monaboyd | The Beginning of Us

Title: The Beginning of Us - 15/25
Author:

dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG
Summary: Part 15. I think the title says it all. *sniff*
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated. Many, many thanks to

frojane and

uisinger for their faboo beta skills.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. *sigh* Damn.
Previous Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
A/N: Warning of angst. I strongly recommend you have some kleenex nearby. Next part will be posted on Wednesday.

Part 15 - Goodbye

True strength is found in standing firm, yet bending gently.

The drive to the airport is quiet, Dom’s expressive, blue-grey eyes carefully hidden behind dark sunglasses, but Billy sees the excess moisture that Dom keeps blinking back, and the occasional shudder that ripples through his lithe body. Without even discussing it with Billy, Dom bypasses the passenger drop-off section and instead finds a spot on the top level of the short-term parking structure.

The afternoon sun is hot on Billy’s face as he steps out of the car and pauses to watch an airplane lift off the tarmac and rise into the clear, blue sky. Part of him wishes it was raining, so it would match his mood and help hide the tears threatening to escape any moment. Realizing that they’ll have at least a few more minutes together and not a rushed parting, Billy sighs inwardly with relief. There’s so much that needs to be said, things that he wants Dom to remember. He’s not ready to go. Honestly, he’ll never be ready to leave, but he has to do something to ease Dom’s pain. If he can.

Walking so close together that their shoulders touch, Billy pushes the cart with his luggage though the terminal, moving slower than necessary, wanting to stretch their time together. While Billy checks his luggage and confirms his seat with the airline, Dom leans against the counter next to him, hooking his sunglasses on the collar of his t-shirt and gazing at Billy, occasionally gnawing on his lower lip and shifting from one foot to the other. It seems as though there’s something he wants to say, but can’t bring himself to form the words.

After tucking his boarding pass and passport into the inside pocket of his jacket, Billy slips the strap of his carryon over his shoulder and takes Dom’s proffered hand. There’s not too many people traveling today, and he’s grateful for that. The last thing he wants is to be caught up in a rush of strangers and lose precious time with Dom.

Coffee shops and fast food restaurants are bypassed, as neither of them are hungry. Part of Billy aches to walk into the nearest pub and drown himself in scotch, just to dull the ache, but he knows it’s just a temporary fix, and in the morning he’ll only feel worse. It’ll be bad enough that he won’t have Dom in his arms. Why add a hangover?

At the security check point with metal detectors and x-ray machines, Billy turns and looks around, searching for a quiet spot. It’s far too soon to part. He’s got almost an hour until his flight is scheduled to leave.

“Let’s find somewhere to sit,” he says, squeezing Dom’s hand. “Talk for a while.”

“I can go a little further,” Dom says gently, producing a wrinkled airline ticket from his back pocket and his passport. “Wait with you at the gate at least.”

“Dommie-”

“I know. I can’t go back with you,” Dom interrupts, his eyes resigned. “I bought a ticket to Kaui last week so I could get through security. I’m not going to use it. I just want to stay with you as long as possible.”

“Oh, love.” Sliding an arm around Dom’s waist and pulling their bodies even closer, Billy presses a tender kiss to the sensitive spot on Dom’s neck, just below his earlobe. “Me too.”

Together, they quickly make their way through the security checkpoints with no problems, and find the nearly deserted gate for Billy’s flight to LAX. Settling on the floor in a quiet corner by the window, Dom starts to snuggle into Billy’s side, only to be tugged over so he’s sitting between Billy’s knees and then pulled back against the wall of Billy’s chest. The intimate, comforting position reminds Dom of when he hurt his leg on set and Billy distracted him from the pain.

“Bills,” he says, looking around. “We’re-”

“I don’t care,” Billy interrupts firmly, tightening his hold. “I want to hold you.”

Murmuring loving words into Dom’s ear, Billy presses a series of gentle kisses to the side of his neck when Dom lets his head loll to one side to give Billy more room to work. Running his fingers affectionately through Dom’s hair, Billy inhales deeply, drawing his lover’s scent deeply into his lungs.

Rubbing his palms over Billy’s knees in slow circles, Dom sighs, nuzzling into his touch. Closing his eyes, he focuses on the steady rise and fall of Billy’s chest, breath warm on his cheek.

Sad green eyes continuing to flicker over Dom’s face, Billy runs his index finger down Dom’s cheek and along his jaw line, pausing to trace the cleft in his chin.

“Mmmm, that feels good, love,” Dom murmurs, turning his head and kissing Billy’s neck.

“Love touching you,” Billy replies simply.

Shifting a little in Billy’s arms and opening his eyes, Dom toys with the black leather cuff on his right wrist for a few moments, and then quickly unsnaps it, stroking the smoothness with his thumbs. Gently pushing up the sleeve of Billy’s jacket, Dom slips the ring of leather around his lover’s wrist and refastens the snaps.

“Dom-”

“I want you to wear this,” Dom says in a quiet voice, fingers sliding over the tender skin along the inside of Billy’s arm. “I want to know that part of me is with you. Please?”

“I’ll never take it off,” Billy vows, kissing the nape of Dom’s smooth neck and nuzzling his nose into his soft, blonde hair. “I promise.”

“Good.”

Letting his head fall back against Billy’s shoulder, Dom lets his eyes close again, pretending for a moment that they’re on the lanai, curled up together, naked and spent.

“Tell me to stay,” Billy whispers, so quiet Dom almost doesn’t hear him despite how close they are.

“Bills-”

“Tell me to stay, and I will.” The desperation in Billy’s voice is heartbreaking, his breath catching and eyes filling as he struggles to control himself. “I’ll call them and tell them that I’ve changed my mind. They’ll have time to find-”

“No, Bills,” Dom chokes out, turning in Billy’s arms. “You can’t.”

“Dommie-”

A long, slender finger is pressed to Billy’s lips to quiet him. “You promised that you’d be there, and you always keep your promises.” Exhaling a ragged breath, Dom adds, “It’s one of a million things that I love about you.”

“But Dom-”

“Billy, please,” Dom begs desperately. “If you ask again, I won’t be able to say no.”

Nodding, Billy's arms wrap around him, pulling Dom tightly to his chest as he blinks back the tears in his mossy green eyes. Head resting on Billy’s shoulder, Dom slides a hand along Billy's thigh, stroking and squeezing, a series of soft, wet kisses soothing Billy’s neck. At the same time, his other arm slides around Billy’s waist, under his t-shirt, palm resting against the small of his back.

Not wanting to draw attention to themselves and risk losing the few moments they have left, Dom withdraws and snuggles into Billy’s side, his head on Billy’s shoulder, their hands clasped in Billy’s lap as other passengers arrive at the gate. Long, quiet minutes pass, and Billy loses count of the number of times he starts to say something, only to let the words die in his throat because there isn’t enough time to express everything he wants to say. Five weeks together and so much has been left unsaid. Far too much.

Finally, Dom brings their mouths together for a tender kiss, murmuring something incoherent against his lips. When Billy pulls back and looks at him with question, Dom smiles sadly, eyes sympathetic with understanding.

“I know, Bills. So much to say and not enough time.”

Too emotionally exhausted to hold back his feelings, despite the public surroundings, Billy closes his eyes and presses a firm kiss to Dom’s lips, wanting the moment to last forever. In a desperate attempt to etch the feeling on his memory, Billy traces the features of Dom’s face, eyes fluttering open to gaze into Dom’s sleep deprived eyes, fingers caressing his mussed hair.

Dom’s voice is drowned out when the gate attendant comes over the loud speaker, announcing Billy’s flight and calling for passengers to begin boarding. Instead of repeating himself, Dom ducks his head down and focuses on their entwined hands in Billy’s lap, fighting the urge to throw himself into Billy’s arms and beg him to stay. He’s not surprised when he feels Billy’s fingers nudging his chin up so that their eyes meet.

“Dommie?” Billy says tenderly. “Talk to me.”

"I love you," Dom whispers, letting out a quiet sigh, his eyes wild, on the verge on falling apart completely.

When the last passenger disappears down the ramp to the airplane, Dom reluctantly gets to his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting restlessly from one foot to the other as Billy rises to stand beside him. Glancing down, Dom stares at the strap of Billy’s carryon, and how white his knuckles are from gripping it so tightly.

“Well,” Billy says, swallowing hard. “I guess-”

Arms winding around Billy’s shoulders, Dom leans fully into his lover, bringing their mouths together in a long, wet, passionate kiss, his tongue sliding between Billy’s cherubic lips. Surprised at first by the intensity of the kiss, Billy drops his bag before returning Dom’s affection, one hand wrapping snugly around his narrow waist, the other caressing the tanned nape of Dom’s neck.

Not caring who sees them, they kiss, long and deep, unable to find the words to express their feelings, and trusting their bodies to make the other understand. It’s only when the loudspeaker overhead announces the final boarding call for Billy’s flight that Dom finally breaks the kiss, his beautiful blue-grey eyes glistening brightly.

“I love you,” Billy says gently, cupping Dom’s face in his shaking hands and bringing their mouths together again, albeit briefly. “So much, Dommie.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll call you when I land,” Billy promises. “Keep your mobile on, yeah?”

Blinking rapidly, Dom nods. “Okay.”

“We’ll make it work, love.” Smoothing back Dom’s hair, Billy kisses both of Dom’s cheeks. “Whatever it takes.”

“I know, Bills,” Dom whispers hoarsely and then closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to hold back his tears. “Go.”

With one last fierce kiss, Billy picks up his carryon, reluctantly turns and walks over to the gate attendant before handing over his boarding pass. At the doorway he pauses and looks back, hoping and praying that he won’t burst into tears. Eyes red rimmed and shoulders heavy, Dom bravely tries to smile for Billy’s benefit.

“I love you,” Billy mouths, and then he is gone.

Palms pressed against the tinted glass, Dom watches as the door is secured and the airplane pulls away from the gate, slowly making its way over to the runway. The ache in Dom’s chest is nearly unbearable, his stomach twisting into tight knots and stealing his breath. He doesn’t move until the plane roars down the tarmac, lifts into the air and disappears from sight.

Biting down on his lower lip, Dom blinks rapidly and brushes furtively at his damp cheeks before turning away and beginning the long journey back to his car. Aimlessly, he walks though the terminal towards the exit, not noticing anyone around him. The airport may as well be completely deserted; as empty and hollow as his heart feels.

Hot rays of the afternoon sun beat down on Dom’s shoulders, sweat causing his t-shirt to stick to his lean back. He’s more than halfway back to the car when he remembers his sunglasses, hanging from his collar. Sliding them on and hiding his eyes from the brightness, Dom runs his fingers through his hair before shoving his hands back into the front pockets of his jeans.

Somehow Dom finds his way back to his car, though he’s not sure quite how or the length of time that it takes. One moment he’s in the terminal, gazing longingly at departure monitors, looking for the next flight to LA, and the next he’s fumbling for his keys to silence the blaring car alarm he’s inadvertently set off.

“Dom?”

At the familiar female voice, Dom looks up.

“Evey? What are you doing here?” he asks, frowning in confusion.

“Thought you might need a friend,” she says softly, walking over to Dom’s side and laying a hand on his shoulder.

“How did you know what time-”

“Billy talked to me a few days ago,” Evey interrupts gently. “He figured you’d be having a hard time right about now and didn’t want you to be alone.”

Knees buckling, Dom sags weakly against the boot of the car, swallowing the sob rising in his throat.

“That’s my Bills,” he manages to whisper.

“C’mon Dom,” Evey says soothingly, taking Dom’s keys and wrapping an arm around his waist, steering him over to the passenger side of the car. “Let’s get you home.”

* * *

Dom spends the rest of the day alone, sitting on the lanai, wrapped up in a blanket, watching the tide roll in and out, and listening to the waves. Wanting desperately to help, Evey lingers, attempting to fuss over him from a distance, but to no avail. Eventually, at Dom’s insistence, she leaves, but not before making Dom promise to call if he needs anything. Absolutely anything.

Despite Evey’s gentle prodding and encouragement, Dom can’t make himself eat as his stomach angrily rebels at the mere suggestion of food. It’s well after sunset when an emotionally and physically exhausted Dom finally passes out, curled up in the lounge chair on the lanai, hoping that the sound of the ocean will give him some much needed peace. Unfortunately, Dom sleeps fitfully, waking often, unpleasant dreams plaguing him until sunrise.

Just before nine o’clock on Sunday morning, the mobile clutched in Dom’s hand sounds, the musical ring tone telling him that it’s Billy calling, just as he promised. Bringing the phone to his ear, Dom tries to smile, aching to feel Billy’s soothing, Scottish lilt flow over his skin.

“Hey Bills.”

“Hello my love,” Billy says tenderly.

“How was your flight?” Dom asks, slouching down into the cushions of the lounge chair, watching the water.

“Not bad,” Billy tells him. “There was a little bit of turbulence during landing at Heathrow.”

“Did you give Maggie a hug for me?”

Dom can hear the smile in Billy’s voice. “Of course, baby. She sends you her love.”

A long, quiet moment passes, breathing and the waves rolling up the beach the only sound.

“Did you get some sleep, Dommie?” Billy asks tenderly. “You sound so tired.”

“A little.”

“Where?”

“What?” Dom asks, confused by the question.

“Where did you sleep?” Billy presses. “In bed?”

“No,” Dom says. “I couldn’t.”

“Where are you, baby?” Billy asks, his concern obvious. “Where have you been all this time?”

“Lanai,” Dom admits with a barely suppressed whimper. “Wanted to be near the water.”

“Oh Dommie-”

“It’s where I feel close to you, Bills,” Dom insists. “It’s our place.”

“You need to rest, love.”

“I’m okay.”

“Go inside,” Billy directs. “Right now.”

“But Bills,” Dom protests. “I-”

“Go. Inside,” Billy repeats. “Bedroom.”

Kicking back the blanket and heaving himself up off the lounge chair, Dom obediently walks through the living room and down the hall, his breath catching as Billy’s scent washes over him when he steps into the bedroom.

Billy’s tone is softer now, but still firm. “Get undressed, baby.”

Wrinkled blue jeans puddle on the floor next to Dom’s discarded t-shirt, but Dom can’t move, staring at the rumpled bed sheets that carry the heady aroma of the passionate lovemaking that took place during their last night together.

“Into bed now,” Billy directs gently. “Find your spot. On your tummy.”

Naked, Dom sprawls on the bed, pulling the sheet over his body and hugging Billy’s pillow possessively to his chest as though he’s curling into his lover’s arms.

“Reach under your pillow.”

Dom opens his mouth to ask why, but then his long, slender fingers find the gift that Billy left behind, knowing the one thing that would help Dom. Pressing it to his face, Dom inhales deeply, nearly whimpering at the feelings the present gives him. It’s Billy’s favorite t-shirt, smelling sweetly of his skin, Scotland, and something indescribably Billy.

“Bills-”

“Close your eyes, love,” Billy murmurs. “I’m right there, with my arms around you.”

Sighing softly, Dom’s eyelids flutter closed as he lays his head down on the t-shirt and sinks heavily into the pillow. Immensely grateful for some relief from the ache in his chest, Dom clutches the pillow tighter with one hand, the phone pressed to his ear like a lifeline.

“I’m rubbing your tummy, just the way you like,” Billy says softly. “You’re sleepy because we’ve just made love.”

“Oh, Bills,” Dom whimpers under his breath, curling up into a ball, never wanting to let go.

Understanding the words Dom doesn’t say, Billy continues to murmur comforting, loving words, finally drawing his lover into the welcoming arms of a peaceful sleep. Knowing that Dom needs to rest, Billy very reluctantly tells Dom to hang up the phone, and waits until he hears the line go dead.

* * *

Dom wakes for a few hours in the afternoon, and when he crawls back into bed that evening, it’s only Billy’s voice in his head that manages to give him a tiny bit of comfort. A new emotion is emerging, twisting and churning, eating at him. It’s the unmistakable feeling of regret.

He wishes he’d been selfish and begged Billy to stay, to Hell with the consequences. He wishes he’d been stronger and not fallen apart when Billy left. He wishes he’d given the box he bought that day to Billy, and had the courage to say the words he’s buried in his heart for far too long.

* * *

16-Connection

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Date: 2005-08-01 07:41 pm (UTC)

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