monaboyd | (no subject)

Selfless

Monaboyd

Angsty

The tension is tangible in the air, choking even. They stand close, and yet as far apart as they have ever been, because right now, Billy is a stranger to Dom.

He looks closely, trying to recognize him again. After all, everything’s still there. The thinning chestnut hair, the wide green eyes; deep lines carved around a mouth quick to laugh. That hideous coat. It’s all still there, this is still his Billy.

Then why did it feel like it wasn’t?

He bites his lip, and oh. Yeah. Because Billy kissed him. Which is something his Billy would never, ever do.

The silence hangs heavy between them, and he can hear the humming of the refrigerator in the background. He hates that sound, because whenever he hears it, something’s wrong. Just like now. He feels rooted to the spot, his legs locked in place, and the look on Billy’s face is breaking him.

“Dom?” His voice is hushed, and terrified, and Dominic aches to hear him so.

“What was that, Bills?” he asks, and he could almost hit himself for the question. He knows what it was, what it means, what it’s going to do when he has to tell Bill no.

“I…” Billy looks lost, and he takes a step toward Dom, hands folded defensively around his chest. “I’m in love with you, Dom.”

And it’s like a punch to the gut. He has to choke back his sudden sickness at the words, for this is a thousand times worse. Billy is in love with him. In love. And Dom’s going to have to break his heart.

He looks at Billy, his best mate, and sees the hope in his eyes. Billy’s talking again, suddenly, words rushed and stumbled over, about how he’s loved Dom for so long, and how it’s killing him inside, and Dom wants to scream. He doesn’t want to hurt Billy, but he’s changed it. He’s changed everything, and Dom knows, with heart-stopping certainty, that this is it. If he says no to Billy, he’ll lose his friend forever.

“Billy, I…” he trails off. I can’t do this. I don’t feel the same. I’m not gay. You’re my best friend. Can we just forget about it?

“I can’t…”

Something in Billy’s face crumbles, and Dom’s heart thuds painfully as he watches Billy close down. Hope drains from peridot eyes, and is replaced by an emptiness, and he feels sick, and he’s sorry, so sorry, he can’t lose Billy like this, it isn’t fair, he…

“…tell you how long I’ve waited for you to say that,” is what blurts from his mouth, and like magic, Billy is lit up again.

He crosses to hug Dom fiercely, sobbing in relief, and whispering “I love you”s. He tips his face up to capture Dom in another kiss, drawing this one out, long and soft. Dom lets him, rests his hands lightly on Billy’s shoulders, and tries not to think about what he’s just done.