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monaboyd Apr. 6th, 2006 10:22 am)
vanaofthevalar.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Apr. 6th, 2006 10:22 am)Title: Those who are lost do not wander
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vanaofthevalar
Rating: R
Pairing: Monaboyd
Feedback: If you're inspired
Summary: Distance suddenly stops being.
Author's note: Written this morning as a fairy tale for the onepippinmctaggart.
Billy's scream of orgasmic despair ripped through the still night, as he writhed and thrusted into thin air, the unbreatheable air of his loneliness. There was no self-love in this onanism; there was only desperation as his breathing slowed and the air became thicker and thicker. Soon a fog had descended like the Highlands fog in winter and he gasped again from pain and the blithe echo of his hollowness.
A universe away Dom heard it. Whether he heard it in his ears or his soul doesn't matter. Twelve time zones, the busy day, the people he saw, the lover he ate breakfast with -- it all fell away when he became aware of the heartbreak of his friend. Yes, I said friend, he thought, even though I'm too far away to matter. He knew Billy didn't think he could help anymore. The sting of this would always be like a pebble in his shoe or the missingness of a deceased relative. You could forget about it for awhile, but it always, always comes back. Dom felt futility smothering him, the inability to end the pain, the superficiality of his life. How can I live when another piece of my soul is hurting? How can any of us live when another soul on this planet dies without dying? It was all too strangely like Mordor, but where were the bright heroes? Where was Eowyn now? No man can kill me. Dom made it home before collapsing in his entryway, sobbing, face down on the Welcome mat. I am no man.
And so they both grew older, one embracing darkness so intense it could not be ignored, and the other pushing away the darkness with the stubborn resolve of a fighter, only to surrender to it so suddenly that it knocked him down some days. Then Dom would get back up later, battered from his brawl, and wonder if it was worth it to try again. Meanwhile Billy sank further, effortlessly but not painlessly, into a gray routine of days and nights that were just a colder day. One by one the stars went out. One by one Dom tried to reignite them. One by one the days passed and the world grew ever larger.
On April 6 Dom woke up first. He saw the first pink of sunrise creeping over the shaken horizon. He stared and stared; his pupils dilated; his vision outgrew his body to take in first his block, then his city, then his country and then finally the world. He could hear the breathing of a million sleeping people, and the footsteps of those on the other side of the world. The sunrise gold reflected on the window and blinded Dom to his here and now, but opened up a new seeing world, one where souls were light and uplifted. This was no utopia -- loved ones still passed on, pain still struck -- but it was a world of buoyancy. Billy, think of how happy you've made us all, Dom thought without thinking. His love for Billy built itself from the ground up like a statue, mellowed by the years, made verdigris from the sun and rain. This is what you give me. This is what I give you now. Dom stood leaning against his window in his meditation. With his force of will and serenity he blew a kiss east, and he said to Billy, Peace be unto you.
And Billy stirred, blinked, and awakened from a beautiful dream.
Author:
vanaofthevalarRating: R
Pairing: Monaboyd
Feedback: If you're inspired
Summary: Distance suddenly stops being.
Author's note: Written this morning as a fairy tale for the one
pippinmctaggart.Billy's scream of orgasmic despair ripped through the still night, as he writhed and thrusted into thin air, the unbreatheable air of his loneliness. There was no self-love in this onanism; there was only desperation as his breathing slowed and the air became thicker and thicker. Soon a fog had descended like the Highlands fog in winter and he gasped again from pain and the blithe echo of his hollowness.
A universe away Dom heard it. Whether he heard it in his ears or his soul doesn't matter. Twelve time zones, the busy day, the people he saw, the lover he ate breakfast with -- it all fell away when he became aware of the heartbreak of his friend. Yes, I said friend, he thought, even though I'm too far away to matter. He knew Billy didn't think he could help anymore. The sting of this would always be like a pebble in his shoe or the missingness of a deceased relative. You could forget about it for awhile, but it always, always comes back. Dom felt futility smothering him, the inability to end the pain, the superficiality of his life. How can I live when another piece of my soul is hurting? How can any of us live when another soul on this planet dies without dying? It was all too strangely like Mordor, but where were the bright heroes? Where was Eowyn now? No man can kill me. Dom made it home before collapsing in his entryway, sobbing, face down on the Welcome mat. I am no man.
And so they both grew older, one embracing darkness so intense it could not be ignored, and the other pushing away the darkness with the stubborn resolve of a fighter, only to surrender to it so suddenly that it knocked him down some days. Then Dom would get back up later, battered from his brawl, and wonder if it was worth it to try again. Meanwhile Billy sank further, effortlessly but not painlessly, into a gray routine of days and nights that were just a colder day. One by one the stars went out. One by one Dom tried to reignite them. One by one the days passed and the world grew ever larger.
On April 6 Dom woke up first. He saw the first pink of sunrise creeping over the shaken horizon. He stared and stared; his pupils dilated; his vision outgrew his body to take in first his block, then his city, then his country and then finally the world. He could hear the breathing of a million sleeping people, and the footsteps of those on the other side of the world. The sunrise gold reflected on the window and blinded Dom to his here and now, but opened up a new seeing world, one where souls were light and uplifted. This was no utopia -- loved ones still passed on, pain still struck -- but it was a world of buoyancy. Billy, think of how happy you've made us all, Dom thought without thinking. His love for Billy built itself from the ground up like a statue, mellowed by the years, made verdigris from the sun and rain. This is what you give me. This is what I give you now. Dom stood leaning against his window in his meditation. With his force of will and serenity he blew a kiss east, and he said to Billy, Peace be unto you.
And Billy stirred, blinked, and awakened from a beautiful dream.
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Thank you.
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and this is perfect.
♥
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That was beautiful. Lovely.
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