When he takes a girl home from the club, all he can think about is sex with Billy. She gets fed up and leaves before they even get very far.
"I think we did it wrong," Dom announces, sitting down beside Billy. They are on set, one of the many breaks to adjust for a change in natural lighting. "I think we should do it again."
"I think," Billy looks up at him, slapping his novel shut. "That if it happens again, it shouldn't be planned. That's the only thing wrong with it."
"What - what the fuck? You have to know when it's going to happen for it to happen. We aren't strangers meeting in some club." Dom says. "I don't get it."
"No, you don't," Billy agrees, amiably enough. He stands and straightens his Pippin scarf. "But I hope soon you do."
**
Dom makes a mistake that night.
He almost sleeps with Elijah.
To actually sleep with Elijah would be disaster for a multitude of reasons. Elijah is young. Elijah has a crush, but is most likely not gay at all. Everything is new to Elijah, or relatively so. All the sex he's had in his life can be counted on one hand. Elijah is so high on life right now that he'd probably sleep with any of them if they made a serious offer. But then he'd regret it, file it away as something that happened once on a set, probably feel weird around Dom - if not here and now in the immediate aftermath, then in a few years when he has a girlfriend, a wife, kids.
So he doesn't sleep with Elijah, but he comes close enough. Close enough apparently being a dance, not on a crowded dance floor but in Orlando's living room. They bump and grind and hump with no-so-innocent overtones. They're both on their way to drunk. Elijah wants to be touched and petted and loved, and Dom wants to forget that Billy is in the room and not talking to him.
Not not-talking on purpose, not avoiding or ignoring, but simply having conversations that do not involve Dom. This whole thing was to get Billy's attention, to start with, but the drink is going straight to his head (his head tingles with it; and his cock and his toes and his fingertips and the bulb of his nose and maybe even his earlobes if he concentrates hard enough).
When Elijah cups Dom's crotch and squeezes, He's still wriggling in time to the music, blissfully unaware until Dom stops everything abruptly. Dom shakes his head, a jerky motion. Elijah pouts, but he's so drunk that as soon as Orli tugs him away, he's over it.
Dom feels flushed and a little panicky. Where is Billy?
Billy is still on the couch, but Dom most definitely has every bit of his attention now. Billy's got a hard look on his face, but angry but closed off. That's the way Billy gets when something ifs bothering him and he doesn't want to talk about it. Dom's always made it a point in the past to make Billy spill when he sees that expression.
This is the one exception.
**
"You just don't get it."
When it is Orlando saying that particular sentence to Dom, Dom knows he's in trouble. "So explain it to me."
"What do you want from Billy?" Orlando asks. He has this queer intense look on his face that is sort of disturbing Dom. It makes him look like a soap opera actor, too saturated with concern and care.
"What do you mean? I want..."
"A shag?"
"That, and. I don't know. I want it to be like it always is."
"Except with sex?"
"Except with... yeah. Sex. But."
"But what? Was he not any good in bed?"
Dom flushes. He doesn't want to share details of what Billy's like in bed with Orlando. "I don't think-"
"Okay, for the sake of argument-" And because you're an idiot, Orlando's expression fills in, "-I'll assume he's not shite in bed. If he's shite in bed, you wouldn't want to be shagging him still, anyway. You'd just be okay with being mates."
Dom nods.
"So," Orlando goes on. "You want to have sex with Billy and you want to be mates."
"Best mates."
"Best mates. But Billy won't shag you again, because..."
"... that's the whole point of it. I don't know why Billy won't shag me again."
"And to forget about Billy not wanting to shag you, you decided to molest Elijah in my house?" Orlando says.
"I wasn't molesting him. We were... just... dancing."
"That's not dancing, mate. That's foreplay."
"I wasn't going to sleep with him!" Dom shouts, half raised from his seat. He slumps back down, hoping no one is close enough to have heard. "I wasn't going to sleep with him. I was drunk. I was just having fun."
"And Billy got mad."
"I guess. Sort of. I mean. He's acting like normal now, but I can just tell." Dom chews on a nail.
"You fags are such drama queens," Orlando notes.
That Orlando would be telling anyone else's melodramatic tendencies is laughable. Dom flips him off.
"So? Got any advice?"
"Just that you need to pull your head out from your arse. Billy snogs you and then asks you to come home with him. You have sex with Billy and then leave the next morning."
"We had an early call and it would have been obvious if I'd been wearing the same clothes as the day before. Or Billy's clothes." Dom says, gnawing harder on the abused fingernail.
"But you didn't leave a note or anything?"
"I left a note! On the table beside his bed."
"And what did it say?" Orlando asks.
"Said that... I'd see him on set." Dom frowns, remembering what a hurry he'd been in when he'd written it.
"And then."
"Then... I don't know. Things were normal-like."
"Until three days later, when you slept with someone else."
"That bird? We didn't even fuck."
"You left with her, though."
"So?" Dom asks, stubbornly.
"So, you know what Billy did when you left? As soon as you and that bird took off?"
"No?" Dom isn't sure he wants to know.
"Billy went home. Alone."
"... oh." Dom frowns.
"And when you asked Billy if he wanted to shag again, he said no."
"Yeah."
"And then you came onto Elijah."
"I didn't-- yeah." Dom groans. "Fuck, Orli. I'm not a slut, I promise. I wouldn't have slept with Elijah. It just..."
"... looked like it. That's all that Billy knows. Is that you looked like you were about to."
"I've buggered this up, haven't I?"
Orlando shrugs. "Maybe not. I've gotta go, I want to get something to eat before we have to be back on set. Maybe you should just let it drop. Billy'll get over it."
"Get over what?" Dom asks absently as Orlando gets up. His mind is still whirring with the implication that people think he's that promiscuous.
"God, and people say I'm daft." Orlando comments, walking away. "I meant, maybe Billy will get over being in love with you."
**
It takes Dom a few days to work that one over.
He spends a lot of time just watching Billy. During makeup and prosthetics, at lunch and on set breaks, when they go out. On the surface, Billy is the same as always, but when he looks deeper he can see the cracks. A flicker of something dark here and there, a tired sigh when he thinks no one is watching. Billy is trying very hard to be like normal around Dom, but it's just not. It's just not - normal. His easy back-and-forth with Dom is mechanical now, where it usually springs forth with enthusiasm and energy.
So it's a surprisingly easy decision to make, when Do finally gets down to it.
He finds Billy in his trailer. The door is locked, but Billy answers on the second knock. He looks sleepy. They still have 45 minutes left, and Billy was probably not anticipating anyone coming after him for a while.
Billy is awfully cute when he's sleepy, Dom notices. He says it out loud, and Billy tries to push him back out the door.
"No, let me in." Dom says. "I want to talk."
There's another crack, right there. A split second of dread before Billy's patient smile is firmly in place.
"I, um." Dom wishes he had a script to read from. Why didn't he at least thing this over a bit more? He wonders if it's too late to tell Billy he just wanted to say hi. It isn't that he isn't sure what he wants. He's just suddenly unsure, despite Orlando's advice, if it's what Billy wants.
"Yeah?" Billy sits on the sofa. Dom sits across from him, at the little table jutting out from the wall. The trailers are so small that if Dom leaned forward an inch or two and Billy sat up straight, their knees would be touching.
"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, and I want to make it up to you."
Billy sighs. "Dom, don't-"
"No, I want. I want you. And I've never really... I haven't known anyone like you before. I'm not used to being serious about anything-"
Billy snorts.
"-But I can be, I promise. I won't do so many stupid things."
"Yes, you will," Billy says. But then, he looks at Dom, and his face isn't quite so guarded anymore. "Do you really think?"
Dom looks down at his hands. "I think I may be... I'm in love with you. I just didn't see it. And. I'm sorry."
"I," Billy says. The sheer amount of honestly in that one syllable makes Dom flinch and fear for what's coming next. "I don't think I can share you. I can't. I can't share you. Not with... everyone. Or anyone. Not with Elijah."
"I'm not, Elijah and I aren't," Dom says quickly. "I swear to you Billy, I'd never do that."
Billy looks relieved. "I didn't think you would.... but I wasn't sure. Not after the other night."
"I swear," Dom says again.
"It's not too much to give up, just to be with me?"
"No. It's not. I didn't think you wanted this, so I didn't really... I don't know. I was stupid, Billy."
"Stop that," Billy shakes . Dom finds Billy taking his hands, and Dom's chest floods with something a little achy but happy, too. "Stop saying you're sorry."
"Snog?" Dom says hopefully.
Billy laughs, and gives him a snog that doesn't end until they're interrupted by a knock on the door. Dom finds this to be very different than just sex. Sex is nice, and all, but this is slower and deeper and more intense. Laying side by side on the tiny little sofa, Billy stops to whisper things in his ear, to kiss his cheek and his chin. Their hands stroke everywhere that can be reached without moving. These are not the same kisses that led to sex two weeks ago. This is something entirely new. This is a kiss that makes him want to whine and beg and give Billy every single tiny little bit of himself if Billy will just not stop. When they have to leave, Dom is horny and happy and very, very hopeful that there will soon be fireworks and earthquakes and Billy at the center of it all.
R
Billy/Dom
Dom's a big fan of sex.
He's a really, really big fan of it. Has been for years, now. He likes sweating and grunting and licking and sucking and all of that. He likes collapsing in bed after, drowsy and smelly and affectionate. He likes falling asleep beside someone, sharing space.
Dom is also a big fan of Billy.
He likes to do a lot of things with Billy. He likes surfing and kayaking. He likes to go over to Billy's for breakfast. He likes to play pool with Billy and have Playstation tournaments with him. He likes to listen to Billy play the guitar and sing. He likes to make dinner for Billy, because Billy can't cook like shite and needs to be reminded what real food tastes like once in a while. He likes to kill time on set with Billy. If he has a free few minutes, he can usually be found in Billy's trailer. He likes going shopping with Billy and out to pubs and clubs with Billy. He likes drinking with Billy, because they drink at the same rate and get drunk at the same time. They're very in sync, he and Billy are. It's quite comforting. It's more than that; it's fantastic and fun and exhilarating.
It's almost as good as sex. No, it is as good as sex, in a strange way. Maybe even better.
So it should really make sense to Dom that sex with Billy would be the best thing ever. Except it isn't.
The sex itself - that was good. Even with it being the first time, and all. The sex was quite nice. The timing wasn't horribly off. Nothing Billy did struck Dom as too perverse or unwanted. Dom's fairly certain the same goes for him, with Billy. It was good, solid sex.
It just wasn't fireworks or earthquakes, which is sort of what Dom expected sex with Billy would be. Now that his theory has been debunked, nothing seems quite right. All the things that he used to do with Billy that were such great fun seem lackluster. When he takes a girl home from the club, all he can think about is sex with Billy. She gets fed up and leaves before they even get very far.
"I think we did it wrong," Dom announces, sitting down beside Billy. They are on set, one of the many breaks to adjust for a change in natural lighting. "I think we should do it again."
"I think," Billy looks up at him, slapping his novel shut. "That if it happens again, it shouldn't be planned. That's the only thing wrong with it."
"What - what the fuck? You have to know when it's going to happen for it to happen. We aren't strangers meeting in some club." Dom says. "I don't get it."
"No, you don't," Billy agrees, amiably enough. He stands and straightens his Pippin scarf. "But I hope soon you do."
**
Dom makes a mistake that night.
He almost sleeps with Elijah.
To actually sleep with Elijah would be disaster for a multitude of reasons. Elijah is young. Elijah has a crush, but is most likely not gay at all. Everything is new to Elijah, or relatively so. All the sex he's had in his life can be counted on one hand. Elijah is so high on life right now that he'd probably sleep with any of them if they made a serious offer. But then he'd regret it, file it away as something that happened once on a set, probably feel weird around Dom - if not here and now in the immediate aftermath, then in a few years when he has a girlfriend, a wife, kids.
So he doesn't sleep with Elijah, but he comes close enough. Close enough apparently being a dance, not on a crowded dance floor but in Orlando's living room. They bump and grind and hump with no-so-innocent overtones. They're both on their way to drunk. Elijah wants to be touched and petted and loved, and Dom wants to forget that Billy is in the room and not talking to him.
Not not-talking on purpose, not avoiding or ignoring, but simply having conversations that do not involve Dom. This whole thing was to get Billy's attention, to start with, but the drink is going straight to his head (his head tingles with it; and his cock and his toes and his fingertips and the bulb of his nose and maybe even his earlobes if he concentrates hard enough).
When Elijah cups Dom's crotch and squeezes, He's still wriggling in time to the music, blissfully unaware until Dom stops everything abruptly. Dom shakes his head, a jerky motion. Elijah pouts, but he's so drunk that as soon as Orli tugs him away, he's over it.
Dom feels flushed and a little panicky. Where is Billy?
Billy is still on the couch, but Dom most definitely has every bit of his attention now. Billy's got a hard look on his face, but angry but closed off. That's the way Billy gets when something ifs bothering him and he doesn't want to talk about it. Dom's always made it a point in the past to make Billy spill when he sees that expression.
This is the one exception.
**
"You just don't get it."
When it is Orlando saying that particular sentence to Dom, Dom knows he's in trouble. "So explain it to me."
"What do you want from Billy?" Orlando asks. He has this queer intense look on his face that is sort of disturbing Dom. It makes him look like a soap opera actor, too saturated with concern and care.
"What do you mean? I want..."
"A shag?"
"That, and. I don't know. I want it to be like it always is."
"Except with sex?"
"Except with... yeah. Sex. But."
"But what? Was he not any good in bed?"
Dom flushes. He doesn't want to share details of what Billy's like in bed with Orlando. "I don't think-"
"Okay, for the sake of argument-" And because you're an idiot, Orlando's expression fills in, "-I'll assume he's not shite in bed. If he's shite in bed, you wouldn't want to be shagging him still, anyway. You'd just be okay with being mates."
Dom nods.
"So," Orlando goes on. "You want to have sex with Billy and you want to be mates."
"Best mates."
"Best mates. But Billy won't shag you again, because..."
"... that's the whole point of it. I don't know why Billy won't shag me again."
"And to forget about Billy not wanting to shag you, you decided to molest Elijah in my house?" Orlando says.
"I wasn't molesting him. We were... just... dancing."
"That's not dancing, mate. That's foreplay."
"I wasn't going to sleep with him!" Dom shouts, half raised from his seat. He slumps back down, hoping no one is close enough to have heard. "I wasn't going to sleep with him. I was drunk. I was just having fun."
"And Billy got mad."
"I guess. Sort of. I mean. He's acting like normal now, but I can just tell." Dom chews on a nail.
"You fags are such drama queens," Orlando notes.
That Orlando would be telling anyone else's melodramatic tendencies is laughable. Dom flips him off.
"So? Got any advice?"
"Just that you need to pull your head out from your arse. Billy snogs you and then asks you to come home with him. You have sex with Billy and then leave the next morning."
"We had an early call and it would have been obvious if I'd been wearing the same clothes as the day before. Or Billy's clothes." Dom says, gnawing harder on the abused fingernail.
"But you didn't leave a note or anything?"
"I left a note! On the table beside his bed."
"And what did it say?" Orlando asks.
"Said that... I'd see him on set." Dom frowns, remembering what a hurry he'd been in when he'd written it.
"And then."
"Then... I don't know. Things were normal-like."
"Until three days later, when you slept with someone else."
"That bird? We didn't even fuck."
"You left with her, though."
"So?" Dom asks, stubbornly.
"So, you know what Billy did when you left? As soon as you and that bird took off?"
"No?" Dom isn't sure he wants to know.
"Billy went home. Alone."
"... oh." Dom frowns.
"And when you asked Billy if he wanted to shag again, he said no."
"Yeah."
"And then you came onto Elijah."
"I didn't-- yeah." Dom groans. "Fuck, Orli. I'm not a slut, I promise. I wouldn't have slept with Elijah. It just..."
"... looked like it. That's all that Billy knows. Is that you looked like you were about to."
"I've buggered this up, haven't I?"
Orlando shrugs. "Maybe not. I've gotta go, I want to get something to eat before we have to be back on set. Maybe you should just let it drop. Billy'll get over it."
"Get over what?" Dom asks absently as Orlando gets up. His mind is still whirring with the implication that people think he's that promiscuous.
"God, and people say I'm daft." Orlando comments, walking away. "I meant, maybe Billy will get over being in love with you."
**
It takes Dom a few days to work that one over.
He spends a lot of time just watching Billy. During makeup and prosthetics, at lunch and on set breaks, when they go out. On the surface, Billy is the same as always, but when he looks deeper he can see the cracks. A flicker of something dark here and there, a tired sigh when he thinks no one is watching. Billy is trying very hard to be like normal around Dom, but it's just not. It's just not - normal. His easy back-and-forth with Dom is mechanical now, where it usually springs forth with enthusiasm and energy.
So it's a surprisingly easy decision to make, when Do finally gets down to it.
He finds Billy in his trailer. The door is locked, but Billy answers on the second knock. He looks sleepy. They still have 45 minutes left, and Billy was probably not anticipating anyone coming after him for a while.
Billy is awfully cute when he's sleepy, Dom notices. He says it out loud, and Billy tries to push him back out the door.
"No, let me in." Dom says. "I want to talk."
There's another crack, right there. A split second of dread before Billy's patient smile is firmly in place.
"I, um." Dom wishes he had a script to read from. Why didn't he at least thing this over a bit more? He wonders if it's too late to tell Billy he just wanted to say hi. It isn't that he isn't sure what he wants. He's just suddenly unsure, despite Orlando's advice, if it's what Billy wants.
"Yeah?" Billy sits on the sofa. Dom sits across from him, at the little table jutting out from the wall. The trailers are so small that if Dom leaned forward an inch or two and Billy sat up straight, their knees would be touching.
"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, and I want to make it up to you."
Billy sighs. "Dom, don't-"
"No, I want. I want you. And I've never really... I haven't known anyone like you before. I'm not used to being serious about anything-"
Billy snorts.
"-But I can be, I promise. I won't do so many stupid things."
"Yes, you will," Billy says. But then, he looks at Dom, and his face isn't quite so guarded anymore. "Do you really think?"
Dom looks down at his hands. "I think I may be... I'm in love with you. I just didn't see it. And. I'm sorry."
"I," Billy says. The sheer amount of honestly in that one syllable makes Dom flinch and fear for what's coming next. "I don't think I can share you. I can't. I can't share you. Not with... everyone. Or anyone. Not with Elijah."
"I'm not, Elijah and I aren't," Dom says quickly. "I swear to you Billy, I'd never do that."
Billy looks relieved. "I didn't think you would.... but I wasn't sure. Not after the other night."
"I swear," Dom says again.
"It's not too much to give up, just to be with me?"
"No. It's not. I didn't think you wanted this, so I didn't really... I don't know. I was stupid, Billy."
"Stop that," Billy shakes . Dom finds Billy taking his hands, and Dom's chest floods with something a little achy but happy, too. "Stop saying you're sorry."
"Snog?" Dom says hopefully.
Billy laughs, and gives him a snog that doesn't end until they're interrupted by a knock on the door. Dom finds this to be very different than just sex. Sex is nice, and all, but this is slower and deeper and more intense. Laying side by side on the tiny little sofa, Billy stops to whisper things in his ear, to kiss his cheek and his chin. Their hands stroke everywhere that can be reached without moving. These are not the same kisses that led to sex two weeks ago. This is something entirely new. This is a kiss that makes him want to whine and beg and give Billy every single tiny little bit of himself if Billy will just not stop. When they have to leave, Dom is horny and happy and very, very hopeful that there will soon be fireworks and earthquakes and Billy at the center of it all.
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I luff you.
-squeals again-
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k =)
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