monaboyd | Mistake Number Three

Title: Mistake Number Three - 17/19
Author:

dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: Hard R, for subject matter.
Summary: Dom’s confession.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Thank you.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality.
A/N: Beta'd by

frojane. Thanks so much sweetie. You helped me through this, when I wasn’t sure it was ever going to come together.
WARNING: Please note the HEAVY warning of angst for this chapter. I’m not kidding. This is a really tough one. I strongly advise that you have some kleenex handy. This is the chapter where I truly hated my Muse and nearly gave up on this story. I have an appointment that will prevent me from posting this at noon, so here it is. I’m going to walk away from my laptop now. I need to be somewhere else.
Previous Parts: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

Chapter 17

“Will you tell me what he did to you?”

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Dom whispers, pulling out of Billy’s warm embrace and sitting up in bed. The sheet and coverlet fall into a puddle at Dom’s slender waist, his long arms hugging his knees protectively to his chest. “You really don’t.”

Rising as well, Billy shifts so he’s sitting Indian style next to Dom, close but not touching, as Dom’s body language is nearly screaming at Billy to give him space. Considering all the intimacy they’ve shared in the last twenty-four hours, Billy can’t help but feel a wee bit hurt at Dom’s reaction, but he tries to be understanding.

There’s so much he doesn’t know about Dom, even after the five months that they’ve known each other, the nearly three months they’ve shared a flat, and the countless hours that they’ve spent together. Billy knows that there must be a reason Dom believed that he had nowhere else to go and ended up standing on a street corner, selling his body to pay the rent.

“I know that he hurt you so much that you haven’t had a relationship since,” Billy finally replies softly, aching to reach over and pet Dom’s silky hair. The pain that Dom can’t hide in his blue-grey eyes makes Billy want to cuddle him to his chest and stroke the nape of his neck, giving him some much needed comfort. “That it’s affected how you look at men. Love. Sex.”

Eyes downcast and chin sinking to his chest, Dom says nothing, caught up in his own thoughts. A particularly painful memory causes a shudder to ripple up Dom’s lean back and his breath to catch in his throat.

“You’re keeping secrets, Dommie, and they make you keep people at a distance, like me,” Billy says gently, leaning a few inches closer. “I felt it earlier, when we were spooned up together and going back to sleep after making love. You were tense, like you are now, because you were thinking about something, but you stayed so still because you didn’t want me to know.”

“I thought you were asleep,” Dom whispers.

“I figured that you didn’t want to talk about it just then,” Billy replies softly, warm breath flowing over Dom’s arm as it tightens around his knees. “But I want you to know that when you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”

“Some secrets aren’t meant to be told,” Dom says quietly after a long pause. “They just-”

“You have scars, Dommie,” Billy interrupts tenderly, tilting his head to one side and finally catching Dom’s gaze for a few seconds. “But they’re not on your back or anywhere else on your sweet skin where anybody can see them. They’re on your heart, and you hide behind them, hold them close, like they’re protecting you from getting hurt again.”

“I made a stupid mistake,” Dom replies in a low voice, blinking rapidly to force back the excess moisture clouding his vision. “I was young and naïve, and I thought I buried it deep enough so I’d never have to feel it again. Never feel anything.”

“But it’s still there, Dommie. I can see it.” Billy’s voice is soft and gentle, his eyes filled with sympathy and understanding. “You carry it with you every minute of every day. I see it in your eyes. It’s so heavy on your shoulders. It’s so big.”

“Billy,” Dom whimpers quietly, looking away. “I don’t know if I can-”

“It’s okay, Dommie. You don’t have to say anything right now,” Billy states firmly, yet somehow comfortingly. “I’m not going to pressure you, but I’m not leaving you alone either. Okay? I won’t do that. I want to be here with you. All I’m saying, is that when you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”

“It’ll change things,” Dom says, trying to explain. “Between us.”

”It won’t, Dommie,” Billy vows. “I promise, you can tell me anything.”

It had to end sooner or later. Deep down, Dom knows that this escape from reality can’t last forever. Nothing this wonderful can possibly last, can it? Once Billy knows, it’ll be over, but then again, maybe it’s better this way. Dom can live on this incredible experience for a long time, years, maybe even longer. A lifetime.

A seemingly endless pause stretches out, nearly two minutes before Dom makes his decision, head bowing in defeat.

“Alright. Now.”

“Dommie, you don’t-”

“No. Now.”

“Okay. You don’t have to rush. I’m not going anywhere,” Billy says gently, hands in his lap as he waits patiently for Dom to speak.

“He, uh, he was the new bloke at school,” Dom begins awkwardly, staring at a spot on the coverlet. “He was exotic. Gorgeous and full of mystery. It didn’t take a few days and the entire school was fascinated by him. There was this confidence about him and everyone wanted to be around him, be his mate. With a snap of his fingers he could’ve had any bird he wanted.” Dom sighs as the long suppressed memories flood his mind. “Then there was me. I didn’t really fit in at school, with anyone, especially the popular crowd. I was smaller than everybody else, too skinny, and I got teased a lot, especially about my ears. I didn’t have much in the way of friends and being gay didn’t help things any.”

“I can imagine.”

“I just wanted to get through my A levels and get on with my life, you know? Go to uni,” Dom continues, resting his chin between his knees. “That all changed one day, a couple of weeks later. I was sitting alone, writing in my journal, listening to music and eating lunch when he walked over to me and sat down. We talked for a while. Classes, music, the weekend. When he asked me out, I thought he was kidding or something. But he was dead serious.”

“I, uh, I was a wee bit nervous about what to expect. What he expected from me. We had dinner and then went to go see a movie at the cinema. He wouldn’t let me pay for anything, and about halfway through the movie, he put his arm around me.” Recalling the sensations of that first night, how innocent it all was, the blush of infatuation, Dom finds himself wanting to smile. “I liked it, a lot, and when he took me home, I took the risk of leaning over and giving him a kiss goodnight. Turns out he liked it, too, and we must’ve made out for almost ten minutes in his car that night. His hands were all over me. I thought if nothing else, I had one night of memories, and I hoped that it wasn’t a joke to be thrown in my face at school the next day.”

“And?” Billy prompts nervously, almost scared to ask as he’s unable to read Dom’s face and figure out what’s coming.

“He met me at my locker on Monday morning,” Dom replies, staring at the coverlet. “I almost forgot to breathe when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and walked me to class like it was something he did every day. I couldn’t believe it. There was no more teasing after that. I had a protector.” A shiver ripples up Dom’s bare back as he pauses and bites down on his lower lip for a moment. After taking a breath, he resumes talking. “Being around him was addictive. He said all the right things to me and when we weren’t together, I felt so alone. Within a few days we were spending every minute we could together. He’d pick me up in the morning and drive us to school. We’d have lunch and then find somewhere to make out for the rest of the hour. Both of his parents worked, so most days we’d go to his house after school and make out some more. In one weekend, I went from being invisible to being the boyfriend of the most popular bloke in school. It was like a fantasy come true.”

“Wow.”

“We spent all of our time together, every day, and things got pretty intense between us. I, well, I wasn’t very experienced, so I was nervous as we went further and further. I loved being with him, and I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to show him that, you know? It wasn’t long when he started to get that look at the end of our dates, when he wanted more that just making out. He was older and a lot more experienced than me. He never came out and said the words, but I still felt the pressure. I could see the disappointment. We progressed to hand jobs pretty fast, within a week or so of our first date. He was the first I ever went down on,” Dom admits, pushing himself up a little bit, long enough to shove his fingers through his hair and draw the long strands off of his forehead. “It made him so happy when I learned how to please him. I got really good at it, too. The better I got, the more he wanted, so I gave it to him. I felt bad that I couldn’t give him what he really wanted, so I never said no when he asked. In the morning before school, at lunch, and most of the time, again at night. My hand or my mouth. Every day. That seemed to help for a while, and then he got that look again. He wanted more, and I wanted to make him happy. He’d done so much for me, I felt like I owed it to him. I didn’t want to lose him.”

Billy’s stomach to twists painfully as he listens to Dom describe his first sexual encounters. The realization that this was Dom’s introduction to what should’ve been an intimate and enjoyable experience causes tears to form in Billy’s soft green eyes, and he blinks quickly to prevent them from falling.

“By then we’d been together for about six weeks or so. I knew he wanted to have sex, but I was scared. I’d never done it before, and I was nervous. At the same time, I wanted to make him happy, like he’d done for me.” Dipping his head, Dom sighs. “It didn’t take long before I told him that I’d fallen in love with him. I mean, I couldn’t live without him. He was my world. I didn’t care that my Mum and Dad didn’t like him. My life was completely different, because of him. I needed him. He’d been patient, but I knew what he really wanted. I could see it in his eyes, the way he touched me when I was on my knees in front of him. He knew I was a virgin and he wanted me so much. Then he told me about the party.”

“The party?” Billy repeats, arching an eyebrow.

“His parents were going to be away, so he decided to throw me a birthday party. My eighteenth,” Dom explains without looking up to meet Billy’s eyes. “There were so many people there, I couldn’t believe it. There was music, dancing and drinking. There was even a cake for me. He was so attentive, checking on me continually, making sure I was having fun. His arm was wrapped around me or I was in his lap the whole time, and he kept giving me drinks. No matter where we were, or who we were talking to, I had a drink in my hand. I knew what he was doing. I was nervous and he was trying to get me to relax a wee bit. Enjoy myself.” Dom smiles wryly. “After all, it was my party. I was the guest of honor.”

“We were sitting in a corner, just the two of us, watching people dance, and I couldn’t take disappointing him anymore. Not one more day. I felt like I owed him something for his patience and all that he’d given me, you know? For trying to make me happy.” Pausing for a moment, Dom shakes his head from side to side as he ponders silently. “I was sitting in his lap and then I looked at him, and I said yes, just like that. Of course, he knew exactly what I was referring to. He smiled, we kissed a few times and then we headed upstairs to his bedroom. He wanted to go somewhere else, away from the noise, where it would be private. Just the two of us.”

The light in Dom’s eyes disappears completely, and his shoulders slump. It’s clear to Billy that this part of the story is more difficult to tell, but the exact reason why is unclear to him.

“It felt like something was off, but I wasn’t sure,” Dom says, frowning in thought as he recalls the details. “I couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly. I thought I was imagining it because I was so nervous. The closer we got to his bedroom, the stronger the feeling got, but I just couldn’t tell him that I’d changed my mind and disappoint him. I loved him too much. I needed to do this for him. To say thank you.”

“I didn’t realize how drunk he was,” Dom continues, shifting a little and tensing visibly. “I knew he’d had some alcohol, and of course, so had I, but when we got inside his room, I found out that he’d had more than I thought. He was holding onto me tighter than usual. It felt strange, but I wasn’t sure why.”

“I was pressed up against the door and we were kissing, and then, before I knew what was happening, he shoved me face down onto his desk. I pushed at him, tried to get up, but he held me down by my wrists, so tight.” Unconsciously, Dom flexes his hands and turns his wrists at the memory. “He was heavy, a lot bigger and much stronger than me. God, he was so strong. I said no, tried to fight him, to make him stop, but-”

Breaking off, Dom sucks in a ragged breath, the painful memories crashing over him in suffocating waves. Horrified by what Dom is telling him, Billy can only watch helplessly as he realizes it’s his worst nightmare come true. His sweet, beloved Dom, violated in such an intimate way. And it was his first time. Dom’s reaction and behavior on his latest birthday suddenly have a whole new meaning to Billy. No wonder he doesn’t like to remember his birthday. Celebrate it. Knowing that he was the one who caused the memories to surface on that day fills Billy with overwhelming guilt. In trying to help, to give Dom a fun day, Billy had hurt Dom immensely, causing him unimaginable pain.

A long, silent moment passes before Dom swallows hard and continues.

“It was over pretty fast,” Dom says unsteadily, his knuckles white from clutching the thick coverlet in his tight fists. “Less than a couple of minutes, I think. But while it was happening, it felt like hours. It hurt so much I could barely breathe. Finally, he came inside me and pulled away, and when I could stand up again, I looked around for him. He’d only gotten as far as the bed. He passed out there, face down, still half dressed.”

“What did you do then?” Billy asks, voice barely audible as he struggles to hold back his tears as his heart shatters into a million pieces.

“I went into the loo, cleaned up as best I could, washed my face. Pulled myself together. Then I slipped out of the party before anyone saw me,” Dom replies quietly. “Mum and Dad had gone to sleep, so I just went to my room and crawled into bed. I prayed that it was a horrible nightmare, and that any second I’d wake up. But that didn’t happen.”

What surprises Billy most, is that Dom isn’t crying as he tells the obviously painful story. The more he talks, the more flat and detached he becomes, eyes devoid of emotion.

“I was in the shower when he showed up the next morning. Mum, of course, had no idea what had happened, so she said he could wait in my room. When I walked in, he started apologizing,” Dom says, fists loosening and smoothing the coverlet beneath his damp palms. “He looked like shite, hung over and as though he hadn’t slept much. I was in my robe, but he could see the bruises on my wrists where he had held me down. It hurt so much that I couldn’t sit down without wanting to scream. I opened my mouth to tell him to get out, but then he was on his knees in front of me, asking me to forgive him.”

“Despite what he’d done, I still loved him,” Dom says in a low voice, head bowing in shame, eyes finally filling, causing him to blink rapidly. “He swore to me that he never meant to hurt me and I believed him. He promised me that it would never, ever happen again and asked for a chance to make it up to me. I couldn’t help wanting to say yes. He said all the right things to me, reminded me of how much fun we had, why I fell in love with him. I didn’t know what I was going to do without him. I couldn’t be without him. I needed him so much, so I said okay. I let him kiss me that day, but it was over a month before we tried to have sex again.”

Small fingers lacing together, Billy leans a little closer, elbows resting on his knees. At the moment, Dom is too distracted, lost in thoughts and memories, to notice Billy’s movements or that they are almost touching.

“After a few days, when I was feeling better, we started fooling around again. We were together whenever we were awake, and it felt like he was always touching me,” Dom continues, head tilting to one side and he thinks back. “I was nervous because of what had happened before, but I felt so bad making him feel guilty, so I covered it up. Every hour possible was spent with him, despite my parents objections. I needed him, and I didn’t care what anyone else said. I just wanted to be happy. I discovered that distracting him helped to avoid talking about doing it again, and the easiest way to do that was keeping him satisfied.”

Straightening up, Dom clears his throat and hugs his knees to his chest again, staring at the floor. “It was late January when his parents were away overnight, so we tried it again. Sober, of course. He liked it, but I never did get completely comfortable with it. I faked it as best I could, and I was glad he couldn’t see my eyes, just in case. I was relieved that he believed me, and that it was over. Of course, I couldn’t stay with him because of my parents. They insisted that I have a curfew, and I didn’t want to risk not being able to see him, so as soon as it was over, he took me home. He kissed me goodnight and I could see how happy he was that we’d finally done it again. That we’d moved on. I told myself that it was enough. It was obviously really good for him, and I figured it would get better for me. It was my fault that I didn’t like it as much as he did, because I couldn’t relax and just enjoy it.”

It takes everything in Billy to suppress the flinch that rips through his body at Dom’s words. Hearing how Dom was so obviously manipulated into having sex when he clearly wasn’t ready, and then made to believe that his lack of enjoyment was his own fault, tears at Billy’s soul. How could someone do that to Dom? How could someone be so selfish and do such a thing to someone they claimed to love?

“Things went on like that for a while, and then one day he was late picking me up for school. I was about to walk on my own when he finally showed up,” Dom continues with a heavy sigh. “I saw his face and I knew something was wrong. He told me we needed to talk about something. It turned out that his father was being transferred to another city. They were moving in less than a month. After everything that I had done, trying so hard to hold onto him, I was going to lose him anyways.”

“The day after he left was the worst,” Dom whispers, pressing his lips into a thin white line for a moment. “I missed him so much. It was like somebody had ripped out my insides and it hurt to breathe. My parents only made it worse, telling me that I’d get over it, and that I’d find someone else in no time. I was so angry and hurt that I just slammed the door in their faces and went to school. I thought that would be better, now that I was part of the popular crowd.” Pausing, Dom shakes his head. “There’s no way I could’ve been more wrong. I walked through the front doors and it was like I was invisible again. I was worse than a nobody. I’d never felt more alone in my whole life. I felt empty and that nobody understood what I was feeling.”

“What did you do?” Billy asks quietly, his warm breath flowing over Dom’s arm, causing goose bumps to form.

“It didn’t take two weeks and I knew something had to change,” Dom continues, tensing again and averting his eyes. “We’d talk on the phone, but it just wasn’t the same, you know? I couldn’t be without him and I was falling apart. So, one night I packed my schoolbag. No books this time. Clothes, some cd’s and whatever else I really wanted to take with me. In the morning I said goodbye like I did every single day, but instead of going to school, I bought a bus ticket and I left.”

“You ran away to be with him,” Billy says softly, not realizing that he’s spoken out loud.

“It took most of the day and a lot of my money, but that afternoon I was finally happy again because I was standing in front of his house. I was there, and we were going to be together again.” Dom tightens his hold on his knees and shaking his head as memories wash over him. “I was so stupid, thinking that all I had to do was show up there and everything would be fine.”

“What happened?” Billy asks, afraid of what Dom’s answer might be.

“I rang the bell and knocked, and finally the maid answered the door. When I told her I was a friend of his, she told me he was upstairs in his room,” Dom replies, eyes once again devoid of any emotion. “I was so excited, I ran up to the second floor, following the sound of the music that I knew was his favorite. It was easy to figure out where he was and I decided not to knock. To surprise him instead. Well, when I opened the door, I was the one who was surprised, because he wasn’t alone.”

“Oh God,” Billy whispers.

“The bloke he was with couldn’t have been more than fifteen, but that wasn’t the worst of it,” Dom says flatly, staring straight ahead, eyes half lidded. “They were by the desk, and he’d pushed this boy over on it and he was holding him down by his wrists. Just like-”

Hand covering his mouth in horror, Billy realizes what Dom is telling him. No. It couldn’t be. But it was.

“It was exactly the same,” Dom says tightly, his voice finally betraying him and starting to waver. “Fingers holding so tightly and bruising that poor boy’s skin, and the sounds of pleasure he was making as he shoved his way inside, knowing that it hurt. Enjoying the pain he was causing. From the doorway I could see both of their faces, one trying to take the pain to please him, the other in ecstasy. When I looked at that boy, it was like looking into my own eyes. Suddenly everything was so clear to me. I watched him, absolutely loving what he was doing to that boy, and I was frozen, unable to move. I must’ve made a noise or something, because he looked up and saw me.”

Uncovering his mouth, Billy quietly asks, “What did he say to you?”

“Not a single word,” Dom nearly spits out, voice hoarse and thick with emotions. “He just smiled at me, a cold, hard, almost amused smile, and kept right on fucking that boy as hard as he could until he came. The next thing I remember is being on my knees in the loo down the hall.”

Unable to speak, Billy can only watch in horror as the incredibly painful memories strip away all the light and softness in Dom’s sweet face, leaving the shadow that he’d become while living on the street and selling his body. Only now does Billy understand why Dom never wanted to let anyone get close to him, ever again. Why he never wanted to feel, or open his heart to fall in love. Who could blame him, with this as his history? When he’d been so horribly used and betrayed.

“One second he was the most lovely thing I’d ever seen, my love, my life, my future, and the next he was a monster.” Releasing his knees long enough to shove his hair out of his face again, Dom blinks rapidly, trying to hold back the excess moisture flooding his dark eyes. “He stopped at the loo long enough to tell me that it was over, and then they left together. I watched from the window as they got into his car, and they drove away. He didn’t look back. Not once.”

“Dom-”

“He never loved me,” Dom says tearfully, finally, reluctantly meeting Billy’s sympathetic gaze. “Ever. I was just a convenient fuck for him. I was so stupid. I was an utterly pathetic fool, willing to do anything for his approval. He liked them young and untouched and I gave him exactly what he wanted.”

“Dommie, I’m-”

“I spent one night sleeping in a doorway, and the next day I sold most of my things that I’d brought so I could get enough money together and rent my flat,” Dom interrupts, looking away again, trying to get the last details out before he loses his hold on his control. “That box set of Beatles music that you gave me for Christmas? I used to own that,” Dom reveals, a shudder rippling up his spine. “It was the last thing I sold, so I could eat. It was the last thing that meant anything to me.”

Fresh tears flood Billy’s eyes, realizing that he’d inadvertently reminded Dom of a painful time in his life. Again. What was meant as a loving gesture had caused Dom to recall horrific details of intimate betrayal. How he’d managed to hide it from Billy, on Christmas day, he can’t imagine.

“I got a job at the pizza place, working in the kitchen, but it didn’t take two weeks and I realized that there was no way I could make the rent. I was running out of time and I was too ashamed to call home,” Dom says quietly. “My parents were right about him all along. I didn’t listen to them and said such horrible things to them. I ran from them, broke their hearts. Everything that was happening to me was my own fault. I deserved to be punished for being such a bloody stupid bastard.”

“Dommie, no!” Billy protests, but Dom doesn’t hear him, completely lost in his own pain and self damnation.

“A couple of nights later I was sitting on the front steps of my building, trying to figure out what I was going to do, when a bloke walking by asked if I was working. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Then he asked if I wanted to earn some money,” Dom continues, refusing to meet Billy’s eyes and see the disgust that he’s sure is there. “I was so fucking naïve, I didn’t know what he meant until we were in the alley and he opened his trousers.”

Stomach churning, bile starts to rise in Billy’s throat, hating the thought of Dom giving graphic details of his introduction to the street. How he’d been used by strangers for sexual gratification, continuing the abuse that had been inflicted. Refusing to give in, Billy swallows and forces it back down, directing all of his focus to Dom’s voice. He needs to be here to support Dom, show him that he’s not alone.

“When he offered me the money, I thought, ‘Well, at least this way I’ll get paid for being used,’ ” Dom spits out bitterly, his body tense. “ ‘Apparently being fucked is all I’m good for.’ ”

“Dommie-”

“So there you have it. My deep, dark secret,” Dom finishes flatly, eyes downcast and shoulders slumping. “I was a whore, right from the start.”

Shoving the coverlet back, Dom slides his long legs over the edge of bed, preparing to stand, only to be stopped by Billy’s small hand on his bicep, green eyes filled with confusion.

“What are you doing?” Billy asks. “Where are you going?”

Completely drained, Dom’s chin sinks to his bare chest, eyes finding the floor. “I told you before, Billy. I’m damaged goods. You don’t want me.” His voice drops to a whisper. “It’s okay. Just let me go, get out of here.”

Moving again, Dom futilely tries to pull out of Billy’s iron grip.

“Dommie, wait,” Billy begs, desperately trying to pull Dom back onto the mattress. “Please.”

“What?” Dom cries out angrily, fighting to get away. Escape before he bursts into tears. “Don’t you get it, Billy? Were you not listening to me?”

“I heard every single word,” Billy replies gently, confused by Dom’s suddenly violent behavior. “But I don’t think you’re a whore, Dommie. I could never think that.”

The overwhelming pain is agonizingly naked in Dom’s soulful, blue-grey eyes as the dam holding back all of his emotions finally breaks, and Dom loses control in a mad rush. A mournful wail fills the air, and it takes Billy a moment to realize that it’s coming from Dom.

“Don’t you get it?” Dom chokes out as he’s blinded by the tears that fill his eyes. The raw, suddenly fresh memories tear at Dom, and he claws at his chest with his fingernails, physically trying to pull the pain out of his body. “He wasn’t drunk that night. He wanted me to fight as he took what he wanted. He raped me! He-” Dom’s can’t bring himself to say the horrible word again.

“I know,” Billy whispers, his own eyes bright.

“I told him I loved him,” Dom continues, still trying to pull away. “I went to him, over and over and over again. I told him it was okay! I-”

“Dommie-”

“I was grateful to him,” Dom interrupts, the tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he trembles. “I thought I was special because he looked at me, but I didn’t mean anything to him. It was all a game. He had me completely fooled. I gave him everything I had and-”

Worried that he’ll hurt Dom, but more afraid that he’ll pull free and run, Billy tightens his hold and pulls Dom to him with all of his strength, wrapping his arms around Dom’s body as he shakes violently.

“Dommie, please,” he begs as Dom fights to break free. “Please don’t push me away. Let me hold you. Don’t fight me.”

There is a brief struggle and then finally Dom gives in, sinking into Billy’s embrace, his slender body wracked with chest heaving sobs as Billy pulls Dom close and holds him tight, gently rocking back and forth. One hand sliding across Dom’s slender back, Billy rubs the tense muscles as Dom cries brokenly, a seemingly endless torrent of agony, heartbreak and a long overdue release of tension and pain, his face buried in Billy’s neck.

Despite his attempt to stifle the sounds, intense, gut wrenching sobs bubble up from Dom’s throat as he clings to Billy for dear life, one long arm wrapped around himself, almost as though he’s afraid that his body is going to break. The emotions pouring out of Dom are so immense that Billy silently wonders if they’ll ever stop. Stroking Dom’s hair and rubbing the back of his neck, Billy does his best to comfort Dom, wishing there was something, anything, he could do to take away the pain. He would bear it himself, in a heartbeat, if that meant Dom would no longer have to suffer, alone, as he has for far too long.

For a while, Dom continues to try to speak, but he’s incoherent amid the hurricane of painful memories and emotions that have engulfed him. Billy has no idea how much time has passed before Dom’s broken sobs begin to lessen in their intensity, his hot, salty tears slowing and then finally stopping as exhaustion steals away the last of his strength. The much needed release is taking it’s toll on Dom, physically and emotionally, but he needs it more than anyone Billy has ever known. Falling silent at last, limp and cried out, Dom sags weakly in Billy’s embrace, so drained that he wouldn’t be able to fight off a mosquito.

Almost boneless and pliant in Billy’s arms, Dom watches through half lidded, swollen eyes as Billy carefully slides back on the mattress, cradling Dom firmly to his furry chest as he sinks into the pillows at the head of the bed. Carefully maneuvering Dom’s slender body, Billy ensures that he is laying comfortably in the circle of Billy’s arms before drawing the coverlet over their bare skin.

“Close your eyes, Dommie,” Billy requests softly, gently rocking back and forth, small fingers stroking the nape of Dom’s neck.

Taking a corner of the sheet with his other hand, Billy wipes Dom’s tear stained face before pressing a tender kiss to his forehead.

Cheek resting against Billy’s chest, lithe form folded up so he’s resting between Billy’s splayed thighs, their bodies pressed tightly together, Dom feels Billy’s strong arms wrap firmly around him. Protecting and comforting him. Too worn out to argue or fight him, Dom’s eyes drop closed as he surrenders to sleep, welcoming the blackness, where there is no pain.

A long time later, even though he’s positive that Dom is deeply asleep, Billy continues to gently rock Dom in his arms, stroking his hair and silently letting his own tears fall.

* * * * *

Eyes fluttering open, Dom shifts slightly as the world comes into focus and he realizes that he’s wrapped up in Billy’s arms. The coverlet has been pulled up over his shoulders, and he’s snuggled against Billy as close as possible, in a warm, soft cocoon of comfort.

“Hey,” Dom says sleepily, letting his fingers slowly slide up Billy’s chest to stroke the stubble along his jaw line.

The warm hand resting against the small of Dom’s narrow back continues to rub the taut muscles in a steady rhythm as Billy ever so slightly tightens his hold around Dom.

Watching Dom’s emotionally exhausted eyes, Billy sees the moment that Dom remembers what brought them to this place and time, and feels Dom stiffen with uncertainty. Gazing down at Dom, Billy nervously wonders what’s going to happen now.

“Hey,” he replies finally, and holds his breath.

* * * * *

Chapter 18

Current Mood: sad

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Date: 2005-11-03 05:56 pm (UTC)

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