(![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
sassywitch.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
monaboyd Jan. 4th, 2006 10:06 pm)
sassywitch.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Jan. 4th, 2006 10:06 pm)Title: I can't Breathe Without You (1/1)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sassywitch
Fandom: LOTRPS
Characters: Monaboyd
Word Count: 6043
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes without a goal, life itself is pointless.
Disclaimer: Don't own them or they'd be far happier and in closer proximity
Author's Notes: This is a companion peice for Tonight I wanna Cry and Don't Shut Me Out. Many thanks to the magnificentdylan_dufresne for giving this a look over for me. Thanks eternally babe. Loosely inspired by the lyrics of the song Its My Goal by Shane Ward. For those interested here's a link to the song. http://s35.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2DN1EPNHMY58I1NJ7EV2F0HK04
Billy slid his key into Dom’s front door lock, slightly surprised that it still fit. He had been sure that Dom would have had the locks changed at the same time that he had packed all the mementos of six years of friendship, boxed and shipped them to Scotland. The two large boxes still sat in the living room waiting for him to unpack them. Four months they had sat, their lids covered with Dom’s scrawly writing in thick black sharpie, all now coated in a thick skin of dust.
He wasn’t ready to do that. He would never be ready.
Thirty nine hours ago he had been sitting on his sofa, the television playing softly, but Billy’s eyes had been drawn repeatedly to the boxes. They were the key to the final step of his recovery from the accident that had stolen his best friend from his life. He wasn’t really gone, not completely, there was always Lost on television every week, and not a issue came out without Dom and Evi being plastered all over one magazine or another.
Then there was the Fellowship. Not a week went by when one or another of them didn’t call for a friendly chat, surreptitiously giving him sketchy details of what Dom’s life currently involved. Sometimes they even sent him pictures of their holidays to Dom’s Hawaiian paradise. Particularly Orlando and Sir Ian, because now for some reason his conversations with Elijah and Seanwise were tense and infrequent. Billy supposed that was a fair thing, they had been the ones that had picked up the pieces of his shattered Dom. The man that he loved. The man that he broke. It was Orli’s emails he treasured the most, always bearing attachments of holiday snaps. Dom’s body tanned golden by the Hawaiian sun, but every picture was missing one thing, and it had been Billy himself that had stolen it from Dommeh. His smile. That beautiful crooked smile that lit the room was lying broken in one of the boxes in the corner.
Sitting there on his sofa, his fingers had traced across the scar on his arm, not really feeling it even after all this time. They had told him that sensation would return but during that one horrendous night the nerves in his arm had been damaged irreparably, sometimes he could only remember what it felt like to have real sensation in his fingertips. He only wished that they could have done the same thing to his heart. Tears had welled in his eyes as he stared at the boxes, stroking his angry red scar thinking about his Dommeh. Billy’s scars were easy to see but his vulnerable trusting Dommeh had taken every blow Billy had always given and bore them on his scarred heart. He had never deserved the love that Dom had given him so freely and so completely, because he had never accepted it as it was purely as it was given.
Even justifying his actions with the validity of his reasons didn’t make it any better. Dom’s love wasn’t something that should be thrown back at him, it should have been cherished and nurtured, allowed to grow and envelope them both and fuck the world at large. Dom had always been right. They didn’t need mainstream success. They needed each other. So long as they had each other there was nothing that was insurmountable.
Almost of its own volition Billy’s hand had lifted the phone automatically calling an airline. Packing a small bag, he had called a taxi and been at the airport little more than an hour after he had made his decision.
It had been six months and 24 days since he had made the biggest mistake of his life. It had taken a cardboard box filled with memories of a life almost shared to show him what an absolute prick he had been to the most important person in his life for the last six years. His only thoughts now were to put things right. Hopefully Dom could forgive him, maybe even be willing to try the relationship they should already be wrapped up in now. The most important thing was to fix Dommeh’s smile. Without it there was no sunshine in the world.
So after layovers in London and Paris and plane changes in Dallas and Los Angeles, 39 hours later he was finally in Hawaii. His key in Dom’s front door hoping that he could somehow fix everything he had broken.
Dropping his bag onto the floor in the entryway he walked quietly through Dom’s house, he thought briefly about knocking on the bedroom door that stood ajar, but Orli had assured him that Dom was just friends with Evie and there was no-one else so he slowly pushed the door open.
He couldn’t help the anguished cry that burst from his lips. If he could do it over again he would have silently left the room and fled; but as his strangled cry filled the room two pairs of sleepy eyes met his. He watched the emotions flash through them. Smoky blue filling with regret and longing. Chocolate brown filled with sympathy. Unable to bear the pain crushing around his heart he turned and ran from the room not willing to watch as Orlando’s arms tightened around Dominic’s bare chest. The image of Orlando tanned and muscular, his chest bare, lying in Dom’s bed, one long arm wrapped around Dom was burned against his retinas. Dom’s tousled head cradled in Orli’s other arm, Orlando’s legs pressed along the back of Dom’s thighs as they spooned, covered by nothing more than a light sheet was too painful for Billy to think about. Scooping up his bag in the doorway he ran from the house and into the street, not sure where he was going just desperate to get away.
~~~~~~
Orlando struggled to pull Dom back into his arms as they both sat up, he knew Dom’s first thought was to follow after Billy but he couldn’t let him. At the moment Dom didn’t have the emotional reserves to fight. A protracted vicious argument may not kill him physically but it would surely be the final nail in the coffin of his troubled heart. Orlando would simply not allow that. Dom rolled until he was sitting facing Orli, his body leaner than it should be, his face gaunt, his eyes filled with sorrow, tears that were never far from the surface trickling down pale cheeks.
“Dom speak to me.” Orli spoke calmly, far more calmly than he felt, one hand pushing Dom’s hair off his face, the other cupping Dom’s face turning it so he could look into Dom’s expressive eyes and gauge his friend’s mood.
“I’ve hurt him again.” Dom murmured over and over
“Fuck that Dom, he should know better.” Orlando replied with a grin, desperately tying to lighten the mood and failing dismally.
“I’ve fucked it up again; all I ever do is hurt him.” Dom whispered.
Helpless in the face of his friend’s pain Orlando leaned forward and rolled one long arm around Dom’s shoulders. Dom’s shoulder began to heave with the tears he could no longer suppress. Loud choking sobs pushed into Orli’s chest as he struggled against his emotions. He lifted his phone from the bedside table and dialed a number, quickly speaking into the cell phone and throwing it onto the bed forgotten, then wrapped both arms around Dom and pulled him against his chest, soothing the ever-present tears away with murmured words and comforting strokes.
Less than 20 minutes later a tiny blonde head appeared through the light curtains at the lanai door.
“Hey Orli.” She whispered “Is he okay?” she murmured gesturing as he cradled a now restlessly sleeping Dom in his arms.
Orlando shrugged his shoulders and gently released his hold on Dom laying him back against the pillows and pulling the sheet higher before he slid off the bed, to hug her briefly, drawing strength from the tiny blonde angel, then pressed a kiss against her forehead.
“Thanks for staying with him Em.” He spoke quickly as he slipped into the jeans he had discarded earlier this morning. Grabbing a crumpled t-shirt from the chair in the corner of the room he pulled it over his head and with a wave “I’ll be back.” He called softly as he ran through the house on a new mission.
Emilie slid onto the bed and as had become ritual fitted herself along Dom’s body, giving him the peace of human warmth as he slept, hopefully fooling his dreams into believe it was the warmth he really craved.
~~~~~~
Orlando grabbed Dom’s car keys from the key hook just inside the door and ran down the stairs towards the car. He didn’t get any further than the side of the car, his attention stolen by the sound of a heart breaking. Walking slowly around the car he saw Billy leaning on the tall fence that circled Dom’s yard. His face buried against the wood as he sobbed out his heartbreak, almost hidden by the flowering vine that almost covered the fencing.
“Billy.” He spoke softly. “Billy please. It’s not what you think honestly.”
“Feck off Bloom.” He growled “Ah don’t want ta hear it.”
“Well that’s too fucking bad because you’re going to hear it. And this time you’re going to hear it all. I’m done giving you the sterilized version the fellowship wants you to see.” Orlando put a hand on Billy’s shoulder stroking him softly.
“Don’t fecking touch me.” Billy growled shrugging away from his touch. “Ah mean it Bloom Ah’ll fecking knock ye down ye bastard. Don’t think ah won’t. Is that how ye got him into bed with ye? All this fecking solicitous sympathy? How dare ye do that ta me? Ta him?”
“That’s rich coming from you.” Orlando spat back, desperately trying to rein his temper in.
“How long have ye been fecking him Orli?” Billy turned his face tearstained. “The whole time ye’ve been consoling me or is it just one of those one off things?”
“Billy for God’s sake. I’m only gonna say this once. I am not fucking Dom.”
“That’s not what ah saw.” The fight left Billy in a long sigh, to come so close to what he knew would be heaven and lose it was killing him. “Why Orli?” he slid down against the fence and covered his face with his hands.
Orlando squatted down in front of him and caught Billy’s hands in his own.
“Nobody wanted to tell you. I told them this was a bad idea, but nobody ever listens to me.” He paused cursing gently to himself as he made his own decision to tell Billy everything he had been denied over the past months. “We’ve been worried about Dom Billy. Really worried.”
“I know that.” Billy frowned. “Sir Ian said he’s not been well.”
“For the last three months we’ve been afraid to leave him alone.”
Orlando watched Billy’s face as he tried to understand what was being said to him. Realization dawned, self loathing filled him, his eyes grew wide then narrowed into a disbelieving grimace.
“Dommeh wouldn’t hurt himself.” Billy scoffed.
“He would if he thought there was nothing left for him.” Orlando stated flatly. “you were the only thing he ever wanted Billy and you took that away.”
“The fellowship practically has him on suicide watch.” Orlando told him plainly “we were all that worried about him. He barely eats, he goes to set each day and when he’s needed he’s all Charlie but when he’s not on, he’s a broken shell Billy.”
“You’re lying, ye must be somebody would have told me.” Billy searched Orlando’s face.
“You honestly think any of them would?” Orlando stated “I wanted to tell you. I know you love him, but honestly mate look at yourself. Look at what you did to Dom. You broke him mate, and I don’t think anyone can put him back together.”
“Ah was only trying to help.” Billy shrugged pulling himself to his feet. “Ah shouldn’t have come. It was wrong of me ta come here.” He scrubbed the tears from his face angrily. “Could ye take me ta the airport?” he asked quietly “Ah’ll get out of everyone’s way.”
“You’re not in anyone’s way mate. Stay here; let’s try to work this out. The world isn’t right Billy you two need to be together. Not like this. This is no good for any of us.”
“Ah think its best that ah just leave.” Billy pulled himself to his feet.
“Think of Dom Billy, please?” Orli stood. “He’s barely clinging to existence now, you know, he won’t survive if you go away again.” Orlando had no compunction about pleading for him on Dom’s behalf. “He needs his Billy.”
“Ah can’t do this Orli, whatever this is. Ah don’t think it’s as bad as you are implying. Dom will get over me. He’s always been stronger than he gives himself credit for. He’s got all of you.”
“Who have you got?” Orli asked quietly, his eyes searching Billy’s face.
Billy shook his head looking away from Orli and at the toes of his trainers. “Ah’m fine.”
“You pair of stubborn pricks.” Orli cussed and pulled Billy into his arms. “You’ve always got me Billy. Always.” He hugged him tightly pulling him into his chest and stroking his back trying to will the tension away.
Billy absorbed Orlando’s comfort for the briefest of moments, his small slender body falling limply against the brit. In that moment it’s clear to Orlando that Billy is suffering just as much if not more than Dom. He can feel his ribs and the slender length of his arms around his waist. He feels the desperate body wracking sobs start to tear through the small too slender form and just as quickly felt them stop as Billy pulled away.
“Please Orli?” Billy his voice quivering his accent thick with his pain. “Please ah can’t do this right now. Take me to the airport, a hotel, anything, please anywhere but here.”
“Promise me I can trust you to look after yourself.” Orlando asked gently.
“Don’t be daft.” Billy murmured.
Orlando reached for Billy’s right arm and held it up between them “Because you’ve been doing such a bang up job recently haven’t you.” Orlando sighed, resigned to doing whatever he needed to do. “I can’t do this with both of you Bills. I need to know I can trust you with yourself. If you can’t convince me you’re not going anywhere.”
“If ah was going to top myself you silly git ah would have done it already. Ah’m not saying ah haven’t thought about it and ah’m not going to say ah wouldn’t think about it again. But ah’m not going to do it.” Billy’s voice faltered but he spoke carefully.
“Do you want to go home or try to sort this out?” Orlando asked
“Ah want to sort it out.” Billy sighed “But when Ah saw ye together, ah realized something.”
“Billy, honestly mate, I swear I’m not fucking him.”
Billy shrugged, a little unconvinced, “It doesn’t matter…..ah’m not good enough for him. Not good enough by a long shot. He deserves someone like ye. Successful, Young, Sexy, Adventurous.”
“Jesus Billy I could parade a hundred sexy young golden men through his bedroom and he’d never even notice. There’s only one he wants. Now, then or later, since he’s met you there’s only ever been you. There only ever will be you.”
“He’ll get over me.”
“Like Fuck he will.” Orlando shook his head and pulled away knowing that to argue with Billy in his current mood would be pointless. “C’mon I’ll take you to the airport.”
“Thanks.” Billy waited for him to unlock the car and slid into the passenger seat.
~~~~~~
When Orlando arrived back at Dom’s beachhouse, he walked through the rooms looking for his friend. By the time he reached the bedroom, the fine hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end. The house was deserted. Every fear he had entertained over the past month bubbled to the surface of his mind, Emilie was only tiny and even as kitten weak as Dom was it wouldn’t take him but a minute to best her physically. Orlando panicked, running his fingers through his short curly hair, now worried about both of them. He should have known better. If he had called Evi maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
By the time he reached the kitchen his heart was racing. Seeing a piece of paper laying on the kitchen counter he snatched it up and read it quickly breathing a deep sigh of relief. Plucking his cell phone from his pocket he dialed Emilie’s number.
“Hey babe.” Emilie answered softly on the first ring.
“Are you okay?” he asked breathlessly.
“I’m fine Orli, you worry too much darling.” She replied a smile in her voice.
“How is he?”
“Sleeping, restlessly.” She replied “I’m sorry we scared you. He was frightened Billy was going to come back; he didn’t want to see him and asked if we could hide him for a while. He can’t deal with him at the moment. Frankly I don’t care f he ever does again.”
“’s not your choice Emi, Billy is not the bastard you girls think, he’s hurting just as bad.”
“Dom was so worried that he wouldn’t let me tell you where we are in the note.”
“He’s not going to hurt him. Billy is just as fragile as Dom Emi.”
“Yeah right.” She snorted
“I’m not going to get into this with you again right now Em.” He sighed as he tried to avoid their oft held argument. “They’ll have to talk soon before they kill each other with sorrow.”
“Fine, but not until Dommie is ready.” Emilie stated definitively and told Orli where she had taken him.
~~~~~
Billy sat in the departures lounge at the airport. Orlando had done his best before he left him there alone. He had sat with him and made him eat, made him drink, and he had even wanted to wait with him until his flight left. Billy had ended up begging him to leave. He loved Orlando but he couldn’t take another minute of his solicitous care. He didn’t deserve it. Didn’t want it. He had caused this misery for both of them, he deserved to suffer it.
He couldn’t believe that Dominic would allow himself to fall into such a black place. Dom was always his light, such a bright shining light, Billy refused to entertain the thought that he even with altruistic intentions he had snuffed out that light. However, it didn’t matter how many times he played this morning over in his mind it appeared that he had. The Dom that had been in the bed this morning was a shadow of the man that Billy loved. The icy grip of regret’s cold hand around his heart told him the blame laid squarely with him.
Before he even knew what he was doing he was on his feet and striding through the airport. He had to fix Dom before he left, before Dom did something that would leave the world in irreparable darkness. Mending his own heart was no longer an option, it was too little too late for whatever relationship they could reconstruct, but he couldn’t leave Dom broken. He had to fix him. He had stolen the trust, the beauty and the light from Dom’s soul and he needed to put it right.
He waited at the car rental counter barely able to contain his nervous energy tapping on the counter until the attendant glared at him angrily.
Once inside the car, his pack thrown on the passenger seat, he drove towards Dom’s house, convinced he was doing the right thing, a genuine smile creasing his face for the first time in months. Parking outside the beach house he ran up the stairs and knocked on the door before he used his key and let himself in.
Walking through the house softly calling Dom’s name he went from room to room looking for his best friend. By the time he reached the lanai his forehead was creased in a sad frown. Moving back inside and sitting on the end of Dom’s unmade bed he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Orlando’s number.
“Billy what’s wrong?” Orlando frowned.
“Orli I’m at Dom’s place, he’s not here.” Billy started to explain.
“I know.” Orlando’s answer was strangely monosyllabic.
“I need to see him.” Billy stated.
“Bills, don’t take this the wrong way mate. I’m just doing as Dommie asked….”
“He doesn’t want to see me does he?” Billy spoke interrupting Orlando.
“Not just yet Billy. He hurts. You know. He just isn’t strong enough to fight with you at the moment.”
“I understand Orli.” He whispered “Honestly I do, but I need to see him.”
“I can’t let you Billy.” Orli said.
“I just want to make things right Orli.” He confessed “I need to at least try to fix him before I leave.”
“You can’t Billy, I told you I think he’s broken beyond anything we can do.”
“Please Orli?”
“I’m at Emilie’s place Bills, when you’re ready come here and we can talk.”
Billy disconnected the call and flopped back on the bed, suddenly exhausted. Rolling onto his belly he let his eyes close and drink in the scent of Dom on the wrinkled sheets, before he shook his head desperately trying to clear his thoughts. Stretching his arms above his head, trying to work the kinks of the past three days out of his spine, his fingers brushed across the edges of a book under the pillow.
Pulling it out he knew exactly what he held in his trembling hands. He had seen these before, thick leather-bound volumes that Dom poured his heart and soul into. He laid there for long minutes, his small hand laying flat on the top of the cover, loathe to invade Dom’s privacy, but in the end he had no choice. His fingers reached for the ribbon that marked the most recent entry and he opened the book carefully.
“I can’t do this anymore.” He read “Everything hurts too much, more than it should, more than I ever thought it could. Nothing makes the hurt go away. I can’t eat, I can’t think, I can barely work, if it wasn’t for the fellowship I’m not sure where I’d be now I can’t sleep without dreaming about him and everything I see reminds me of him. I can’t live a half life without him.”
Tears dripped from Billy’s face onto the page, that he had turned his loving; energetic Dominic into this hollow shell of a man was a crime. He had honestly thought he was doing the right thing. They shouldn’t be together, he should have cut himself off from Dom when he knew that this was building between them, but that would have meant he would never known him because it had been there from the very beginning. He had known Dom was the most special person in the world for him from their very first touch. If he had only denied it from the start he wouldn’t have hurt him for so long and so badly.
“I never asked to love him. It just happened.” Billy continued to read “He looked at me with those adorable green eyes and I was his. In the start it didn’t matter that he didn’t return my feelings. He was my mate. I knew that he loved me, I was his best mate, how could he not. It was easier before I knew that he loved me the same way I loved him. It was damned near impossible not to want to reach out and kiss him every minute of every day. He was right to deny us I guess. I wish he hadn’t. Just once in my lifetime I would have loved to have had his love completely. To wrap myself around him and love him the way I have wanted to for years. But now it will never happen. I can’t keep living in this half life. Today it is all going to end.”
A cold shiver ran down Billy’s spine as he remembered the conversation he had had with Orlando this morning. Now reading Dom’s own scrawling handwriting practically admitting it was almost more than Billy’s already battered heart could take. Rolling to his feet, the journal clasped in chilled shaking fingers Billy pushed through the lanai doors and out into the fresh salt air. Running around the side of the house he bolted along the street sprinting across Dom’s neighbors’ front lawns desperate to get to Emilie’s house.
Pounding on her front door he yelled for his friend “Orlando.” He yelled loudly, his flat palm pounding on the glass enough to rattle it in its frame.
“You’re not welcome here.” Evangeline stated calmly as she swung the door open.
“I understand.” Billy answered, taken aback by the hostility in her voice.
“He’s not here.” Emilie’s pretty face scowled at him.
“I know.” Billy spoke softly “Orli told me to come here.”
“How dare you do this to him? You’re killing him.” Emilie practically growled at him.
“I think you should leave.” Evangeline spoke.
“I will as soon as I talk to Orlando and I know Dom is safe.”
“That hasn’t worried you before.” Emilie replied.
“I know you might think that, but I’ve always been concerned for Dom’s well being.”
“Fine way you have of showing it.” Emilie spoke
“I’m a bastard alright.” Tears welled in Billy’s eyes and caught on his lashes. “I’m a right prick and I don’t deserve to live, I already know that I really don’t need you two to reinforce it. I’m good with it, I already hate myself more than you could ever imagine. How do you think it feels to know that you’ve taken the light out of someone so incredible. Trust me I know I’m a bastard. But I have to talk to Orlando, and I have to do it now.”
“Orlando.” Evangeline turned to look over her shoulder “He’s here and he wants to speak to you.”
Billy could hear movement inside and Orlando appeared behind both women. His face apologetic as he spoke.
“I’m sorry Bills I was on the phone.”
“He’s not welcome here Orli.” Evi stated yet again.
“I get it already.” Billy spoke “I don’t want to stay I just want to talk to Orli then I’m going, I won’t hurt him anymore than I already have. And just for the record I wish I could go back in time and take back every hurt I’ve ever given.”
Emilie reached out one small hand and clasped his for a brief second. “I’m sorry.” She murmured and went back inside the house, Evangeline following her slowly.
Completely forgetting the hostility of the two women, Billy pressed Dom’s journal against Orlando’s chest.
“Where is he Orli? Is somebody with him? Please God don’t leave him alone.”
“Is that Dom’s journal?” Orlando frowned trying to follow Billy’s emotion thickened accent.
“Yes.” He nodded “And I already know I shouldn’t have read it but he’s going to hurt himself.”
“Slow down Bills.” Orlando pushed him backwards and into a patio chair. “calm down.”
“I can’t fucking calm down.” Billy bounced to his feet. “He’s going to hurt himself Orli. He can’t. I can’t. Please Orli tell me he’s alright.”
“He’s fine Billy.” Orlando tried to pull him back into the seat, to make him settle down, his face flushed, his hands trembling, his eyes glazed with fear.
“Are you absolutely sure? Is someone with him? Please Orli. Don’t let him do anything stupid. I’m not worth it. I should have told him. I shouldn’t have chased him away.
I’ve done so many things wrong. I never meant to break him. I love him. I’ve always loved him.”
“Bills. I’m worried about you. You need to calm down. Please?” Orlando pushed him into the seat, squatting in front of him, and his hands on his shoulders pressing him into the seat when he would have bounced up again.
“I can’t calm down Orli. I’ve screwed things up so badly. I’ve wasted six whole years. We could have been so happy. He wouldn’t have had to go through this. He wouldn’t have had to know the pain I’ve caused him. I just want to make sure he’s okay. I want to make sure he’s still here to be able to find someone who can love him the way he should be loved without breaking him.”
“And if I don’t want anybody else?” Dom spoke from the doorway.
Billy’s anguished face lifted at the sight of Dom standing in the doorway. The shock of hearing Dom’s beloved voice and seeing him standing in front of him caused his vision to swim and spots appeared at the periphery of his vision. Taking a long deep breath he pushed Orlando’s hands away and almost bounced to his feet.
“Dominic.” Billy’s voice sighed “I’m so sorry. I should never have hurt you. I should have accepted your love and announced it to the world like my heart wanted to. I should never have listened to my head. Can you ever forgive me?”
Dom stood in front of Billy, his eyes filled with tears. He was far too lean, his skin pale, his clothes hung from his thin body sadly, but his eyes were sparkling with tears and hope. His long fingers traced the side of Billy’s face. “Do you still love me Bill?” he whispered.
“More than life itself my Dommeh.” He whispered holding Dom’s hand in his he pressed his palm against his lips and kissed it gently.
“You’ll never leave me again?” Dom whispered.
“Only if you make me go.” Billy replied, his own hand moving to trace Dom’s face.
Dom caught Billy’s hand in his and lifted his arm up until he pressed soft kisses against the scar on his forearm.
“I’m sorry Billy. I’ve hurt you so much.” Dom whispered.
Billy stepped back, his face incredulous. “You’ve hurt me?” he whispered. “I should be on my knees begging you to forgive me Dommeh; any hurts have been all my fault. I’m sorry I ever pushed you away.”
“We were both to blame Bills.” Dom murmured as he stepped closer and folded the smaller man in his long arms.
Neither noticed as Orlando slipped along the edge of the patio and into the house.
“You should find yourself a young tanned surfer stud.” Billy murmured looking into Dom’s smoky blue eyes.
“I have.” Dom whispered, his fingers tracing across Billy’s face. “well he’s not so tanned, and he’s older than me, but he’s young at heart and he is definitely a surfer plus he’s the only stud I’ll ever want.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” Tears overflowed from Billy’s eyes and trickled down his cheeks.
“You never lost me baby.” Dom spoke leaning forward “You just put me on a shelf out of reach for a while.
“I thought you were going to hurt yourself. I couldn’t….” Billy gulped in a deep breath “I couldn’t stay here without you, you know that don’t you.”
Both of them know exactly what Billy is admitting with his softly spoken words. Tears trickle down Dom’s cheeks as he realizes how close they both came to toppling into the abyss of despair that had opened in front of them.
“You’ll never have to live without me again.” He affirmed “We’re part of each other my love.”
“Do you realize we’ve never actually kissed?” Billy whispered as he leaned forward pressing his forehead against Dom’s, his arms sliding around Dom’s thin body, stealing his thoughts. “You’ve lost so much weight my Dommeh.”
“It’s nothing.” Dom murmured. “And I’ve been achingly aware for six long years that I have never had a kiss from my one love.”
“There’s no time like the present” Billy murmured leaning up to press his lips against Dom’s.
From the instant their lips touched neither of them was aware of anything besides the other. Billy’s tongue traced the crease of Dom’s lips, slow tentative licks, the pointy tip sliding between Dom’s lips as they opened. One hand slid down to caress the small of Dom’s back through his thin cotton t-shirt, the other lifted to cup the back of Dom’s head threading through his hair and cradling him against his body.
Dom’s mouth opened under Billy’s and he melted bonelessly into their first kiss, desperately trying to absorb every sensation into his memory. His hands lifted to cradle Billy’s head his finger lacing through his hair, his fingertips tracing every inch of Billy’s scalp.
Dom pulled back letting his hands move to cup Billy’s face, his thumbs tracing the dark circles on Billy’s cheekbones.
“I love you.” He whispered punctuating his words with tiny kisses “I love how you tried to protect me,” he let his forehead rest against Billy’s “I love how you saved me.” He pulled back and looked into Billy’s tear filled eyes as his thumbs caressed Billy’s lips. “Most of all I love the way that you love me.” He pressed his lips to Billy’s and let his tongue trace the perfect lips pressed against his.
Cataloguing every taste and sensation, Dom’s tongue trailed across Billy’s teeth, then across his tongue. Twisting and twining sinuously their tongues danced. Their moans and whimpers of sensation too long denied rising in volume as their hands stroked wherever they could reach, oblivious to their audience.
The sounds of a decidedly embarrassed British throat clearing draws them back from their passionate embrace. Hands resting on each others hips, their forehead’s pressed together as they struggled to catch their breath. Dom was the first to regain limited composure. Reluctant to break the contact he had longed for for so long he pulled Billy into his embrace and turned to look at the friends that had fought so hard to keep him sane.
“Thank you.” He spoke sincerely touched by his friend’s devotion, smiling at them.
Orlando rested against the patio railing, his buttocks resting on its top as he cradled Emilie in his arms, his eyes bright. Emilie standing in the space between Orli’s thighs, her face streaked with happy tears smiled at him. Evangeline smiled from where she sits on the railing beside Orlando.
“Bout time you two got your act together.” She smiled at Dom.
“You’d think they’d never seen two people kiss before wouldn’t you Bills.” Dom laughed the light back in his smile again.
“Maybe it’s just because they haven’t seen these two people.” Billy pondered.
“Maybe Bills Maybe.” Dom laughed and leaned down to kiss him again.
Their lips met in a long wet kiss, their bodies plastered together from shoulder to knee, their fingers twining in each others hair as their mouths slid wetly across each other. Six years of hunger bubbling to the surface as they struggled to get closer to each other.
“If you two think you can drag yourselves apart for a minute….” Orli spoke dryly
“What?” Billy spoke from against Dom’s lips.
“If you think it’s okay to leave you alone, and please God make it be alright.” He spoke “Emilie and I have a hot date.” He pressed a kiss against her blonde head, “And Evi doesn’t need to see you two semi shagging on Emilie’s patio.”
“Your point Orli?” Dom asked without looking up.
“You two should relocate four houses that way.” He gestured towards Dom’s house.
“Aye we can do that.” Billy smiled as he leaned in for another kiss.
“Boys.” Orlando spoke seriously causing both Dom and Billy to turn and look at him as he slid off the balcony and walked towards them. “Congratulations.” He spoke softly as he folded them both in a huge hug and pressed a kiss to the tops of their heads.
“Now go home, you’ve got six years to make up for.”
fini
Sleep
Author:
sassywitchFandom: LOTRPS
Characters: Monaboyd
Word Count: 6043
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes without a goal, life itself is pointless.
Disclaimer: Don't own them or they'd be far happier and in closer proximity
Author's Notes: This is a companion peice for Tonight I wanna Cry and Don't Shut Me Out. Many thanks to the magnificent
dylan_dufresne for giving this a look over for me. Thanks eternally babe. Loosely inspired by the lyrics of the song Its My Goal by Shane Ward. For those interested here's a link to the song. http://s35.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2DN1EPNHMY58I1NJ7EV2F0HK04Billy slid his key into Dom’s front door lock, slightly surprised that it still fit. He had been sure that Dom would have had the locks changed at the same time that he had packed all the mementos of six years of friendship, boxed and shipped them to Scotland. The two large boxes still sat in the living room waiting for him to unpack them. Four months they had sat, their lids covered with Dom’s scrawly writing in thick black sharpie, all now coated in a thick skin of dust.
He wasn’t ready to do that. He would never be ready.
Thirty nine hours ago he had been sitting on his sofa, the television playing softly, but Billy’s eyes had been drawn repeatedly to the boxes. They were the key to the final step of his recovery from the accident that had stolen his best friend from his life. He wasn’t really gone, not completely, there was always Lost on television every week, and not a issue came out without Dom and Evi being plastered all over one magazine or another.
Then there was the Fellowship. Not a week went by when one or another of them didn’t call for a friendly chat, surreptitiously giving him sketchy details of what Dom’s life currently involved. Sometimes they even sent him pictures of their holidays to Dom’s Hawaiian paradise. Particularly Orlando and Sir Ian, because now for some reason his conversations with Elijah and Seanwise were tense and infrequent. Billy supposed that was a fair thing, they had been the ones that had picked up the pieces of his shattered Dom. The man that he loved. The man that he broke. It was Orli’s emails he treasured the most, always bearing attachments of holiday snaps. Dom’s body tanned golden by the Hawaiian sun, but every picture was missing one thing, and it had been Billy himself that had stolen it from Dommeh. His smile. That beautiful crooked smile that lit the room was lying broken in one of the boxes in the corner.
Sitting there on his sofa, his fingers had traced across the scar on his arm, not really feeling it even after all this time. They had told him that sensation would return but during that one horrendous night the nerves in his arm had been damaged irreparably, sometimes he could only remember what it felt like to have real sensation in his fingertips. He only wished that they could have done the same thing to his heart. Tears had welled in his eyes as he stared at the boxes, stroking his angry red scar thinking about his Dommeh. Billy’s scars were easy to see but his vulnerable trusting Dommeh had taken every blow Billy had always given and bore them on his scarred heart. He had never deserved the love that Dom had given him so freely and so completely, because he had never accepted it as it was purely as it was given.
Even justifying his actions with the validity of his reasons didn’t make it any better. Dom’s love wasn’t something that should be thrown back at him, it should have been cherished and nurtured, allowed to grow and envelope them both and fuck the world at large. Dom had always been right. They didn’t need mainstream success. They needed each other. So long as they had each other there was nothing that was insurmountable.
Almost of its own volition Billy’s hand had lifted the phone automatically calling an airline. Packing a small bag, he had called a taxi and been at the airport little more than an hour after he had made his decision.
It had been six months and 24 days since he had made the biggest mistake of his life. It had taken a cardboard box filled with memories of a life almost shared to show him what an absolute prick he had been to the most important person in his life for the last six years. His only thoughts now were to put things right. Hopefully Dom could forgive him, maybe even be willing to try the relationship they should already be wrapped up in now. The most important thing was to fix Dommeh’s smile. Without it there was no sunshine in the world.
So after layovers in London and Paris and plane changes in Dallas and Los Angeles, 39 hours later he was finally in Hawaii. His key in Dom’s front door hoping that he could somehow fix everything he had broken.
Dropping his bag onto the floor in the entryway he walked quietly through Dom’s house, he thought briefly about knocking on the bedroom door that stood ajar, but Orli had assured him that Dom was just friends with Evie and there was no-one else so he slowly pushed the door open.
He couldn’t help the anguished cry that burst from his lips. If he could do it over again he would have silently left the room and fled; but as his strangled cry filled the room two pairs of sleepy eyes met his. He watched the emotions flash through them. Smoky blue filling with regret and longing. Chocolate brown filled with sympathy. Unable to bear the pain crushing around his heart he turned and ran from the room not willing to watch as Orlando’s arms tightened around Dominic’s bare chest. The image of Orlando tanned and muscular, his chest bare, lying in Dom’s bed, one long arm wrapped around Dom was burned against his retinas. Dom’s tousled head cradled in Orli’s other arm, Orlando’s legs pressed along the back of Dom’s thighs as they spooned, covered by nothing more than a light sheet was too painful for Billy to think about. Scooping up his bag in the doorway he ran from the house and into the street, not sure where he was going just desperate to get away.
~~~~~~
Orlando struggled to pull Dom back into his arms as they both sat up, he knew Dom’s first thought was to follow after Billy but he couldn’t let him. At the moment Dom didn’t have the emotional reserves to fight. A protracted vicious argument may not kill him physically but it would surely be the final nail in the coffin of his troubled heart. Orlando would simply not allow that. Dom rolled until he was sitting facing Orli, his body leaner than it should be, his face gaunt, his eyes filled with sorrow, tears that were never far from the surface trickling down pale cheeks.
“Dom speak to me.” Orli spoke calmly, far more calmly than he felt, one hand pushing Dom’s hair off his face, the other cupping Dom’s face turning it so he could look into Dom’s expressive eyes and gauge his friend’s mood.
“I’ve hurt him again.” Dom murmured over and over
“Fuck that Dom, he should know better.” Orlando replied with a grin, desperately tying to lighten the mood and failing dismally.
“I’ve fucked it up again; all I ever do is hurt him.” Dom whispered.
Helpless in the face of his friend’s pain Orlando leaned forward and rolled one long arm around Dom’s shoulders. Dom’s shoulder began to heave with the tears he could no longer suppress. Loud choking sobs pushed into Orli’s chest as he struggled against his emotions. He lifted his phone from the bedside table and dialed a number, quickly speaking into the cell phone and throwing it onto the bed forgotten, then wrapped both arms around Dom and pulled him against his chest, soothing the ever-present tears away with murmured words and comforting strokes.
Less than 20 minutes later a tiny blonde head appeared through the light curtains at the lanai door.
“Hey Orli.” She whispered “Is he okay?” she murmured gesturing as he cradled a now restlessly sleeping Dom in his arms.
Orlando shrugged his shoulders and gently released his hold on Dom laying him back against the pillows and pulling the sheet higher before he slid off the bed, to hug her briefly, drawing strength from the tiny blonde angel, then pressed a kiss against her forehead.
“Thanks for staying with him Em.” He spoke quickly as he slipped into the jeans he had discarded earlier this morning. Grabbing a crumpled t-shirt from the chair in the corner of the room he pulled it over his head and with a wave “I’ll be back.” He called softly as he ran through the house on a new mission.
Emilie slid onto the bed and as had become ritual fitted herself along Dom’s body, giving him the peace of human warmth as he slept, hopefully fooling his dreams into believe it was the warmth he really craved.
~~~~~~
Orlando grabbed Dom’s car keys from the key hook just inside the door and ran down the stairs towards the car. He didn’t get any further than the side of the car, his attention stolen by the sound of a heart breaking. Walking slowly around the car he saw Billy leaning on the tall fence that circled Dom’s yard. His face buried against the wood as he sobbed out his heartbreak, almost hidden by the flowering vine that almost covered the fencing.
“Billy.” He spoke softly. “Billy please. It’s not what you think honestly.”
“Feck off Bloom.” He growled “Ah don’t want ta hear it.”
“Well that’s too fucking bad because you’re going to hear it. And this time you’re going to hear it all. I’m done giving you the sterilized version the fellowship wants you to see.” Orlando put a hand on Billy’s shoulder stroking him softly.
“Don’t fecking touch me.” Billy growled shrugging away from his touch. “Ah mean it Bloom Ah’ll fecking knock ye down ye bastard. Don’t think ah won’t. Is that how ye got him into bed with ye? All this fecking solicitous sympathy? How dare ye do that ta me? Ta him?”
“That’s rich coming from you.” Orlando spat back, desperately trying to rein his temper in.
“How long have ye been fecking him Orli?” Billy turned his face tearstained. “The whole time ye’ve been consoling me or is it just one of those one off things?”
“Billy for God’s sake. I’m only gonna say this once. I am not fucking Dom.”
“That’s not what ah saw.” The fight left Billy in a long sigh, to come so close to what he knew would be heaven and lose it was killing him. “Why Orli?” he slid down against the fence and covered his face with his hands.
Orlando squatted down in front of him and caught Billy’s hands in his own.
“Nobody wanted to tell you. I told them this was a bad idea, but nobody ever listens to me.” He paused cursing gently to himself as he made his own decision to tell Billy everything he had been denied over the past months. “We’ve been worried about Dom Billy. Really worried.”
“I know that.” Billy frowned. “Sir Ian said he’s not been well.”
“For the last three months we’ve been afraid to leave him alone.”
Orlando watched Billy’s face as he tried to understand what was being said to him. Realization dawned, self loathing filled him, his eyes grew wide then narrowed into a disbelieving grimace.
“Dommeh wouldn’t hurt himself.” Billy scoffed.
“He would if he thought there was nothing left for him.” Orlando stated flatly. “you were the only thing he ever wanted Billy and you took that away.”
“The fellowship practically has him on suicide watch.” Orlando told him plainly “we were all that worried about him. He barely eats, he goes to set each day and when he’s needed he’s all Charlie but when he’s not on, he’s a broken shell Billy.”
“You’re lying, ye must be somebody would have told me.” Billy searched Orlando’s face.
“You honestly think any of them would?” Orlando stated “I wanted to tell you. I know you love him, but honestly mate look at yourself. Look at what you did to Dom. You broke him mate, and I don’t think anyone can put him back together.”
“Ah was only trying to help.” Billy shrugged pulling himself to his feet. “Ah shouldn’t have come. It was wrong of me ta come here.” He scrubbed the tears from his face angrily. “Could ye take me ta the airport?” he asked quietly “Ah’ll get out of everyone’s way.”
“You’re not in anyone’s way mate. Stay here; let’s try to work this out. The world isn’t right Billy you two need to be together. Not like this. This is no good for any of us.”
“Ah think its best that ah just leave.” Billy pulled himself to his feet.
“Think of Dom Billy, please?” Orli stood. “He’s barely clinging to existence now, you know, he won’t survive if you go away again.” Orlando had no compunction about pleading for him on Dom’s behalf. “He needs his Billy.”
“Ah can’t do this Orli, whatever this is. Ah don’t think it’s as bad as you are implying. Dom will get over me. He’s always been stronger than he gives himself credit for. He’s got all of you.”
“Who have you got?” Orli asked quietly, his eyes searching Billy’s face.
Billy shook his head looking away from Orli and at the toes of his trainers. “Ah’m fine.”
“You pair of stubborn pricks.” Orli cussed and pulled Billy into his arms. “You’ve always got me Billy. Always.” He hugged him tightly pulling him into his chest and stroking his back trying to will the tension away.
Billy absorbed Orlando’s comfort for the briefest of moments, his small slender body falling limply against the brit. In that moment it’s clear to Orlando that Billy is suffering just as much if not more than Dom. He can feel his ribs and the slender length of his arms around his waist. He feels the desperate body wracking sobs start to tear through the small too slender form and just as quickly felt them stop as Billy pulled away.
“Please Orli?” Billy his voice quivering his accent thick with his pain. “Please ah can’t do this right now. Take me to the airport, a hotel, anything, please anywhere but here.”
“Promise me I can trust you to look after yourself.” Orlando asked gently.
“Don’t be daft.” Billy murmured.
Orlando reached for Billy’s right arm and held it up between them “Because you’ve been doing such a bang up job recently haven’t you.” Orlando sighed, resigned to doing whatever he needed to do. “I can’t do this with both of you Bills. I need to know I can trust you with yourself. If you can’t convince me you’re not going anywhere.”
“If ah was going to top myself you silly git ah would have done it already. Ah’m not saying ah haven’t thought about it and ah’m not going to say ah wouldn’t think about it again. But ah’m not going to do it.” Billy’s voice faltered but he spoke carefully.
“Do you want to go home or try to sort this out?” Orlando asked
“Ah want to sort it out.” Billy sighed “But when Ah saw ye together, ah realized something.”
“Billy, honestly mate, I swear I’m not fucking him.”
Billy shrugged, a little unconvinced, “It doesn’t matter…..ah’m not good enough for him. Not good enough by a long shot. He deserves someone like ye. Successful, Young, Sexy, Adventurous.”
“Jesus Billy I could parade a hundred sexy young golden men through his bedroom and he’d never even notice. There’s only one he wants. Now, then or later, since he’s met you there’s only ever been you. There only ever will be you.”
“He’ll get over me.”
“Like Fuck he will.” Orlando shook his head and pulled away knowing that to argue with Billy in his current mood would be pointless. “C’mon I’ll take you to the airport.”
“Thanks.” Billy waited for him to unlock the car and slid into the passenger seat.
~~~~~~
When Orlando arrived back at Dom’s beachhouse, he walked through the rooms looking for his friend. By the time he reached the bedroom, the fine hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end. The house was deserted. Every fear he had entertained over the past month bubbled to the surface of his mind, Emilie was only tiny and even as kitten weak as Dom was it wouldn’t take him but a minute to best her physically. Orlando panicked, running his fingers through his short curly hair, now worried about both of them. He should have known better. If he had called Evi maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
By the time he reached the kitchen his heart was racing. Seeing a piece of paper laying on the kitchen counter he snatched it up and read it quickly breathing a deep sigh of relief. Plucking his cell phone from his pocket he dialed Emilie’s number.
“Hey babe.” Emilie answered softly on the first ring.
“Are you okay?” he asked breathlessly.
“I’m fine Orli, you worry too much darling.” She replied a smile in her voice.
“How is he?”
“Sleeping, restlessly.” She replied “I’m sorry we scared you. He was frightened Billy was going to come back; he didn’t want to see him and asked if we could hide him for a while. He can’t deal with him at the moment. Frankly I don’t care f he ever does again.”
“’s not your choice Emi, Billy is not the bastard you girls think, he’s hurting just as bad.”
“Dom was so worried that he wouldn’t let me tell you where we are in the note.”
“He’s not going to hurt him. Billy is just as fragile as Dom Emi.”
“Yeah right.” She snorted
“I’m not going to get into this with you again right now Em.” He sighed as he tried to avoid their oft held argument. “They’ll have to talk soon before they kill each other with sorrow.”
“Fine, but not until Dommie is ready.” Emilie stated definitively and told Orli where she had taken him.
~~~~~
Billy sat in the departures lounge at the airport. Orlando had done his best before he left him there alone. He had sat with him and made him eat, made him drink, and he had even wanted to wait with him until his flight left. Billy had ended up begging him to leave. He loved Orlando but he couldn’t take another minute of his solicitous care. He didn’t deserve it. Didn’t want it. He had caused this misery for both of them, he deserved to suffer it.
He couldn’t believe that Dominic would allow himself to fall into such a black place. Dom was always his light, such a bright shining light, Billy refused to entertain the thought that he even with altruistic intentions he had snuffed out that light. However, it didn’t matter how many times he played this morning over in his mind it appeared that he had. The Dom that had been in the bed this morning was a shadow of the man that Billy loved. The icy grip of regret’s cold hand around his heart told him the blame laid squarely with him.
Before he even knew what he was doing he was on his feet and striding through the airport. He had to fix Dom before he left, before Dom did something that would leave the world in irreparable darkness. Mending his own heart was no longer an option, it was too little too late for whatever relationship they could reconstruct, but he couldn’t leave Dom broken. He had to fix him. He had stolen the trust, the beauty and the light from Dom’s soul and he needed to put it right.
He waited at the car rental counter barely able to contain his nervous energy tapping on the counter until the attendant glared at him angrily.
Once inside the car, his pack thrown on the passenger seat, he drove towards Dom’s house, convinced he was doing the right thing, a genuine smile creasing his face for the first time in months. Parking outside the beach house he ran up the stairs and knocked on the door before he used his key and let himself in.
Walking through the house softly calling Dom’s name he went from room to room looking for his best friend. By the time he reached the lanai his forehead was creased in a sad frown. Moving back inside and sitting on the end of Dom’s unmade bed he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Orlando’s number.
“Billy what’s wrong?” Orlando frowned.
“Orli I’m at Dom’s place, he’s not here.” Billy started to explain.
“I know.” Orlando’s answer was strangely monosyllabic.
“I need to see him.” Billy stated.
“Bills, don’t take this the wrong way mate. I’m just doing as Dommie asked….”
“He doesn’t want to see me does he?” Billy spoke interrupting Orlando.
“Not just yet Billy. He hurts. You know. He just isn’t strong enough to fight with you at the moment.”
“I understand Orli.” He whispered “Honestly I do, but I need to see him.”
“I can’t let you Billy.” Orli said.
“I just want to make things right Orli.” He confessed “I need to at least try to fix him before I leave.”
“You can’t Billy, I told you I think he’s broken beyond anything we can do.”
“Please Orli?”
“I’m at Emilie’s place Bills, when you’re ready come here and we can talk.”
Billy disconnected the call and flopped back on the bed, suddenly exhausted. Rolling onto his belly he let his eyes close and drink in the scent of Dom on the wrinkled sheets, before he shook his head desperately trying to clear his thoughts. Stretching his arms above his head, trying to work the kinks of the past three days out of his spine, his fingers brushed across the edges of a book under the pillow.
Pulling it out he knew exactly what he held in his trembling hands. He had seen these before, thick leather-bound volumes that Dom poured his heart and soul into. He laid there for long minutes, his small hand laying flat on the top of the cover, loathe to invade Dom’s privacy, but in the end he had no choice. His fingers reached for the ribbon that marked the most recent entry and he opened the book carefully.
“I can’t do this anymore.” He read “Everything hurts too much, more than it should, more than I ever thought it could. Nothing makes the hurt go away. I can’t eat, I can’t think, I can barely work, if it wasn’t for the fellowship I’m not sure where I’d be now I can’t sleep without dreaming about him and everything I see reminds me of him. I can’t live a half life without him.”
Tears dripped from Billy’s face onto the page, that he had turned his loving; energetic Dominic into this hollow shell of a man was a crime. He had honestly thought he was doing the right thing. They shouldn’t be together, he should have cut himself off from Dom when he knew that this was building between them, but that would have meant he would never known him because it had been there from the very beginning. He had known Dom was the most special person in the world for him from their very first touch. If he had only denied it from the start he wouldn’t have hurt him for so long and so badly.
“I never asked to love him. It just happened.” Billy continued to read “He looked at me with those adorable green eyes and I was his. In the start it didn’t matter that he didn’t return my feelings. He was my mate. I knew that he loved me, I was his best mate, how could he not. It was easier before I knew that he loved me the same way I loved him. It was damned near impossible not to want to reach out and kiss him every minute of every day. He was right to deny us I guess. I wish he hadn’t. Just once in my lifetime I would have loved to have had his love completely. To wrap myself around him and love him the way I have wanted to for years. But now it will never happen. I can’t keep living in this half life. Today it is all going to end.”
A cold shiver ran down Billy’s spine as he remembered the conversation he had had with Orlando this morning. Now reading Dom’s own scrawling handwriting practically admitting it was almost more than Billy’s already battered heart could take. Rolling to his feet, the journal clasped in chilled shaking fingers Billy pushed through the lanai doors and out into the fresh salt air. Running around the side of the house he bolted along the street sprinting across Dom’s neighbors’ front lawns desperate to get to Emilie’s house.
Pounding on her front door he yelled for his friend “Orlando.” He yelled loudly, his flat palm pounding on the glass enough to rattle it in its frame.
“You’re not welcome here.” Evangeline stated calmly as she swung the door open.
“I understand.” Billy answered, taken aback by the hostility in her voice.
“He’s not here.” Emilie’s pretty face scowled at him.
“I know.” Billy spoke softly “Orli told me to come here.”
“How dare you do this to him? You’re killing him.” Emilie practically growled at him.
“I think you should leave.” Evangeline spoke.
“I will as soon as I talk to Orlando and I know Dom is safe.”
“That hasn’t worried you before.” Emilie replied.
“I know you might think that, but I’ve always been concerned for Dom’s well being.”
“Fine way you have of showing it.” Emilie spoke
“I’m a bastard alright.” Tears welled in Billy’s eyes and caught on his lashes. “I’m a right prick and I don’t deserve to live, I already know that I really don’t need you two to reinforce it. I’m good with it, I already hate myself more than you could ever imagine. How do you think it feels to know that you’ve taken the light out of someone so incredible. Trust me I know I’m a bastard. But I have to talk to Orlando, and I have to do it now.”
“Orlando.” Evangeline turned to look over her shoulder “He’s here and he wants to speak to you.”
Billy could hear movement inside and Orlando appeared behind both women. His face apologetic as he spoke.
“I’m sorry Bills I was on the phone.”
“He’s not welcome here Orli.” Evi stated yet again.
“I get it already.” Billy spoke “I don’t want to stay I just want to talk to Orli then I’m going, I won’t hurt him anymore than I already have. And just for the record I wish I could go back in time and take back every hurt I’ve ever given.”
Emilie reached out one small hand and clasped his for a brief second. “I’m sorry.” She murmured and went back inside the house, Evangeline following her slowly.
Completely forgetting the hostility of the two women, Billy pressed Dom’s journal against Orlando’s chest.
“Where is he Orli? Is somebody with him? Please God don’t leave him alone.”
“Is that Dom’s journal?” Orlando frowned trying to follow Billy’s emotion thickened accent.
“Yes.” He nodded “And I already know I shouldn’t have read it but he’s going to hurt himself.”
“Slow down Bills.” Orlando pushed him backwards and into a patio chair. “calm down.”
“I can’t fucking calm down.” Billy bounced to his feet. “He’s going to hurt himself Orli. He can’t. I can’t. Please Orli tell me he’s alright.”
“He’s fine Billy.” Orlando tried to pull him back into the seat, to make him settle down, his face flushed, his hands trembling, his eyes glazed with fear.
“Are you absolutely sure? Is someone with him? Please Orli. Don’t let him do anything stupid. I’m not worth it. I should have told him. I shouldn’t have chased him away.
I’ve done so many things wrong. I never meant to break him. I love him. I’ve always loved him.”
“Bills. I’m worried about you. You need to calm down. Please?” Orlando pushed him into the seat, squatting in front of him, and his hands on his shoulders pressing him into the seat when he would have bounced up again.
“I can’t calm down Orli. I’ve screwed things up so badly. I’ve wasted six whole years. We could have been so happy. He wouldn’t have had to go through this. He wouldn’t have had to know the pain I’ve caused him. I just want to make sure he’s okay. I want to make sure he’s still here to be able to find someone who can love him the way he should be loved without breaking him.”
“And if I don’t want anybody else?” Dom spoke from the doorway.
Billy’s anguished face lifted at the sight of Dom standing in the doorway. The shock of hearing Dom’s beloved voice and seeing him standing in front of him caused his vision to swim and spots appeared at the periphery of his vision. Taking a long deep breath he pushed Orlando’s hands away and almost bounced to his feet.
“Dominic.” Billy’s voice sighed “I’m so sorry. I should never have hurt you. I should have accepted your love and announced it to the world like my heart wanted to. I should never have listened to my head. Can you ever forgive me?”
Dom stood in front of Billy, his eyes filled with tears. He was far too lean, his skin pale, his clothes hung from his thin body sadly, but his eyes were sparkling with tears and hope. His long fingers traced the side of Billy’s face. “Do you still love me Bill?” he whispered.
“More than life itself my Dommeh.” He whispered holding Dom’s hand in his he pressed his palm against his lips and kissed it gently.
“You’ll never leave me again?” Dom whispered.
“Only if you make me go.” Billy replied, his own hand moving to trace Dom’s face.
Dom caught Billy’s hand in his and lifted his arm up until he pressed soft kisses against the scar on his forearm.
“I’m sorry Billy. I’ve hurt you so much.” Dom whispered.
Billy stepped back, his face incredulous. “You’ve hurt me?” he whispered. “I should be on my knees begging you to forgive me Dommeh; any hurts have been all my fault. I’m sorry I ever pushed you away.”
“We were both to blame Bills.” Dom murmured as he stepped closer and folded the smaller man in his long arms.
Neither noticed as Orlando slipped along the edge of the patio and into the house.
“You should find yourself a young tanned surfer stud.” Billy murmured looking into Dom’s smoky blue eyes.
“I have.” Dom whispered, his fingers tracing across Billy’s face. “well he’s not so tanned, and he’s older than me, but he’s young at heart and he is definitely a surfer plus he’s the only stud I’ll ever want.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” Tears overflowed from Billy’s eyes and trickled down his cheeks.
“You never lost me baby.” Dom spoke leaning forward “You just put me on a shelf out of reach for a while.
“I thought you were going to hurt yourself. I couldn’t….” Billy gulped in a deep breath “I couldn’t stay here without you, you know that don’t you.”
Both of them know exactly what Billy is admitting with his softly spoken words. Tears trickle down Dom’s cheeks as he realizes how close they both came to toppling into the abyss of despair that had opened in front of them.
“You’ll never have to live without me again.” He affirmed “We’re part of each other my love.”
“Do you realize we’ve never actually kissed?” Billy whispered as he leaned forward pressing his forehead against Dom’s, his arms sliding around Dom’s thin body, stealing his thoughts. “You’ve lost so much weight my Dommeh.”
“It’s nothing.” Dom murmured. “And I’ve been achingly aware for six long years that I have never had a kiss from my one love.”
“There’s no time like the present” Billy murmured leaning up to press his lips against Dom’s.
From the instant their lips touched neither of them was aware of anything besides the other. Billy’s tongue traced the crease of Dom’s lips, slow tentative licks, the pointy tip sliding between Dom’s lips as they opened. One hand slid down to caress the small of Dom’s back through his thin cotton t-shirt, the other lifted to cup the back of Dom’s head threading through his hair and cradling him against his body.
Dom’s mouth opened under Billy’s and he melted bonelessly into their first kiss, desperately trying to absorb every sensation into his memory. His hands lifted to cradle Billy’s head his finger lacing through his hair, his fingertips tracing every inch of Billy’s scalp.
Dom pulled back letting his hands move to cup Billy’s face, his thumbs tracing the dark circles on Billy’s cheekbones.
“I love you.” He whispered punctuating his words with tiny kisses “I love how you tried to protect me,” he let his forehead rest against Billy’s “I love how you saved me.” He pulled back and looked into Billy’s tear filled eyes as his thumbs caressed Billy’s lips. “Most of all I love the way that you love me.” He pressed his lips to Billy’s and let his tongue trace the perfect lips pressed against his.
Cataloguing every taste and sensation, Dom’s tongue trailed across Billy’s teeth, then across his tongue. Twisting and twining sinuously their tongues danced. Their moans and whimpers of sensation too long denied rising in volume as their hands stroked wherever they could reach, oblivious to their audience.
The sounds of a decidedly embarrassed British throat clearing draws them back from their passionate embrace. Hands resting on each others hips, their forehead’s pressed together as they struggled to catch their breath. Dom was the first to regain limited composure. Reluctant to break the contact he had longed for for so long he pulled Billy into his embrace and turned to look at the friends that had fought so hard to keep him sane.
“Thank you.” He spoke sincerely touched by his friend’s devotion, smiling at them.
Orlando rested against the patio railing, his buttocks resting on its top as he cradled Emilie in his arms, his eyes bright. Emilie standing in the space between Orli’s thighs, her face streaked with happy tears smiled at him. Evangeline smiled from where she sits on the railing beside Orlando.
“Bout time you two got your act together.” She smiled at Dom.
“You’d think they’d never seen two people kiss before wouldn’t you Bills.” Dom laughed the light back in his smile again.
“Maybe it’s just because they haven’t seen these two people.” Billy pondered.
“Maybe Bills Maybe.” Dom laughed and leaned down to kiss him again.
Their lips met in a long wet kiss, their bodies plastered together from shoulder to knee, their fingers twining in each others hair as their mouths slid wetly across each other. Six years of hunger bubbling to the surface as they struggled to get closer to each other.
“If you two think you can drag yourselves apart for a minute….” Orli spoke dryly
“What?” Billy spoke from against Dom’s lips.
“If you think it’s okay to leave you alone, and please God make it be alright.” He spoke “Emilie and I have a hot date.” He pressed a kiss against her blonde head, “And Evi doesn’t need to see you two semi shagging on Emilie’s patio.”
“Your point Orli?” Dom asked without looking up.
“You two should relocate four houses that way.” He gestured towards Dom’s house.
“Aye we can do that.” Billy smiled as he leaned in for another kiss.
“Boys.” Orlando spoke seriously causing both Dom and Billy to turn and look at him as he slid off the balcony and walked towards them. “Congratulations.” He spoke softly as he folded them both in a huge hug and pressed a kiss to the tops of their heads.
“Now go home, you’ve got six years to make up for.”
fini
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
Orli may just get to tell his side of the story soon, you never know.
Glad you enjoyed it.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
Yep, tis always a good thing when the boys are happy.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
Orli is just itching to tell his side of the whole tale so maybe you'll get to see more Orli/Emilie soon.
I loved them when they were being all mother bear and tag teaming Billy too.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject