FIC: Western Lovers: Cowboys and Archaeologists (10/30)

Title: Western Lovers: Cowboys and Archaeologists 10/30
Author:

sassywitch
Pairing: BB/DM with a smattering of VM/LT and DW/OB
Rating: NC-17, to be on the safe side.
Summary: Billy is a man to be reckoned with. Can Dom heal his wounded soul and his own into the bargain. Could Billy make him forget the bitter lessons of the past?
Feedback: Feedback is my writers crack, which is not to be confused at all with plumbers crack.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. These men whilst adorable and perfectly happy to slash themselves, their actual relationship is something that they only know. This story is adapted from a series of books that I adored when I was younger written by Elizabeth Lowell.
Word Count: 2950
Header Art: Courtesy of the incredibly talented

loki_girl
Previous Chapters: can be found Here
A/N: A huge thank you to

dylan_dufresne for the inspiration, the prodding and the beta. My grammar sucks so she had to suffer it so nobody else would. This chapter is angstalicous,but really, it will all be better in the end. Honest.

Yes I know I said Wednesday, but yesterday it came to my attention that one of my wonderful, loyal readers was having a bad day. For some bizarre reason she seems to have an affection for this fic. Consider this my little contribution to making today a better day, sweetie.

~*~*~*~*~

Viggo leaned toward little Milo, smiling, speaking in a deep gentle voice to the baby who studied him so intently.

"Definitely your eyes, Liv," Viggo said, running his fingertip over his wife's cheek.

"The mouth is yours, though," Liv said, rubbing her cheek against his hand, her free hand moving to cup his face, her thumb tracing his lips as he spoke.

"We're in trouble then. He'll have half the state mad at him as soon as he learns to talk."

Liv laughed softly, brushed her lips over Viggo's palm and settled back against his chest, causing the nursing shawl slipped to one side, revealing the pale, milk swollen curve of her breast. With a slow caress, Viggo adjusted the shawl, his fingers lingering under the soft cotton fabric, then resumed the gentle back and forth motion of the big rocking chair he had made before Milo had been born.

"Hi," Liv said, looking up as Dom came from the kitchen into the living room, a bottle of chilled water in his hand. "Billy was asking about you a few minutes ago. Something about a box from 11-C?"

"More red shards. He hopes. He has this theory about where the rest of the red pot is. So far he has been right. His intuition with the pots is uncanny."

A night of broken sleep and restless dreams had convinced Dom that Billy had been right about more than the pot, but he didn't know how to reopen the subject with him, any more than he had known how to respond last night when Billy had spoken about the fear and the Anasazi and one Dominic Monaghan. Instead of speaking then, Dom had handed Billy another shard, and the conversation had disintegrated into elliptical phrases, describing pieces of broken pottery.

"Is Billy in the bunkhouse?" Dom asked.

"He's in the barn, checking on a lame horse," Viggo replied absently, his eyes lingering on his son's suckling mouth.

Dom hid his feeling of disappointment. Whether in Arwen Canyon or at the ranch headquarters, he looked forward to the evenings with Billy, despite the tension that came from Dom's increasing awareness of him as a man. Dom noticed him in ways that he had never noticed any man at all. The soft green shimmer of his eyes, the scruffy beard that he let gather on his skin before he shaved, the springy thatch of softly curling ginger hair that showed at his open collar, the endless flex and play of muscles beneath his skin, and the easy stride of a man who was at home in and confident of his body.

But most of all, Dom noticed the frank masculinity of Billy, the male sensuality that was both subtle and pervasive. It compelled Dom's senses in the same way that Billy's intelligence compelled his mind, and his innate gentle nature compelled his emotions. Dom couldn't ignore the gentle, caring nature that Billy couldn't hide.

"If you see Billy," Dom said to Liv, "Tell him I've cleaned the calcium deposits from the 11-C shards, given them permanent labels, and they're ready for his magic touch."

"Sure. Want to stay for pie? We're having some as soon as we put our greedy son to bed."

"No thanks. Your cooking is straining the seams of my jeans as it is," Dom complained good-naturedly." It's getting indecent."

"Haven't heard any complaints about the fit of your jeans," Viggo drawled.

"Viggo," Liv chided him, laughing as she noticed Dom's cheeks flushing pink.

"Well, have you heard Billy complaining?" he asked innocently before switching his attention back to Milo. "Hurry up son, your old man is ready for desert."

Liv laughed and murmured something Dom couldn't hear. Silently, he retreated from the living room doorway, heading for the kitchen. It wasn't that he felt unwelcome, for he knew that the opposite was the case. Liv and Viggo loved to question Dom about the progress of the dig and the pots that he and Billy together had proven to be so adept at assembling from shards. It was just that he wasn't sure he could look at Viggo and Liv and their baby without letting his own hunger show.

What a pity it takes a committed relationship to have a baby. What a pity he'd have to trust a man to even begin to make his richest dreams possible.

It wasn't the first time the thought had occurred to Dom, but his prolonged exposure to the Mortensen's was only increasing the strength of his yearning for a family of his own. The happy loving family he had never had, and thought never existed. Tonight it had shaken him, making it hard for him to think.
But then that wasn't new either. Dom hadn't been thinking too well around Billy lately. A look from him, a phrase, a slight lift of the corner of his mouth and Dom would begin thinking all over again how gentle he had been with the kitten, how patient he was with the fragile brittle shards, how easy and yet how exciting he was to be with. How much Billy had slipped under his hard won defenses. How Billy wasn't a strong man any more, he was simply Billy.

Stop it. Next thing you know you'll be asking him to kiss you.

A curious sensation prickled through Dom, making him shiver lightly. He wasn't sure what it was that had caused his reaction. He knew what it wasn't, however.

It wasn't fear.

Dom let himself out into the night. Overhead, the Milky Way was a river of light, flowing silently across the sky. There was no moon to pale the glitter of the stars, no clouds to blur the razor edges of Mortensen Ridge's silhouette. Nothing moved but the wind. It infused the night, filling it with whispers that could have been his own thoughts, or echoes of ancient Anasazi prayers chanted to unknown gods.

When Dom opened the door to the old ranch house, Pounce materialized from the nearby bushes and slipped into the house ahead of him. Smiling, Dom closed the door, bent down and lifted the big tomcat into his arms.

"Hello Pounce. How was mouse hunting tonight?"

The cat purred and began kneading Dom's chest.

"That good huh?" Dom murmured, rubbing the supple body and sleek fur. "Then I won't bother putting out that dry cat food Liv gave me yesterday."

Pounce purred his agreement.

"Yeah that's what she said. You only eat the dry stuff when nothing else is available."

Sure enough, Pounce ignored the kibble that Dom prepared with one hand, while he held on to the cat with the other. Even a saucer of milk didn't interest him. All he wanted was what he was getting – a chance to snuggle with his favorite human being.

Carrying Pounce, Dom walked through the workroom to his bedroom. The carefully made bed looked uninviting. It was too early to sleep. Even if the hour had been right, his frame of mind was not. He was too restless to sleep.

Unfortunately, he was also too restless to work on the shards. He tried, but for once, the lure of putting an ancient puzzle together couldn't hold his attention. After fitting a few pieces together, Dom turned off the big gooseneck lamp and sat at the table with no more illumination than what was provided by the lamp in the far corner of the room. The shadows cast by that lamp were soft and inviting, making velvet distinctions between light and dark.

Pounce leaped into Dom's lap and meowed in soft demand. Absently, Dom stroked the cat, drawing forth a ripple of purrs, and for a long time there was no other sound. Then a knock came on the front door and Billy called out. Hearing Billy's growling accent sent another curious frisson through Dom.

"I'm in the workroom," Dom answered.

Dom's voice was unusually husky, but the words carried well enough. The door opened and closed, and Billy walked into the room. With a gesture that had become familiar to Dom, he removed his hat and set it on the small table beneath the lamp.

"That old mouser must think he's died and gone to heaven," Billy said.

The corner of his mouth tugged up, sending another glimmer of heat through Dom.

"Did you mean what you said?" Dom asked before he could think of reasons to be silent.

"I always mean what I say. When it comes to you and that damned cat, I'm certain."

Dom took a deep breath. "Would you really trade places with Pounce?"

This time the grin at the corner of Billy's mouth expanded into a true smile. "Why? You have some mice that he's too lazy to catch?"

Dom's lips tried to smile, but were trembling too hard. He could barely find the courage to force out his next question.

"Would you really like to be touched by me?" Dom asked. "I mean, do I ….attract you?"

"Sure," Billy said offhandedly, reaching for the switch on the gooseneck lamp.

"Would you….kiss me?" Fear had stolen the moisture from Dom's mouth as he whispered his request.
Billy's hand froze in midair. Amusement vanished from his expression. His eyes narrowed until there was little left but a green glitter as he turned and looked at the man who was only a few feet away.

"You're serious, aren't you?" he said.
Dom nodded, because his throat was too tight, his mouth to dry to force words between his lips.

"What happened to all the 'No Trespassing' signs?"

Dom opened his mouth. No words came from his constricted throat. He licked his lips. Billy watched the motion with a heavy-lidded sensual intensity that would have frightened Dom once. Now it was a relief. It gave Dom the courage to put into words the realization that had been growing in his mind for a long time.

"Watching Viggo and Liv and their baby has made me understand that I'm missing something wonderful and – and vital." Dom's voice shifted, becoming even lower, huskier. He spoke swiftly, as though afraid of being interrupted, and then not having the courage to continue. "But until I get over being afraid of men, I won't have a chance for the kind of life I want. Men want sex. I have to be able to give a man what he wants in order to get what I want. The only way I can have a child is to adopt. To adopt, I need to be in a committed relationship. To do that, I need to be able to give a man what he wants."

Billy's left eyebrow rose in a wicked arch. "Not all men want the same thing, Honey."

Silky blonde hair flicked across his forehead as Dom shook his head vigorously. "Yes. Yes they do." He took a fast harsh breath, trying to control his nervousness. "So I have to start somewhere. A kiss seems a logical beginning."

"Why me?"

Dom looked away, unable to bear the emerald clarity of Billy's eyes.

"Because I-I trust you," he said, his voice uneven. "I've seen you handle kittens and delicate pieces of pottery. You're as gentle as you are strong. When I was trapped in the kiva, I was helpless, completely at your mercy. You could have done anything, but what you did was pull me out, comfort me and take care of me. Never once did you so much as hint that I owed you thanks, much less the use of my body for sex."

Unwavering green eyes watched Dom. "And now you want me to kiss you?"

Closing his eyes, Dom nodded.

"Despite your fear of men?" Billy added.

Again, he nodded. Then, in a whispered rush Dom said, "I like you Billy. I know I could bear being kissed by you, maybe even learn to enjoy it, but the thought of any other man makes me – cold."

A visible shudder of fear and revulsion went through Dom. Billy saw it, but said nothing.

"Anyway," Dom added with desperate calm, "If you know going in that all it's going to be is a kiss, you won't push for more will you? If I'm honest?" Dom opened his eyes and looked at Billy with unconscious pleading. "I'm not a tease. Truly. It's just that I can't bear being touched."

"What happened?" Billy asked calmly. "Why do you have such a poor opinion of sex in general, and of men in particular? What makes you afraid that every man you kiss will demand sex?"

"Because it's true."

"You don't believe that."

"The hell I don't," Dom said, his voice low and flat.

Billy stared at Dom. All Dom's softness and unconscious pleading was gone, all hope, all color, and what was left was bleak acceptance that made his voice as flat as the line of his mouth.

"Look," Billy said reasonably. "No man worthy of the name is going to share a few kisses and then demand a turn in the sack."

Dom shrugged, the movement was tight, jerky, saying more than words about the tension within him, a tension that had been pulling him apart for far too many years.

"Maybe you're right," Dom said. Then he made an angry, anguished sound. Years of bitterness burst out in a torrent of words. "But the only way to find out which men are decent is to try the kisses, all the while praying very hard that when the time comes he'll take no for an answer, because if he doesn't, he's bigger than you are, stronger and you've been dating him for months and no-one on earth will believe that he forced you."

"You're acting as though all men-"

"Not ALL men," Dom interrupted savagely. "But too damn many. More than a third of all women have their first sexual experience as the result of rape. And lets not even go to the gay statistics."

"What?"

"Rape, Billy." Dom said "I'm not talking about being beaten senseless or having a knife at your throat until the rapist is finished, although God knows I talked to too many that got initiated that way, in outright violence."

Dom's breath pushed in and out of his lungs harshly, but he gave Billy no chance to speak. "I'm not even talking about incest. I'm talking about dumb, middle class bunnies who believe that no means no, who believe that the boy they've been dating for three months won't use his strength against his boyfriend, won't keep pushing and pushing and pushing him for sex, taking off his clothes while he says no, putting his hands where they shouldn't be, even when he tries to push them away, and each time they're alone, he pushes harder and harder, until finally, he was holding me down, telling me all the while that it was okay, that guys all did it all the time, he'd still love me in the morning, in fact he'd love me more than ever, even after he'd fucked me dry…"

"Dom," Billy said his voice low and shocked, his accent strong, almost unintelligible, his anger a tangible force inside him.

Dom didn't even hear him. "And I was too well brought up to claw and scream and kick, and above all, besides I couldn't believe Ethan wouldn't stop. Nice middle class boys don't get raped by their nice middle class boyfriends. He had stopped before. He would stop this time. He had to. He simply had to." Dom paused, drawing a harsh breath into his lungs." God help me, I still didn't believe it when he was finished and I was bleeding. And then he was zipping up his pants and suggesting we have a burger and some fries before we went back to his apartment to do it some more."

Dom blinked, shuddered again, and made a broken sound. "Twice, he did that to me, and to this day, Ethan doesn't understand why I broke off our relationship. He thought we had had good, consensual sex. The last time I talked to him, he got mad and said if I didn't want sex, I shouldn't ask for it by dressing provocatively, or have been working out, or wearing cologne, and I shouldn't make out at all. I was a good, middle class boy, so I believed him. I believed it had been my fault. That maybe, just maybe, he was right. I should stop behaving like I was enjoying it. How the fuck do you do that, when the only reaction I had given was begging him to stop?"

"Dom. No." Billy almost begged for him to stop remembering. Billy didn't need to know any more, because the images Dom's broken voice were painting were enough, and Billy could see each memory tearing Dom to pieces. The thought of anyone, let alone his gentle, tender Honey, hurt and bleeding, used for a bigger, but lesser man's pleasure, was abhorrent to Billy.

"It hurt so much." Dom spoke flatly. Trapped in his past and his pain, Dom's eyes glimmered with tears. Billy no longer existed for Dom, as the horrific memories of his initiation into adulthood played out all over again in his head. "I was terrified. He didn't waste any time with making sure I was ready for him, or even wanted him, for that matter. I was seventeen, and he knew I was a virgin, yet he rolled me over, pulled my pants down and rammed himself into my body. All he wanted was satisfaction. He didn't care. Men never care."

Pounce made a soft sound of complaint and leapt to the floor, sensing the tension in Dom. He didn't notice the cat's absence.

Dom's whole posture changed, his long arms folded around himself and his shoulders slumped. Voice low, and filled with torment and bitterness, Dom's eyelids flicked quickly as he fought tears and watched the ground. His mind scrolled through his memories painfully, breath hitching painfully as his body relived his pain.

He flinched, every breath, every trembling movement reminding him of the pain he endured with every forceful thrust. Struggling only made it worse. Screams only excited Ethan more. Dom's thoughts moved to self recriminations and blame. If I'd had enough guts to struggle, he would have put me in hospital, I could have told someone, it would have all been over. A shudder tore through Dom, and he shook his head, dragging himself back from the dark memories he despised. He looked up, his glistening eyes steel hard as he met Billy's gaze. "Don't tell me men aren't cruel and selfish. I know. My body will tell you how cruel."

Tears began to trickle from their tenuous hold on thick, dark lashes as Dom realized the extent of his revelations. Ashamed of his own inability to deal with his emotions in front of Billy, Dom struggled to explain what he saw as his weakness.

"I was seventeen, Billy. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I had no-one to turn to. I couldn't even see the family doctor, just in case they told my father. My father didn't, still doesn't know that his precious protégé raped his son. Cos you know what? If he even accepted that Ethan fucked men, the whole thing would have somehow been my fault."

Billy watched Dom, staring at his own fingers as he wrung them, memories twisting his nerves to the breaking point. He ached to reach out and hold Dom, offer him the support and acceptance he should have received then. Hands fisted at Billy's sides as a matching ache built in his chest to beat the bastards that had hurt his precious Dom. Instead, he struggled with his own needs to better help Dom.

Dom's hands clenched until his nails dug into his palms, but his voice remained the same, flat and without warmth.

"When I could bring myself to date again – it took more than a year - I was careful not to lead anyone on. A few kisses, that was all, and then only after several dates. It didn't matter. Two of my dates called me a tease. Some called me worse."

Billy, was caught in the moment of shock and blind rage when he had realized why Dom feared men. He heard Dom's words, only at a distance, and his hands clenched and unclenched reflexively as he tried to reason with himself, to drain off the useless rage that was consuming him. Billy's blood ran in his veins like lava, roiling and smoldering with the need to extract retribution for the gentle soul so brutally destroyed. What had happened to Dom had taken place a long time ago. Years.
But for Billy, it had happened just a few seconds ago.

"None of them ever came back for more than a handful of dates," Dom continued tonelessly, determined to tell Billy everything, so that no question would have to be asked or answered. "Elijah never pushed me. Not once. Not in any way. Eight months later, he asked me to be his partner, and he told me how perfect it would be, two virgins learning together, the ultimate mystery of sex on their marriage night." Dom made a helpless gesture with his right hand. "He was a kind, decent man. I couldn't lie to him."
When Billy spoke, his voice was as carefully controlled as the coiled strength of his body. "What happened?"

"He tried to believe it wasn't my fault, but when he found I hadn't gone to the police…." The downward curve of Dom's mouth became more pronounced. "We saw each other a few times after that, but it was over."

"Did you love him?"

Slowly, Dom shook his head. "I didn't love Ethan either. I just wanted to believe it was possible to share something beautiful, that a man can be decent and civilized with someone who is weaker than himself."

Dom looked up at Billy for the first time since he had begun talking about his past, his eyes damp.

"Any more questions?"

"Just one."

Taking a deep breath, Dom braced himself. "Go on."

"Do you still want me to kiss you?"

Nervously, Dom smoothed the soft folds of his oversized sweater. He tried to speak, decided he didn't trust his voice, and instead, nodded his head.

"You're sure?" Billy asked gently.

There was no emotion in his voice, no expression on his face, nothing to tell Dom what he was thinking. He was as enigmatic as the windswept night, and like the stars, his eyes were glittering.

"Yes," Dom whispered. "I'm sure."

Billy held out his hand, palm up and fingers uncurled. "Then come to me, Dominic.”

Chapter 11

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Raspberry Beret - Prince

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Date: 2006-04-17 03:15 pm (UTC)

From:

bride-no2.livejournal.com

you did not just end it there!

more, more, more. I'm a complete addict for this story now and I need another fix...one chapter doesn't last me as long as it used to...please tell me there will be more tomorrow? Or tonight? How about tonight? Is tonight good for you? (panting, eyes all glassy, look of desperation)

Date: 2006-04-17 09:53 pm (UTC)

From:

sassywitch.livejournal.com

Re: you did not just end it there!

I'm glad you're enjoying it hon, and I'm sorry for the big tease....well almost sorry.

You do know that I'm in Australia don't you? And becasue I post at midnight that means that I'll be posting Wednesday's chapters of Western Lovers and Making Memories of Us just after midnight tonight, would that be good for you?

Date: 2006-04-17 11:25 pm (UTC)

From:

bride-no2.livejournal.com

Re: you did not just end it there!

(rubs hands together like mad scientist and starts plotting way to stay up until midnight to read new chapter and still get out of the house by 6am...dammit.) I'll just have to wait until tomorrow night.

How's the weather down in Oz - it's fall now, yeah?

Date: 2006-04-17 11:29 pm (UTC)

From:

sassywitch.livejournal.com

Re: you did not just end it there!

If you'd like to share your email addy, I might justhave the answer for you.

The weather is lovely still warm enough to be outside but not stinky hot enough to sweat like a labourer

Date: 2006-04-17 04:10 pm (UTC)

From: (Anonymous)

Oh no you di'int!

Sorry to be anonymous but I haven't got any clever icons and such.

I am loving this story, but I will humble myself to beg you for more before Wednesday. Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Okay, how about pretty please with Dom & Billy on top?

Date: 2006-04-17 09:54 pm (UTC)

From:

sassywitch.livejournal.com

Re: Oh no you di'int!

On top of the please or each other.

Wednesday isn't that far away really....and you might even get to see their kiss.

Date: 2006-04-17 04:34 pm (UTC)

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