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monaboyd Jan. 8th, 2006 12:50 pm)
sassywitch.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Jan. 8th, 2006 12:50 pm)Title: Sleep(1/1)
Author: sassywitch
Fandom: LOTRPS
Characters: Monaboyd, smattering of Orlilly and Orlando/Emilie
Word Count: 6043
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes it is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.
Disclaimer: Don't own them or they'd be far happier and in closer proximity
Author's Notes: This is a companion peice for Tonight I wanna Cry, Don't Shut Me Out, End of the World and I Can't Breathe Without You. Many thanks to my writing buddy![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rawiyaparand for giving this a look over for me. Thanks eternally babe. Smooches to dylan_dufresne for prodding me along. Loosely inspired by the lyrics of the song Sleep by Texas.
Orlando sat across the table from Dom, watching him push his food around the plate. He’d been in Hawaii for three days and he honestly didn’t think he’d seen Dom eat in the entire time he had been there. Sure, he sat at the table at meal times with a plate in front of him and went through all the motions of eating, but it was all just a sham. All he did was listen to Orli and Evangeline or Emilie talking, responding when he needed to and push his food around the plate.
It had been six months since Dom had arrived on his doorstep in London and Dom was sinking deeper into his depression not getting better. Orlando would never forget the sight that had greeted him when he opened the door, forever thankful that his flight had been delayed and he was still home. If Dom had arrived just one day later he would have missed him. Orlando still didn’t like to think what could have happened if Dom had been left to his own devices. His clothes had been bloodstained and torn, and completely inappropriate for the freezing weather he was standing in. When Orlando pulled him into the house, his skin had been cold to the touch. His normally baby soft hair matted and dirty. That Dom was broken was an understatement.
He already knew what was wrong; he could read it all over Dom’s expressive face. The light had gone out of eyes that usually sparkled with life and joy. Orlando had known that Dom was going to Billy to sort out their “relationship”; he could see for himself that it had not gone well. Not well at all.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Dom had spoken softly, his smoky blue eyes liquid, the whites bloodshot. Orlando’s heart had gone out to him. He’d been there himself: loving Billy wasn’t something deliberate, just like it wasn’t something you could turn off. Everybody who knew Billy was at least a little in love with him, but when he wrapped you in his own affection and folded you into his friendship, there was no hope; you couldn’t help but lose your heart to him.
Orlando had been there. It had taken him what seemed like an age to get over the wee Scotsman. His own assignation wasn’t even really Billy’s fault. But to be completely truthful it wasn’t his own fault either. If anyone was to blame it was Dom. Orlando had known the way that Billy felt about Dom. You’d have to be blind not to know that Billy had loved Dom from the very moment they had met. Just as Dom knew the way Orlando felt about Billy.
Out one night for the regular Hobbits and an Elf drinking adventure, he hadn’t expected to have his heart broken. The night was spent with Billy surreptitiously watching Dom, and himself not even making an effort to conceal the fact that he was watching Billy. As Dom was leaving for another club with Elijah in tow, he had leaned down to whisper in Billy's ear. Before Dom had finished speaking, Billy’s eyes had lifted to meet Orlando’s, shining with something he couldn’t define and more than a little predatory. A sharp frisson of excitement had skittered down Orli’s spine, his tongue darting out to wet suddenly dry lips.
Before Dom and Elijah had even left the club, Billy was sliding around the booth to press himself against Orlando’s side. He hadn’t been able to resist. Restrained Billy was hard to resist, but Sexy Billy, with his entire being focused on seducing you, how the hell were you expected to resist that and still survive? Even now, and after the way that evening had ended, Orlando had to admit that he could count on one hand the encounters that had been as satisfying as the one night he was allowed with Billy.
Sitting in an intimate booth in the back of a crowded smoky nightclub, he just didn’t have the emotional reserves to deny himself a night with the man he fancied himself in love with. Billy’s small hand had pressed against his denim covered thigh and it was all he could do not to let his legs fall open and beg Billy to take him right there.
When Billy had lifted his free hand and stroked those small fingers along his cheek, cupping his chin to turn his face towards his own, Orlando was drowning in a sea of lust he couldn’t break free from. But when he looked into Billy’s green eyes sparkling with lust, he was lost forever. When the hand that had been on his thigh had trailed across his denim clad skin until it cupped his already straining arousal and Billy’s lips had brushed against his, there was no way he was not going home with the Scotsman that night.
Orlando’s tongue darted out to trace lips that could still feel Billy’s first kiss more than six years after it happened. The firm yet gentle pressure of Billy’s lips against his, Billy’s pointy tongue darting out to flick at Orlando’s, the heel of his hand pressing rhythmically against his blatant arousal. The kiss felt like it went on forever but that still wasn’t long enough. By the time Billy had pulled back, Orli had been flushed and begging Billy to take him home and shag him six ways till Sunday.
They had gone back to his flat since Billy shared with Dom and didn’t want to go home. Billy had lived up to every single fantasy Orli had ever had. There he found that Billy was a gentle, passionate lover who gave more than he took and then came back to do it all over again. Even though Billy was more than a decade older than him, he had the stamina of someone half his age.
Orlando had fallen asleep curled safely in Billy’s arms, exhausted and well loved. It was not a night that he would not easily forget, as well as being a night that very few in his lifetime would ever come close to matching or improving. It was only after he fell asleep that it all went to hell in a very small hand-basket.
His eyes teared as he remembered the rest of their one night together. He wasn’t sure what had woken him but something had. As he lay there, still wrapped in Billy’s arms, his eyes closed almost drifting back to sleep, he realized what was wrong. He could feel wetness trickling across his shoulder and he would swear he felt the moisture of tears in Billy’s breath that woofled against the skin behind his ear. Unsure of what to do, he did the only thing he could do: rolled in Billy’s arms and pulled him against his chest. He didn’t know what was wrong but something was, and he was determined that whatever it was, Billy wasn’t going to suffer it alone. His fingers carding through Billy’s hair gently, he waited for Billy to speak to him.
The conversation, when it came, was enough to break his heart. It was truly nobody’s fault but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt them all.
It seemed like hours he had laid there stroking Billy’s hair when Billy spoke softly, his perfect mouth pressed against Orli’s smooth chest.
“I’m sorry Orli,” he whispered “I truly am.”
“You don’t have to be, Billy,” he said quietly. Even as Billy’s lips had first met his, he had known that this was only temporary, a satiation of hunger too long denied. Billy didn’t mean to use him as a substitute and maybe he hadn’t really, but the fact remained that Orli would never be Dom.
“I do,” Billy had spoken against his chest. “You deserve better. If things weren’t how they are, we could be happy together.”
“We still could be for a while, Bills,” Orlando murmured tightening his hold on the smaller man. “I’ll be your rock when things get too hard.”
“I can’t ask that of you, and I won’t use you that way.” Billy looked up into his face and cupped it with both hands, kissing him chastely on the lips. Lips that mere hours before were engaged in far less chaste activities.
“You didn’t ask; I offered and I don’t mind.” Orli smiled crookedly, his eyes damp.
“You don’t mind now but eventually it would tear you apart, and I won’t do that to you,” Billy sighed.
Dragging himself back to the present, Orlando looked up to find Dom watching him sadly. Without a doubt Dom knew that he’d been thinking about Billy; he always wore that slightly accusing look when he caught him. He didn’t mean to and he hadn’t thought about his one night stand so often in years. But between living with Dom pining for Billy and himself calling Billy once a week to make sure he wasn’t completely alone, Billy was on his mind quite a lot.
Sometimes he thought he was the only one that worried about Billy. Sure Dom was emotionally fragile because of this whole debacle, but there was no need for the majority of the fellowship to virtually take his side. Aside from himself, Sir Ian, and Beanie, the others hadn’t been particularly friend-like to Billy. They hadn’t been unfriendly, but they had definitely been cold, and their infrequent contact had been tense. Maybe it was just Orli’s affection for Billy, but he couldn’t help but feel almost ostracized for him.
Billy was just as fragile as Dom; just because he was older and more self assured, didn’t mean he didn’t feel. Just because he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Dom didn’t mean he didn’t hurt. In fact, Orlando was willing to bet that Billy was hurting every bit as badly as Dom, but he suffered at home, alone, behind closed doors. In his own way Billy was even more fragile than Dominic.
Orli had tried to get him to open up since Dom had turned up on his doorstep six months ago, and before starting his stay here with Dom, he had deliberately traveled to Glasgow once a week to visit the stubborn Scotsman, but he wouldn’t talk about it. He’d just sit staring at the boxes that Dom had packed and shipped to him at the urging of Sean and Elijah. Wash your hands of him, they had declared. Purge him from your life and move on, they had continued. Orli had frowned and tried to show them Billy’s side but neither had been interested. He had hurt their Dom too much this time. He wondered when the two of them would realize that they had hurt him more by tearing out half of his soul.
Sighing, he gestured to Dom’s plate.
“You know, when you put food on a plate in front of you, Dommie, it’s customary to eat it.”
“I’m not hungry,” Dom shrugged.
“I see that.” Orli reached across the table and caught Dom’s hand in his own. “Look at me, Dommie,” He urged him and didn’t speak again until Dom was watching him warily.
“If you don’t eat soon, Dom, the girls are going to take you to a doctor. I know it hurts, and I know you just want to hide away here until you feel like coming out, but the girls won’t take that. You’re not sleeping; you never leave the house unless you’re being taken to work or home again. You’re not eating. You’re losing too much weight. If you keep this up, you’ll lose your job, too. We won’t let you do that.”
“Maybe you should all just leave me alone,” Dom stated softly and pulled his hand away.
“Nope. I’m worried about you, and I’m not leaving you.”
“I need him, Orli.” Dom dissolved into the never far from the surface tears.
Orlando rose and walked around the table, kneeling beside Dom and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Dommie, you’ve got to stop this, it’s no good for you. I’m not going to let you run yourself into the ground. Do you realize what it would do to him if he knew you were like this?”
“He wont’ care, he sent me away. It’s been more than six months, he doesn’t miss me at all,” Dom spoke, his lip quivering more ominously with each word. “I lost my best friend, and he hasn’t even missed me.”
“That’s not true, Dommie. He’s missed you every single day. He did this for you.”
“But he hasn’t even bothered to call me.”
“Because...” Orli sighed in frustration. “Because he’s hurting just as badly as you. Because he was hurt Dommie. He’s barely been out of hospital. Because he….well, he almost lost his arm.”
“He what?” Dom wiped at his face as he searched Orli’s eyes. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“He had a couple of complications; he’s had three surgeries since his fall. The fellowship didn’t think you needed to know. You had enough on your mind.”
“I should have been with him,” Dom whispered.
“No, you shouldn’t. Neither of you are any good to each other the way you are. But I agree, you should have been told,” he replied. “Just like he should be told about you. If he were to see you like this, it would kill him. How do you think it makes him feel to know that he has done this to you?”
“He didn’t do this,” Dom murmured. “None of this is his fault. I did this.” He shrugged. “I loved him too much when he told me not to. I didn’t ask to love him, but I do, and I can’t make it hurt any less.”
“Nobody can, Dommie,” Orli smiled sadly.
Dom took a deep breath and seemed to make a decision within himself. “Tomorrow is a new day, right?”
“Yup,” Orli smiled standing and ruffling Dom’s hair, “And unless I miss my guess that beeping is Evi. You’ve got a night shoot: she’s gonna take you and drop you home.”
“Hey boys,” Emilie smiled as she bounced into the dining room, short denim cut offs and a pale blue halter her only clothing, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders untidily.
“Evi’s waiting Dom.” She leaned in to kiss his temple.
Dom smiled at her as he stood, his eyes meeting Orli’s and shrugging apologetically at his dinner plate. “I’m sorry, Orli.”
“Don’t worry about it mate; we’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Orli brushed his concerns aside. “Have a good night.”
Dom saluted Orli jauntily, looking happier than he had in months and walked out of the room.
“I thought he’d never leave.” Emilie leaned back on the counter and pulled herself up.
“Excuse me?” Orli’s eyebrow lifted as he took in her words.
“I figured since you like me and I like you, we should spend some time together and explore the possibilities.” She smiled, kicking her feet gently as she watched him.
“You did, did you?” Orlando smiled back.
“I did. I thought my plan had merit. Don’t you?” she almost giggled.
“It does. What do you think we should do?”
“Hmmm. We could go over my lines. But the script is on a need to know so then I’d have to kill you. We could play scrabble but British versus Australian with a smattering of combined American could be tricky, so I was thinking that maybe kissing is an international language,” she paused and smiled, “And I’m all for improving international relations.”
“Far be it from me to stifle international relations,” Orlando spoke softly as he walked towards her.
“Then come here and kiss me, you adorable oaf,” she laughed opening her arms to him.
Orlando walked into the space between her parted knees and let his hands slide up the outside of her thighs. “That sounds like an admirable idea,” he whispered against her lips as he kissed her reverently.
Hours later, Evangeline’s headlights swooped across the walls of the living room as Orlando and Emilie lay on the sofa, bodies gently entwined as their lips explored each other. By the time Dom walked in they had separated but both wore matching doe-eyed expressions, their lips swollen, their hands laced together tightly. Dom looked from one to the other and smiled sadly. “Evi’s waiting for you, Emi,” he murmured. “I’m just gonna go shower.”
“He’s so sad,” Emilie whispered, leaning in to kiss Orlando again. “Sometimes I hate your Billy.”
“He’s hurting just as much,” Orlando replied, kissing her wetly.
“But it’s his fault,” she protested, pulling back
“He only did it for Dom.” Orlando sighed, climbing to his feet and pulled Emilie to hers.
“I still think he’s a cruel bastard,” she murmured as she hugged him tightly.
“He’s as gentle and caring as Dom is,” Orlando replied. “Sometimes even more.”
“Whatever,” Emilie replied, leaning up to kiss Orlando wetly. “Just don’t let him near me until he’s fixed our Dommie.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree, my sweet.” He kissed her and set her away from him. “Evi’s waiting.” He smacked her denim clad buttock. “I’ll see you in the morning; I’ll bring Dom over for Morning tea.”
Emilie blew a kiss at him and ran out the door, her tinkling laugh hanging in the air as she did.
“She’s lovely, Orli,” Dom spoke from the kitchen doorway. “You could do worse than her.”
“I know that.” He smiled back at his friend “She kisses well, too.”
“I can see that,” Dom laughed.
“I don’t believe it,” Orlando murmured. “You laughed.”
“I made a decision tonight.” He nodded as he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Which is?” Orlando pulled up a stool at the breakfast bar, his nerves taut wondering what Dom was about to say.
“I’m going to try to start fresh starting tomorrow.” He sighed, “I can’t keep hurting everyone like this.”
“The only one you’re hurting, Dommie, is yourself,” Orlando replied.
“And Billy. If I hadn’t pushed him that night, he wouldn’t have hurt himself.”
“You don’t know that, Dom, and he doesn’t blame you either.”
“Regardless, I’m being a prat, and I’m hurting him. I have to get over him, for him.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Orlando nodded slowly.
“Can you do me a favour, Orli?” Dom asked. “You can say no and I won’t think anything of it.”
“Ask before you’ve turned yourself down for me,” he grinned.
“I’m not sleeping worth a damn,” Dom started.
“I know.” Orlando nodded, fairly certain he knew where the conversation was leading.
“I know it’ll probably weird you out but could I sleep with you tonight?” he murmured blushing. “I just sleep better with someone there, and I really want to sleep well tonight.”
“Of course.” Orlando smiled broadly at him. “Give me time to change, and I’ll meet you in your room.”
By the time Orlando had showered and changed into blue, soft, cotton boxers and walked into Dom’s room, Dom was sitting on the end of the bed, scribbling quickly in his journal, his foot tapping nervously. He sighed, if he had known months ago the way to get Dom to snap out of his funk was to tell him he was hurting Billy, he would have told him on day one.
He walked around to the side of the bed and slid in under the top sheet and light comforter.
“Thank you for doing this, Orli.” Dom stood and slipped his journal under his own pillow and slid under the sheets before Orlando turned off the lamp on the bedside table. They lay in silence on their own side of the bed for long minutes, moonlight the only illumination in the room.
“Nights are the worst, so much time to lay here and just think about things that you shouldn’t,” Dom spoke quietly.
“I know,” Orlando almost whispered in reply as he turned on his side to watch Dom as he spoke to him. “You’ve got to try not to think about it, Dommie.”
Dom nodded and fell silent for long minutes. “What was it like Orli?” he asked softly.
“What was what like?” Orlando asked dumbly. He knew exactly what Dom was asking but sometimes being able to play the pretty-but-dumb card was a godsend.
“Billy,” Dom whispered almost reverently. “Being able to touch him. Sleeping in his arms. Waking up wrapped up in him, or does he prefer to be the cuddler.”
“I can’t tell you that, Dommie. I’m not going to hurt you that way.”
“It’s not going to hurt me.” He shrugged. “Well it probably will, but I’ll never have it and after tomorrow….” His voice trailed off as he turned his face towards Orlando’s. “Please?” Dom almost begged, his eyes shimmering, pressing his hand against Orlando’s rapidly beating heart.
Orli opened his arms to Dom and he slipped into them without comment. Turning so that his back was pressed against Orli’s chest, they spooned together, Orlando’s arms tightening around the smaller man, Dom’s hands stroking his arms absently as he absorbed the contact gratefully. When Orlando spoke again, his lips were against Dom’s ear, his breath whistling through the hair that feathered there as he spoke.
“He’s amazing Dom,” Orlando murmured. “I can’t begin to explain how loved, how special he makes you feel. It’s like the only way he can get pleasure is to give you the very most mind-blowing sensation you can stand, and then just when you think your soul has shattered into a million pieces and you may never be the same, he starts at the beginning again.” He paused to wet his lips, his voice husky as he remembered his night with Billy.
“Does he….” Dom’s whispered voice trailed off unwilling to really interrupt as tears of longing welled in his eyes.
“I don’t know,” Orlando shrugged knowing instinctively what Dom’s question was. “Either way he was exquisite. Honestly, Dommie, nobody has even come close to giving me the kind of pleasure Billy did in that one night, and I don’t think anyone ever will. Every single touch is etched in my memory, spoiling me for everyone else.”
“You still love him, don’t you?” Dom whispered.
“In my own way, I guess I do,” Orlando answered after a long pause. “How can you not love Billy?” he shrugged. “But I knew I could never really have him. I think he’s your penguin.”
“You know, Orli,” Dom spoke, the hint of a smile in his voice. “I love you like a brother and all, but sometimes you have the most convoluted thought processes. What the fuck does that mean? My penguin?”
“You’re nature boy aren’t you?” A smile creased his face, erasing the sadness of moments before. “Don’t penguins mate for life? I’ve always known he’s your penguin. He knows, too, but he loves you so much that he’s letting you be free so that you can be happy. Whether you realize it or not, Dom, that’s an incredible gift from a man so filled with love for you that he can’t bear to see you hurt.”
“Doesn’t he realize that I’d endure anything for him?” Dom whispered, his tears finally releasing their delicate grasp of his long lashes.
“He doesn’t want you to endure, Dom. He wants you to be how you were in New Zealand: happy, daring, carefree, ambitious.” Orlando paused trying to gather his thoughts more eloquently. “He knows that rumours will hurt you, limit your work, suppress your ambitions, maybe, I don’t know. I understand why he’s doing this and even though I think that together the pair of you could say ‘Fuck the World’ and survive just nicely, he doesn’t and it’s your relationship so it’s his instincts that you need to focus on.” Orli stopped to think for a moment. “I don’t know if I’m making any sense to you, but Billy is older, he’s so filled with honour and adoration but he’s seen more, maybe he’s just scared. I don’t know, but I do know that he loves you more than he loves life; he told me on the one night we had. He was so sad that he had betrayed you and me both. I couldn’t not love him more even though he was breaking my heart. I knew right then that if it was in my power, I would somehow find a way to make him happy.” Orli went silent, his own tears falling against Dom’s neck.
“I’m sorry, Orli. My weakness must be tearing your heart out. I’m so sorry for doing that to you.”
“It’s alright, Dom,” Orlando replied, kissing the side of Dom’s neck gently. “Really I’m good with everything. I just need to see the both of you happy.”
“Starting tomorrow,” Dom nodded and snuggled back into Orlando’s embrace. “Tomorrow is the start of a brand new me,” he whispered as he turned his head and brushed his lips against Orli’s.
Orlando pressed his lips against Dom’s gently, kissing him softly. Feeling Dom’s tongue lick against his lips, eyes wide he pulled back. “Dom, you don’t want to do that,” he admonished gently.
“Why not?” Dom spoke softly turning his head to kiss Orli’s cheek.
“Because I won’t let you make us both substitutes for the one we want.” He cupped Dom’s face with one hand, his thumb stroking tenderly along Dom’s cheekbone. “I’ll tell you what Billy told me all those years ago. Right now it’ll feel fine, but eventually it would tear us apart, and I won’t let you do that to either of us.”
Dom was silent for long moments, his eyes falling closed. “Why the hell do you all have to be so damned honourable?” A wry smile turned up the corners of his mouth.
“Close your eyes, you silly prat, and get some sleep,” Orli murmured pressing his lips to the side of Dom’s neck in a gentle kiss.
Orlando lay awake behind his friend, his fingers gently stroking his arms as he listened to Dom fall into a deep, restful sleep, his breathing slowing and deepening as he let sleep overtake him finally. Tightening his hold on Dom, Orlando snuggled into his back, their bodies touching from neck to toe as he folded himself along Dom, sleep finally claiming him as he found his own comfort in Dom’s warmth.
An anguished cry dragged him from the sweetest dreams he had dreamt in years. Tightening his arms around Dom, his eyes flew open, thinking that Dom was dreaming. What he saw broke his already tender heart. Billy stood in the bedroom doorway, his eyes filled with tears and hurt and such betrayal that Orlando had to blink to keep from crying. When they opened, Billy was gone and Dom was struggling in the circle of his arms to break free to follow.
Author: sassywitch
Fandom: LOTRPS
Characters: Monaboyd, smattering of Orlilly and Orlando/Emilie
Word Count: 6043
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes it is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.
Disclaimer: Don't own them or they'd be far happier and in closer proximity
Author's Notes: This is a companion peice for Tonight I wanna Cry, Don't Shut Me Out, End of the World and I Can't Breathe Without You. Many thanks to my writing buddy
rawiyaparand for giving this a look over for me. Thanks eternally babe. Smooches to dylan_dufresne for prodding me along. Loosely inspired by the lyrics of the song Sleep by Texas.Orlando sat across the table from Dom, watching him push his food around the plate. He’d been in Hawaii for three days and he honestly didn’t think he’d seen Dom eat in the entire time he had been there. Sure, he sat at the table at meal times with a plate in front of him and went through all the motions of eating, but it was all just a sham. All he did was listen to Orli and Evangeline or Emilie talking, responding when he needed to and push his food around the plate.
It had been six months since Dom had arrived on his doorstep in London and Dom was sinking deeper into his depression not getting better. Orlando would never forget the sight that had greeted him when he opened the door, forever thankful that his flight had been delayed and he was still home. If Dom had arrived just one day later he would have missed him. Orlando still didn’t like to think what could have happened if Dom had been left to his own devices. His clothes had been bloodstained and torn, and completely inappropriate for the freezing weather he was standing in. When Orlando pulled him into the house, his skin had been cold to the touch. His normally baby soft hair matted and dirty. That Dom was broken was an understatement.
He already knew what was wrong; he could read it all over Dom’s expressive face. The light had gone out of eyes that usually sparkled with life and joy. Orlando had known that Dom was going to Billy to sort out their “relationship”; he could see for himself that it had not gone well. Not well at all.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Dom had spoken softly, his smoky blue eyes liquid, the whites bloodshot. Orlando’s heart had gone out to him. He’d been there himself: loving Billy wasn’t something deliberate, just like it wasn’t something you could turn off. Everybody who knew Billy was at least a little in love with him, but when he wrapped you in his own affection and folded you into his friendship, there was no hope; you couldn’t help but lose your heart to him.
Orlando had been there. It had taken him what seemed like an age to get over the wee Scotsman. His own assignation wasn’t even really Billy’s fault. But to be completely truthful it wasn’t his own fault either. If anyone was to blame it was Dom. Orlando had known the way that Billy felt about Dom. You’d have to be blind not to know that Billy had loved Dom from the very moment they had met. Just as Dom knew the way Orlando felt about Billy.
Out one night for the regular Hobbits and an Elf drinking adventure, he hadn’t expected to have his heart broken. The night was spent with Billy surreptitiously watching Dom, and himself not even making an effort to conceal the fact that he was watching Billy. As Dom was leaving for another club with Elijah in tow, he had leaned down to whisper in Billy's ear. Before Dom had finished speaking, Billy’s eyes had lifted to meet Orlando’s, shining with something he couldn’t define and more than a little predatory. A sharp frisson of excitement had skittered down Orli’s spine, his tongue darting out to wet suddenly dry lips.
Before Dom and Elijah had even left the club, Billy was sliding around the booth to press himself against Orlando’s side. He hadn’t been able to resist. Restrained Billy was hard to resist, but Sexy Billy, with his entire being focused on seducing you, how the hell were you expected to resist that and still survive? Even now, and after the way that evening had ended, Orlando had to admit that he could count on one hand the encounters that had been as satisfying as the one night he was allowed with Billy.
Sitting in an intimate booth in the back of a crowded smoky nightclub, he just didn’t have the emotional reserves to deny himself a night with the man he fancied himself in love with. Billy’s small hand had pressed against his denim covered thigh and it was all he could do not to let his legs fall open and beg Billy to take him right there.
When Billy had lifted his free hand and stroked those small fingers along his cheek, cupping his chin to turn his face towards his own, Orlando was drowning in a sea of lust he couldn’t break free from. But when he looked into Billy’s green eyes sparkling with lust, he was lost forever. When the hand that had been on his thigh had trailed across his denim clad skin until it cupped his already straining arousal and Billy’s lips had brushed against his, there was no way he was not going home with the Scotsman that night.
Orlando’s tongue darted out to trace lips that could still feel Billy’s first kiss more than six years after it happened. The firm yet gentle pressure of Billy’s lips against his, Billy’s pointy tongue darting out to flick at Orlando’s, the heel of his hand pressing rhythmically against his blatant arousal. The kiss felt like it went on forever but that still wasn’t long enough. By the time Billy had pulled back, Orli had been flushed and begging Billy to take him home and shag him six ways till Sunday.
They had gone back to his flat since Billy shared with Dom and didn’t want to go home. Billy had lived up to every single fantasy Orli had ever had. There he found that Billy was a gentle, passionate lover who gave more than he took and then came back to do it all over again. Even though Billy was more than a decade older than him, he had the stamina of someone half his age.
Orlando had fallen asleep curled safely in Billy’s arms, exhausted and well loved. It was not a night that he would not easily forget, as well as being a night that very few in his lifetime would ever come close to matching or improving. It was only after he fell asleep that it all went to hell in a very small hand-basket.
His eyes teared as he remembered the rest of their one night together. He wasn’t sure what had woken him but something had. As he lay there, still wrapped in Billy’s arms, his eyes closed almost drifting back to sleep, he realized what was wrong. He could feel wetness trickling across his shoulder and he would swear he felt the moisture of tears in Billy’s breath that woofled against the skin behind his ear. Unsure of what to do, he did the only thing he could do: rolled in Billy’s arms and pulled him against his chest. He didn’t know what was wrong but something was, and he was determined that whatever it was, Billy wasn’t going to suffer it alone. His fingers carding through Billy’s hair gently, he waited for Billy to speak to him.
The conversation, when it came, was enough to break his heart. It was truly nobody’s fault but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt them all.
It seemed like hours he had laid there stroking Billy’s hair when Billy spoke softly, his perfect mouth pressed against Orli’s smooth chest.
“I’m sorry Orli,” he whispered “I truly am.”
“You don’t have to be, Billy,” he said quietly. Even as Billy’s lips had first met his, he had known that this was only temporary, a satiation of hunger too long denied. Billy didn’t mean to use him as a substitute and maybe he hadn’t really, but the fact remained that Orli would never be Dom.
“I do,” Billy had spoken against his chest. “You deserve better. If things weren’t how they are, we could be happy together.”
“We still could be for a while, Bills,” Orlando murmured tightening his hold on the smaller man. “I’ll be your rock when things get too hard.”
“I can’t ask that of you, and I won’t use you that way.” Billy looked up into his face and cupped it with both hands, kissing him chastely on the lips. Lips that mere hours before were engaged in far less chaste activities.
“You didn’t ask; I offered and I don’t mind.” Orli smiled crookedly, his eyes damp.
“You don’t mind now but eventually it would tear you apart, and I won’t do that to you,” Billy sighed.
Dragging himself back to the present, Orlando looked up to find Dom watching him sadly. Without a doubt Dom knew that he’d been thinking about Billy; he always wore that slightly accusing look when he caught him. He didn’t mean to and he hadn’t thought about his one night stand so often in years. But between living with Dom pining for Billy and himself calling Billy once a week to make sure he wasn’t completely alone, Billy was on his mind quite a lot.
Sometimes he thought he was the only one that worried about Billy. Sure Dom was emotionally fragile because of this whole debacle, but there was no need for the majority of the fellowship to virtually take his side. Aside from himself, Sir Ian, and Beanie, the others hadn’t been particularly friend-like to Billy. They hadn’t been unfriendly, but they had definitely been cold, and their infrequent contact had been tense. Maybe it was just Orli’s affection for Billy, but he couldn’t help but feel almost ostracized for him.
Billy was just as fragile as Dom; just because he was older and more self assured, didn’t mean he didn’t feel. Just because he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Dom didn’t mean he didn’t hurt. In fact, Orlando was willing to bet that Billy was hurting every bit as badly as Dom, but he suffered at home, alone, behind closed doors. In his own way Billy was even more fragile than Dominic.
Orli had tried to get him to open up since Dom had turned up on his doorstep six months ago, and before starting his stay here with Dom, he had deliberately traveled to Glasgow once a week to visit the stubborn Scotsman, but he wouldn’t talk about it. He’d just sit staring at the boxes that Dom had packed and shipped to him at the urging of Sean and Elijah. Wash your hands of him, they had declared. Purge him from your life and move on, they had continued. Orli had frowned and tried to show them Billy’s side but neither had been interested. He had hurt their Dom too much this time. He wondered when the two of them would realize that they had hurt him more by tearing out half of his soul.
Sighing, he gestured to Dom’s plate.
“You know, when you put food on a plate in front of you, Dommie, it’s customary to eat it.”
“I’m not hungry,” Dom shrugged.
“I see that.” Orli reached across the table and caught Dom’s hand in his own. “Look at me, Dommie,” He urged him and didn’t speak again until Dom was watching him warily.
“If you don’t eat soon, Dom, the girls are going to take you to a doctor. I know it hurts, and I know you just want to hide away here until you feel like coming out, but the girls won’t take that. You’re not sleeping; you never leave the house unless you’re being taken to work or home again. You’re not eating. You’re losing too much weight. If you keep this up, you’ll lose your job, too. We won’t let you do that.”
“Maybe you should all just leave me alone,” Dom stated softly and pulled his hand away.
“Nope. I’m worried about you, and I’m not leaving you.”
“I need him, Orli.” Dom dissolved into the never far from the surface tears.
Orlando rose and walked around the table, kneeling beside Dom and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Dommie, you’ve got to stop this, it’s no good for you. I’m not going to let you run yourself into the ground. Do you realize what it would do to him if he knew you were like this?”
“He wont’ care, he sent me away. It’s been more than six months, he doesn’t miss me at all,” Dom spoke, his lip quivering more ominously with each word. “I lost my best friend, and he hasn’t even missed me.”
“That’s not true, Dommie. He’s missed you every single day. He did this for you.”
“But he hasn’t even bothered to call me.”
“Because...” Orli sighed in frustration. “Because he’s hurting just as badly as you. Because he was hurt Dommie. He’s barely been out of hospital. Because he….well, he almost lost his arm.”
“He what?” Dom wiped at his face as he searched Orli’s eyes. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“He had a couple of complications; he’s had three surgeries since his fall. The fellowship didn’t think you needed to know. You had enough on your mind.”
“I should have been with him,” Dom whispered.
“No, you shouldn’t. Neither of you are any good to each other the way you are. But I agree, you should have been told,” he replied. “Just like he should be told about you. If he were to see you like this, it would kill him. How do you think it makes him feel to know that he has done this to you?”
“He didn’t do this,” Dom murmured. “None of this is his fault. I did this.” He shrugged. “I loved him too much when he told me not to. I didn’t ask to love him, but I do, and I can’t make it hurt any less.”
“Nobody can, Dommie,” Orli smiled sadly.
Dom took a deep breath and seemed to make a decision within himself. “Tomorrow is a new day, right?”
“Yup,” Orli smiled standing and ruffling Dom’s hair, “And unless I miss my guess that beeping is Evi. You’ve got a night shoot: she’s gonna take you and drop you home.”
“Hey boys,” Emilie smiled as she bounced into the dining room, short denim cut offs and a pale blue halter her only clothing, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders untidily.
“Evi’s waiting Dom.” She leaned in to kiss his temple.
Dom smiled at her as he stood, his eyes meeting Orli’s and shrugging apologetically at his dinner plate. “I’m sorry, Orli.”
“Don’t worry about it mate; we’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Orli brushed his concerns aside. “Have a good night.”
Dom saluted Orli jauntily, looking happier than he had in months and walked out of the room.
“I thought he’d never leave.” Emilie leaned back on the counter and pulled herself up.
“Excuse me?” Orli’s eyebrow lifted as he took in her words.
“I figured since you like me and I like you, we should spend some time together and explore the possibilities.” She smiled, kicking her feet gently as she watched him.
“You did, did you?” Orlando smiled back.
“I did. I thought my plan had merit. Don’t you?” she almost giggled.
“It does. What do you think we should do?”
“Hmmm. We could go over my lines. But the script is on a need to know so then I’d have to kill you. We could play scrabble but British versus Australian with a smattering of combined American could be tricky, so I was thinking that maybe kissing is an international language,” she paused and smiled, “And I’m all for improving international relations.”
“Far be it from me to stifle international relations,” Orlando spoke softly as he walked towards her.
“Then come here and kiss me, you adorable oaf,” she laughed opening her arms to him.
Orlando walked into the space between her parted knees and let his hands slide up the outside of her thighs. “That sounds like an admirable idea,” he whispered against her lips as he kissed her reverently.
Hours later, Evangeline’s headlights swooped across the walls of the living room as Orlando and Emilie lay on the sofa, bodies gently entwined as their lips explored each other. By the time Dom walked in they had separated but both wore matching doe-eyed expressions, their lips swollen, their hands laced together tightly. Dom looked from one to the other and smiled sadly. “Evi’s waiting for you, Emi,” he murmured. “I’m just gonna go shower.”
“He’s so sad,” Emilie whispered, leaning in to kiss Orlando again. “Sometimes I hate your Billy.”
“He’s hurting just as much,” Orlando replied, kissing her wetly.
“But it’s his fault,” she protested, pulling back
“He only did it for Dom.” Orlando sighed, climbing to his feet and pulled Emilie to hers.
“I still think he’s a cruel bastard,” she murmured as she hugged him tightly.
“He’s as gentle and caring as Dom is,” Orlando replied. “Sometimes even more.”
“Whatever,” Emilie replied, leaning up to kiss Orlando wetly. “Just don’t let him near me until he’s fixed our Dommie.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree, my sweet.” He kissed her and set her away from him. “Evi’s waiting.” He smacked her denim clad buttock. “I’ll see you in the morning; I’ll bring Dom over for Morning tea.”
Emilie blew a kiss at him and ran out the door, her tinkling laugh hanging in the air as she did.
“She’s lovely, Orli,” Dom spoke from the kitchen doorway. “You could do worse than her.”
“I know that.” He smiled back at his friend “She kisses well, too.”
“I can see that,” Dom laughed.
“I don’t believe it,” Orlando murmured. “You laughed.”
“I made a decision tonight.” He nodded as he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Which is?” Orlando pulled up a stool at the breakfast bar, his nerves taut wondering what Dom was about to say.
“I’m going to try to start fresh starting tomorrow.” He sighed, “I can’t keep hurting everyone like this.”
“The only one you’re hurting, Dommie, is yourself,” Orlando replied.
“And Billy. If I hadn’t pushed him that night, he wouldn’t have hurt himself.”
“You don’t know that, Dom, and he doesn’t blame you either.”
“Regardless, I’m being a prat, and I’m hurting him. I have to get over him, for him.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Orlando nodded slowly.
“Can you do me a favour, Orli?” Dom asked. “You can say no and I won’t think anything of it.”
“Ask before you’ve turned yourself down for me,” he grinned.
“I’m not sleeping worth a damn,” Dom started.
“I know.” Orlando nodded, fairly certain he knew where the conversation was leading.
“I know it’ll probably weird you out but could I sleep with you tonight?” he murmured blushing. “I just sleep better with someone there, and I really want to sleep well tonight.”
“Of course.” Orlando smiled broadly at him. “Give me time to change, and I’ll meet you in your room.”
By the time Orlando had showered and changed into blue, soft, cotton boxers and walked into Dom’s room, Dom was sitting on the end of the bed, scribbling quickly in his journal, his foot tapping nervously. He sighed, if he had known months ago the way to get Dom to snap out of his funk was to tell him he was hurting Billy, he would have told him on day one.
He walked around to the side of the bed and slid in under the top sheet and light comforter.
“Thank you for doing this, Orli.” Dom stood and slipped his journal under his own pillow and slid under the sheets before Orlando turned off the lamp on the bedside table. They lay in silence on their own side of the bed for long minutes, moonlight the only illumination in the room.
“Nights are the worst, so much time to lay here and just think about things that you shouldn’t,” Dom spoke quietly.
“I know,” Orlando almost whispered in reply as he turned on his side to watch Dom as he spoke to him. “You’ve got to try not to think about it, Dommie.”
Dom nodded and fell silent for long minutes. “What was it like Orli?” he asked softly.
“What was what like?” Orlando asked dumbly. He knew exactly what Dom was asking but sometimes being able to play the pretty-but-dumb card was a godsend.
“Billy,” Dom whispered almost reverently. “Being able to touch him. Sleeping in his arms. Waking up wrapped up in him, or does he prefer to be the cuddler.”
“I can’t tell you that, Dommie. I’m not going to hurt you that way.”
“It’s not going to hurt me.” He shrugged. “Well it probably will, but I’ll never have it and after tomorrow….” His voice trailed off as he turned his face towards Orlando’s. “Please?” Dom almost begged, his eyes shimmering, pressing his hand against Orlando’s rapidly beating heart.
Orli opened his arms to Dom and he slipped into them without comment. Turning so that his back was pressed against Orli’s chest, they spooned together, Orlando’s arms tightening around the smaller man, Dom’s hands stroking his arms absently as he absorbed the contact gratefully. When Orlando spoke again, his lips were against Dom’s ear, his breath whistling through the hair that feathered there as he spoke.
“He’s amazing Dom,” Orlando murmured. “I can’t begin to explain how loved, how special he makes you feel. It’s like the only way he can get pleasure is to give you the very most mind-blowing sensation you can stand, and then just when you think your soul has shattered into a million pieces and you may never be the same, he starts at the beginning again.” He paused to wet his lips, his voice husky as he remembered his night with Billy.
“Does he….” Dom’s whispered voice trailed off unwilling to really interrupt as tears of longing welled in his eyes.
“I don’t know,” Orlando shrugged knowing instinctively what Dom’s question was. “Either way he was exquisite. Honestly, Dommie, nobody has even come close to giving me the kind of pleasure Billy did in that one night, and I don’t think anyone ever will. Every single touch is etched in my memory, spoiling me for everyone else.”
“You still love him, don’t you?” Dom whispered.
“In my own way, I guess I do,” Orlando answered after a long pause. “How can you not love Billy?” he shrugged. “But I knew I could never really have him. I think he’s your penguin.”
“You know, Orli,” Dom spoke, the hint of a smile in his voice. “I love you like a brother and all, but sometimes you have the most convoluted thought processes. What the fuck does that mean? My penguin?”
“You’re nature boy aren’t you?” A smile creased his face, erasing the sadness of moments before. “Don’t penguins mate for life? I’ve always known he’s your penguin. He knows, too, but he loves you so much that he’s letting you be free so that you can be happy. Whether you realize it or not, Dom, that’s an incredible gift from a man so filled with love for you that he can’t bear to see you hurt.”
“Doesn’t he realize that I’d endure anything for him?” Dom whispered, his tears finally releasing their delicate grasp of his long lashes.
“He doesn’t want you to endure, Dom. He wants you to be how you were in New Zealand: happy, daring, carefree, ambitious.” Orlando paused trying to gather his thoughts more eloquently. “He knows that rumours will hurt you, limit your work, suppress your ambitions, maybe, I don’t know. I understand why he’s doing this and even though I think that together the pair of you could say ‘Fuck the World’ and survive just nicely, he doesn’t and it’s your relationship so it’s his instincts that you need to focus on.” Orli stopped to think for a moment. “I don’t know if I’m making any sense to you, but Billy is older, he’s so filled with honour and adoration but he’s seen more, maybe he’s just scared. I don’t know, but I do know that he loves you more than he loves life; he told me on the one night we had. He was so sad that he had betrayed you and me both. I couldn’t not love him more even though he was breaking my heart. I knew right then that if it was in my power, I would somehow find a way to make him happy.” Orli went silent, his own tears falling against Dom’s neck.
“I’m sorry, Orli. My weakness must be tearing your heart out. I’m so sorry for doing that to you.”
“It’s alright, Dom,” Orlando replied, kissing the side of Dom’s neck gently. “Really I’m good with everything. I just need to see the both of you happy.”
“Starting tomorrow,” Dom nodded and snuggled back into Orlando’s embrace. “Tomorrow is the start of a brand new me,” he whispered as he turned his head and brushed his lips against Orli’s.
Orlando pressed his lips against Dom’s gently, kissing him softly. Feeling Dom’s tongue lick against his lips, eyes wide he pulled back. “Dom, you don’t want to do that,” he admonished gently.
“Why not?” Dom spoke softly turning his head to kiss Orli’s cheek.
“Because I won’t let you make us both substitutes for the one we want.” He cupped Dom’s face with one hand, his thumb stroking tenderly along Dom’s cheekbone. “I’ll tell you what Billy told me all those years ago. Right now it’ll feel fine, but eventually it would tear us apart, and I won’t let you do that to either of us.”
Dom was silent for long moments, his eyes falling closed. “Why the hell do you all have to be so damned honourable?” A wry smile turned up the corners of his mouth.
“Close your eyes, you silly prat, and get some sleep,” Orli murmured pressing his lips to the side of Dom’s neck in a gentle kiss.
Orlando lay awake behind his friend, his fingers gently stroking his arms as he listened to Dom fall into a deep, restful sleep, his breathing slowing and deepening as he let sleep overtake him finally. Tightening his hold on Dom, Orlando snuggled into his back, their bodies touching from neck to toe as he folded himself along Dom, sleep finally claiming him as he found his own comfort in Dom’s warmth.
An anguished cry dragged him from the sweetest dreams he had dreamt in years. Tightening his arms around Dom, his eyes flew open, thinking that Dom was dreaming. What he saw broke his already tender heart. Billy stood in the bedroom doorway, his eyes filled with tears and hurt and such betrayal that Orlando had to blink to keep from crying. When they opened, Billy was gone and Dom was struggling in the circle of his arms to break free to follow.
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you know, just when i think you can't screw with my head any more with these fics, you do. i am torn between begging for another and fear of what would come next.
*throws dignity out the window*
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS MORE?!?
although i'm scared of what you're going to do, i really would (desparately, pleadingly) like to see more.
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I wouldn't hurt them honesty I wouldn't.
Glad you enjoyed it hon.
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Ohhh, I so hope, there's coming more...isn'? Pleasepleaseplease.
The end...omfg, Billy...Dom...they love each other...they know, we know...and Orli...oh my.. *speechless*
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Glad to hear you like them so much.
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Please?
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Pleased that you liked it.
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They are sweet aren't they
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Glad you liked it hon
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Didn't mean to break you, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.