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monaboyd Sep. 30th, 2005 05:33 pm)
jira-rd.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Sep. 30th, 2005 05:33 pm)Title: Sour Apple (2/?)
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: R
Pairing: DM/BB
Summary: Billy and Dom make up, but the next day, a new argument that pushes them even further apart erupts, and Billy finds himself in a situation that makes him wonder what Dom means to him.
Notes: Writing thoughts in italics when you have a dream sequence in italics is funny because it means reverse HTML so that it's actually not italicized. Also, this is shockingly less angsty than I wanted. It’s unsatisfying.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, just let me know at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away!
Chapter One
Dom glared at Billy. His eyes were ice, slate, everything cold that made Billy want to curl up in himself for fear of freezing. He was strangely stable for the moment but he almost wished he wasn't because it had something to do with Dom. And happiness. Dom's happiness. His happiness. But Dom was speaking now and Billy was scared to listen. He could keep himself from listening if he wanted. Or at least he tried, but his ears refused to work with him and he heard the words. "Fuck you, Bill. I tried to be nice, but this is all your fault. So go to hell. This is your fault for hurting me. And you hurt yourself. And you deserve it, because you were too stupid to figure it out."
His brain told him quietly, This isn't your Dom but it didn't matter, because Dom was continuing on. His fists were balled and he was practically shouting in Billy's face, and Billy saw so much hatred that he couldn't take it, even as Dom continued to berate him.
"I can't wait to get away from you after this film is over! I wish I'd never met you." Dom's voice dropped to a scathing whisper at this, and Billy realised that Dom was sucking a lolly. When had this happened? The scent was sickeningly sweet, much too heavy to be a normal sucker. Green apple. His own tongue was salivating in an attempt to wash the phantom taste away. Because it wasn't just sweet, but sour at the same time, clotting on his tongue, making it feel like it was covered in sticky cotton.
Green apple. Tart, very tart. So sour but so sweet. Made your lips pucker. Dom. Lips puckered. Dom. Staring at him. With lips puckered as he sucked, but his eyes furious, staring at Billy, moving farther and farther away without doing a thing and Billy-
-jerked awake with a sudden shuddering gasp. His fingers were grasping the covers and his tongue was running back and forth on the top of his mouth. He'd obviously been doing it for quite some time because it was sore as all hell and he forced himself to stop, feeling a bit stupid as his tongue lolled forward slightly. He wiped at tears that were at the corners of his eyes. The dream had really scared him. And for obvious reasons. Although Dom would never act like that, in the dream, it was entirely plausible for whatever reason.
He lay in bed, sweat on his forehead, trying to calm his brain down. Just go apologise to him. He glanced over at the clock. One in the morning. Doesn't matter. Go talk to him. Just go do it, now. His brain continued to repeat. He knew he should. But he was scared. What if Dom told him to fuck off? He probably would have lain there for the rest of the night if he hadn't had to pee. So he got up and pissed and while he was up, forced himself towards the door to go see Dom.
Each step was heavy and as he got closer to the door, he almost was dragging himself. He could feel his skin and body pushing backwards by the invisible force of fear, goosebumps rising on his arms as he shivered. Dom was going to hate him, Dom was going to hate him, Dom was going to hate him. He couldn't stop the worried train of thought from running through his brain. He made his way to the elevator and went down two floors, got out, his knees feeling watery and weak. He took in a deep breath as he approached Dom's door and then knocked gently. Nothing. He knocked harder.
A moment later, he heard a thump that Dom either hurling a pillow at the door or Dom hitting the ground. Either way, it was not a good sign. Billy began to chew his lip, realising that he was wearing nothing but boxers. He probably should have thought about changing that issue. Because being in boxers and outside Dom's room, probably making a fool of himself asking forgiveness was not going to look very good.
But then the door opened and Dom was staring at him. Billy froze and forgot anything he'd been planning on saying. "Dom... I'm sorry." He sounded stupid. Tired. He looked at the floor. "I...I don't know..." He raised his eyes to see Dom still looking at him, and even if Dom was tired, there was nothing in his eyes that made Billy feel as if he might be forgiven. Billy wrapped his arms around his body, suddenly cold, and shivered. "Dom..." He started again. "I wish I hadn't. You know that. I'm sorry. I don't know why I was jealous. Or whatever I felt." His voice was a breath now, passing from his lips and Dom looked as if he was barely listening anyways.
But his eyebrows lifted slightly, though his exhausted, disbelieving stare remained. "Get the fuck in here and get under the blankets." Dom finally said. He reached out and took Billy's wrist, walking back over to the bed with Billy following him. When Dom released him, Billy stopped walking and instead sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, his chin going to rest in the faint gap between his kneecaps.
"Dommie?" He asked gently. Dom rolled over in the bed next to him and made a muffled growling noise. Obviously he wasn't forgiven.
He needed sleep. He wanted to think about what had happened, but he needed sleep. He didn't know which one he wanted to forsake at the moment. Finally Dom muttered into his pillow and flipped over. His hair was a mess, and Billy looked at that sadly for a moment while Dom kind of glared at him and kind of shared the glum look. "What?" Dom finally asked. "What is it?"
Billy found himself falling forward onto his hands and knees and crawling forward slowly to kneel by Dom. "I just... I can't have you hate me. I don't want you to wish that you'd never met me." And he realised how very idiotic that was because even if Dom was-
"...mad at you, I could never hate you." He suddenly heard Dom voice the very words he'd been thinking. And there was that disbelieving smile. Smile. That was a good thing. "You're not the only one under stress, Billy, and so I didn't really appreciate you going off on me yesterday. Twice. With calling me a cunt and then implying I was some sort of whore."
Billy lowered his eyes. "Yeh, I was a bit-"
"Assholish?" Dom asked. "Yeah. Now, shut up and get under the covers. I don't like being mad at you, it makes my hangovers worse because then I'm worrying." Billy almost laughed at this sweet but disturbing piece of information. "Doesn't mean you're completely forgiven, either." He paused. "So what is this stress that you're under?" Dom asked, rolling over more to face Billy. Billy felt a sudden apprehension roll through him.
"I'm... I'm not sure." Billy answered. "I wish I could tell you. But I don't know why I'm so stressed. It just... the best I could offer is to tell you how I feel. But not right now. I'm tired. Later." His brain was starting to turn off and staring at Dom was easier than talking. He got under the covers and curled up in a ball, his feet feeling like they were numb at the tips. He shoved his hands between his thighs in an attempt to warm them. Why is the hotel so bloody cold? He wondered.
Dom was on his stomach, head turned away from Billy, and Billy watched him for a moment before closing his eyes. He couldn't sleep, though, and shifted uncomfortably for a bit until Dom spoke up without raising his head or looking at him. "Billy. Go to sleep."
"Sorry. It's just... you hated me. In the dream. And you had a green apple sucker. And you told me that you wished you never met me. And it really fucking messed with my head." Billy whispered. Dom mumbled something that Billy didn't quite catch. "I know it was a stupid dream, but every time I close my eyes, I see the way you were glaring at me and just the way you looked like if you could, you would erase me from your memory."
"Bills, I'd never erase you from my memory. Couldn't if I wanted." Dom answered back, voice still muffled against the pillow. "Remember all the good times we've had together? Most recent being yesterday morning? You think I'd want to get rid of any of the fun, the drunkenness, or just the meaningful stuff? And besides, everyone fights now and then. Now, shut up and go to sleep."
Billy reached over and stroked along Dom's back with fingers, just feeling in a moment of strange calmness in lieu of recent events. His fingers caught in the fabric and then pulled up and over to a new area of skin. Dom made a noise in his throat that sounded somewhat warm and amused, but Billy was breathing slower as he traced Dom's skin with his fingers and feeling like he had a grip; it occurred to him that it was Dom that had rocked his equilibrium and Dom who'd also kept a grip on Billy.
Well, that would definitely need to be addressed. Just as soon...(his fingers slowed their movements on the fabric) as Billy... (his thumb was the only thing rubbing over Dom's back) woke up. His palm lay flat, motionless on Dom's back.
He drifted.
~~~
When he woke, it was to the feel of something (stroking?) his hand. He yawned and realised it wasn't a stroke, but a poke. Dom.
He opened his eyes blearily. Dom was poking his palm with him thumb, almost jabbing. "What time..." Billy trailed off and propped himself up on one elbow. Dom was watching him, still tucked mostly under the blankets, just the top part of his head sticking out so that his eyes and nose were visible. Billy leaned over to tug at the blankets so he could properly hear a response. Dom yawned and yanked back, diving back under the covers. Billy followed him, and there was a scuffle for a bit as they poked and kicked at each other, warm and comfy.
Finally, Billy won by simple, rather than pulling down the blankets, pulling Dom out from underneath and sprawling out before Dom could get back under. "You woke me up. So you can't go back to sleep. Now, what time is it?"
"Six." Dom yawned, scrubbing his face with his hands. "It's cold out, damnit. Shooting was cancelled back till tomorrow. Thanks to that." He motioned outside. "Yesterday was a warm up."
The sky that should have been cornflower blue or cement grey was instead almost pitch black. Lightning flashed decisively after few moments, and then a long pause while Billy counted. One, two, three, four, five, six, se-CRACK! Okay. So it was pretty far away still. Which meant that if it was this black now, and all he could see was black, how heavy was the storm going to be? As if reading his mind, Dom began to talk again.
"Thunderstorms. All day, hail, wind up to 45 miles an hour." Dom quoted the muted television. "So, considering that you've got shadows under your eyes that a wino couldn't be able to rival and you weren't waking up even with the lightning and thunder yet, I figured I'd let you sleep. And then I got hungry."
"So why did you wake me up?" Billy asked. "Fucker, by the way. Stress does that to a person. Gives them shadows under their eyes. How are you feeling, by the way?"
Dom shrugged. "Like my head's throbbing. Could be worse." Dom answered, not looking completely trashed and Billy was jealous, because a glance in the mirror across the room informed him that he was not quite as lucky, no sirree. Billy reached over and touched the neck of Dom's shirt. "Sorry about last night." But you grounded me and I need you, need that, because recently I've gotten lost and you find me.
Dom bounced on the bed. "I want ice cream." He replied. "You'll buy it for me. And that'll start to make up for locking me up."
"Shut it, Dominic. You got locked up because you brought the wrong kind." Billy replied, grabbing a pillow and aiming a smack and Dom. "And it's six in the bloody morning. You want ice cream?"
Dom moved to sit on Billy's lap and nodded. He took the pillow from Billy and then dropped it on Billy's face. Billy let out a small "mrph" and pushed it back up into Dom's face, hearing the "oomph" in return. He sat up abruptly and Dom tilted and dropped back onto the bed, the pillows and blankets all spread around him. He stretched, his shirt tugging up to reveal a peek at his stomach. He looked up to Dom's face, saw him yawning again, and his eyes fluttering closed. "Dom." He said with a small smile as his brain seemed to freeze over for a moment. Because a small smile was the only thing that was going to keep the absolutely dumb look off his face. Fake small tight smile. "Dommie, d`you try to look like walking sex in bed or are you just practicing for the ladies?"
... What the fuck was that? Where'd that come from? He'd intended to ask about why Dom didn't bring home women to wake up next to and look like that the next morning.
Dom snorted. "Much rather have you. After all, you've got those talented touchy fingers."
Billy rolled his eyes, trying to keep some semblance of composure. "Well, my touchy fingers will do none of the touching that that," and he pointed at the bed, "would entail. Not unless it's with Ali."
Dom snickered and raised his eyebrow. "Then don't do something that anymore. Very sensual." He whispered, his eyes half closed and lips almost in a pout as he parted them slightly. Billy worried that Dom was doing it on purpose, making him dizzy. Why was Dom making him so dizzy and confused? Because it was only when Dom was being sexy or doing-
"-something sensual?" Billy said out loud.
Dom coughed. "Excuse me, Bills? You don't think that running your hands all over my back is sensual?"
"Uhm, not when we had just finished arguing." Billy replied, glad that somehow he'd not gotten caught. Maybe it is a little. His brain suddenly said. And what?! He had to backtrack for a moment. I did not just think that. Yes I did. Oh boy.
"A chicken is a chicken." Dom replied, using a metaphor that made sense only if Billy in return metaphorically turned his head a bit and squinted a lot. "Touching is sensual."
Billy had no witty reply and just made a face at Dom. I'm thinking he's sensual and touching and this because I miss Ali and am horny. He told himself firmly. And you're not feeling like you need to go grab the nearest item because his eyes and mouth are both making you dizzy. No, they're not. No. He gave up and practically bolted for the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it, his head hitting the wood solidly.
No. Dom's eyes, all intensity and laughter and life, did not make Billy need to grab the doorknob in support while he gasped like he was going underwater.
So I am horny without Ali. That's it. My body and mind are overly sensitive. Because watch. He told himself as he ran his own hand down his chest and across his hips. He felt a thrill shudder through him. It's not just Dom.
He closed his eyes, pictured Ali's eyes, her lips, parted like Dom's had just been, and nodded. It was a very good image. His brain switched the image over to Dom, his eyes more bright and heated and lips more enticing and ohfuck why do I see his tongue peeking out?
His own mind was a traitor, he decided. Now that he'd been staring at Dom lately and seeing all the things that confused him and that he loved about Dom at the same time, and now that he'd had... whatever that was yesterday (it was like spiritual sex, he decided, to give it a name.), his mind was traitor and apparently trying to confuse him more. That had to be the answer to it. That was the only explanation. He showered quickly, ignoring his erection, and got back into his boxers. He stepped outside to see Dom had fallen back asleep.
He shook his head and decided it would be best to head back to his own room. However, as he tiptoed over to the door and tried to open it as quietly as he could, Dom asked, "Where are you going? We're going to get breakfast together."
"I thought you were sleeping..." Billy said in surprise, and he really wished Dom had been. Dom simply sat up in bed and slid out from the jungle of covers and pillows, and then began to dig through the closet for clothes. "Okay. We'll go for breakfast." Billy said, leaning against the door. Billy wondered a moment later if Dom had any clue what he was doing by standing in front of his closet and lightly biting his lip, sucking it into his mouth and then releasing it.
Then he remembered he had an excuse to leave. Because he was standing in boxers. "I'm going back to my room to change. So just meet me there when you're done." His last few words seemed to come from far away. Because Dom had nodded at him and tugged off his shirt to reveal his chest for a moment before pulling on a black tee-shirt. But still, Billy's brain had just split into two.
The first was the white shirt that Dom had been wearing before. The damn thing was loose enough for a second person to be inside it, probably and that only served to send Billy on a path that was not very good, thinking wise. Because his brain wanted to give him a heart attack. His brain was working separately from his body, he was beginning to think. And his heart. Those two vital organs were warring. Really. Because he was picturing Dom with a lolly and him walking over and there was plenty of room for him to push his one hand under the loose fabric while his other hand stole the sucker and slid it into his own mouth and ohfuckno! he had not just imagined that.
He turned quickly and headed for his room, breathing hard. Over-sensitive. He remembered that. And the spiritual sex. Now I'm just freaked out a bit by Dom and I just have to get past it so I'll be fine. Once in his room, he closed the door and slid out of his boxers, going over to his closet. He grabbed jeans and the first tee shirt he saw, because if they weren't shooting, he didn't really care how he looked in front of Dom. He'd seen Dom in pretty much every state of disarray there was, and Dom had a mutual respect for him in the same manner.
But as he stood there, slipping into new boxers and then the jeans, he felt bizarrely sympathetic to women and their bra issue, how grumpy they could get over men not needing them. Because he felt exposed. Thinking about Dom made him go a little bit crazy and he wondered if Dom could read him like an open book, that even as Billy clung to him, he twisted and fell further and it scared him. Being like that meant feeling exposed.
He remembered how he'd once walked in on Ali with no bra on, shirtless. She'd jumped about a foot, and he'd laughed softly, watching her scowl at him and then seeing the scowl turn into a pleased smile as he let his gaze rake up and down her body. As she watched him, he'd stepped slowly forward, still examining her body (which he'd seen many times before this naked, but still found her absolutely amazingly sexy) and his lips found her neck while his fingers moved to brush across swells and nipples.
"Billy, you ready yet?"
"Dom!" Billy jolted from his daydream with a very intense twitch as he spun to face Dom. "D`you knock? What if I was getting off or something?" He'd never reacted quite like this when Dom walked in on him and Dom knew it.
"What? So? I'd close the door and we'd laugh it off later. Are you really that stressed that you'd think I'd react badly?" Dom asked, taking a step closer. Billy let out a long shuddering sigh and then focused on Dom and ohgod that was a bad idea, because a moment later, he was lost. He was watching Dom's lips and couldn't hear, and Dom's eyes, and he couldn't breathe. So he was standing there, trembling slightly as Dom came closer, trying to yank himself out of his haze of floaty unbalance.
"Just... yeah...stress." Billy managed to breathe out. That had to be it. Because that would definitely explain all this unbalance. But the stress was caused by the unbalance. He told himself. But that didn't seem to make sense anymore. Because the unbalance was caused by Dom and the stress was caused by Dom and it was Dom, but Dom was helping keep him unstressed. It didn't make sense that way either. So it had to be something else. Something from all the options Billy had already explored. He just didn't know what.
And then Dom had his arms around Billy. And what happened to Billy started out as a tremble and then turned into a shudder, his body leaning into Dom even as he told himself that this was bad, very bad, as his arms wrapped around Dom and held on. "I'm just scared, Dom." He whispered. He didn't want to be saying this yet. He fought against it. "I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Dom sighed as he tightened his arms around Billy. "Maybe it's just the fear of leaving all this. We've had it for so long, y`know?" Billy nodded, suddenly grateful he had Dom and angry at himself for ever being upset at Dom last night or today or blaming Dom for his problems, because Dom did too much to help him for Billy to be angry at him. Plus, Dom was his best mate. Which was in and of itself one of the biggest reasons that Billy couldn't stay mad at him.
"Ice cream?" Dom asked quietly, and Billy started to laugh, still holding on tightly while he regained everything that had been lost. "Billy? Ice cream?"
Billy let go reluctantly. "Yes, Dom. Ice cream. And I'll get a normal breakfast, thank you very much. Now, where are we finding you ice cream at half past six in the morning?" Dom's eyes sparkled as he shrugged in response and Billy shook his head. "This is punishment for locking you up, isn't it?"
Dom shrugged again, and his eyes seemed to gleam and Billy knew that he was going to lose himself in a moment and ohyes he did, because Dom replied, "Maybe I didn't mind it as much as you think," and the way he said it sure enough made Billy stumble a moment before smacking Dom on the shoulder. As he tried to continue chatting normally, he wondered if he really was going crazy.
~~~
Miracles of miracles, there was an ice cream place that sold ice cream at six in the morning. Cheap ice cream. In fact, the place looked like such a slum that Billy was afraid to let Dom get ice cream. "You can't get it from here. It looks like they haven't washed anything in here in a month!"
"But ice cream!" Dom whined back, looking stubborn. Billy stared.
"Death! Food poisoning and germs and seizures and muscles locking and death!" He returned in a hushed whisper so that the boy working there, who had a blue mohawk that stood about half a foot in the air and the rest of his head shaved, wouldn't hear him.
If it had been Elijah, the boy would have pouted, and Billy would have laughed and given in and told him to go ahead and kill himself. Orlando would have shrugged and walked back over before brazenly asking for a cherry on top of the ice cream with a wink. But Dom instead just stared at him with a small smile on his lips. "Ice cream. I want ice cream for breakfast. Unless you can find me another place, I'm going to risk it."
Billy stared at his lips. "Uhm." He replied. "Uhm." There was nobody really watching them. The boy working looked like he was half asleep. He tried to make his mind focus, but he was all swirly like the vanilla and chocolate mix that Dom had ordered and as he stared, Dom raised an eyebrow, went to get his cone, and then while Billy watched him, paid and let his tongue slide cautiously along and circle the ice cream. Hello, tongue. And lips.
"Tastes good." Dom announced to Billy. "Might have to get another cone tomorrow morning." Billy nodded, half-focused on Dom and half-focused on Dom's mouth again, still doing things to the ice cream that should be illegal.
"It looks good." Billy told him. No, his lips look good. His brain informed him. Shut up. He answered. Why was he arguing with his brain? He was going crazy. Except he knew deep down that he wasn't. Dom reached forward and put the cone to his lips. "Whuh?" Billy asked, looking up.
"You look like you're about ready to just steal it and take a bite yourself." Dom grinned. "I'm not greedy. All you have to do is ask."
Ohboy. That's a bad thing to say, Dom, Billy almost told him. But he didn't and instead let his own tongue swipe the vanilla and chocolate. "It is good." He agreed. They walked back towards the car and as they drove to another restaurant that Billy would trust for breakfast, Billy never took his eyes off the road. If he had, he would have stared at Dom eating and he would have ended up crashing the car. Because apparently it wasn't just Dom's eyes and lips, but whatever Dom said that drove him absolutely crazy.
Which he didn't like the idea of. Because he didn't want to think about that and what alternate things it might mean. He wouldn't.
Dom was just finishing up the cone as they got out of the car at the restaurant, lifting it to suck at the dripping ice cream from the bottom of the cone, his cheeks going in slightly. Sure enough. Brain dead. Billy got himself together quickly, though. He was beginning to anticipate and figure out how to catch himself before he was completely screwed, and as Dom lifted his head again to resume licking the small amount of chocolate ice cream still peeking out from his cone, he glanced at Billy who took his hand and started to lean in. "More?" Dom asked, starting to offer the cone.
Billy shook his head, still focused on Dom's hand. Jerked it up. And sploosh, there was ice cream on Dom's nose and cheek and lips and chin. Dom blinked and then began to sputter something out while Billy snickered madly. Finally Dom got control of his brain. "Fucker." He told Billy. Billy smiled at him winningly and Dom gave in. He started to clean up his face with a napkin, but before long, it was sticky and there was still some on his cheek and by his lips. He glared at Billy. "Don't suppose you have any more napkins?"
Billy shook his head. Before he really knew what he was doing, he leaned in and licked Dom's cheek. Vanilla melted on his tongue. A drop of chocolate by his mouth. And he moved to get that too, still so close that when his fingers would have done, his tongue instead was taking a fast swipe and removing the offending cold treat. And then he pulled back and swallowed the taste, his heart suddenly pounding while his brain was doing some kind of exuberant dance and he grabbed Dom's shoulder while he tipped over, or it felt like he tipped over. It was definitely an interesting sensation, to feel himself leaning backwards when he was completely upright.
Dom had that secret smile on his face again and he slid his arm around Billy's waist. Billy literally felt his brain and heart go into triple time and all thought left him while he just kind of stood there and put his arm around Dom in return. They stood there for a moment before Dom began to laugh and Billy joined him, because it was absurd. Dom squeezed his side lightly and released him. "C`mon, Bills. Let’s get me another napkin so I can finish wiping off the ice cream and your germs."
Billy made a face at him but he was glad that Dom wasn't freaking out on him because he himself was most certainly freaking out. "So. We still need to get me breakfast." But he really wasn't that hungry any more. They walked into the restaurant anyways, Dom sucking on his fingers to remove the last bit of chocolate. Billy very determinedly ignored him while they were seated. He ordered eggs and toast, and as he waited, Dom crossed his arms and stared at him.
"What?" He asked, slightly confused.
"What's up, Billy? You're acting really weird. And you need to tell me." Dom told him. He looked more than a little worried for Billy and Billy felt more than a little bad in return for worrying him as much as he had. But he still shook his head at Dom and Dom frowned. "No, you're not getting out of it like that. I want to know exactly what's making you act so not Billyish."
"I don't know, Dom!" He said. "Okay? Please don't ask because I don't know. I feel like I'm losing myself and the only time I'm really okay is when I'm with you, and that's only when I can touch you or hug you or if I'm not staring at you and I don't know why I'm staring at you and going nuts either!" He cut himself off.
Dom stared at him. "That's...what?" He stared at Billy as if he didn't quite understand.
Billy shook his head. "I can't. Because I don't know. And you're part of the problem." There. Dom wanted honesty. "You're the entire problem, actually. You're driving me crazy. And I hate it. And I wish you'd stop it and you're not because you're not doing anything."
"And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Dom asked. He looked less worried and more pissed off now. "You're blaming me on your stress because I'm being me? That's bloody rich, Billy. You've been acting weird to me lately and you just fucking licked my cheeks and now you're telling me that I'm the cause of your problems? You ever think that licking me might confuse you?"
"Dom! That's not fair!" Billy protested. "I mean, I've licked you before. Goddamnit, that sounds weird, but I have. I've done stuff like that before. And I don't know why I'm feeling like I do now! It started with that fucking sucker during the interview. That's what started it!"
"You don't even make sense, Billy!" Dom hissed back, obviously struggling to keep his voice low in the restaurant. "It's the suckers fault?"
Billy took in a deep breath. "I don't know, Dom!" He hissed. "I'm trying to show you that I don't know! But you're just not getting it! And the suckers are invading my dreams. Last night, you were eating a sour apple sucker. And you hated me!"
"So, it's the suckers' fault that I hate you and that you're going nuts and all this insanity that you're paranoid about?" Dom's eyes were blazing. Billy cringed and shook his head. "Then, what?"
"I. Don't. Know." Billy furiously growled at him. "Now, would you please fucking drop this? So that I can eat breakfast like a civilized person? We'll go back to the hotel and you can bitch at me all you want, but can we please act like adults in public?" He watched Dom's eyes narrow. That was a mistake, he knew. Fuck him. Fuck.
"Don't worry about me bitching at you. Because I don't really want to talk to you right now." Dom said. "I'll be outside, waiting for you when you finish eating." And with that, he stood and abruptly walked out of the restaurant. Billy sat in fairly stunned silence and threw money on the table to pay for food that hadn't even come yet before chasing Dom outside and pinning him to the wall.
"No, you don't!" He shouted. "You do not walk out on me when I need you more than anything to stay with me and help me!" He was glaring at Dom, but this much of what he was saying was true and made sense to him. "You're the only person who can calm me down right about now and you are not going to walk out on me like that!"
Dom pushed him away and started to stalk off. "Billy, you're being one of the biggest fucking... I don't even know what to say about you right now! You're blaming me for going crazy and then saying you need me!"
"And you're an asshole!" Billy yelled back. "But if you came to me and told me this, I wouldn't turn my back on you. I'd be more than a little confused but I wouldn't yell at you and tell you that you weren't making sense and tell you to fuck off!" He watched Dom stop and turn around, and then he was the one pinned to the wall as Dom pushed his finger into Billy's chest, his eyes in front of Billy's as he pushed him so close together that Billy actually did feel a jolt of fear.
"And just how do you know this? I've never come to you all upset and confused like you came to me, and said things that didn't make sense!" Dom spat at him. Billy closed his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Dom like this. It was tearing him apart. Because he really felt like he was going to faint. He grabbed at Dom's arms and trembled as he clung, needing him. Dom froze and when Billy opened his eyes, Dom was simply staring at him. "And you're not fucking kidding." Dom breathed.
Billy shook his head. "It's not like I'm not trying to figure it out, Dommie." He whispered. "But I'm losing myself and you're the only one who can make that stop." Dom closed his eyes and seemed to wince, shaking his head as he pressed his forehead to Billy's and heaved a huge sigh. "And this is insane. I know. I know, I know. I wish I could figure it out. But you ever get that feeling that the world is spinning out from underneath you?"
"Yeah." Dom whispered back. "And I guess I shouldn't yell because you know who I come to?" His lips turned into a smile slightly. Billy smiled back at him and nodded. "Yeah. You." Billy kept staring into his blue eyes, except they had always confused him because they had that grey tone to them, and he never quite knew how to label it. But it was okay. Dom mumbled, "Sorry."
Billy nodded. "So`m I." His smile left his face as Dom didn't move away. He was so close, and Billy could see taste ice cream on his tongue. "Dom, I'm sorry for licking you." He muttered. "Geez, that sounds stupid."
Dom chuckled and closed his eyes. "It's okay, Bills." He leaned in and licked Billy's lips lightly. "There, we're even. Now we can hate each other for licking each other." His eyes opened and he smiled broadly at Billy, who was smiling at him but inside, he wished Dom hadn't done that No, you don't mind his doing it, but he's fucked you up a bit more, because look at that, that's your heart pounding and your head spinning and isn't that fun?
He was also aware that this was not a good thing because his fingers were tightening of their own volition while he pulled Dom closer to him and kissed him. He kissed Dom first this time. And the bad thing was that he was kissing Dom. Because it was scaring him that he was spinning out of control even as his fingers gripped Dom's biceps and Dom kissed him back. And then he started to get control again, when Dom kissed him back. Which scared him further. After all, he was kissing Dom in a very friendly manner and Dom was responding and that was the only thing that was keeping him calm. Except kissing like this was not a friendly kind of kiss. Not when it went on for more than a few seconds and where he was starting to wish that he did this a lot more with Dom.
He pulled away, startled, and tried to step backwards and hit his head on the wall before realising that he had nowhere to go. Wordlessly, he stared at Dom again. He was doing that a lot. Staring. He didn't know what to say. Wanted to say something but if he spoke, he'd fuck up.
"Please don't ever kiss me again."
Yeah. That was fucking it up pretty good. That was definitely a good way to ensure Dom anger. Which it did. Dom bit his lip. "I'm sorry." Billy started saying. "I didn't mean to say that. I knew it would only hurt you." Okay, so that was called digging a hole and jumping in. "I mean, it's not like it's your fault except you kissed me back." Okay. How about just smacking himself with the shovel and killing himself right there?
Dom bit his lip. "Okay. Because I actually understand that you're very confused and hurt right now, I'm going to keep from blowing up at you. But we're going back to the hotel and I'm going to my room, taking a long shower and then... I don't know. But I can't ... not right now and not today." His eyes refused to meet Billy's and Billy almost wanted to grab him and kiss him again if that was what it took to get him to stare at him. Just so he could see if it was hate or hurt in those eyes. But he didn't. Instead, he walked slowly behind Dom, feeling a bit like a gobshite, and as he sat next to Dom, he opened his mouth to speak.
"Dom." He said quietly. Dom shook his head. "Please."
"No. Not right now. Because it won't be nice and it won't be helpful. It'll only hurt us both. So just... shut up, Billy. Please." And Dom sounded like he was pleading as much as Billy was. Billy listened. The car smelled like his dream, and although it was only Dom's apple car freshener, it smelled more like green apple.
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: R
Pairing: DM/BB
Summary: Billy and Dom make up, but the next day, a new argument that pushes them even further apart erupts, and Billy finds himself in a situation that makes him wonder what Dom means to him.
Notes: Writing thoughts in italics when you have a dream sequence in italics is funny because it means reverse HTML so that it's actually not italicized. Also, this is shockingly less angsty than I wanted. It’s unsatisfying.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, just let me know at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away!
Chapter One
Dom glared at Billy. His eyes were ice, slate, everything cold that made Billy want to curl up in himself for fear of freezing. He was strangely stable for the moment but he almost wished he wasn't because it had something to do with Dom. And happiness. Dom's happiness. His happiness. But Dom was speaking now and Billy was scared to listen. He could keep himself from listening if he wanted. Or at least he tried, but his ears refused to work with him and he heard the words. "Fuck you, Bill. I tried to be nice, but this is all your fault. So go to hell. This is your fault for hurting me. And you hurt yourself. And you deserve it, because you were too stupid to figure it out."
His brain told him quietly, This isn't your Dom but it didn't matter, because Dom was continuing on. His fists were balled and he was practically shouting in Billy's face, and Billy saw so much hatred that he couldn't take it, even as Dom continued to berate him.
"I can't wait to get away from you after this film is over! I wish I'd never met you." Dom's voice dropped to a scathing whisper at this, and Billy realised that Dom was sucking a lolly. When had this happened? The scent was sickeningly sweet, much too heavy to be a normal sucker. Green apple. His own tongue was salivating in an attempt to wash the phantom taste away. Because it wasn't just sweet, but sour at the same time, clotting on his tongue, making it feel like it was covered in sticky cotton.
Green apple. Tart, very tart. So sour but so sweet. Made your lips pucker. Dom. Lips puckered. Dom. Staring at him. With lips puckered as he sucked, but his eyes furious, staring at Billy, moving farther and farther away without doing a thing and Billy-
-jerked awake with a sudden shuddering gasp. His fingers were grasping the covers and his tongue was running back and forth on the top of his mouth. He'd obviously been doing it for quite some time because it was sore as all hell and he forced himself to stop, feeling a bit stupid as his tongue lolled forward slightly. He wiped at tears that were at the corners of his eyes. The dream had really scared him. And for obvious reasons. Although Dom would never act like that, in the dream, it was entirely plausible for whatever reason.
He lay in bed, sweat on his forehead, trying to calm his brain down. Just go apologise to him. He glanced over at the clock. One in the morning. Doesn't matter. Go talk to him. Just go do it, now. His brain continued to repeat. He knew he should. But he was scared. What if Dom told him to fuck off? He probably would have lain there for the rest of the night if he hadn't had to pee. So he got up and pissed and while he was up, forced himself towards the door to go see Dom.
Each step was heavy and as he got closer to the door, he almost was dragging himself. He could feel his skin and body pushing backwards by the invisible force of fear, goosebumps rising on his arms as he shivered. Dom was going to hate him, Dom was going to hate him, Dom was going to hate him. He couldn't stop the worried train of thought from running through his brain. He made his way to the elevator and went down two floors, got out, his knees feeling watery and weak. He took in a deep breath as he approached Dom's door and then knocked gently. Nothing. He knocked harder.
A moment later, he heard a thump that Dom either hurling a pillow at the door or Dom hitting the ground. Either way, it was not a good sign. Billy began to chew his lip, realising that he was wearing nothing but boxers. He probably should have thought about changing that issue. Because being in boxers and outside Dom's room, probably making a fool of himself asking forgiveness was not going to look very good.
But then the door opened and Dom was staring at him. Billy froze and forgot anything he'd been planning on saying. "Dom... I'm sorry." He sounded stupid. Tired. He looked at the floor. "I...I don't know..." He raised his eyes to see Dom still looking at him, and even if Dom was tired, there was nothing in his eyes that made Billy feel as if he might be forgiven. Billy wrapped his arms around his body, suddenly cold, and shivered. "Dom..." He started again. "I wish I hadn't. You know that. I'm sorry. I don't know why I was jealous. Or whatever I felt." His voice was a breath now, passing from his lips and Dom looked as if he was barely listening anyways.
But his eyebrows lifted slightly, though his exhausted, disbelieving stare remained. "Get the fuck in here and get under the blankets." Dom finally said. He reached out and took Billy's wrist, walking back over to the bed with Billy following him. When Dom released him, Billy stopped walking and instead sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, his chin going to rest in the faint gap between his kneecaps.
"Dommie?" He asked gently. Dom rolled over in the bed next to him and made a muffled growling noise. Obviously he wasn't forgiven.
He needed sleep. He wanted to think about what had happened, but he needed sleep. He didn't know which one he wanted to forsake at the moment. Finally Dom muttered into his pillow and flipped over. His hair was a mess, and Billy looked at that sadly for a moment while Dom kind of glared at him and kind of shared the glum look. "What?" Dom finally asked. "What is it?"
Billy found himself falling forward onto his hands and knees and crawling forward slowly to kneel by Dom. "I just... I can't have you hate me. I don't want you to wish that you'd never met me." And he realised how very idiotic that was because even if Dom was-
"...mad at you, I could never hate you." He suddenly heard Dom voice the very words he'd been thinking. And there was that disbelieving smile. Smile. That was a good thing. "You're not the only one under stress, Billy, and so I didn't really appreciate you going off on me yesterday. Twice. With calling me a cunt and then implying I was some sort of whore."
Billy lowered his eyes. "Yeh, I was a bit-"
"Assholish?" Dom asked. "Yeah. Now, shut up and get under the covers. I don't like being mad at you, it makes my hangovers worse because then I'm worrying." Billy almost laughed at this sweet but disturbing piece of information. "Doesn't mean you're completely forgiven, either." He paused. "So what is this stress that you're under?" Dom asked, rolling over more to face Billy. Billy felt a sudden apprehension roll through him.
"I'm... I'm not sure." Billy answered. "I wish I could tell you. But I don't know why I'm so stressed. It just... the best I could offer is to tell you how I feel. But not right now. I'm tired. Later." His brain was starting to turn off and staring at Dom was easier than talking. He got under the covers and curled up in a ball, his feet feeling like they were numb at the tips. He shoved his hands between his thighs in an attempt to warm them. Why is the hotel so bloody cold? He wondered.
Dom was on his stomach, head turned away from Billy, and Billy watched him for a moment before closing his eyes. He couldn't sleep, though, and shifted uncomfortably for a bit until Dom spoke up without raising his head or looking at him. "Billy. Go to sleep."
"Sorry. It's just... you hated me. In the dream. And you had a green apple sucker. And you told me that you wished you never met me. And it really fucking messed with my head." Billy whispered. Dom mumbled something that Billy didn't quite catch. "I know it was a stupid dream, but every time I close my eyes, I see the way you were glaring at me and just the way you looked like if you could, you would erase me from your memory."
"Bills, I'd never erase you from my memory. Couldn't if I wanted." Dom answered back, voice still muffled against the pillow. "Remember all the good times we've had together? Most recent being yesterday morning? You think I'd want to get rid of any of the fun, the drunkenness, or just the meaningful stuff? And besides, everyone fights now and then. Now, shut up and go to sleep."
Billy reached over and stroked along Dom's back with fingers, just feeling in a moment of strange calmness in lieu of recent events. His fingers caught in the fabric and then pulled up and over to a new area of skin. Dom made a noise in his throat that sounded somewhat warm and amused, but Billy was breathing slower as he traced Dom's skin with his fingers and feeling like he had a grip; it occurred to him that it was Dom that had rocked his equilibrium and Dom who'd also kept a grip on Billy.
Well, that would definitely need to be addressed. Just as soon...(his fingers slowed their movements on the fabric) as Billy... (his thumb was the only thing rubbing over Dom's back) woke up. His palm lay flat, motionless on Dom's back.
He drifted.
~~~
When he woke, it was to the feel of something (stroking?) his hand. He yawned and realised it wasn't a stroke, but a poke. Dom.
He opened his eyes blearily. Dom was poking his palm with him thumb, almost jabbing. "What time..." Billy trailed off and propped himself up on one elbow. Dom was watching him, still tucked mostly under the blankets, just the top part of his head sticking out so that his eyes and nose were visible. Billy leaned over to tug at the blankets so he could properly hear a response. Dom yawned and yanked back, diving back under the covers. Billy followed him, and there was a scuffle for a bit as they poked and kicked at each other, warm and comfy.
Finally, Billy won by simple, rather than pulling down the blankets, pulling Dom out from underneath and sprawling out before Dom could get back under. "You woke me up. So you can't go back to sleep. Now, what time is it?"
"Six." Dom yawned, scrubbing his face with his hands. "It's cold out, damnit. Shooting was cancelled back till tomorrow. Thanks to that." He motioned outside. "Yesterday was a warm up."
The sky that should have been cornflower blue or cement grey was instead almost pitch black. Lightning flashed decisively after few moments, and then a long pause while Billy counted. One, two, three, four, five, six, se-CRACK! Okay. So it was pretty far away still. Which meant that if it was this black now, and all he could see was black, how heavy was the storm going to be? As if reading his mind, Dom began to talk again.
"Thunderstorms. All day, hail, wind up to 45 miles an hour." Dom quoted the muted television. "So, considering that you've got shadows under your eyes that a wino couldn't be able to rival and you weren't waking up even with the lightning and thunder yet, I figured I'd let you sleep. And then I got hungry."
"So why did you wake me up?" Billy asked. "Fucker, by the way. Stress does that to a person. Gives them shadows under their eyes. How are you feeling, by the way?"
Dom shrugged. "Like my head's throbbing. Could be worse." Dom answered, not looking completely trashed and Billy was jealous, because a glance in the mirror across the room informed him that he was not quite as lucky, no sirree. Billy reached over and touched the neck of Dom's shirt. "Sorry about last night." But you grounded me and I need you, need that, because recently I've gotten lost and you find me.
Dom bounced on the bed. "I want ice cream." He replied. "You'll buy it for me. And that'll start to make up for locking me up."
"Shut it, Dominic. You got locked up because you brought the wrong kind." Billy replied, grabbing a pillow and aiming a smack and Dom. "And it's six in the bloody morning. You want ice cream?"
Dom moved to sit on Billy's lap and nodded. He took the pillow from Billy and then dropped it on Billy's face. Billy let out a small "mrph" and pushed it back up into Dom's face, hearing the "oomph" in return. He sat up abruptly and Dom tilted and dropped back onto the bed, the pillows and blankets all spread around him. He stretched, his shirt tugging up to reveal a peek at his stomach. He looked up to Dom's face, saw him yawning again, and his eyes fluttering closed. "Dom." He said with a small smile as his brain seemed to freeze over for a moment. Because a small smile was the only thing that was going to keep the absolutely dumb look off his face. Fake small tight smile. "Dommie, d`you try to look like walking sex in bed or are you just practicing for the ladies?"
... What the fuck was that? Where'd that come from? He'd intended to ask about why Dom didn't bring home women to wake up next to and look like that the next morning.
Dom snorted. "Much rather have you. After all, you've got those talented touchy fingers."
Billy rolled his eyes, trying to keep some semblance of composure. "Well, my touchy fingers will do none of the touching that that," and he pointed at the bed, "would entail. Not unless it's with Ali."
Dom snickered and raised his eyebrow. "Then don't do something that anymore. Very sensual." He whispered, his eyes half closed and lips almost in a pout as he parted them slightly. Billy worried that Dom was doing it on purpose, making him dizzy. Why was Dom making him so dizzy and confused? Because it was only when Dom was being sexy or doing-
"-something sensual?" Billy said out loud.
Dom coughed. "Excuse me, Bills? You don't think that running your hands all over my back is sensual?"
"Uhm, not when we had just finished arguing." Billy replied, glad that somehow he'd not gotten caught. Maybe it is a little. His brain suddenly said. And what?! He had to backtrack for a moment. I did not just think that. Yes I did. Oh boy.
"A chicken is a chicken." Dom replied, using a metaphor that made sense only if Billy in return metaphorically turned his head a bit and squinted a lot. "Touching is sensual."
Billy had no witty reply and just made a face at Dom. I'm thinking he's sensual and touching and this because I miss Ali and am horny. He told himself firmly. And you're not feeling like you need to go grab the nearest item because his eyes and mouth are both making you dizzy. No, they're not. No. He gave up and practically bolted for the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it, his head hitting the wood solidly.
No. Dom's eyes, all intensity and laughter and life, did not make Billy need to grab the doorknob in support while he gasped like he was going underwater.
So I am horny without Ali. That's it. My body and mind are overly sensitive. Because watch. He told himself as he ran his own hand down his chest and across his hips. He felt a thrill shudder through him. It's not just Dom.
He closed his eyes, pictured Ali's eyes, her lips, parted like Dom's had just been, and nodded. It was a very good image. His brain switched the image over to Dom, his eyes more bright and heated and lips more enticing and ohfuck why do I see his tongue peeking out?
His own mind was a traitor, he decided. Now that he'd been staring at Dom lately and seeing all the things that confused him and that he loved about Dom at the same time, and now that he'd had... whatever that was yesterday (it was like spiritual sex, he decided, to give it a name.), his mind was traitor and apparently trying to confuse him more. That had to be the answer to it. That was the only explanation. He showered quickly, ignoring his erection, and got back into his boxers. He stepped outside to see Dom had fallen back asleep.
He shook his head and decided it would be best to head back to his own room. However, as he tiptoed over to the door and tried to open it as quietly as he could, Dom asked, "Where are you going? We're going to get breakfast together."
"I thought you were sleeping..." Billy said in surprise, and he really wished Dom had been. Dom simply sat up in bed and slid out from the jungle of covers and pillows, and then began to dig through the closet for clothes. "Okay. We'll go for breakfast." Billy said, leaning against the door. Billy wondered a moment later if Dom had any clue what he was doing by standing in front of his closet and lightly biting his lip, sucking it into his mouth and then releasing it.
Then he remembered he had an excuse to leave. Because he was standing in boxers. "I'm going back to my room to change. So just meet me there when you're done." His last few words seemed to come from far away. Because Dom had nodded at him and tugged off his shirt to reveal his chest for a moment before pulling on a black tee-shirt. But still, Billy's brain had just split into two.
The first was the white shirt that Dom had been wearing before. The damn thing was loose enough for a second person to be inside it, probably and that only served to send Billy on a path that was not very good, thinking wise. Because his brain wanted to give him a heart attack. His brain was working separately from his body, he was beginning to think. And his heart. Those two vital organs were warring. Really. Because he was picturing Dom with a lolly and him walking over and there was plenty of room for him to push his one hand under the loose fabric while his other hand stole the sucker and slid it into his own mouth and ohfuckno! he had not just imagined that.
He turned quickly and headed for his room, breathing hard. Over-sensitive. He remembered that. And the spiritual sex. Now I'm just freaked out a bit by Dom and I just have to get past it so I'll be fine. Once in his room, he closed the door and slid out of his boxers, going over to his closet. He grabbed jeans and the first tee shirt he saw, because if they weren't shooting, he didn't really care how he looked in front of Dom. He'd seen Dom in pretty much every state of disarray there was, and Dom had a mutual respect for him in the same manner.
But as he stood there, slipping into new boxers and then the jeans, he felt bizarrely sympathetic to women and their bra issue, how grumpy they could get over men not needing them. Because he felt exposed. Thinking about Dom made him go a little bit crazy and he wondered if Dom could read him like an open book, that even as Billy clung to him, he twisted and fell further and it scared him. Being like that meant feeling exposed.
He remembered how he'd once walked in on Ali with no bra on, shirtless. She'd jumped about a foot, and he'd laughed softly, watching her scowl at him and then seeing the scowl turn into a pleased smile as he let his gaze rake up and down her body. As she watched him, he'd stepped slowly forward, still examining her body (which he'd seen many times before this naked, but still found her absolutely amazingly sexy) and his lips found her neck while his fingers moved to brush across swells and nipples.
"Billy, you ready yet?"
"Dom!" Billy jolted from his daydream with a very intense twitch as he spun to face Dom. "D`you knock? What if I was getting off or something?" He'd never reacted quite like this when Dom walked in on him and Dom knew it.
"What? So? I'd close the door and we'd laugh it off later. Are you really that stressed that you'd think I'd react badly?" Dom asked, taking a step closer. Billy let out a long shuddering sigh and then focused on Dom and ohgod that was a bad idea, because a moment later, he was lost. He was watching Dom's lips and couldn't hear, and Dom's eyes, and he couldn't breathe. So he was standing there, trembling slightly as Dom came closer, trying to yank himself out of his haze of floaty unbalance.
"Just... yeah...stress." Billy managed to breathe out. That had to be it. Because that would definitely explain all this unbalance. But the stress was caused by the unbalance. He told himself. But that didn't seem to make sense anymore. Because the unbalance was caused by Dom and the stress was caused by Dom and it was Dom, but Dom was helping keep him unstressed. It didn't make sense that way either. So it had to be something else. Something from all the options Billy had already explored. He just didn't know what.
And then Dom had his arms around Billy. And what happened to Billy started out as a tremble and then turned into a shudder, his body leaning into Dom even as he told himself that this was bad, very bad, as his arms wrapped around Dom and held on. "I'm just scared, Dom." He whispered. He didn't want to be saying this yet. He fought against it. "I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Dom sighed as he tightened his arms around Billy. "Maybe it's just the fear of leaving all this. We've had it for so long, y`know?" Billy nodded, suddenly grateful he had Dom and angry at himself for ever being upset at Dom last night or today or blaming Dom for his problems, because Dom did too much to help him for Billy to be angry at him. Plus, Dom was his best mate. Which was in and of itself one of the biggest reasons that Billy couldn't stay mad at him.
"Ice cream?" Dom asked quietly, and Billy started to laugh, still holding on tightly while he regained everything that had been lost. "Billy? Ice cream?"
Billy let go reluctantly. "Yes, Dom. Ice cream. And I'll get a normal breakfast, thank you very much. Now, where are we finding you ice cream at half past six in the morning?" Dom's eyes sparkled as he shrugged in response and Billy shook his head. "This is punishment for locking you up, isn't it?"
Dom shrugged again, and his eyes seemed to gleam and Billy knew that he was going to lose himself in a moment and ohyes he did, because Dom replied, "Maybe I didn't mind it as much as you think," and the way he said it sure enough made Billy stumble a moment before smacking Dom on the shoulder. As he tried to continue chatting normally, he wondered if he really was going crazy.
~~~
Miracles of miracles, there was an ice cream place that sold ice cream at six in the morning. Cheap ice cream. In fact, the place looked like such a slum that Billy was afraid to let Dom get ice cream. "You can't get it from here. It looks like they haven't washed anything in here in a month!"
"But ice cream!" Dom whined back, looking stubborn. Billy stared.
"Death! Food poisoning and germs and seizures and muscles locking and death!" He returned in a hushed whisper so that the boy working there, who had a blue mohawk that stood about half a foot in the air and the rest of his head shaved, wouldn't hear him.
If it had been Elijah, the boy would have pouted, and Billy would have laughed and given in and told him to go ahead and kill himself. Orlando would have shrugged and walked back over before brazenly asking for a cherry on top of the ice cream with a wink. But Dom instead just stared at him with a small smile on his lips. "Ice cream. I want ice cream for breakfast. Unless you can find me another place, I'm going to risk it."
Billy stared at his lips. "Uhm." He replied. "Uhm." There was nobody really watching them. The boy working looked like he was half asleep. He tried to make his mind focus, but he was all swirly like the vanilla and chocolate mix that Dom had ordered and as he stared, Dom raised an eyebrow, went to get his cone, and then while Billy watched him, paid and let his tongue slide cautiously along and circle the ice cream. Hello, tongue. And lips.
"Tastes good." Dom announced to Billy. "Might have to get another cone tomorrow morning." Billy nodded, half-focused on Dom and half-focused on Dom's mouth again, still doing things to the ice cream that should be illegal.
"It looks good." Billy told him. No, his lips look good. His brain informed him. Shut up. He answered. Why was he arguing with his brain? He was going crazy. Except he knew deep down that he wasn't. Dom reached forward and put the cone to his lips. "Whuh?" Billy asked, looking up.
"You look like you're about ready to just steal it and take a bite yourself." Dom grinned. "I'm not greedy. All you have to do is ask."
Ohboy. That's a bad thing to say, Dom, Billy almost told him. But he didn't and instead let his own tongue swipe the vanilla and chocolate. "It is good." He agreed. They walked back towards the car and as they drove to another restaurant that Billy would trust for breakfast, Billy never took his eyes off the road. If he had, he would have stared at Dom eating and he would have ended up crashing the car. Because apparently it wasn't just Dom's eyes and lips, but whatever Dom said that drove him absolutely crazy.
Which he didn't like the idea of. Because he didn't want to think about that and what alternate things it might mean. He wouldn't.
Dom was just finishing up the cone as they got out of the car at the restaurant, lifting it to suck at the dripping ice cream from the bottom of the cone, his cheeks going in slightly. Sure enough. Brain dead. Billy got himself together quickly, though. He was beginning to anticipate and figure out how to catch himself before he was completely screwed, and as Dom lifted his head again to resume licking the small amount of chocolate ice cream still peeking out from his cone, he glanced at Billy who took his hand and started to lean in. "More?" Dom asked, starting to offer the cone.
Billy shook his head, still focused on Dom's hand. Jerked it up. And sploosh, there was ice cream on Dom's nose and cheek and lips and chin. Dom blinked and then began to sputter something out while Billy snickered madly. Finally Dom got control of his brain. "Fucker." He told Billy. Billy smiled at him winningly and Dom gave in. He started to clean up his face with a napkin, but before long, it was sticky and there was still some on his cheek and by his lips. He glared at Billy. "Don't suppose you have any more napkins?"
Billy shook his head. Before he really knew what he was doing, he leaned in and licked Dom's cheek. Vanilla melted on his tongue. A drop of chocolate by his mouth. And he moved to get that too, still so close that when his fingers would have done, his tongue instead was taking a fast swipe and removing the offending cold treat. And then he pulled back and swallowed the taste, his heart suddenly pounding while his brain was doing some kind of exuberant dance and he grabbed Dom's shoulder while he tipped over, or it felt like he tipped over. It was definitely an interesting sensation, to feel himself leaning backwards when he was completely upright.
Dom had that secret smile on his face again and he slid his arm around Billy's waist. Billy literally felt his brain and heart go into triple time and all thought left him while he just kind of stood there and put his arm around Dom in return. They stood there for a moment before Dom began to laugh and Billy joined him, because it was absurd. Dom squeezed his side lightly and released him. "C`mon, Bills. Let’s get me another napkin so I can finish wiping off the ice cream and your germs."
Billy made a face at him but he was glad that Dom wasn't freaking out on him because he himself was most certainly freaking out. "So. We still need to get me breakfast." But he really wasn't that hungry any more. They walked into the restaurant anyways, Dom sucking on his fingers to remove the last bit of chocolate. Billy very determinedly ignored him while they were seated. He ordered eggs and toast, and as he waited, Dom crossed his arms and stared at him.
"What?" He asked, slightly confused.
"What's up, Billy? You're acting really weird. And you need to tell me." Dom told him. He looked more than a little worried for Billy and Billy felt more than a little bad in return for worrying him as much as he had. But he still shook his head at Dom and Dom frowned. "No, you're not getting out of it like that. I want to know exactly what's making you act so not Billyish."
"I don't know, Dom!" He said. "Okay? Please don't ask because I don't know. I feel like I'm losing myself and the only time I'm really okay is when I'm with you, and that's only when I can touch you or hug you or if I'm not staring at you and I don't know why I'm staring at you and going nuts either!" He cut himself off.
Dom stared at him. "That's...what?" He stared at Billy as if he didn't quite understand.
Billy shook his head. "I can't. Because I don't know. And you're part of the problem." There. Dom wanted honesty. "You're the entire problem, actually. You're driving me crazy. And I hate it. And I wish you'd stop it and you're not because you're not doing anything."
"And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Dom asked. He looked less worried and more pissed off now. "You're blaming me on your stress because I'm being me? That's bloody rich, Billy. You've been acting weird to me lately and you just fucking licked my cheeks and now you're telling me that I'm the cause of your problems? You ever think that licking me might confuse you?"
"Dom! That's not fair!" Billy protested. "I mean, I've licked you before. Goddamnit, that sounds weird, but I have. I've done stuff like that before. And I don't know why I'm feeling like I do now! It started with that fucking sucker during the interview. That's what started it!"
"You don't even make sense, Billy!" Dom hissed back, obviously struggling to keep his voice low in the restaurant. "It's the suckers fault?"
Billy took in a deep breath. "I don't know, Dom!" He hissed. "I'm trying to show you that I don't know! But you're just not getting it! And the suckers are invading my dreams. Last night, you were eating a sour apple sucker. And you hated me!"
"So, it's the suckers' fault that I hate you and that you're going nuts and all this insanity that you're paranoid about?" Dom's eyes were blazing. Billy cringed and shook his head. "Then, what?"
"I. Don't. Know." Billy furiously growled at him. "Now, would you please fucking drop this? So that I can eat breakfast like a civilized person? We'll go back to the hotel and you can bitch at me all you want, but can we please act like adults in public?" He watched Dom's eyes narrow. That was a mistake, he knew. Fuck him. Fuck.
"Don't worry about me bitching at you. Because I don't really want to talk to you right now." Dom said. "I'll be outside, waiting for you when you finish eating." And with that, he stood and abruptly walked out of the restaurant. Billy sat in fairly stunned silence and threw money on the table to pay for food that hadn't even come yet before chasing Dom outside and pinning him to the wall.
"No, you don't!" He shouted. "You do not walk out on me when I need you more than anything to stay with me and help me!" He was glaring at Dom, but this much of what he was saying was true and made sense to him. "You're the only person who can calm me down right about now and you are not going to walk out on me like that!"
Dom pushed him away and started to stalk off. "Billy, you're being one of the biggest fucking... I don't even know what to say about you right now! You're blaming me for going crazy and then saying you need me!"
"And you're an asshole!" Billy yelled back. "But if you came to me and told me this, I wouldn't turn my back on you. I'd be more than a little confused but I wouldn't yell at you and tell you that you weren't making sense and tell you to fuck off!" He watched Dom stop and turn around, and then he was the one pinned to the wall as Dom pushed his finger into Billy's chest, his eyes in front of Billy's as he pushed him so close together that Billy actually did feel a jolt of fear.
"And just how do you know this? I've never come to you all upset and confused like you came to me, and said things that didn't make sense!" Dom spat at him. Billy closed his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Dom like this. It was tearing him apart. Because he really felt like he was going to faint. He grabbed at Dom's arms and trembled as he clung, needing him. Dom froze and when Billy opened his eyes, Dom was simply staring at him. "And you're not fucking kidding." Dom breathed.
Billy shook his head. "It's not like I'm not trying to figure it out, Dommie." He whispered. "But I'm losing myself and you're the only one who can make that stop." Dom closed his eyes and seemed to wince, shaking his head as he pressed his forehead to Billy's and heaved a huge sigh. "And this is insane. I know. I know, I know. I wish I could figure it out. But you ever get that feeling that the world is spinning out from underneath you?"
"Yeah." Dom whispered back. "And I guess I shouldn't yell because you know who I come to?" His lips turned into a smile slightly. Billy smiled back at him and nodded. "Yeah. You." Billy kept staring into his blue eyes, except they had always confused him because they had that grey tone to them, and he never quite knew how to label it. But it was okay. Dom mumbled, "Sorry."
Billy nodded. "So`m I." His smile left his face as Dom didn't move away. He was so close, and Billy could see taste ice cream on his tongue. "Dom, I'm sorry for licking you." He muttered. "Geez, that sounds stupid."
Dom chuckled and closed his eyes. "It's okay, Bills." He leaned in and licked Billy's lips lightly. "There, we're even. Now we can hate each other for licking each other." His eyes opened and he smiled broadly at Billy, who was smiling at him but inside, he wished Dom hadn't done that No, you don't mind his doing it, but he's fucked you up a bit more, because look at that, that's your heart pounding and your head spinning and isn't that fun?
He was also aware that this was not a good thing because his fingers were tightening of their own volition while he pulled Dom closer to him and kissed him. He kissed Dom first this time. And the bad thing was that he was kissing Dom. Because it was scaring him that he was spinning out of control even as his fingers gripped Dom's biceps and Dom kissed him back. And then he started to get control again, when Dom kissed him back. Which scared him further. After all, he was kissing Dom in a very friendly manner and Dom was responding and that was the only thing that was keeping him calm. Except kissing like this was not a friendly kind of kiss. Not when it went on for more than a few seconds and where he was starting to wish that he did this a lot more with Dom.
He pulled away, startled, and tried to step backwards and hit his head on the wall before realising that he had nowhere to go. Wordlessly, he stared at Dom again. He was doing that a lot. Staring. He didn't know what to say. Wanted to say something but if he spoke, he'd fuck up.
"Please don't ever kiss me again."
Yeah. That was fucking it up pretty good. That was definitely a good way to ensure Dom anger. Which it did. Dom bit his lip. "I'm sorry." Billy started saying. "I didn't mean to say that. I knew it would only hurt you." Okay, so that was called digging a hole and jumping in. "I mean, it's not like it's your fault except you kissed me back." Okay. How about just smacking himself with the shovel and killing himself right there?
Dom bit his lip. "Okay. Because I actually understand that you're very confused and hurt right now, I'm going to keep from blowing up at you. But we're going back to the hotel and I'm going to my room, taking a long shower and then... I don't know. But I can't ... not right now and not today." His eyes refused to meet Billy's and Billy almost wanted to grab him and kiss him again if that was what it took to get him to stare at him. Just so he could see if it was hate or hurt in those eyes. But he didn't. Instead, he walked slowly behind Dom, feeling a bit like a gobshite, and as he sat next to Dom, he opened his mouth to speak.
"Dom." He said quietly. Dom shook his head. "Please."
"No. Not right now. Because it won't be nice and it won't be helpful. It'll only hurt us both. So just... shut up, Billy. Please." And Dom sounded like he was pleading as much as Billy was. Billy listened. The car smelled like his dream, and although it was only Dom's apple car freshener, it smelled more like green apple.
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... Oh boy. My Angst!Muse just creamed her pants, while Billy!Muse is kind of looking very depressed already and Dom!Muse is glaring at me for doing this to Billy.
*backs away from all three* Uh... guys... we can... get along, right?
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Teehee, I figured Dom might do something like that. Plus it gave Billy ample reason to stare at his lips and tongue.
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I was trying to wait until this was finished to read it but I gave in. And I sort of wish I had, so I could have the next chapter now! Yeah, I'm one of those instant gratification people.
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