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monaboyd Mar. 3rd, 2005 06:27 pm)
anewlife.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Mar. 3rd, 2005 06:27 pm)Title: Drunk (9/9)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anewlife92385
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: This is all made up. Sort of. Well, it never happened to them. As far as I know. But we can always hope, right?
Feedback: Yes, please!
Author’s Note: This is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue, so don’t freak out that this ends on a cliff-hanger. The epilogue will be up shortly. If not later tonight, then probably sometime tomorrow.
Here are links to chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
And here is the last chapter:
When I checked the voicemail on my mobile later that day, I found a message from Billy. It basically apologized for leaving without saying goodbye, but said that he hadn’t wanted to wake me and also hadn’t wanted to miss his flight. It mentioned nothing about the previous night’s activities.
It was obvious he wanted to live in a state of denial regarding what had happened between us. Over the next few months, we never mentioned it, despite repeated attempts I made to hint at what his opinion might be towards the whole ordeal. We didn’t call each other as often as before, and, when we did, it was usually me who had called him and not the other way around.
Then came Lost. When I got cast in the show and relocated to Hawaii, I remember calling Billy and telling him that he should fly out sometime and visit the set. He didn’t say no, but it seemed he was always too busy to take a couple weeks off for a vacation. He talked about Ali, a lot more, too, and it seemed to me that things were getting more serious between the two of them.
Obviously, all these things had quite the effect on me. I fell into a deep depression. Just couldn’t seem to find joy in life without my Billy by my side. Getting cast in Lost helped raise my spirits a bit, but Billy’s lack of interest in visiting me made the fact that Billy would never be mine (and seemingly wanted nothing to do with me) all too real. I began to give up hope.
Until, one day, one of the girls from the cast of Lost came by to see how I was doing. Her name was Evangeline, but we all called her Evey.
I was sitting on the beach one evening, watching the sun go down. There was shooting scheduled after dark, and I was there early. Mainly because I didn’t have anything better to do. All I could think about was Billy. How he had looked the last time I saw him, how he sounded so cold and emotionless the last time I talked to him (just a few hours ago) and how he had not shut up for five minutes about how wonderful things were between him and Ali.
"Hey."
I looked up and saw Evey standing over me.
"Hey." I replied.
"You look like you’ve got something on your mind. Actually, you’ve looked that way ever since you got here, three weeks ago."
"Heh. Yeah."
"Alright, fine, don’t tell me if you don’t want to. Mind if I sit with you though?"
"Fine with me."
We sat in silence as the minutes passed by and the sun sank lower in the sky.
"It’s someone you’re in love with, isn’t it? Someone you left behind."
"Huh?!" I coughed, turning to look her in the eye.
"The thing that’s upsetting you. You were in love with someone who didn’t love you back. And you miss them."
I was silent for a moment.
"Yeah pretty much." I said, finally, my gaze returning to the blood-red horizon.
"I’m sorry. I know what it’s like. I just broke up with a man I had been engaged to for two years. I know that doesn’t help, but at least you know you’re not alone."
"Well, my situation’s a little bit different. The…person I was…in love with…we were never really, together…and…I get the feeling we never will be…because the feeling just isn’t mutual." The pain in my chest was overwhelming. But I wasn’t about to let this girl see me cry. I squinted harder at the sun setting in the distance.
"I’m sorry you lost your fiancé, though. I can imagine that you must feel pretty awful." I said, in an attempt to be compassionate.
"Nah, I’m getting over it. I’m young. I’ve got a lot of life ahead of me. And there’s a lot of men out there. A lot of really nice, handsome, talented men. Even right here, in the cast. Sitting right in front of me. Or next to me even." My head whipped around to look at her once more. Her gaze, which had never once left me throughout the entire course of our conversation, seemed to grow more intense. I gulped as I realized what she was getting at.
"Oh." I said. She smiled.
"All I have to do is wait until they wake up and realize I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of them since I met them. And then they have to get over their own baggage and realize that there’s a whole world out there for them, too. And there’s me. And that I’ll take good, good care of them. If only they’ll let me take them home tonight." She whispered all this very seductively, and, for the first time, I noticed how beautiful here eyes were. And her hair. And, holy fuck, her entire body. The girl was gorgeous. And practically throwing herself at me.
I tried to move my mouth and say something, but it was suddenly very dry and no sound would come out, try as I might.
"What do you think, Dominic? If I asked one of these boys nicely, do you think they would come home with me? Say, after shooting was done tonight? Hmm?"
"I…think they…might…that is, if you asked…really, really nicely…" I was literally trembling.
"Well, then, Dominic, will you please make me the happiest girl on the island of Hawaii, and come home with me tonight. Pretty please? With a…cherry on top?"
"Yeah…alright…" I whispered.
The sun had gone down and it was time for work, but it was going to be rather difficult for me, considering how tight in the crotch my jeans had become, baggy as they were.
True to my word, at the end of the night, I went with Evey back to her place.
That was the first night we made love.
It was the first time I had been with anyone (other than Billy) since I had first realized I was in love with Bill. To me, it symbolized a moving on of sorts. I was leaving behind the phase of my life where all that mattered was trying to make Billy fall in love with me. I realized that I could still find joy in life without him.
Evey and I eventually became a couple and I made new friends in the cast. I stopped calling Billy so much and it didn’t surprise me that he still didn’t call me ever. We only talked about once a month and gradually began to lose track of each other’s lives. It made me sad, but I now had other things to fill up my life. I didn’t let it bother me too much.
Until one fateful evening.
Evey had gone back to the mainland for a couple days to visit some friends, and so I found myself alone one night, in front of the television, flipping absent-mindedly through the channels. Not finding anything worth watching, I switched off the set, stood up, and stretched. I tried to think of something to do. I didn’t feel like going out anywhere. It had been a hard week of shooting and I wanted to just relax at home for an evening to get my energy back.
I thought about doing some yoga. I tried to concentrate, and focus my mind, but it seemed like there was some nagging thought at the back of my mind that wouldn’t let me be.
Then, I realized what it was. I had called Billy a couple of days ago. We hadn’t talked in quite a while and it was important to me to not lose touch completely. He hadn’t been home so I left a message on his machine. And he hadn’t called back.
That was odd. Billy was never one to neglect returning phone calls. I decided to try calling him again. Once again, there was no answer. I decided not to leave a second message and instead hung up and tried Ali’s place. They usually stayed at Billy’s, but once in a while they did crash at her flat. Shit, I really wasn’t looking forward to talking to her.
She picked up on the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Ali, it’s Dom Monaghan, I was wondering if Billy was there."
"Oh, it’s you. No, he’s NOT here, and I would appreciate if you never called this number again, thank-you. I’m hanging up now."
"NO! Ali, wait!"
"What? I have nothing to say to you."
"Christ, Ali! Would you kindly tell me what the bloody hell is going on here?!"
"No, Dominic, I don’t particularly feel like being kind to you right now."
"Ali! C’mon! Be civil! I need some answers here!"
"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you slept with my boyfriend!!!"
Shit. FUCK.
"Oh, eh, so he, uh, told you about that…yeah?"
"You’re goddamn right he told me!!! I always knew something was going on between the two of you. The other day I came right out and asked him about it. And he told me, oh, yes, he told me, all right!!"
"God, Ali, I’m sorry…"
"I don’t want to hear it, Dominic! You’re not sorry and you know it! I don’t want anything to do with the two of you ever again!"
"All right, I understand, but-"
"End of story! Goodbye, now!"
"Ali, WAIT!"
"…What?"
"Billy…he’s not at home when I call…and he won’t return the calls, either…he hasn’t been home for at least the past two days, and if he’s not with you, and he’s not at home, well, do you know where he might be?"
"…No, and I…I don’t care." But her tone of voice betrayed that she did indeed care, at least a little bit.
"Well, I guess that’s all I wanted to know really…thanks…I guess…um, Ali, I know you don’t want to hear it but…I really am sorry. I think you’re a really great person and…I didn’t do it to hurt you…"
"… I know, that, Dom. But you did. Just…tell me…do you…really love him?"
"…Yeah, well, I did, at least. He’s a great guy. You were lucky to have him, while you did."
"I know. But so are you. You probably…deserve him more than I do…and, really, I don’t think he was ever mine…"
"Thanks, Ali, that…that means a lot to me…I…really am sorry…"
"I know, Dom. I know. But I can’t forgive you. Not now at least. So let’s end here…just…let me know if he’s okay or not, will you?"
"I’ll call you as soon as I know. Bye, Ali."
"Goodbye, Dom."
My hand was shaking as I set the receiver down in its cradle. God, this was my worst nightmare become real before my very eyes. At least Ali and I had ended the conversation on somewhat of a positive note.
But where in the hell was Billy??
I rang his number once again, and still there was no answer. I decided there was nothing I could do at the moment, so I sat down on the sofa and tried to calm myself down.
Thoughts kept running through my head. I thought about the day that Billy and I had first met. The day I knew we were soul mates. The day I realized I was in love with him. The time he had promised to kiss me. The time he had taken care of me when I had nearly drank myself to death. Our first kiss. Our first shared orgasm. The night we finally slept together. And the moment I finally told him I loved him.
And then I thought about the day I decided to give that all up. The first night I spent with Evey. And all the times after that we had been together. She was nothing, compared to Billy. She was pretty, yes, and she cared about me. But I had never felt that special connection with her that I had felt with Billy since the first time I laid eyes on him. It was time that I faced reality. I had never stopped loving Billy. And I had never really loved Evey. And there was nothing to be done about it.
Then, something that Ali had said on the phone popped back into my head. She had said, "…really, I don’t think he was ever mine…" What the hell did that mean? If he hadn’t been her’s, then who’s had he been??
Then it hit me.
She must have meant ME. Billy must have told her he loved ME. Why else would she have asked if I loved him? And why would she have said anything about me deserving him more than she?
I would have given anything to have Billy with me at that moment, just so I could finally admit to him how I felt. If I could have one more chance to see him again, I would never let him go, and we would both be happier than we had ever been before.
But it seemed it was too late for that. God only knew where Billy was, and I was worried sick about him.
I sat on the couch, as the hours ticked by, trying to piece together my broken life, wondering how I was going to explain this all to Evey, how I would go on if I never got to see Billy again.
It was then that the doorbell rang. I jumped up and glanced at the clock. It read: 12:45 a.m. Fuck, how had it gotten so late?? I wondered who would be bothering me at this time of night.
As I approached the door, hearing the bell rung a second time, I recognized the pounding on the roof as the indicator of a rather violent thunderstorm raging outside.
I flung the door open as the bell was rung a third time and peered out into the darkness.
Of course, I immediately recognized the diminutive figure with hunched shoulders, standing on the front walk, suitcase in hand, dripping wet and shivering.
"BILLY!!!" I cried, grabbing him by the hand not clutching the suitcase, and roughly pulling him inside. He stood dripping on the front mat, looking stiff and uncomfortable. I just gawked at him, hardly daring to believe that he was actually here. Finally, he spoke.
"Hey…mind if I crash at your place for a while?" His voice cracked, and his eyes were all red, and I could tell he had been crying, if not drinking.
"Billy, are you fucking kidding me?? Of course you can stay here! Now put that sodding suitcase down and let’s get you warm and dry! You can have a hot shower and then use my bathrobe. It’s hanging on the bathroom doorknob. I’ll make a nice warm fire, how’s that sound?"
"Th-Thanks Dommie…" He sniffled, eyes welling up with tears. I put my arm around him and directed him down the hall towards the bathroom. While he was in the shower, I went into the kitchen and dialed Ali, like I had promised. She didn’t answer, so I just left a message stating that Billy was here and that he was safe, and she was welcome to call if she needed anything. I hung up and poured myself a drink, trying to calm my rattled nerves. He was here. He was actually here. I had been given one last chance to tell Billy how I felt and I sure as hell wasn’t going to pass it up.
When I heard the shower shut off, I poured another drink and then carried both of them into the living room, where I began to build up a fire. I had a nice blaze going when Billy walked into the room, wrapped in my warmest, softest bathrobe.
"Come sit here by the fire with me." I said, patting the sofa. "I made you a drink."
"No thanks." He said, sitting down next to me. "I had enough already on the flight here. I don’t want to be drunk tonight." I nodded, and decided that that sounded like a good idea to me as well, so I set down my own drink and leaned back into the cushions.
"So, I guess you must be wondering why I’m here…" He began.
"No, actually, I, uh, talked to Ali…just several hours ago. She sort of…filled me in on the details…"
"Oh."
"So, um, do you want to talk about it?"
"What’s there to talk about? I’ve been an ass to you lately, not calling or visiting. I just couldn’t face what had happened between us. But when she kicked me out, I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go so I came here. I can’t believe you don’t hate me. I’m…so sorry, Dommie…" A tear rolled down his cheek. How I longed to kiss it away. Tell him I didn’t hate him. I loved him, and was never going to let him go…
"It’s okay Bills. I’m just glad you’re here and that you’re safe. God, I was so worried about you." I studied the man sitting across from me. He looked so fragile and broken. I didn’t want to burden him with any more stress, but I just had to know.
"Billy, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Bill, why did you do it? Why did you sleep with me that night?"
There was a long pause. Then he spoke.
"Well, Dom, I was quite drunk. And I was curious. You know that. I’d not been with a man before. I wanted to see what it was like. I’m sorry if I made it seem like…something else…"
"Oh. You sure those were the only reasons?"
"…Yeah. Why? Why did you do it?" I took a deep breath.
"Well, for the same reasons as you. And…because… I. Loved. You. No, not loved you, was IN love with you. I was IN love with you, mate."
"…I sort of thought that myself. It was a bit obvious."
"Oh." I blushed, feeling quite embarrassed.
"But you’re not anymore, right?"
"…Not in love with you anymore? …No. No, I’m not." I wanted to cry. I had lied once again. How many more times could I screw things up? But he had said he didn’t love me…and yet, did I detect a hint of disappointment in his face when I said I didn’t love him, either, anymore?
"Oh." He said, looking at the carpet. Then he yawned.
"I’m sorry, Billy, you must be exhausted. Let me take you to the guest room so you can get some rest. We can talk more in the morning."
"All right."
…
As I closed the door to the guest room, I felt like I was closing the door to any chance of a future with Billy. I stood with my hand on the doorknob, not wanting to walk away. It seemed to me that, if I did, everything would change once and for all, Billy and I would just be best mates, nothing more, nothing less, I would prepare for a future with Evey, and everything that had happened in the past would be forgotten forever. But if I opened the door and went back into the room and confessed my love to Billy, it would also change my future forever. It would either ruin my relationship with Bills permanently and hurt me more than ever if he told me he wouldn’t return my love or share a future with me, or it would make me the happiest man on earth if he told me he did love me too, that he had been hiding it all along just as I had, and then I would have to deal with the wrath of Evey much as I had dealt with the wrath of Ali.
Either way there was a chance of pain involved. I stood there for a full ten minutes, debating in my mind which road to take, which destiny to choose. Of course, in my heart, I knew what I should do. But it involved the greatest risk. And I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to take it.
But I knew I couldn’t stand there forever. I took a deep breath, cleared my head, and made my decision.
Author:
anewlife92385Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: This is all made up. Sort of. Well, it never happened to them. As far as I know. But we can always hope, right?
Feedback: Yes, please!
Author’s Note: This is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue, so don’t freak out that this ends on a cliff-hanger. The epilogue will be up shortly. If not later tonight, then probably sometime tomorrow.
Here are links to chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
And here is the last chapter:
When I checked the voicemail on my mobile later that day, I found a message from Billy. It basically apologized for leaving without saying goodbye, but said that he hadn’t wanted to wake me and also hadn’t wanted to miss his flight. It mentioned nothing about the previous night’s activities.
It was obvious he wanted to live in a state of denial regarding what had happened between us. Over the next few months, we never mentioned it, despite repeated attempts I made to hint at what his opinion might be towards the whole ordeal. We didn’t call each other as often as before, and, when we did, it was usually me who had called him and not the other way around.
Then came Lost. When I got cast in the show and relocated to Hawaii, I remember calling Billy and telling him that he should fly out sometime and visit the set. He didn’t say no, but it seemed he was always too busy to take a couple weeks off for a vacation. He talked about Ali, a lot more, too, and it seemed to me that things were getting more serious between the two of them.
Obviously, all these things had quite the effect on me. I fell into a deep depression. Just couldn’t seem to find joy in life without my Billy by my side. Getting cast in Lost helped raise my spirits a bit, but Billy’s lack of interest in visiting me made the fact that Billy would never be mine (and seemingly wanted nothing to do with me) all too real. I began to give up hope.
Until, one day, one of the girls from the cast of Lost came by to see how I was doing. Her name was Evangeline, but we all called her Evey.
I was sitting on the beach one evening, watching the sun go down. There was shooting scheduled after dark, and I was there early. Mainly because I didn’t have anything better to do. All I could think about was Billy. How he had looked the last time I saw him, how he sounded so cold and emotionless the last time I talked to him (just a few hours ago) and how he had not shut up for five minutes about how wonderful things were between him and Ali.
"Hey."
I looked up and saw Evey standing over me.
"Hey." I replied.
"You look like you’ve got something on your mind. Actually, you’ve looked that way ever since you got here, three weeks ago."
"Heh. Yeah."
"Alright, fine, don’t tell me if you don’t want to. Mind if I sit with you though?"
"Fine with me."
We sat in silence as the minutes passed by and the sun sank lower in the sky.
"It’s someone you’re in love with, isn’t it? Someone you left behind."
"Huh?!" I coughed, turning to look her in the eye.
"The thing that’s upsetting you. You were in love with someone who didn’t love you back. And you miss them."
I was silent for a moment.
"Yeah pretty much." I said, finally, my gaze returning to the blood-red horizon.
"I’m sorry. I know what it’s like. I just broke up with a man I had been engaged to for two years. I know that doesn’t help, but at least you know you’re not alone."
"Well, my situation’s a little bit different. The…person I was…in love with…we were never really, together…and…I get the feeling we never will be…because the feeling just isn’t mutual." The pain in my chest was overwhelming. But I wasn’t about to let this girl see me cry. I squinted harder at the sun setting in the distance.
"I’m sorry you lost your fiancé, though. I can imagine that you must feel pretty awful." I said, in an attempt to be compassionate.
"Nah, I’m getting over it. I’m young. I’ve got a lot of life ahead of me. And there’s a lot of men out there. A lot of really nice, handsome, talented men. Even right here, in the cast. Sitting right in front of me. Or next to me even." My head whipped around to look at her once more. Her gaze, which had never once left me throughout the entire course of our conversation, seemed to grow more intense. I gulped as I realized what she was getting at.
"Oh." I said. She smiled.
"All I have to do is wait until they wake up and realize I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of them since I met them. And then they have to get over their own baggage and realize that there’s a whole world out there for them, too. And there’s me. And that I’ll take good, good care of them. If only they’ll let me take them home tonight." She whispered all this very seductively, and, for the first time, I noticed how beautiful here eyes were. And her hair. And, holy fuck, her entire body. The girl was gorgeous. And practically throwing herself at me.
I tried to move my mouth and say something, but it was suddenly very dry and no sound would come out, try as I might.
"What do you think, Dominic? If I asked one of these boys nicely, do you think they would come home with me? Say, after shooting was done tonight? Hmm?"
"I…think they…might…that is, if you asked…really, really nicely…" I was literally trembling.
"Well, then, Dominic, will you please make me the happiest girl on the island of Hawaii, and come home with me tonight. Pretty please? With a…cherry on top?"
"Yeah…alright…" I whispered.
The sun had gone down and it was time for work, but it was going to be rather difficult for me, considering how tight in the crotch my jeans had become, baggy as they were.
True to my word, at the end of the night, I went with Evey back to her place.
That was the first night we made love.
It was the first time I had been with anyone (other than Billy) since I had first realized I was in love with Bill. To me, it symbolized a moving on of sorts. I was leaving behind the phase of my life where all that mattered was trying to make Billy fall in love with me. I realized that I could still find joy in life without him.
Evey and I eventually became a couple and I made new friends in the cast. I stopped calling Billy so much and it didn’t surprise me that he still didn’t call me ever. We only talked about once a month and gradually began to lose track of each other’s lives. It made me sad, but I now had other things to fill up my life. I didn’t let it bother me too much.
Until one fateful evening.
Evey had gone back to the mainland for a couple days to visit some friends, and so I found myself alone one night, in front of the television, flipping absent-mindedly through the channels. Not finding anything worth watching, I switched off the set, stood up, and stretched. I tried to think of something to do. I didn’t feel like going out anywhere. It had been a hard week of shooting and I wanted to just relax at home for an evening to get my energy back.
I thought about doing some yoga. I tried to concentrate, and focus my mind, but it seemed like there was some nagging thought at the back of my mind that wouldn’t let me be.
Then, I realized what it was. I had called Billy a couple of days ago. We hadn’t talked in quite a while and it was important to me to not lose touch completely. He hadn’t been home so I left a message on his machine. And he hadn’t called back.
That was odd. Billy was never one to neglect returning phone calls. I decided to try calling him again. Once again, there was no answer. I decided not to leave a second message and instead hung up and tried Ali’s place. They usually stayed at Billy’s, but once in a while they did crash at her flat. Shit, I really wasn’t looking forward to talking to her.
She picked up on the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Ali, it’s Dom Monaghan, I was wondering if Billy was there."
"Oh, it’s you. No, he’s NOT here, and I would appreciate if you never called this number again, thank-you. I’m hanging up now."
"NO! Ali, wait!"
"What? I have nothing to say to you."
"Christ, Ali! Would you kindly tell me what the bloody hell is going on here?!"
"No, Dominic, I don’t particularly feel like being kind to you right now."
"Ali! C’mon! Be civil! I need some answers here!"
"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you slept with my boyfriend!!!"
Shit. FUCK.
"Oh, eh, so he, uh, told you about that…yeah?"
"You’re goddamn right he told me!!! I always knew something was going on between the two of you. The other day I came right out and asked him about it. And he told me, oh, yes, he told me, all right!!"
"God, Ali, I’m sorry…"
"I don’t want to hear it, Dominic! You’re not sorry and you know it! I don’t want anything to do with the two of you ever again!"
"All right, I understand, but-"
"End of story! Goodbye, now!"
"Ali, WAIT!"
"…What?"
"Billy…he’s not at home when I call…and he won’t return the calls, either…he hasn’t been home for at least the past two days, and if he’s not with you, and he’s not at home, well, do you know where he might be?"
"…No, and I…I don’t care." But her tone of voice betrayed that she did indeed care, at least a little bit.
"Well, I guess that’s all I wanted to know really…thanks…I guess…um, Ali, I know you don’t want to hear it but…I really am sorry. I think you’re a really great person and…I didn’t do it to hurt you…"
"… I know, that, Dom. But you did. Just…tell me…do you…really love him?"
"…Yeah, well, I did, at least. He’s a great guy. You were lucky to have him, while you did."
"I know. But so are you. You probably…deserve him more than I do…and, really, I don’t think he was ever mine…"
"Thanks, Ali, that…that means a lot to me…I…really am sorry…"
"I know, Dom. I know. But I can’t forgive you. Not now at least. So let’s end here…just…let me know if he’s okay or not, will you?"
"I’ll call you as soon as I know. Bye, Ali."
"Goodbye, Dom."
My hand was shaking as I set the receiver down in its cradle. God, this was my worst nightmare become real before my very eyes. At least Ali and I had ended the conversation on somewhat of a positive note.
But where in the hell was Billy??
I rang his number once again, and still there was no answer. I decided there was nothing I could do at the moment, so I sat down on the sofa and tried to calm myself down.
Thoughts kept running through my head. I thought about the day that Billy and I had first met. The day I knew we were soul mates. The day I realized I was in love with him. The time he had promised to kiss me. The time he had taken care of me when I had nearly drank myself to death. Our first kiss. Our first shared orgasm. The night we finally slept together. And the moment I finally told him I loved him.
And then I thought about the day I decided to give that all up. The first night I spent with Evey. And all the times after that we had been together. She was nothing, compared to Billy. She was pretty, yes, and she cared about me. But I had never felt that special connection with her that I had felt with Billy since the first time I laid eyes on him. It was time that I faced reality. I had never stopped loving Billy. And I had never really loved Evey. And there was nothing to be done about it.
Then, something that Ali had said on the phone popped back into my head. She had said, "…really, I don’t think he was ever mine…" What the hell did that mean? If he hadn’t been her’s, then who’s had he been??
Then it hit me.
She must have meant ME. Billy must have told her he loved ME. Why else would she have asked if I loved him? And why would she have said anything about me deserving him more than she?
I would have given anything to have Billy with me at that moment, just so I could finally admit to him how I felt. If I could have one more chance to see him again, I would never let him go, and we would both be happier than we had ever been before.
But it seemed it was too late for that. God only knew where Billy was, and I was worried sick about him.
I sat on the couch, as the hours ticked by, trying to piece together my broken life, wondering how I was going to explain this all to Evey, how I would go on if I never got to see Billy again.
It was then that the doorbell rang. I jumped up and glanced at the clock. It read: 12:45 a.m. Fuck, how had it gotten so late?? I wondered who would be bothering me at this time of night.
As I approached the door, hearing the bell rung a second time, I recognized the pounding on the roof as the indicator of a rather violent thunderstorm raging outside.
I flung the door open as the bell was rung a third time and peered out into the darkness.
Of course, I immediately recognized the diminutive figure with hunched shoulders, standing on the front walk, suitcase in hand, dripping wet and shivering.
"BILLY!!!" I cried, grabbing him by the hand not clutching the suitcase, and roughly pulling him inside. He stood dripping on the front mat, looking stiff and uncomfortable. I just gawked at him, hardly daring to believe that he was actually here. Finally, he spoke.
"Hey…mind if I crash at your place for a while?" His voice cracked, and his eyes were all red, and I could tell he had been crying, if not drinking.
"Billy, are you fucking kidding me?? Of course you can stay here! Now put that sodding suitcase down and let’s get you warm and dry! You can have a hot shower and then use my bathrobe. It’s hanging on the bathroom doorknob. I’ll make a nice warm fire, how’s that sound?"
"Th-Thanks Dommie…" He sniffled, eyes welling up with tears. I put my arm around him and directed him down the hall towards the bathroom. While he was in the shower, I went into the kitchen and dialed Ali, like I had promised. She didn’t answer, so I just left a message stating that Billy was here and that he was safe, and she was welcome to call if she needed anything. I hung up and poured myself a drink, trying to calm my rattled nerves. He was here. He was actually here. I had been given one last chance to tell Billy how I felt and I sure as hell wasn’t going to pass it up.
When I heard the shower shut off, I poured another drink and then carried both of them into the living room, where I began to build up a fire. I had a nice blaze going when Billy walked into the room, wrapped in my warmest, softest bathrobe.
"Come sit here by the fire with me." I said, patting the sofa. "I made you a drink."
"No thanks." He said, sitting down next to me. "I had enough already on the flight here. I don’t want to be drunk tonight." I nodded, and decided that that sounded like a good idea to me as well, so I set down my own drink and leaned back into the cushions.
"So, I guess you must be wondering why I’m here…" He began.
"No, actually, I, uh, talked to Ali…just several hours ago. She sort of…filled me in on the details…"
"Oh."
"So, um, do you want to talk about it?"
"What’s there to talk about? I’ve been an ass to you lately, not calling or visiting. I just couldn’t face what had happened between us. But when she kicked me out, I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go so I came here. I can’t believe you don’t hate me. I’m…so sorry, Dommie…" A tear rolled down his cheek. How I longed to kiss it away. Tell him I didn’t hate him. I loved him, and was never going to let him go…
"It’s okay Bills. I’m just glad you’re here and that you’re safe. God, I was so worried about you." I studied the man sitting across from me. He looked so fragile and broken. I didn’t want to burden him with any more stress, but I just had to know.
"Billy, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Bill, why did you do it? Why did you sleep with me that night?"
There was a long pause. Then he spoke.
"Well, Dom, I was quite drunk. And I was curious. You know that. I’d not been with a man before. I wanted to see what it was like. I’m sorry if I made it seem like…something else…"
"Oh. You sure those were the only reasons?"
"…Yeah. Why? Why did you do it?" I took a deep breath.
"Well, for the same reasons as you. And…because… I. Loved. You. No, not loved you, was IN love with you. I was IN love with you, mate."
"…I sort of thought that myself. It was a bit obvious."
"Oh." I blushed, feeling quite embarrassed.
"But you’re not anymore, right?"
"…Not in love with you anymore? …No. No, I’m not." I wanted to cry. I had lied once again. How many more times could I screw things up? But he had said he didn’t love me…and yet, did I detect a hint of disappointment in his face when I said I didn’t love him, either, anymore?
"Oh." He said, looking at the carpet. Then he yawned.
"I’m sorry, Billy, you must be exhausted. Let me take you to the guest room so you can get some rest. We can talk more in the morning."
"All right."
…
As I closed the door to the guest room, I felt like I was closing the door to any chance of a future with Billy. I stood with my hand on the doorknob, not wanting to walk away. It seemed to me that, if I did, everything would change once and for all, Billy and I would just be best mates, nothing more, nothing less, I would prepare for a future with Evey, and everything that had happened in the past would be forgotten forever. But if I opened the door and went back into the room and confessed my love to Billy, it would also change my future forever. It would either ruin my relationship with Bills permanently and hurt me more than ever if he told me he wouldn’t return my love or share a future with me, or it would make me the happiest man on earth if he told me he did love me too, that he had been hiding it all along just as I had, and then I would have to deal with the wrath of Evey much as I had dealt with the wrath of Ali.
Either way there was a chance of pain involved. I stood there for a full ten minutes, debating in my mind which road to take, which destiny to choose. Of course, in my heart, I knew what I should do. But it involved the greatest risk. And I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to take it.
But I knew I couldn’t stand there forever. I took a deep breath, cleared my head, and made my decision.
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I don't want this to be the last chapter!! They are obviously both lying to each other! Damn it!
Great fic!
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100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
HE OPENED THE DOOR!!! HE OPENED THE DOOR, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?! OMG!!!!!!!!!! ::flails::
She whispered all this very seductively, and, for the first time, I noticed how beautiful here eyes were. And her hair. And, holy fuck, her entire body. The girl was gorgeous. And practically throwing herself at me.
NO NO!!!! DOM!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?! NO!!!!!!
True to my word, at the end of the night, I went with Evey back to her place.
That was the first night we made love.
It was the first time I had been with anyone (other than Billy) since I had first realized I was in love with Bill. To me, it symbolized a moving on of sorts. I was leaving behind the phase of my life where all that mattered was trying to make Billy fall in love with me. I realized that I could still find joy in life without him.
o_O NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *cries*
Until one fateful evening.
Ooooo!!! It must be fate month. ^_^
I tried to concentrate, and focus my mind, but it seemed like there was some nagging thought at the back of my mind that wouldn’t let me be.
I LOVE those, especially when you finally figure them out!!!!
He hadn’t been home so I left a message on his machine. And he hadn’t called back.
Duh Dom, it's because he's on a plane RIGHT FUCKING NOW to see you!!! Why can't you see this? It's the rules that when you leave someone, you come back years later on a plane in the middle of the night and everything turns out a-okay and more. It was in the memo, maybe we should have you read that over again, yeah?
"Hi, Ali, it’s Dom Monaghan, I was wondering if Billy was there."
"Oh, it’s you. No, he’s NOT here, and I would appreciate if you never called this number again, thank-you. I’m hanging up now."
Dude, WTF bitch?
"Ali! C’mon! Be civil! I need some answers here!"
"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you slept with my boyfriend!!!"
Shit. FUCK.
Oh FUCK! *clasps hand to mouth* Oh my, how's this gonna turn out? Oh shit, bugger, FUCK.
"Billy…he’s not at home when I call…and he won’t return the calls, either…he hasn’t been home for at least the past two days, and if he’s not with you, and he’s not at home, well, do you know where he might be?"
YES!!! That's right, ask the important questions, don't have some stupid answer Ali, fuck....
"I know. But so are you. You probably…deserve him more than I do…and, really, I don’t think he was ever mine…"
WHOAWHOAWHOA!!!! Back up the Monaboyd-slashin' truck here!!! DOM!!! RED SINGNALS. RED. FUCKING. SIGNALS!!!!! DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! WOOP WOOP!!! *red flares rocket into the sky* Get a fucking CLUE man!!! *^^*
But where in the hell was Billy??
That is a very good question, but I know, hehehe!!
It was time that I faced reality. I had never stopped loving Billy. And I had never really loved Evey. And there was nothing to be done about it.
YES. THERE. IS. DAMMIT. Don't say that!!! *strokes Dommie*
Then, something that Ali had said on the phone popped back into my head. She had said, "…really, I don’t think he was ever mine…" What the hell did that mean? If he hadn’t been her’s, then who’s had he been??
Then it hit me.
She must have meant ME. Billy must have told her he loved ME. Why else would she have asked if I loved him? And why would she have said anything about me deserving him more than she?
Once again: DUH! Dommie, why don't you listen to us? We know what we're talking about, and you never LISTEN!!! We all saw it coming, you bastard. ^_^
I sat on the couch, as the hours ticked by, trying to piece together my broken life, wondering how I was going to explain this all to Evey, how I would go on if I never got to see Billy again.
It was then that the doorbell rang. I jumped up and glanced at the clock. It read: 12:45 a.m. Fuck, how had it gotten so late?? I wondered who would be bothering me at this time of night.
Really Dom, do you have to ask that question? How ironic this all is!!
From:
Re: 100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
As I approached the door, hearing the bell rung a second time, I recognized the pounding on the roof as the indicator of a rather violent thunderstorm raging outside.
Oooo, way to set the scene! An In-The-Rain romance, how beautiful.
I flung the door open as the bell was rung a third time and peered out into the darkness.
Of course, I immediately recognized the diminutive figure with hunched shoulders, standing on the front walk, suitcase in hand, dripping wet and shivering.
YUSSSSSS!!!!!! HAHA!!! *does a little jig* Billy's come to save the day!! *sing-songs* I also laughed at myself when I thought wouldn't this have been funny if it wasn't Billy, but an obnoxious salesman? HA!
"Hey…mind if I crash at your place for a while?" His voice cracked, and his eyes were all red, and I could tell he had been crying, if not drinking.
Awwww!!!! Billy! AWWWWW!!!! *cries* Billybillybillybilly.....
"Th-Thanks Dommie…" He sniffled, eyes welling up with tears.
AWWWWWWW!!!!!! *wibbles* Billy's probably going, Huh? That makes me want cry to think of his beautiful face in glisteny tears!!! *clutches hand to chest*
He was here. He was actually here. I had been given one last chance to tell Billy how I felt and I sure as hell wasn’t going to pass it up.
*punches the air* YUSSSSS!!! GO DOMMIE!!!!
"I had enough already on the flight here. I don’t want to be drunk tonight." I nodded, and decided that that sounded like a good idea to me as well, so I set down my own drink and leaned back into the cushions.
Yes, good boys. That's what got you into this mess in the first place. Stupid alcohol.
A tear rolled down his cheek. How I longed to kiss it away. Tell him I didn’t hate him. I loved him, and was never going to let him go…
Okay, so I am really gonna cry now....*sniffle*
"Billy, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Bill, why did you do it? Why did you sleep with me that night?"
There was a long pause. Then he spoke.
o_O *sits at the edge of her seat, biting nails*
"Well, for the same reasons as you. And…because… I. Loved. You. No, not loved you, was IN love with you. I was IN love with you, mate."
"…I sort of thought that myself. It was a bit obvious."
"Oh." I blushed, feeling quite embarrassed.
Oh fnar! PISH!!! Dude, Billy. Dom just opened his heart up to you in for how long now? AND YOU SAY SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT?!?! Nice. Real. Fucking. Nice.
"But you’re not anymore, right?"
"…Not in love with you anymore? …No. No, I’m not."
o_O *throws hands up in the air in surrender* Okay, that's it. I give up! WHEN ARE THESE GUYS GOING TO GET THE PICTURE?!?!?! *fumes*
"Oh." He said, looking at the carpet. Then he yawned.
"I’m sorry, Billy, you must be exhausted. Let me take you to the guest room so you can get some rest. We can talk more in the morning."
"All right."
*calms down* Yes boys, everything will be better in the morning. You'll see...~_^
As I closed the door to the guest room, I felt like I was closing the door to any chance of a future with Billy. I stood with my hand on the doorknob, not wanting to walk away. It seemed to me that, if I did, everything would change once and for all, Billy and I would just be best mates, nothing more, nothing less, I would prepare for a future with Evey, and everything that had happened in the past would be forgotten forever. But if I opened the door and went back into the room and confessed my love to Billy, it would also change my future forever. It would either ruin my relationship with Bills permanently and hurt me more than ever if he told me he wouldn’t return my love or share a future with me, or it would make me the happiest man on earth if he told me he did love me too, that he had been hiding it all along just as I had, and then I would have to deal with the wrath of Evey much as I had dealt with the wrath of Ali.
Man, that is DEEP. Dom, JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!!! Sheesh.
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Re: 100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
Either way there was a chance of pain involved. I stood there for a full ten minutes, debating in my mind which road to take, which destiny to choose. Of course, in my heart, I knew what I should do. But it involved the greatest risk. And I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to take it.
I understand Dom, BUT YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT RISK!!!! *is exasperated from yelling*
But I knew I couldn’t stand there forever. I took a deep breath, cleared my head, and made my decision.
*gasp* Wh-what's he gonna d-do??? *worries bottom lip* WHAT'S HE GONNA DO?!?!?!! ::flails::
*sits and waits for epie*
Duuude.....
And you did all this when you were being supervised for short periods of time online? Damn, I admire your skillz, woman, liekwoe.
And this has to got to be my longest and most reactive response to anything I have ever seen, read, and analyzed (cos I'm just that crazy!), etc. about anything in my entire Monaboyd life. WHEW!
Sorry for my obsessiveness, but. It. Was. Just. That. Good.
*beams* ^_^
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Gaaaah. . . evil temptress. Why must you leave us hung off a cliff? Epilogue? Secret extra chapter? Something? Please?!
I must know how this ends. *clutches fic*
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what happens???
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well SHE'S an insightful one, isn't she??
"Well, then, Dominic, will you please make me the happiest girl on the island of Hawaii, and come home with me tonight. Pretty please? With a…cherry on top?"
oh. my. word.
"I know. But so are you. You probably…deserve him more than I do…and, really, I don’t think he was ever mine…"
awwwwww.
Either way there was a chance of pain involved. I stood there for a full ten minutes, debating in my mind which road to take, which destiny to choose. Of course, in my heart, I knew what I should do. But it involved the greatest risk. And I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to take it.
But I knew I couldn’t stand there forever. I took a deep breath, cleared my head, and made my decision.
Best. Ending. EVER. Really, absolutely beautiful. *applauds* :)
From:
no subject
From:
Re: 100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
And, because you were so loquatious in your responses to my post, I shall do you the same favor. :-D
HE OPENED THE DOOR!!! HE OPENED THE DOOR, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?! OMG!!!!!!!!!! ::flails::
Oh, I hope so, don't you???
Duh Dom, it's because he's on a plane RIGHT FUCKING NOW to see you!!! Why can't you see this? It's the rules that when you leave someone, you come back years later on a plane in the middle of the night and everything turns out a-okay and more. It was in the memo, maybe we should have you read that over again, yeah?
LO-FUCKING-L!!! Seriously, that cracked me up. :-D
WHOAWHOAWHOA!!!! Back up the Monaboyd-slashin' truck here!!! DOM!!! RED SINGNALS. RED. FUCKING. SIGNALS!!!!! DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! WOOP WOOP!!! *red flares rocket into the sky* Get a fucking CLUE man!!! *^^*
hehehe...yes, that was what we were going for, wasn't it, precioussss?
Once again: DUH! Dommie, why don't you listen to us? We know what we're talking about, and you never LISTEN!!! We all saw it coming, you bastard. ^_^
heh...yes, Dom CAN be quite dense, but I believe it stems from his insecurity and inability to believe that Billy could actually love him back. Poor Dom! :(
From:
Re: 100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
Ah, yes, I have always been quite partial to in-the-rain romances. :)
YUSSSSSS!!!!!! HAHA!!! *does a little jig* Billy's come to save the day!! *sing-songs* I also laughed at myself when I thought wouldn't this have been funny if it wasn't Billy, but an obnoxious salesman? HA!
LOL!! As soon as I write the epilogue, I'm gonna go write a fic about Dom falling in love with the obnoxious salesman who shows up on his doorstep in the middle of the night in the pouring rain!! wait, no. no, i'm not. :-P
Yes, good boys. That's what got you into this mess in the first place. Stupid alcohol.
THANK-you!!! SOMEone's getting the message here!!!
Oh fnar! PISH!!! Dude, Billy. Dom just opened his heart up to you in for how long now? AND YOU SAY SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT?!?! Nice. Real. Fucking. Nice.
Seriously, huh? Billy could at least show a little compassion, after the way he had been treating poor Dom!
o_O *throws hands up in the air in surrender* Okay, that's it. I give up! WHEN ARE THESE GUYS GOING TO GET THE PICTURE?!?!?! *fumes*
*squirms uncomfortably in seat* Sorry for dragging it out so long. :( I know it's time they both give up the charade, but it's so hard, you know? To finally open up your heart to someone like that with the chance that it'll be stomped all over and you'll never be the same again. Plus, I think I'm secretly afraid to let them express their feelings, because I've built it up so much, I wouldn't want to let anyone down. I KNOW. I know. They should just do it. The epilogue's coming. Trust me.
From:
Re: 100,000,000,000 GOLD STARS!!!!
Well, if you see my last regular lj post, I admitted that I finally got fed up and decided to type the whole thing on my POS computer in my basement. So I had all of yesterday to work on it, but it WAS tough b/c the damn thing kept crashing on me EVERY. FIVE. SECONDS. *smashes POS computer*
And this has to got to be my longest and most reactive response to anything I have ever seen, read, and analyzed (cos I'm just that crazy!), etc. about anything in my entire Monaboyd life. WHEW!
HAHAHA!!! No, really? I would NEVER have guessed... :-P (lol, can you just HEAR the sarcasm there?)
Sorry for my obsessiveness, but. It. Was. Just. That. Good.
Ok. PLEASE don't apologize!! Your comments, like, made my life!! I'm floating on a cloud right now knowing that someone enjoyed this that much!!! I HEART YOU FOREVER. hehe. :)
*beams* ^_^
*beams back at you*
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