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monaboyd Mar. 28th, 2006 01:20 am)
uraneia.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Mar. 28th, 2006 01:20 am)I'd like to thank everyone for the lovely feedback on the last three parts; it really meant a lot to me. It kind of felt like a giant group hug, actually. Hmm.
Anyway, I'll get down to it:
The First Five Times (conclusion)
Rating: R (vague sex and language)
Warnings: Mild angst, I suppose. Sex. Stream-of-consciousness writing.
Special notes: A heartfelt thanks to the wonderful![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
katze_boston for the edit!
[four: regret]
The suspicion could have grown and festered and kept that Thing from happening again, except that of course their friendship had again returned to normal so there was really no reason to worry. At least it was normal whenever there was anyone present besides Domnbilly (Billyndom), which was to say most of the time, since the shoot they were working on was completely massive. So no need to worry, really.
Of course there were those awkward moments of fleeting and heated glances and sometimes Billy thought Dom was looking at him, looking with maybe something other than lust or friendship, something that might be black and furious or bleak and desperate, but he always convinced himself he was imagining it, because. Really. That wasn't like Dom.
It was naturally very like Billy to worry, but since he had been doing a fair impression of not-himself in his head for two weeks he almost didn't notice that he was purposefully avoiding doing it. (Worry would mean that something had gone wrong and nothing could have gone wrong, could it? He and Dom were just friends who were fucking, they had established that; neither one wanted there to be anything more because Dom was, well. Dom. And Billy, Billy was straight. Definitely.)
So Billy didn't worry at first when the Thing grabbed them again, this time a mutual decision after a sober Billy's offer to drive a drink-sodden Dominic home after one of Elijah's somewhat excessive parties. But it wasn't the same.
Maybe it was because they were on uneven footing, Dom stumbling drunk and Billy forceful and sober and unaccountably distressed for reasons he couldn't put his mind or his finger on, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that this time it was Dom being pushed onto his back, Dom being spread open and laid bare, Dom swearing and writhing and begging and Billy holding back, careful, watching, intrigued.
Certainly it had something to do with the way Dom squeezed his eyes shut like he was in pain (although Billy was being unusually gentle) and the way he damn near bit through his own lip and the decidedly naked gaze he maintained seconds after coming, before he turned away, ostensibly to make room for Billy to collapse next to him.
Billy entertained the idea that maybe he should be a little worried. Remembered, quite suddenly, that all of his friends were actors. Then although turned into because and the last three Things twisted and grew darker and maybe he was a complete idiot.
He didn't say anything, and neither did Dom. (But they did pretend to fall asleep.)
*
[five: surf]
Even if Billy had wanted to back out on his promise to take to the waves with Orli and the other hobbits (and he didn't), he couldn't have done it. First of all because Orli wouldn't let him; secondly because Lij would know something was up, and finally because if he did, things would Change. (He was resolutely ignoring the fact that things had already Changed, whether he liked it or no, and that he was so far from in control of the situation that he should have been completely terrified. Which, on some level, he was anyway.)
So Billy packed up his surfboard and sunscreen and towel and wetsuit and prepared to go to the beach like a good hobbit and a good actor, meeting the others down at the van, and everything was good.
Until Dom got in, rather obviously not having slept in the past three nights since the Thing, version four, and Billy's stomach churned. Dom made excuses (bad dreams, he said, brought on by allergies and some off Thai food), Lij made curious faces, Orlando's lips set in a firm line and Astin just looked confused.
Billy didn't need a mirror to see the expression on his own face. He knew he looked guilty as fucking sin.
But no one said anything, and soon the tension was forgotten as Astin rambled on about his girls and Lij set to work destroying Orlando on a stone-age pair of Gameboys and Dom fell asleep looking out the window. Billy did such a good job of pretending he wasn't worried that he forgot how worried he actually was (at least as long as he didn't look at the shadows beneath Dom's eyes, which is to say he wasn't doing a good job at all).
By the time they got to the beach, Dom was awake again, and whatever Billy thought he'd seen had disappeared behind eyes the colour of the surf. They were all such fantastic actors, he thought sourly, that they had a fabulous time; Dom pretending he wasn't hurt and Billy pretending he didn't feel like an absolute fuckwit and Lij pretending he wasn't curious and Orlando pretending he didn't have his own suspicions.
The waves were amazing, of course, and for a few minutes when he was riding one particularly tricky one he forgot himself and let the task at hand absorb him. It was only when several tons of angry dark water pressed down on him that he remembered Dom (and what a time to remember something like that, but the water was as naked as the memory of the gaze that was haunting his dreams). There was no air and no air and no air and Billy forgot to struggle for it, to pull himself upwards, until a strong hand clenched around his wrist and dragged him half-drowned from the water (he must have taken a hit to the head from his board; that was why his thoughts were so scrambled).
“Bill?” It was Dom's voice, of course, and they were Dom's feet Billy was kneeling at, mute and numb; he could tell because the toes had been drawn on. And when he looked up those were Dom's eyes, and for a split second he thought he had it wrong; the ocean wasn't like Dom's eyes- Dom's eyes were as bare as the water. “Think you've had enough sun for the day, mate,” he said, and Billy didn't have the wits about him to argue (even if he thought it would do him any good).
They walked slowly back to the van to grab some water and Billy couldn't help but ask. “Why didn't you tell me?”
“Tell you what,” Dom said, not a question. He rummaged through the cooler and handed him an ice pack and a bottle of water.
Billy didn't answer right away because they both knew what he was talking about. He drank the water in silence and held the ice pack to his head, Dom watching him the entire time. Finally he said, “Tell me that you're,” but of course Dom wouldn't let him finish.
“I'm not,” he started, but Billy could play that game, too.
He said, “Liar.” Put down the ice pack. “You are.” And when Dom looked away, quieter; “Me, too.”
The fifth time Dom touched him, really touched him, Billy thought, I should have seen this coming. But he was sort of glad he hadn't.
Anyway, I'll get down to it:
The First Five Times (conclusion)
Rating: R (vague sex and language)
Warnings: Mild angst, I suppose. Sex. Stream-of-consciousness writing.
Special notes: A heartfelt thanks to the wonderful
katze_boston for the edit! [four: regret]
The suspicion could have grown and festered and kept that Thing from happening again, except that of course their friendship had again returned to normal so there was really no reason to worry. At least it was normal whenever there was anyone present besides Domnbilly (Billyndom), which was to say most of the time, since the shoot they were working on was completely massive. So no need to worry, really.
Of course there were those awkward moments of fleeting and heated glances and sometimes Billy thought Dom was looking at him, looking with maybe something other than lust or friendship, something that might be black and furious or bleak and desperate, but he always convinced himself he was imagining it, because. Really. That wasn't like Dom.
It was naturally very like Billy to worry, but since he had been doing a fair impression of not-himself in his head for two weeks he almost didn't notice that he was purposefully avoiding doing it. (Worry would mean that something had gone wrong and nothing could have gone wrong, could it? He and Dom were just friends who were fucking, they had established that; neither one wanted there to be anything more because Dom was, well. Dom. And Billy, Billy was straight. Definitely.)
So Billy didn't worry at first when the Thing grabbed them again, this time a mutual decision after a sober Billy's offer to drive a drink-sodden Dominic home after one of Elijah's somewhat excessive parties. But it wasn't the same.
Maybe it was because they were on uneven footing, Dom stumbling drunk and Billy forceful and sober and unaccountably distressed for reasons he couldn't put his mind or his finger on, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that this time it was Dom being pushed onto his back, Dom being spread open and laid bare, Dom swearing and writhing and begging and Billy holding back, careful, watching, intrigued.
Certainly it had something to do with the way Dom squeezed his eyes shut like he was in pain (although Billy was being unusually gentle) and the way he damn near bit through his own lip and the decidedly naked gaze he maintained seconds after coming, before he turned away, ostensibly to make room for Billy to collapse next to him.
Billy entertained the idea that maybe he should be a little worried. Remembered, quite suddenly, that all of his friends were actors. Then although turned into because and the last three Things twisted and grew darker and maybe he was a complete idiot.
He didn't say anything, and neither did Dom. (But they did pretend to fall asleep.)
*
[five: surf]
Even if Billy had wanted to back out on his promise to take to the waves with Orli and the other hobbits (and he didn't), he couldn't have done it. First of all because Orli wouldn't let him; secondly because Lij would know something was up, and finally because if he did, things would Change. (He was resolutely ignoring the fact that things had already Changed, whether he liked it or no, and that he was so far from in control of the situation that he should have been completely terrified. Which, on some level, he was anyway.)
So Billy packed up his surfboard and sunscreen and towel and wetsuit and prepared to go to the beach like a good hobbit and a good actor, meeting the others down at the van, and everything was good.
Until Dom got in, rather obviously not having slept in the past three nights since the Thing, version four, and Billy's stomach churned. Dom made excuses (bad dreams, he said, brought on by allergies and some off Thai food), Lij made curious faces, Orlando's lips set in a firm line and Astin just looked confused.
Billy didn't need a mirror to see the expression on his own face. He knew he looked guilty as fucking sin.
But no one said anything, and soon the tension was forgotten as Astin rambled on about his girls and Lij set to work destroying Orlando on a stone-age pair of Gameboys and Dom fell asleep looking out the window. Billy did such a good job of pretending he wasn't worried that he forgot how worried he actually was (at least as long as he didn't look at the shadows beneath Dom's eyes, which is to say he wasn't doing a good job at all).
By the time they got to the beach, Dom was awake again, and whatever Billy thought he'd seen had disappeared behind eyes the colour of the surf. They were all such fantastic actors, he thought sourly, that they had a fabulous time; Dom pretending he wasn't hurt and Billy pretending he didn't feel like an absolute fuckwit and Lij pretending he wasn't curious and Orlando pretending he didn't have his own suspicions.
The waves were amazing, of course, and for a few minutes when he was riding one particularly tricky one he forgot himself and let the task at hand absorb him. It was only when several tons of angry dark water pressed down on him that he remembered Dom (and what a time to remember something like that, but the water was as naked as the memory of the gaze that was haunting his dreams). There was no air and no air and no air and Billy forgot to struggle for it, to pull himself upwards, until a strong hand clenched around his wrist and dragged him half-drowned from the water (he must have taken a hit to the head from his board; that was why his thoughts were so scrambled).
“Bill?” It was Dom's voice, of course, and they were Dom's feet Billy was kneeling at, mute and numb; he could tell because the toes had been drawn on. And when he looked up those were Dom's eyes, and for a split second he thought he had it wrong; the ocean wasn't like Dom's eyes- Dom's eyes were as bare as the water. “Think you've had enough sun for the day, mate,” he said, and Billy didn't have the wits about him to argue (even if he thought it would do him any good).
They walked slowly back to the van to grab some water and Billy couldn't help but ask. “Why didn't you tell me?”
“Tell you what,” Dom said, not a question. He rummaged through the cooler and handed him an ice pack and a bottle of water.
Billy didn't answer right away because they both knew what he was talking about. He drank the water in silence and held the ice pack to his head, Dom watching him the entire time. Finally he said, “Tell me that you're,” but of course Dom wouldn't let him finish.
“I'm not,” he started, but Billy could play that game, too.
He said, “Liar.” Put down the ice pack. “You are.” And when Dom looked away, quieter; “Me, too.”
The fifth time Dom touched him, really touched him, Billy thought, I should have seen this coming. But he was sort of glad he hadn't.
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From: (Anonymous)
kisses
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hee. yeah, honey. you keep telling yourself that. :pats billy on the head:
i like that "change" is with a capital. it's a small detail, but it spells it out rather well.
thank you very much for completing your story, i'm glad to see where this went. i hope you continue to share your work with the rest of the class. :smile:
kerry =)
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interesting to have the fourth time be with a drunken Dom and a sober Billy... good choice! And glad they both felt the same at the end. *S*
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Keep 'em coming! :D
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Thank you.