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monaboyd Apr. 9th, 2006 08:43 pm)
georgia-mason.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Apr. 9th, 2006 08:43 pm)Author: ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
georgia_mason
Title: Untitled
Rating: R
Summary: Mind games.
Notes: Forloozy who asked for angsty Monaboyd with an upset Billy.
Disclaimer: If it happened, no-one told me. Ergo, didn't happen.
georgia_masonTitle: Untitled
Rating: R
Summary: Mind games.
Notes: For
loozy who asked for angsty Monaboyd with an upset Billy.Disclaimer: If it happened, no-one told me. Ergo, didn't happen.
One of these days he will do that to me again and I'll put him in his grave a few years earlier than he's expecting. There's a difference between playing out scenes with a lover and robbing a man of his dignity.
Dominic is the lowest kind of thief.
I'm so angry right now that if I speak to him, if I touch him, I will hurt him. I will do him harm. I will make him cry. I'd get a thrill out of seeing a grown man cry right now. I can be sweeter than honey and then choke you with it, hold your mouth open and keep spooning it down your throat until you vomit. I can be that way.
He keeps pushing me like this and he will find that out, rather unpleasantly.
It's the ticking of the clock that I remember. That big, over the top fucking steel rimmed clock that Ali's uncle bought us for some ungodly reason. It was unrelenting during that silence. Every tick jabbing my gut, my central nervous system shot to fucking pieces. He thought it was funny as he held her stoney silence and her even stonier glare.
"It's true Ali. Me and Bills have been having it away behind your back for years. Didn't you know your boyfriend likes it round the backdoor?"
The clock was still going, tick, tick, tick and she doesn't speak. When Ali is silent, I always know the walls will start to fall down around us.
I said absolutely nothing. I couldn't have if I tried, my vocal chords also took a bashing. But I gulped hard and she turned to me, eyes colder than I can ever recall seeing them. She looked dead. I felt it.
"Billy?"
And I plead with with him silently over her shoulder. I watched him cock that fucking sideways grin and lean back against the oven door before folding his arms and throwing me a lifeline, or more like his last few quid to a dying tramp in the street.
"Ahh, Ali! Chill your bones, babe. I'm only pulling your leg! The fucking look on your face was like a Kodak moment, though. Aw, I didn't expect you to take me seriously."
He throws back his head and laughs and even though it sounds melodramatic, I swear he looked like Lucifer himself in that moment. My fear dissolved into intense rage, then but I laughed despite. She did too but I could hear the pathetic relief in her jaded chuckle.
"He's a cunt, Ali. Take no notice of him. He's been after me for years, randy bastard. Come 'ere and give us a hand with this prick of a coffee maker, will you? It's giving me jip, I just want a cup of coffee and all I get is heartache from this piece of -"
She's so soft, so innocent as she pushes me away from the contraption and fiddles with buttons and smiles. She's always smiling at me, you know?
"Och, my Billy boy, get away from it and go take that menace of a best friend of yours into the front room and out of my way. Dom Monaghan get out of my kitchen before I take a collander to you!"
I surprised myself when I got him alone in that front room. I was surprised at my own self control. I wanted to rip him apart, I wanted to yell until my throat was hoarse. Instead I just pushed his shoulder half heartedly.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you do that? You scared me half to fucking death in there! Don't do that again, Dom."
And he laughs. Laughs. It's still all a big fucking joke. Christ, if he only knew what I could do to him, he wouldn't do these things.
"It was funny! I was just having a laugh. Although, I didn't expect her to take the bait like that. I never thought she'd believe it. Calm yourself, Bills. She doesn't suspect anything."
"Ssh! Keep your fucking voice down. Don't do it again. I don't find it funny so just stop playing games like that. You think I don't know how much you love it?"
Something in his eyes ignited like fire. I'd call it smouldering but that wouldn't be right because his eyes were alight in that moment. It made me sick. I hate it when he's like that. And for the life of me, I can't understand him in those rare instances when he feels the need to be the centre of attention by being an absolute cunt.
"Yeah. Course I love it, it's fun. I like seeing you wound up a bit, that's all. But it's just a laugh. Look, I took it too far, fair enough. I'm sorry. Kiss?"
He moved toward me clumsily and I stepped back causing him to stumble a bit. He looked awkward. He looked horny. And then bang. I got it. I understood it. I understood why he did it. The fucker gets off on it. Either that or he really wants her to find out. He keeps fucking around like this and she will. My life, as I know it, would be over if that girl ever found out that I'm in love with someone else.
Doesn't mean I'm not in love with her.
"Not in the house. We agreed, not in this house, Dom. Stop. Have you been drinking or smoking or something? You're off your fucking head if you think you can play me like a fender."
He sat down, calmly in the squeaky recliner, stretched like a cat. It's my fucking house! He comes in here and plays games and sits around like he's lord of the fucking manor.
"Would that be Fender strat, Bills?"
He was in a weird mood. Egging for a fight. So, I left him there. Left him alone in the front room, faked a migraine and fucked off to bed like a woman. Serves the fucker right.
He left soon afterwards.
And I'm on my way over to his place now. I'm ambling down his street and wondering why. I'm sure I had dignity when I got up this morning but for the life of me, I can't remember where I left it.
I'm replaying everytime he asked Ali for a quick word in private and how I'd sweat and fear and shake until they got back. Every single fucking time, he'd wink at me only to reveal that he was talking about some random shite. Or he just wanted to catch up with her. He just wanted to make me his marionette while he pulled all the strings from another room. Cunt.
I have a speech all worked out. I'll tell him why I have to end it. I'll give him one last fuck. Hard and fast and sore. I'll make him bleed. I'll make him cry. We'll have a row. It will be dramatic and over the top, which, we as actors, do best of all.
And I'll leave. I can leave him. I can be without him. I will marry Ali this year. I will move on. Because I can't do this anymore. I'm too old, too tired and too fed up for it. I'm pushing 40 for christs sake.
I'm pushing alot these days. Pushing my limits. Pushing my lovers. Pushing myself.
God, I love him. He tears me apart and puts me back together and I love him.
I want him.
I hate him,
He's mine.
It's too much.
And when he puts his arms around me tonight, embraces me, fucks me, holds me and makes me laugh, I'll forget again. I'll forget how bad he is for me. I'll forget all of this. I'm pathetic.
And Ali, good christ that girl is my angel. And I'm so sorry and so guilty inside. I love Ali. I do.
But she's not him. And he knows it. And it kills me.
He kills me as he takes my mouth with his before I can even get a word in. As soon as I'm through the door he's got me, tight and soft all at once. He must have planned this. Played it out in his mind. Knew I'd need coaxing like a wee kid. He's all nuzzling warmth and soothing kisses. Murmurs of love and devotion and what can I do?
We make love on the stairs. Cliché'd to fuck. And I feel it, it's not a fuck, it is lovemaking but we keep that to ourselves.
He is sorry. He is apologising as he gently enters me whispering how much he's missed me. Whispers how much I'm wanted, needed, lusted for, loved.
And I'm as pliant and weak as a kitten. Because I can't resist this man, this boy.
His breath so warm and yet cool across my skin, my neck, my ears. His cock so hot, hard and defiant and apologetic inside of me. And christ, I can't remember what I was angry about anymore. I forget what the world looks like as I'm engulfed by white heat and white light and boiling blood rushing through my ears as I come in his strong, sure hand.
He makes the barest of whispers, something incoherent as he comes. He's only ever like this when he's homesick or upset or sorry.
We're both fucking sorry. But what can we do? Tell me. Help me out here.
Because i don't fucking know anymore.
Dominic is the lowest kind of thief.
I'm so angry right now that if I speak to him, if I touch him, I will hurt him. I will do him harm. I will make him cry. I'd get a thrill out of seeing a grown man cry right now. I can be sweeter than honey and then choke you with it, hold your mouth open and keep spooning it down your throat until you vomit. I can be that way.
He keeps pushing me like this and he will find that out, rather unpleasantly.
It's the ticking of the clock that I remember. That big, over the top fucking steel rimmed clock that Ali's uncle bought us for some ungodly reason. It was unrelenting during that silence. Every tick jabbing my gut, my central nervous system shot to fucking pieces. He thought it was funny as he held her stoney silence and her even stonier glare.
"It's true Ali. Me and Bills have been having it away behind your back for years. Didn't you know your boyfriend likes it round the backdoor?"
The clock was still going, tick, tick, tick and she doesn't speak. When Ali is silent, I always know the walls will start to fall down around us.
I said absolutely nothing. I couldn't have if I tried, my vocal chords also took a bashing. But I gulped hard and she turned to me, eyes colder than I can ever recall seeing them. She looked dead. I felt it.
"Billy?"
And I plead with with him silently over her shoulder. I watched him cock that fucking sideways grin and lean back against the oven door before folding his arms and throwing me a lifeline, or more like his last few quid to a dying tramp in the street.
"Ahh, Ali! Chill your bones, babe. I'm only pulling your leg! The fucking look on your face was like a Kodak moment, though. Aw, I didn't expect you to take me seriously."
He throws back his head and laughs and even though it sounds melodramatic, I swear he looked like Lucifer himself in that moment. My fear dissolved into intense rage, then but I laughed despite. She did too but I could hear the pathetic relief in her jaded chuckle.
"He's a cunt, Ali. Take no notice of him. He's been after me for years, randy bastard. Come 'ere and give us a hand with this prick of a coffee maker, will you? It's giving me jip, I just want a cup of coffee and all I get is heartache from this piece of -"
She's so soft, so innocent as she pushes me away from the contraption and fiddles with buttons and smiles. She's always smiling at me, you know?
"Och, my Billy boy, get away from it and go take that menace of a best friend of yours into the front room and out of my way. Dom Monaghan get out of my kitchen before I take a collander to you!"
I surprised myself when I got him alone in that front room. I was surprised at my own self control. I wanted to rip him apart, I wanted to yell until my throat was hoarse. Instead I just pushed his shoulder half heartedly.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you do that? You scared me half to fucking death in there! Don't do that again, Dom."
And he laughs. Laughs. It's still all a big fucking joke. Christ, if he only knew what I could do to him, he wouldn't do these things.
"It was funny! I was just having a laugh. Although, I didn't expect her to take the bait like that. I never thought she'd believe it. Calm yourself, Bills. She doesn't suspect anything."
"Ssh! Keep your fucking voice down. Don't do it again. I don't find it funny so just stop playing games like that. You think I don't know how much you love it?"
Something in his eyes ignited like fire. I'd call it smouldering but that wouldn't be right because his eyes were alight in that moment. It made me sick. I hate it when he's like that. And for the life of me, I can't understand him in those rare instances when he feels the need to be the centre of attention by being an absolute cunt.
"Yeah. Course I love it, it's fun. I like seeing you wound up a bit, that's all. But it's just a laugh. Look, I took it too far, fair enough. I'm sorry. Kiss?"
He moved toward me clumsily and I stepped back causing him to stumble a bit. He looked awkward. He looked horny. And then bang. I got it. I understood it. I understood why he did it. The fucker gets off on it. Either that or he really wants her to find out. He keeps fucking around like this and she will. My life, as I know it, would be over if that girl ever found out that I'm in love with someone else.
Doesn't mean I'm not in love with her.
"Not in the house. We agreed, not in this house, Dom. Stop. Have you been drinking or smoking or something? You're off your fucking head if you think you can play me like a fender."
He sat down, calmly in the squeaky recliner, stretched like a cat. It's my fucking house! He comes in here and plays games and sits around like he's lord of the fucking manor.
"Would that be Fender strat, Bills?"
He was in a weird mood. Egging for a fight. So, I left him there. Left him alone in the front room, faked a migraine and fucked off to bed like a woman. Serves the fucker right.
He left soon afterwards.
And I'm on my way over to his place now. I'm ambling down his street and wondering why. I'm sure I had dignity when I got up this morning but for the life of me, I can't remember where I left it.
I'm replaying everytime he asked Ali for a quick word in private and how I'd sweat and fear and shake until they got back. Every single fucking time, he'd wink at me only to reveal that he was talking about some random shite. Or he just wanted to catch up with her. He just wanted to make me his marionette while he pulled all the strings from another room. Cunt.
I have a speech all worked out. I'll tell him why I have to end it. I'll give him one last fuck. Hard and fast and sore. I'll make him bleed. I'll make him cry. We'll have a row. It will be dramatic and over the top, which, we as actors, do best of all.
And I'll leave. I can leave him. I can be without him. I will marry Ali this year. I will move on. Because I can't do this anymore. I'm too old, too tired and too fed up for it. I'm pushing 40 for christs sake.
I'm pushing alot these days. Pushing my limits. Pushing my lovers. Pushing myself.
God, I love him. He tears me apart and puts me back together and I love him.
I want him.
I hate him,
He's mine.
It's too much.
And when he puts his arms around me tonight, embraces me, fucks me, holds me and makes me laugh, I'll forget again. I'll forget how bad he is for me. I'll forget all of this. I'm pathetic.
And Ali, good christ that girl is my angel. And I'm so sorry and so guilty inside. I love Ali. I do.
But she's not him. And he knows it. And it kills me.
He kills me as he takes my mouth with his before I can even get a word in. As soon as I'm through the door he's got me, tight and soft all at once. He must have planned this. Played it out in his mind. Knew I'd need coaxing like a wee kid. He's all nuzzling warmth and soothing kisses. Murmurs of love and devotion and what can I do?
We make love on the stairs. Cliché'd to fuck. And I feel it, it's not a fuck, it is lovemaking but we keep that to ourselves.
He is sorry. He is apologising as he gently enters me whispering how much he's missed me. Whispers how much I'm wanted, needed, lusted for, loved.
And I'm as pliant and weak as a kitten. Because I can't resist this man, this boy.
His breath so warm and yet cool across my skin, my neck, my ears. His cock so hot, hard and defiant and apologetic inside of me. And christ, I can't remember what I was angry about anymore. I forget what the world looks like as I'm engulfed by white heat and white light and boiling blood rushing through my ears as I come in his strong, sure hand.
He makes the barest of whispers, something incoherent as he comes. He's only ever like this when he's homesick or upset or sorry.
We're both fucking sorry. But what can we do? Tell me. Help me out here.
Because i don't fucking know anymore.
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:lipwibble:
i wouldn't doubt it for a minute.
very nice. :smile:
kerry =)
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God...love it.
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*runs off to rec*
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I was hoping to leave a rather more coherant and detailed comment than my last one but MY GOD I can't. This is just...everything I could possibly ever ever want in a story. Without a doubt, one of the best Monaboyds I have had the utter pleasure of reading.
Dom's characterisation KILLED me. This. Is. The. Stuff. I. Want. To. Write. Ah, I wish I could!
Do I have permission to friend you?
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That's the kind of comment that just blows me away. So, sweet and wow, it's really made my day! Thank you! Thats just...I dunno what to say, except thanks from my very heart!
*goes to friend you first*
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Aw, you've friended me? *Gets all emotional* - I'm warning you, I'm not too terribly interesting and most of my LJ posts are mad random squeeage and lamenting for my dead dead muse.
Oh, you're such a star! I've got the warm fuzzies now.
My God, LJ is just like...the best thing ever. There are so many lovely people on here that I'm often blown away by it.
Again, thankyou for that amazing fic, and your replies. I've gone all sentimental. :D
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From: (Anonymous)
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You have portrayed Billy just like I guess he must be in real life: a man than can take you from heaven to hell (back and forth) in a split of a second...Devastatingly dangerous in spite of himself...
As for Dommie...just as sweet as a custard under a layer of cheekyness...
Love, Ceci
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Thanks for coming on here and leaving a sweet comment:)
Cheers.
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I like that both Billy and Dom had faults, Billy's cheating and Doms just being a bit of a prick really!
*memories*
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Thanks again!
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But.it.is.great.up.there,it's.good.to.get.away.from.the.city:)
Oh.and.sorry.about.the.dots.my.stupid.space.bar.is.broken!
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Me: OH MY GOD I think I just died inside
Rainbowcobweb: why?
Me: OMG
Me: that is so
Me: omg
Me: sdgfkjgawsjfa
Rainbowcobweb: i KNOW man
Me: *inchoerant stream of babble*
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no subject