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monaboyd Feb. 21st, 2004 12:42 am)
desire-billy.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Feb. 21st, 2004 12:42 am)Title: A Life Without Billy Part 6 of ?
Author: desire_billy
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: R
Feedback: Please
Author's Notes:
Summary: How can Dom live without Billy? Told from Dom’s POV.
“Come on, Dommie. Get dressed.”
I looked at Billy, “Why?”
Billy looked down at me and smiled, “Because I want breakfast.” He walked out of the room.
I got up and threw on some sweat pants. I brushed my teeth, ran my fingers through my hair, and shaved. I joined Billy in the kitchen as he was serving up breakfast. I was confused as to what was going on here, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking questions.
We spent the day like we used to. We listened to music, watched TV, challenged each other to video games, talked about our upcoming projects and our concerns. It felt so good to have Billy back in my life. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew I could not live a life without Billy.
That afternoon Orlando called. “Hey Dom, is everything OK? I mean do I need to come over with a big stick and beat some sense into him?”
I laughed and told him. “No, not yet! I’m fine really. I gotta go, Billy is beating my monkey.”
I heard, “WHAT?” as I hung up. I laughed as I returned to the living room where Billy and I were playing Donkey Kong 64.
That night Billy made dinner. It was great. I had missed this so much. When we had finished eating Billy started doing dishes. I stood beside him, drying the dishes. I laughed to myself as we stood next to the dish washing machine hand washing dishes. Billy felt the dishes never got cleaned to his standards in the machine.
As he handed me the last dish I dried it as he watched me. I could feel his eyes on my hands. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as he looked my entire body over. His gaze slid down my face, over my shoulders and somewhat hovered over my naked chest.
I pretended not to notice. I turned away from him putting the dishes away. He never said a word. My heart pounded and I’m not ashamed my cock started to stiffen. The thought of Billy looking at my body with those beautiful eyes just made me shiver. I turned around and faced him.
The look on his face was a mixture of want and confusion. I didn’t want him to run away from me again, so I let him make the first move. I just smiled at him and said, “What are you thinking about Billy?”
Billy looked down and I silently cursed myself for making him take his eye off me. “Dom, what would have happened last night if I had not left?”
I had not even thought that far. Hell all I could do was fixate on the kiss. I was so hung up on my love for Billy I had not thought of the physical love. I couldn’t help myself when I laughed.
Billy looked up at me confused. “What is so funny?”
I walked to him. I leaned against the sink only inches from his body. “Billy I was so scared about telling you my feelings, I guess I thought you would do exactly what you did. Well, not the kiss. THAT was a bonus.”
Billy smiled and leaned against the counter next to me. He kept his eyes on the floor. “You’ve never thought of, well, you know anything more physical with me?”
I studied him for a moment before saying, “You have, haven’t you?”
I saw Billy’s cheeks blush. “When?” I asked.
Billy just shook his head. I tried to imagine making love to Billy. I didn’t have to try hard. A naked Billy in my bed, underneath me, in my arms, against my skin. Billy willingly letting me touch him and taste him. I closed my eyes as I felt the passion build inside me.
“Billy?” I opened my eyes and looked over at him.
Billy had his head back and his eyes closed. “Yeah Dommie?”
I was afraid to say what I wanted, but I needed to. “To make love to you would be the most amazing experience in my entire life. If you had stayed last night I would like to think we would have made love. Not had sex, but made love. I have always been told there was a difference, and I believe that you would have shown me that.”
Billy opened his eyes, but staring straight. His face told me nothing. Neither disgust nor acceptance registered there. I felt hurt, but at least he didn’t run off. I could not stand there watching him anymore, so started to walk away.
“Dom, I have thought about you more than I ever thought I would ever admit.”
I spun around and looked at him? “What?”
Billy avoided my eyes as he continued, “When we were in New Zealand I used to have dreams about you. God, I never thought I’d ever tell anyone, much less you. ”
Billy started to pace the small kitchen. He sat at the table and said, “Remember all those nights you stayed at my place in New Zealand and then in Scotland? I started watching you sleep. I would just stand there looking at you. Right before you moved here it got so bad, that I would sit on the floor in your room aching to touch you.”
I stood there looking at him. He had felt those things and never did anything? He wanted to touch me, yet he ran from me last night. I sat in the chair next to him watching his face. He looked away from me. I hated watching him struggle with this.
“Dom, I ran from myself last night. When you looked into my eyes I saw the Dommie that I ached to touch. But, when we touched it was so amazing. More than I ever thought anything could be. Then all sudden it hit me I was touching the man I had resisted touching for years. The MAN, Dom. It’s just …”
I watched his face for a while longer. I didn’t see the answer to my question so I asked, “ Is it only my body you want Billy?” I was so afraid of his answer. If he said yes, I would of course give it to him. It would be shallow and empty, but at least he would be touching me.
Billy lowered his head to his hands. “Jesus, Dom. This can NOT be happening.”
“Billy what did you want when you sat watching me sleep?”
Billy sat there looking down at the table. I could see his mind working. He was trying to work that out right there in front of me. Maybe I needed to help him make up his mind. I took his hands in mine. He jumped at my touch, but did not pull away.
“Billy, I love you. If you want something from me it is yours. If it’s friendship only, I will try. For you, Billy. If you still intend to marry, I will stand next to you and swallow my pride. If you want more, and I pray that you do, I’m here. Even if it’s only physical. At least I will have the memory of making love to someone I love.”
He looked up at me. “You would do that to yourself for me, Dom?”
I raised my hand to his face and said, “Billy, I would die for you.”
His eyes filled with tears as he said, “I can not allow you to do this to yourself. I could never do anything that I knew was going to cause you pain.” He looked away breaking the contact of my hand with his face as he continued. “That includes getting married. If I have to choose between a marriage to someone I do not love and not hurting someone I do love. The answer is simple.”
He stood and walked to the counter and leaned his back to it. He looked into my eyes and said, “I won’t hurt you Dom. I won’t take advantage of your feelings just so I can satisfy my lust. I will not marry a woman I do not love if it means you won’t be there to bail me out when I can’t stand being around her one more minute. I realized a long time ago no woman could ever live up to you. What we have is a friendship that can not be described with words. Any woman who would marry either of us would have to accept being second.”
He came back to the table and sat. He took my hand and said, “Dom, when you tell me you love me it does things to me that I never thought were possible. It makes me forget that we are two men. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me feel so honored. I want to be able to return that love and make you happy. It makes me want to be able to show you what it is like to make love.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes. He was giving up so much for me, but I still wanted more. I needed to touch him. I needed to love him if only for a day. I needed him to love me. “Billy, you want to want these things. Are you saying you don’t?”
Billy looked at me for a long time. He would look into my eyes then look away only to come right back to my eyes. Finally he stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and stood in front of him. He took my face in his hands. He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. He leaned in and kissed me so softly on the lips.
He then wrapped one hand in my hair as he rested his mouth next to my ear and whispered, “No, Dommie, I do want those things. I need those things. I need you.” He pulled back and said, “I just need to make sure I won’t hurt you. I need to know, in my own mind, this IS what I want and that I can handle this. I don’t ever want to make you cry again.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. “Billy, stay with me tonight. Hold me. If you decide you can’t do this at least let me have tonight.”
To be continued..
Author: desire_billy
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: R
Feedback: Please
Author's Notes:
Summary: How can Dom live without Billy? Told from Dom’s POV.
“Come on, Dommie. Get dressed.”
I looked at Billy, “Why?”
Billy looked down at me and smiled, “Because I want breakfast.” He walked out of the room.
I got up and threw on some sweat pants. I brushed my teeth, ran my fingers through my hair, and shaved. I joined Billy in the kitchen as he was serving up breakfast. I was confused as to what was going on here, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking questions.
We spent the day like we used to. We listened to music, watched TV, challenged each other to video games, talked about our upcoming projects and our concerns. It felt so good to have Billy back in my life. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew I could not live a life without Billy.
That afternoon Orlando called. “Hey Dom, is everything OK? I mean do I need to come over with a big stick and beat some sense into him?”
I laughed and told him. “No, not yet! I’m fine really. I gotta go, Billy is beating my monkey.”
I heard, “WHAT?” as I hung up. I laughed as I returned to the living room where Billy and I were playing Donkey Kong 64.
That night Billy made dinner. It was great. I had missed this so much. When we had finished eating Billy started doing dishes. I stood beside him, drying the dishes. I laughed to myself as we stood next to the dish washing machine hand washing dishes. Billy felt the dishes never got cleaned to his standards in the machine.
As he handed me the last dish I dried it as he watched me. I could feel his eyes on my hands. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as he looked my entire body over. His gaze slid down my face, over my shoulders and somewhat hovered over my naked chest.
I pretended not to notice. I turned away from him putting the dishes away. He never said a word. My heart pounded and I’m not ashamed my cock started to stiffen. The thought of Billy looking at my body with those beautiful eyes just made me shiver. I turned around and faced him.
The look on his face was a mixture of want and confusion. I didn’t want him to run away from me again, so I let him make the first move. I just smiled at him and said, “What are you thinking about Billy?”
Billy looked down and I silently cursed myself for making him take his eye off me. “Dom, what would have happened last night if I had not left?”
I had not even thought that far. Hell all I could do was fixate on the kiss. I was so hung up on my love for Billy I had not thought of the physical love. I couldn’t help myself when I laughed.
Billy looked up at me confused. “What is so funny?”
I walked to him. I leaned against the sink only inches from his body. “Billy I was so scared about telling you my feelings, I guess I thought you would do exactly what you did. Well, not the kiss. THAT was a bonus.”
Billy smiled and leaned against the counter next to me. He kept his eyes on the floor. “You’ve never thought of, well, you know anything more physical with me?”
I studied him for a moment before saying, “You have, haven’t you?”
I saw Billy’s cheeks blush. “When?” I asked.
Billy just shook his head. I tried to imagine making love to Billy. I didn’t have to try hard. A naked Billy in my bed, underneath me, in my arms, against my skin. Billy willingly letting me touch him and taste him. I closed my eyes as I felt the passion build inside me.
“Billy?” I opened my eyes and looked over at him.
Billy had his head back and his eyes closed. “Yeah Dommie?”
I was afraid to say what I wanted, but I needed to. “To make love to you would be the most amazing experience in my entire life. If you had stayed last night I would like to think we would have made love. Not had sex, but made love. I have always been told there was a difference, and I believe that you would have shown me that.”
Billy opened his eyes, but staring straight. His face told me nothing. Neither disgust nor acceptance registered there. I felt hurt, but at least he didn’t run off. I could not stand there watching him anymore, so started to walk away.
“Dom, I have thought about you more than I ever thought I would ever admit.”
I spun around and looked at him? “What?”
Billy avoided my eyes as he continued, “When we were in New Zealand I used to have dreams about you. God, I never thought I’d ever tell anyone, much less you. ”
Billy started to pace the small kitchen. He sat at the table and said, “Remember all those nights you stayed at my place in New Zealand and then in Scotland? I started watching you sleep. I would just stand there looking at you. Right before you moved here it got so bad, that I would sit on the floor in your room aching to touch you.”
I stood there looking at him. He had felt those things and never did anything? He wanted to touch me, yet he ran from me last night. I sat in the chair next to him watching his face. He looked away from me. I hated watching him struggle with this.
“Dom, I ran from myself last night. When you looked into my eyes I saw the Dommie that I ached to touch. But, when we touched it was so amazing. More than I ever thought anything could be. Then all sudden it hit me I was touching the man I had resisted touching for years. The MAN, Dom. It’s just …”
I watched his face for a while longer. I didn’t see the answer to my question so I asked, “ Is it only my body you want Billy?” I was so afraid of his answer. If he said yes, I would of course give it to him. It would be shallow and empty, but at least he would be touching me.
Billy lowered his head to his hands. “Jesus, Dom. This can NOT be happening.”
“Billy what did you want when you sat watching me sleep?”
Billy sat there looking down at the table. I could see his mind working. He was trying to work that out right there in front of me. Maybe I needed to help him make up his mind. I took his hands in mine. He jumped at my touch, but did not pull away.
“Billy, I love you. If you want something from me it is yours. If it’s friendship only, I will try. For you, Billy. If you still intend to marry, I will stand next to you and swallow my pride. If you want more, and I pray that you do, I’m here. Even if it’s only physical. At least I will have the memory of making love to someone I love.”
He looked up at me. “You would do that to yourself for me, Dom?”
I raised my hand to his face and said, “Billy, I would die for you.”
His eyes filled with tears as he said, “I can not allow you to do this to yourself. I could never do anything that I knew was going to cause you pain.” He looked away breaking the contact of my hand with his face as he continued. “That includes getting married. If I have to choose between a marriage to someone I do not love and not hurting someone I do love. The answer is simple.”
He stood and walked to the counter and leaned his back to it. He looked into my eyes and said, “I won’t hurt you Dom. I won’t take advantage of your feelings just so I can satisfy my lust. I will not marry a woman I do not love if it means you won’t be there to bail me out when I can’t stand being around her one more minute. I realized a long time ago no woman could ever live up to you. What we have is a friendship that can not be described with words. Any woman who would marry either of us would have to accept being second.”
He came back to the table and sat. He took my hand and said, “Dom, when you tell me you love me it does things to me that I never thought were possible. It makes me forget that we are two men. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me feel so honored. I want to be able to return that love and make you happy. It makes me want to be able to show you what it is like to make love.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes. He was giving up so much for me, but I still wanted more. I needed to touch him. I needed to love him if only for a day. I needed him to love me. “Billy, you want to want these things. Are you saying you don’t?”
Billy looked at me for a long time. He would look into my eyes then look away only to come right back to my eyes. Finally he stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and stood in front of him. He took my face in his hands. He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. He leaned in and kissed me so softly on the lips.
He then wrapped one hand in my hair as he rested his mouth next to my ear and whispered, “No, Dommie, I do want those things. I need those things. I need you.” He pulled back and said, “I just need to make sure I won’t hurt you. I need to know, in my own mind, this IS what I want and that I can handle this. I don’t ever want to make you cry again.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. “Billy, stay with me tonight. Hold me. If you decide you can’t do this at least let me have tonight.”
To be continued..
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i can feel YOUR emotion in this... more so now that i know that it's there
i guess this is kind of thanking you for your earlier post, even if you just posted it to get it out
so, i mean, something good came come out of it anyway, even if its only fic...
*shrug*
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Something about that bit I just love. I think it explains it in a way that even Billy can't really bulk at. *g* I didn't see it coming either, I was wondering how he'd explain that. Hum.
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He then wrapped one hand in my hair as he rested his mouth next to my ear and whispered, “No, Dommie, I do want those things. I need those things. I need you.” He pulled back and said, “I just need to make sure I won’t hurt you. I need to know, in my own mind, this IS what I want and that I can handle this. I don’t ever want to make you cry again.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. “Billy, stay with me tonight. Hold me. If you decide you can’t do this at least let me have tonight.”
I LOVED these last lines.
But now, more waiting ensues, and i'll go insane, until next time. ;) <3
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So beautiful!
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Re: So beautiful!
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Can't wait for the next part. *sniffles*