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monaboyd Aug. 3rd, 2006 07:48 pm)
hyacinth-sky747.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Aug. 3rd, 2006 07:48 pm)The Long Night: An Epilogue
d/b
Disclaimer: I weave dreams made of lies.
It was the last warm night of summer. Neither of them could sleep though they had made love twice already. Billy kicked the covers from his body.
“Who cares?” he said. “Let’s have another long night. We’ll make up for that horrible one in July. I was terribly afraid.”
“I know you were. You had the worst of end of it. It’s so much harder to lose than be lost.” Dom shuddered. The pain of what he went through was still fresh in his mind but he knew it paled in comparison to Billy’s ordeal.
“Let’s go outside. We’ll see what the moon is up to.”
They rode bicycles to the lake. The moon was setting. Moths the size of Billy’s hand stretched their wings of gossamer and danced in the silver light. The squeak of their pedaling aroused a flock of birds from their rest and they fluttered sleepily over the flat silk of water. Billy felt like he was flying too, slipping with ease through the cool night air.
They came to a stop where the river emptied into the lake. Dom drank from his water bottle. It was still miraculous to him, after his wracking thirst, to be able to drink whenever he wanted. Billy knew this though Dom hadn’t said as much in words. He watched Dom’s Adam’s apple bob and reached over to squeeze his shoulder.
“I feel like myself again,” Dom said. But he didn’t really. He was changed. He had tasted his mortality. He wasn’t afraid but he was doubtful that heaven could be as sweet as life.
Billy was changed too. They were changed together. The moments they took for granted were rare that summer. The grass smelled sweeter, the sunsets held more color, their laughter was longer. The clasp of their hands held as much meaning as an afternoon filled with love making.
“As much as it hurt, I wouldn’t erase it,” Billy said.
“Nor would I.” Dom looked at the lonely path of light the moon made on the water. “Isn’t it strange that we’re really quite alone? Someday we’ll walk that path. All our work will be done.”
“Not our love though. My love for you will never be done.”
“I wonder if death will make us forget. I can’t imagine forgetting you.” Dom shivered with something like anticipation. Wouldn’t it be grand to walk that river of light, bare except for his soul? It was, perhaps, what he reached for in his moments of wild creativity. It was like his soul transcended his body in those moments. Maybe that’s why he leapt about and tugged at his hair and his body couldn’t contain his breathing.
He looked at Billy whose face was a mask of tragedy in the moonlight. Making love to Billy was like that too. Reaching out to him was like reaching out to the divine. Loving him revealed the divine within Dom.
“I won’t,” Billy said. “I don’t care how the universe works. I’ll change it. I won’t forget you. Ever.” He could feel Dom’s longing, his flirtation with death. Billy wanted to feel betrayed but that was why he loved Dom. He was larger than life. He always reached out and tangled with things that were too big for him.
“Don’t mistake me,” Dom pleaded. He took Billy’s chin in his hand. “I love it, Bill. I live for it. Since I was born I’ve tried to transcend life. I still try. But it’s bitter now. You are my life. I don’t want to transcend you but someday I won’t have a choice and neither will you. I don’t know what’s more selfish at this point. I hope that you’ll go first some days. I don’t know! I don’t know whether to wish for a hole in my living heart or to wish to be torn while I stand on that path, reaching for the sublime of heaven and aching for the sublime of life. If I had a choice, I’d choose to stay here forever with you. I’d give it all up. I’d stop reaching if I thought it would do any good.”
Billy bowed his head to his knees and was glad that the gods in their wisdom didn’t give Dom a choice. They just had to accept whatever happened. Perhaps the universe was kinder than he imagined, perhaps it would be better to forget.
“Shush. Let’s not think about it ever again. Let’s just be happy with what we have. We’re on the same path now. It’s all the happiness anyone could hope for. What I love about you is your struggle. I’m so glad I’m the one you’d tear for but, you know, Dom, I would never ask it of you.”
They never spoke of that night again. They shrouded themselves in the peace of forgetfulness. That night they sat and contemplated the line of silver moonlight until it sailed west and stole their hearts away. They didn’t know who would stand alone and be torn asunder there and who would run eagerly up that shining path towards the love that had gone before.
d/b
Disclaimer: I weave dreams made of lies.
It was the last warm night of summer. Neither of them could sleep though they had made love twice already. Billy kicked the covers from his body.
“Who cares?” he said. “Let’s have another long night. We’ll make up for that horrible one in July. I was terribly afraid.”
“I know you were. You had the worst of end of it. It’s so much harder to lose than be lost.” Dom shuddered. The pain of what he went through was still fresh in his mind but he knew it paled in comparison to Billy’s ordeal.
“Let’s go outside. We’ll see what the moon is up to.”
They rode bicycles to the lake. The moon was setting. Moths the size of Billy’s hand stretched their wings of gossamer and danced in the silver light. The squeak of their pedaling aroused a flock of birds from their rest and they fluttered sleepily over the flat silk of water. Billy felt like he was flying too, slipping with ease through the cool night air.
They came to a stop where the river emptied into the lake. Dom drank from his water bottle. It was still miraculous to him, after his wracking thirst, to be able to drink whenever he wanted. Billy knew this though Dom hadn’t said as much in words. He watched Dom’s Adam’s apple bob and reached over to squeeze his shoulder.
“I feel like myself again,” Dom said. But he didn’t really. He was changed. He had tasted his mortality. He wasn’t afraid but he was doubtful that heaven could be as sweet as life.
Billy was changed too. They were changed together. The moments they took for granted were rare that summer. The grass smelled sweeter, the sunsets held more color, their laughter was longer. The clasp of their hands held as much meaning as an afternoon filled with love making.
“As much as it hurt, I wouldn’t erase it,” Billy said.
“Nor would I.” Dom looked at the lonely path of light the moon made on the water. “Isn’t it strange that we’re really quite alone? Someday we’ll walk that path. All our work will be done.”
“Not our love though. My love for you will never be done.”
“I wonder if death will make us forget. I can’t imagine forgetting you.” Dom shivered with something like anticipation. Wouldn’t it be grand to walk that river of light, bare except for his soul? It was, perhaps, what he reached for in his moments of wild creativity. It was like his soul transcended his body in those moments. Maybe that’s why he leapt about and tugged at his hair and his body couldn’t contain his breathing.
He looked at Billy whose face was a mask of tragedy in the moonlight. Making love to Billy was like that too. Reaching out to him was like reaching out to the divine. Loving him revealed the divine within Dom.
“I won’t,” Billy said. “I don’t care how the universe works. I’ll change it. I won’t forget you. Ever.” He could feel Dom’s longing, his flirtation with death. Billy wanted to feel betrayed but that was why he loved Dom. He was larger than life. He always reached out and tangled with things that were too big for him.
“Don’t mistake me,” Dom pleaded. He took Billy’s chin in his hand. “I love it, Bill. I live for it. Since I was born I’ve tried to transcend life. I still try. But it’s bitter now. You are my life. I don’t want to transcend you but someday I won’t have a choice and neither will you. I don’t know what’s more selfish at this point. I hope that you’ll go first some days. I don’t know! I don’t know whether to wish for a hole in my living heart or to wish to be torn while I stand on that path, reaching for the sublime of heaven and aching for the sublime of life. If I had a choice, I’d choose to stay here forever with you. I’d give it all up. I’d stop reaching if I thought it would do any good.”
Billy bowed his head to his knees and was glad that the gods in their wisdom didn’t give Dom a choice. They just had to accept whatever happened. Perhaps the universe was kinder than he imagined, perhaps it would be better to forget.
“Shush. Let’s not think about it ever again. Let’s just be happy with what we have. We’re on the same path now. It’s all the happiness anyone could hope for. What I love about you is your struggle. I’m so glad I’m the one you’d tear for but, you know, Dom, I would never ask it of you.”
They never spoke of that night again. They shrouded themselves in the peace of forgetfulness. That night they sat and contemplated the line of silver moonlight until it sailed west and stole their hearts away. They didn’t know who would stand alone and be torn asunder there and who would run eagerly up that shining path towards the love that had gone before.
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This entire piece was just stunningly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing these.
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