monaboyd | Forgive Me

Title: Forgive Me - 8/8
Author:

dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: R
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Thanks to

frojane for the beta and encouragement.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality.
WARNING: Dark subject matter. Dealing with death. You have been warned. I also suggest kleenex.
Previous (unrelated) Parts: 1-Fight | 2-Ending | 3-Accident | 4-Timing | 5-Mistake | 6-Deny | 7-Weak

8 - Goodbye

It’s quite early when Billy awakens, buried under the coverlet where it’s nice and warm in the air-conditioned room. Shifting restlessly in bed and yawning widely, Billy stretches and wriggles as his muscles flex and pull. Scrubbing a hand over his scruffy face, Billy sits up, thankful that he didn’t overindulge too much the previous evening at the wrap party for the third Master and Commander movie. Despite various production problems, they’d still managed to complete filming on time, the Mexican weather in late September feeling more like the height of summer than the beginning of fall.

Rolling out of bed and scratching at the scruff along his jaw line, Billy spots his mobile sitting on the nightstand. He’d forgotten it last night, in his rush to get to the wrap party on time. Now he realizes that someone has called while he was out. Bringing up his voicemail, Billy listens, a smile turning up the corners of his cherubic mouth. It’s from Dom.

Since the series finale of LOST more than four months ago, Dom’s been unusually quiet. Considering the intense schedule he’d had, particularly during the final five episodes, Billy’s not surprised that Dom’s taking time off to rest and recharge his batteries. After a very successful, five year run, he’s earned a break, especially considering the medical challenges he’s bravely faced along the way.

What surprises Billy is how soft and subdued Dom’s phone message is, because he’s usually bubbling and laughing. Billy cannot detect the darkness and depression that had plagued Dom years before, when he was homesick in New Zealand, and when he’d first moved to Hollywood from Manchester. Shrugging, Billy decides that it more than likely that Dom was a wee bit tired when he left the message. Perhaps he’d been out at a pub or something and now has a hangover. Perfect time to call and take the piss a wee bit, just for fun. Dom’s done it to him on so many occasions over the years, Billy’s lost count.

Pressing the speed dial number for Dom’s beach house in Hawaii, Billy pads down the hall to the kitchen to put on some water for tea. Nothing could’ve prepared Billy for who answers the other end of the line, when he was expecting Dom. It’s Dom’s mum, Aureen. The last time she’d stayed in Hawaii was during the worst of Dom’s hospital visits, nearly a year and a half ago. Chest suddenly constricting to the point where breathing normally is a challenge, Billy sinks unsteadily into a chair and listens as Aureen breaks the news as gently as possible, her voice occasionally wavering.

It’s come back, for the third time, even more widespread than before, and all treatments have failed. There’s nothing more that can be done. Dom has chosen to spend the last of his days in Hawaii, and now he’s asking for Billy. Before the words are out of Aureen’s mouth, Billy is agreeing, promising to be there as soon as possible as he hurriedly grabs his suitcase out of the hall closet and haphazardly throws some clothes into it. After requesting that Aureen tell Dom that he’s on his way, Billy reluctantly ends the call, hating to break the connection. A moment later, he’s dialing the airline while he finishes packing, tea and all other plans for the day forgotten. All that matters now is Dom. Less than three hours later, Billy hands over his boarding pass to the gate attendant in Cabo San Lucas and takes his seat on the plane, countless memories of Dom filling his thoughts.

* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *

It feels like forever as Billy waits for his connecting flights, first in Dallas for over an hour, and then again at LAX, for more than two hours. It was the first flight out of Mexico at eight in the morning, and the fastest, as there was nothing direct to Hawaii. In the end, it takes nearly sixteen hours before Billy finally lands and manages to catch a taxi at the airport. Body confused by the time zone changes and the emotional strain of the news, Billy’s nerves are nearly shot by the time he pulls up in front of Dom’s cozy beach house. Almost tossing money at the driver in his rush to get to Dom, Billy runs up the walk as night falls and stars begin to appear in the beautiful Hawaiian sky. Ringing the bell, Billy shifts from one foot to the other, watching as the door finally opens, and then he is immediately drawn into Aureen’s comforting embrace.

Fighting hard to remain in control of his emotions, Billy can only listen as Aureen holds him close, rubbing his back as she tells him how happy Dom was when she told him that Billy was on his way to see him. Smoothing Billy’s wild, sun bleached hair off his deeply tanned face, Aureen explains Dom’s request of no tears and then directs him to Dom’s bedroom, where Dom has fallen asleep, despite his nearly herculean efforts of remain awake and welcome Billy.

The patio doors overlooking the beach and ocean are open, the warm sea air flowing across Dom’s cheeks. Propped up in bed with several pillows, Dom’s face is turned toward the water, long, dark eyelashes fluttering as he dreams. His once long, blonde hair has been trimmed and his beard shaved, now that the passengers of Oceanic flight 815 have finally been found and rescued. Charlie Pace is gone, and he looks like Dom again, albeit thinner and more delicate than Billy has ever seen him before.

Taking a seat in a chair next to the bed, Billy leans back and just watches Dom sleep, listening and then realizing there is a touch of laboring in Dom’s breathing that wasn’t there before. A short while later Aureen slips into the room with a cup of sweetened tea and a sandwich, softly encouraging Billy to wake Dom, as per his request. After squeezing Billy’s shoulder in encouragement, Aureen leaves the room and closes the door, knowing that time alone with Dom is what Billy needs.

Once the sandwich and tea is sitting relatively comfortably in his belly, Billy gingerly perches on the edge of the bed, reaching forward to smooth back Dom’s hair and cup his cheek. Blue-grey eyes fluttering open, Dom gives Billy a sleepy smile before reaching back and slowly pushing himself up a bit in bed, drawing Billy closer with the other arm for a hug. Dom’s nose is pressed to Billy’s neck and Billy is rubbing his back when Billy asks why Dom waited so long. Why he didn’t he call Billy sooner and tell him? Dom’s soft reply is that he knew he could wait until Billy was done filming Master and Commander. He knew how important it was for Billy to finish the trilogy of movies.

Shaking his head and muttering an affectionate ‘Daftie’ under his breath, Billy quickly agrees when Dom looks up and pats the mattress beside him, imploring with his eyes that Billy stay with him. Heeling off his shoes and removing his trousers and socks, Billy slips into the bed beside Dom and cuddles him close, fingers stroking Dom’s silky hair as they curl up together under the coverlet. Exhausted, physically and emotionally, Billy is asleep in a matter of minutes, Dom’s uneven breath warm against his chest.

* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *

A gorgeous sunrise of pinks and blues is spilling across the sheets when Billy shifts and sleepily kisses Dom’s forehead, gently stroking Dom’s slender back from the nape of his neck, all the way down to his waist. Billy tries not to think about how thin Dom is, the weight he’s lost since Billy saw him last, just after Christmas. Gazing at Dom as he sleeps, Billy blinks back the excess moisture in his eyes, doing his best to honor Dom’s request of no tears.

Drowsily, with his eyes still closed, Dom tilts up his face and presses a lingering kiss to Billy’s mouth, the tip of his tongue tracing the sensual bow of Billy’s upper lip. At Billy’s sharp intake of breath, Dom’s eyes snap open as he realizes he’s no longer dreaming. Unable to hide the fear of rejection in his eyes, Dom averts his gaze in shame, knowing that he’s made a huge mistake. It’s very clear to him that Billy is shocked by what has just happened.

“Forgive me,” Dom whispers hoarsely, starting to shake as he tries to pull out of Billy’s embrace.

The arm at Dom’s waist carefully tightens, and then Billy’s hand is tenderly nudging up Dom’s chin until their eyes meet. To Dom’s surprise, Billy returns his affection with feathery, gentle kisses to Dom’s squashed up nose and cheeks. Finally, a series of wet nibbling kisses are pressed to Dom’s soft lips, and a tentative tongue slips into Dom’s mouth for a brief taste.

When their lips finally part, Dom gazes wide-eyed at Billy in wonder, a faint protest bubbling up in his throat, not wanting Billy to lie or pity him because of his circumstances. Realizing what Dom is about to say, Billy dips his head so their cheeks are pressed together and then he’s whispering in Dom’s ear. The words are very familiar, even though it’s been years since they were uttered on the battlefield in New Zealand.

Merry, it's me. It's Pippin.

Knowing the words by heart, Dom finds himself whispering back, a trembling hand stroking the smooth column of Billy’s tanned neck.

I knew you'd find me.

Smiling, Billy presses a tender kiss to Dom’s sweet mouth.

Yes.

Surrendering and letting Billy wrap him up in his strong arms, Dom gazes deeply into Billy’s eyes as he hesitatingly asks a question, his vulnerability achingly bare.

Are you going to leave me?

Cupping Dom’s cheek, Billy covers his mouth in a warm, gentle and loving kiss that causes Dom’s muscles to soften like wax as his fears melt away.

No, Merry. I'm going to look after you.

They’re still kissing and cuddling over an hour later when Austin knocks softly and then opens the door to let them know that breakfast is ready.

* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *

Over the next two weeks, the members of the fellowship come to visit Dom in Hawaii, all honoring Dom’s request of no tears, some with more success than others. The constant is Billy at Dom’s side, taking care of his every need. They shower together each morning, Billy helping Dom shave and dress, encouraging him to eat whenever the desire rises, even making pancakes with maple syrup and mugs of hot chocolate at half three in the morning, because Dom wakes up thinking about it. Billy also makes sure that Dom takes his pills on schedule, to help ease the pain that is always with him now.

Whether it be day or night, awake or asleep, their fingers are almost constantly laced together, Billy silently offering comfort and support, a loving gesture that touches Dom deeply. While watching their favorite movies together and recalling memories of the extraordinary experience they shared in New Zealand, Billy pets Dom’s hair and tenderly strokes the nape of his neck, cradling Dom protectively in his arms. Later that night, Billy paints Dom’s fingernails, patiently blowing the lacquer dry before kissing each fingertip, as well as the center of Dom’s palms.

Soft, blue moonlight is falling over the bed as Billy tenderly peels away Dom’s Beatles t-shirt and begins his gentle exploration of Dom’s pale, bare skin with his lips and tongue. He remembers the yoga routines Dom was devoted to in order to tone his muscles to perfection, and how golden his beautiful skin was from surfing and spending time in the Hawaiian sun.

At first Dom is smiling gently, enjoying Billy’s lazy, sensual touch immensely, but when Billy starts to move the sheet lower, Dom freezes with uncertainty. Holding tight to the worn cotton, Dom tries to hide the numerous scars, where the doctors had attempted, on several occasions, to cut the poison out of his body. Dom, too, remembers what he used to look like, when he was lovely, some might even say attractive, before his body was overtaken and ruined. Eyes soft with understanding, Billy loving kisses away Dom’s fears, quietly insisting that he’s beautiful, all of him. Slowly, Dom releases the sheet and then watches through half-lidded eyes as Billy covers every last inch of his bare skin, including the surgical scars, with tender kisses.

Feeling Dom’s hands tugging ineffectually at his clothes in an attempt to remove them, Billy quickly strips down to his skin as well and then presses their bodies together tightly. Long, hungry kisses are exchanged, breath warm and moist against aroused skin, before Dom breaks the kiss to utter a soft request against Billy’s wet mouth. Just once, before it’s too late, he wants to make love with Billy, to feel him, deep inside. Dom’s expressive eyes are dark with passion and desire, his slender body shaking with need.

Answering Dom with a tongue tangling kiss, Billy slips between Dom’s thighs, tucking pillows under Dom’s fragile body to make sure he’s comfortable before retrieving a bottle of lubricant from the nightstand. Slowly and carefully, Billy prepares Dom’s entrance, and when he’s sure Dom is ready for him, moaning softly beneath him, Billy gently breaches the tight ring of muscle and presses inside, making their bodies one. Limbs wrapped around one another and swollen lips meeting in warm, passionate kisses, Billy’s thrusts are achingly tender as he makes love to Dom, erotic sensations washing over their bodies in waves.

Gazing up into Billy’s warm green eyes in adoration, Dom’s hands slide up and down Billy’s narrow back in endless caresses, gasping when Billy’s fingers wrap around and begin stroking his hard, leaking cock. Long limbs shaking with exertion, Dom can only hang on as he’s completely overwhelmed by Billy’s gentle, yet erotic touch. Surrendering completely, it isn’t long before Dom’s spinning out over the edge of bliss, Billy muffling the sounds of his intense orgasm with a deep, wet kisses. Dom’s hot come spills over his belly, and then Billy’s release is spurting inside him, filling Dom with the intimate warmth. When Dom’s expressive eyes flutter open, Billy’s tongue is slowly lapping up the glittering fluid on his belly, savoring it, and moments later Dom’s trembling body is drawn into Billy’s strong arms. Eyes locking, their declarations of love are whispered against swollen mouths, and then sealed with a tender kiss.

Exhausted but utterly content, Dom snuggles into Billy’s body and falls asleep quickly, his small reserve of strength gone. Sweat cooling on his skin, Billy gazes at Dom as he sleeps for a long time, unable to tear his eyes away from the tiny smile turning up the corners of Dom’s sweet mouth. Blinking rapidly, Billy forces back the hot tears that want to fall before pressing a feathery kiss to Dom’s damp forehead. After ensuring that the coverlet is tucked around their bodies to keep them warm, Billy closes his eyes and falls asleep as well, drawing the aroma of their lovemaking deep into his lungs.

It’s Aureen who discovers the lovers the next morning, bare skin pressed together, Billy’s arms wrapped protectively around Dom’s delicate body. Instead of disturbing them, with something as trivial as breakfast, Aureen quietly closes the door, leaving them alone to rest and awaken when they’re ready.

* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *

Days and weeks pass as Dom grows weaker and thinner, his lungs laboring harder for breath. When Dom no longer has the strength to stand in the shower, Billy gives him sponge baths in bed, along with all the tender kisses and caresses Dom could possibly want. Austin and Aureen are always close by, the three taking turns to sit with Dom, to spend time with him and make sure that he is never alone. Every night, Dom is cuddled protectively into Billy’s side, in whatever position is most comfortable for him that day, and Billy holds him close when the pain gets to be too much for him to endure in silence. When pills become too difficult to swallow, injections are used to ensure fast relief from pain and help with Dom’s level of comfort.

One morning in mid November, Dom wakes Billy early and asks to watch the sunrise on the lanai together. Wrapping Dom up in two warm blankets, Billy carries him outside and gently lays him in the lounge chair. Billy tries not to think about how easy it is to bear Dom’s weight in his arms, how shockingly light he is now. With Dom’s dark blonde head resting on his shoulder, Billy laces their fingers together, holding Dom’s frail hand to his heart as the sun slowly lifts above the horizon and bathes the world in golden light. It’s hours later when Aureen finds them on the lanai, Dom dozing as Billy holds him close, sliding his fingers through Dom’s silky hair in comforting caresses.

Later that day, Dom requests that Billy go surfing, like they used to so often in New Zealand. Paddling out and catching several waves, Billy then hurries back to the house where Dom is watching and waiting on the lanai. The tip of Dom’s tongue darts out to taste the salty ocean from his lips when Billy kisses him several times, and a smile flutters across his lips. After changing into dry clothes, Billy carries Dom down to the beach, cradling Dom’s fragile body in his arms. Sitting in the shade of the palm trees, Billy pets Dom’s hair, gazes into his sleepy eyes and sings some of Dom’s favorite songs to him as they listen to the birds and watch the tide roll in. Pushing open the blanket wrapped around him, Dom slowly draws his long, elegant fingers through the fine, white sand several times, relishing in the texture. When Dom falls asleep again, his head resting on Billy’s shoulder, Billy carries Dom back inside the house and tenderly tucks him into bed for a nap before settling into his place at Dom’s side.

A quiet evening is spent together, watching the sunset, then eating popcorn and watching movies on the couch before turning in early. It’s the middle of the night, the nearly full moon high in the clear sky when Dom awakens in the bedroom, finding Billy fast asleep beside him. They’re so close, Dom can feel Billy’s warm breath against his cheek. After turning his head, they’re nose to nose, foreheads pressed together. Lifting his chin slightly, Dom presses a weak kiss to Billy’s sweet mouth.

“Forgive me,” Dom whispers, eyes glistening as he fights to draw air into his lungs.

Sinking into the pillow and Billy’s warm softness, Dom closes his eyes, falling back to sleep as his chest rises and falls in shallow breaths. A short while later, the only sound in the room is the waves, crashing against the shore and then rolling up the beach.

* ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *

Shortly before sunrise, Billy awakens, his small fingers entwined with Dom’s, over his heart. It takes a moment for Billy to realize that Dom’s labored breathing is no longer filling the quiet, predawn air. Cupping Dom’s cheek with his other hand, Billy notices that his skin is cool to the touch, Dom’s beautiful face peaceful and at last, free of pain.

Cradling Dom’s limp body in his arms, Billy presses a feathery kiss to Dom’s soft lips and finally lets his tears fall.

fin

Current Mood: contemplative

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Date: 2006-01-04 08:47 pm (UTC)

From:

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags