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Title: The Signs of the Zodiac 7/12
Pairing: Bean/Orlando, Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened.
Summary: Orlando's life goes through quite a bit in the course of twelve months.
Notes: So, thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
captnobvious and beizy for hand-holding in the early days and to shaenie who completely ripped the first draft of this apart. Many thanks. Couldn't have done it without you. Previous parts can be found here.
LEO
July 22nd
“No, Dom, I promise.” Orlando balanced his bag as he leaned his shoulder against his ear to be able to hear Dom’s distorted voice through the phone. He rolled his eyes a little while one hand absently went down to brush against his leg and test out his bruise to see how bad it was. To his relief, it was better. “I’m on my way!” he reiterated.
Dom chattered on and on, stopping every now and again when the sounds of what he assumed to be Billy’s footsteps entered the room. For a moment, Orlando felt extremely guilty for giving Dom and Billy a burden that they didn’t need. He, of all people, knew how bad secrets were. He frowned as someone knocked at the door – Sean was supposed to be out for the night.
“Look, Dom, I have to go,” he said distractedly while heading towards the door. “I’m on the way out! Stop worrying!” he ordered.
When the frantic voice on the other end of the line finally rang off, Orlando pocketed the phone and took a deep breath before opening the door to find Elijah sitting – literally – on his doorstep. Orlando gave him a curious look as Elijah stood up. “Hi,” Orlando said slowly, confused as to his presence. Something had happened and someone had not been kind enough to fill him in on what exactly was going on.
“Hi!” Elijah cheerfully greeted him while pushing into the house.
“What are you doing--” Orlando began, “--in this country?”
“See, I need a favour.” Elijah shrugged apologetically as he paced back and forth. “And since Sean isn’t here, and Billy and Dom told me very kindly to fuck off…not in those exact words, but I can read between the lines…anyway, because of those outside factors, it falls to you! Franka is having her party just around your neighbourhood and I can’t really go alone, so…”
“No,” Orlando cut in.
“Orlando! Best bud! My favourite elf!” Elijah pleaded. “I need you, come on!”
“I have an appointment!” Orlando protested a little, still feeling a bit overwhelmed at how quickly the words seemed to be spilling out of Elijah’s mouth. He could feel himself faltering under the promise of a party though. He wasn’t an idiot and he wasn’t about to deny that he was terrified to go to the appointment. Elijah was offering him the perfect opportunity to avoid it and have a good time instead.
Having a good time definitely rated higher than being scared as hell on Orlando’s list.
“You can reschedule!” Elijah insisted, grabbing Orlando by the cuff of his shirt and dragging him out the door. “Come on, lock the door. We’re going to a party, and I am not going to take no for an answer. The only way you’re getting out of this is death.” He set his jaw in a determined manner and smirked as Orlando locked the door. “Are we going?”
Orlando paused for a moment in the foggy night and considered his options. Missing the one appointment wouldn’t hurt him much – especially if Dom never even found out about it. All he had to do was reschedule the appointment and everything would turn out just fine. He cast another look at Elijah’s eager face and smiled a little.
“We can go,” he informed Elijah, to which he gave a little jump of delight.
“Thank you!” Elijah beamed. “I just got the invitation for her birthday the other day, and she won’t care that I bring you at all, and did I mention you were the best elf the entire earth has ever seen? Not counting the cookie elves, of course, but that’s because they make the best…”
“Elijah,” Orlando cut in with a little amused smile, “I’m going. You can stop rambling.”
“Oh!” Elijah giggled nervously. “Oops!”
“Yeah,” Orlando commented as he got into the car. He took a deep breath. All he had to do was continue to convince himself that everything would turn out fine in the end. One missed appointment wouldn’t hurt. It wouldn’t. “Oops,” he repeated.
“I hope Franka brings that friend of hers she introduced me to that one time,” Elijah mused as they began to drive, “I heard she’s an Aries.”
As they drove away, the bruise on Orlando’s leg began to itch.
“Was that Orlando?” Billy raised an eyebrow at Dom. Dom turned around and restrained himself from biting the nail on his index finger in worry. Billy was settling down on the couch to read a newspaper, and for some reason, Dom couldn’t take his eyes off of the clock. “Dom?”
“Yeah,” Dom remembered to speak. “He just rushed off…I thought I heard someone at his door though.”
“Visitors,” Billy chided in a mocking tone before giving Dom a dubious look. “The man can live his own social life without us interfering. I think we ought to just be grateful that he isn’t holding a grudge against us.”
“The Sean thing?” Dom commented.
“The Sean thing,” Billy confirmed.
“Yeah,” Dom laughed nervously, “we did get lucky.”
“Oh well,” Billy shrugged. “So, what’s going on with our favourite elf?”
Dom paused for a moment, wanting to let everything out – wanting to tell Billy everything about the situation and how nervous he was. He wanted to tell Billy why he had spent so many nights the past month lying awake and how guilty it made him because he couldn’t tell anyone. Couldn’t tell Billy because he swore to Orlando. Couldn’t tell Orlando because it would make him feel worse.
His nerves had begun to fray.
“Billy,” he began to speak. “There’s something that you need to…”
Before he could say anything else, the phone in his hand rang and cut him off. He held up a hand. “Hold on,” he muttered grumpily. “Hello?”
The voice that came from the phone had no human characteristics to it. The words came out of a machine, but that didn’t soften the blow at all. Dom’s felt himself growing more and more irate as the words went on until he was so pissed off that he was glad that he wasn’t facing Billy.
‘Bastard,’ his brain began, ‘all those nights, all those sleepless nights. Everything I did and he throws it all away.’
“Mr. Bloom has failed to arrive for his appointment,” the machine parroted on its second loop. “Please reschedule with the office...”
Dom hung up and exhaled – his breath shaking with anger as he did. He turned around and found Billy watching him curiously.
“Dom, what’s going on?” Billy asked softly with a concerned edge to the words. Dom wanted to collapse then and there. He wanted to fall to his knees – maybe to the ground – and let everything go.
But he didn’t.
Instead he walked away without saying a word; straight out the door and onto the street. His breath came in short and ragged shifts and he heard Billy following him out into the night. In the distance there was music, and it only served to remind Dom of the issue at hand.
“Bloody bastard,” he muttered under his breath as Billy trailed a few feet behind him.
“DOM!” He heard Billy shout angrily. Dom even thought it might not have been the first time Billy had yelled it since they arrived outside by the vehemence of Billy’s tone. He stopped and turned around, feeling morose and lost.
“Billy, I can’t,” Dom whispered into the night.
“Can’t what?” Billy demanded with confusion; looking every bit as lost as Dom felt. Dom didn’t say a word; he merely sauntered over to Billy and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. Dom’s arms trembled, and soft – almost invisible – shudders of breath escaped him.
“I can’t,” Dom repeated, revealing nothing else.
Dom felt Billy hold him tightly. Dom knew that neither of them knew what to do, and holding on to each other seemed to be the best solution for the time being. It felt safe, and right.
“Please don’t leave me,” Dom begged as Billy began to lead them back inside.
Billy nodded, and Dom saw confusion exploding all over Billy’s face while they worked their way back to the warmth of their home. “I promise.”
When Orlando arrived back home – having had entirely too much to drink, and feeling too woozy for his own good – there was someone waiting for him. Orlando blinked a few times and tried to gauge the expression on Sean’s face.
“What’s going on?” he murmured softly, frozen in place. The look on Sean’s face was so mixed that Orlando couldn’t really pick out all the varying emotions that appeared there. Orlando thought he saw a hint of rage and somewhere in there he saw – or possibly only imagined – a fractional bit of concern lurking around the lower lip.
“You spoke to Dom again today,” Sean said quietly. “For the fourth day in a row.”
“How do you know that I…” Orlando began to protest before Sean pointed to the answering machine and the blinking light that showed there was a message. “That’s Dom, then?”
“It is. Orlando…” Sean began and Orlando closed his eyes. He didn’t like the sound of Sean’s voice coming out all low warnings and shielded words. Orlando felt tension coursing between the two of them as he simply waited for something more to be said. “You won’t tell me what you’ve spoken about, after the fact. I thought that you and I had a policy about secrets.”
“This is different,” Orlando swore vehemently, his voice deep and desperate, relieved to have the subject to at least argue. “Sean, I really need to get out of…”
“You won’t speak to me,” Sean cut in. Orlando felt sick to his bones. Sean wasn’t moving, and the forthcoming talk felt inevitable, like it or not. “Orlando, we need to talk,” Sean’s voice was grave. Orlando felt his stomach turning, and if it were possible, he felt even sicker than he had ten minutes prior.
“I can’t,” Orlando snapped, unknowingly repeating Dom’s motto of late. “Sean, please, I need to walk out that door. I can’t do this. I can’t handle this right now.”
There was a pause, and silence claimed the room. Finally, Sean spoke up. “If you walk out the door,” he turned around and pointed to the knob, “then when you come back, my things will be packed and ready to go.” Orlando felt his heart about to stop beating. “You know I hate secrets,” he added gently.
“No,” panic gripped Orlando fiercer than he had ever felt before. His eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. “No, don’t do that…just…no! I’ll stay, I’ll stay and we can talk!”
“Talk about what you and Dom do?” Sean asked, looking doubtful.
Orlando hesitated before speaking to confirm Sean’s suspicions. “That’s private. Not secret, but just…private.”
Orlando felt desperation coursing through his blood, as Sean seemed to be making up his mind – promptly decided to leave Orlando’s life. He took quick steps closer to Sean and gave a weak and desperate smile.
“Hey,” he said for lack of a better thing to say, and the word seemed to tremble. “Sean, I love you. You know I do. I love you so much it hurts me, and I…” he gave up on the quest to find proper words, and decided to try a more physical approach. Orlando ran a single finger down the side of Sean’s face. Sean’s eyes closed at the touch before his face lit up with a smile – his eyes crinkling just the way Orlando loved. Soon, Orlando figured it out. This was the key. He added another finger, and then there were two fingers running from Sean’s brow down to his chin.
“I love you, there is no doubt of that,” Sean said quietly, speaking right into Orlando’s ear. Orlando’s fingers hooked onto the hem of Sean’s shirt and pulled it off slowly. “Orlando, we really need to…”
Orlando quickly kissed him and prevented any further discussion. For a moment, Sean seemed to resist him, but the sheer desperation of the kiss – pushing at Sean’s lips with full force – seemed to make the conversation at hand disappear. Sean closed his eyes and after a moment of fighting the kiss, he returned it.
“Sean, do you want this?” Orlando pulled away and played the distraction as best he could. He made himself look like the most devastated beggar child by widening his eyes and pouting minutely.
“Yes,” Sean admitted quietly. “But we have to…”
Orlando cut him off once more with a kiss. This time he felt himself getting lost in the scent of Sean’s cologne wafting up his nose. It smelled of apples and cinnamon – a familiar blend seeing as Orlando had personally bought it. In the midst of the kiss, Orlando heard a tiny whimper from Sean and he knew he had won.
“Sean?” Orlando pulled away, feeling Sean’s breath on his upper lip – warm and constant.
“I love you, and you know that,” Sean said, apropos of nothing Orlando could understand.
“I know,” Orlando replied, praying silently that the bruise on his leg wouldn’t be noticeable today. He got lucky on some days – some days it would be blistering red, other days an angry purple. He closed his eyes tightly and decided to chance it all. “Take me,” he pleaded.
Sean kissed him then, and Orlando knew then he had achieved success. It had been so long since their lips had touched, and it felt like some kind of divine ecstasy coursing through Orlando as he let out an unbidden cry.
“I’ve missed those lips.” Sean pulled away and purred like a satisfied cat. Orlando grinned giddily in childish relief at having escaped further questioning on the subject of Dom and secrets. A part of him was even more thrilled that he was getting to touch Sean – an activity he had been missing out on lately thanks to panic and nerves.
“I know,” Orlando repeated, on autopilot as Sean spun him a little so that they could stumble into the bedroom without hitting anything in the process. Sean flicked on the light, but Orlando’s hand quickly covered Sean’s, snapping it off again. “Lamp,” came from deep in Orlando’s throat.
Sean pushed Orlando on the bed, and Orlando crawled over to the side and turned on two dim lamps – the light of which would never reveal bruises – before pulling Sean on top of him. Orlando lay flat on his back, pleased that the pain was gone.
“You’re mine,” Sean poked him in the bare chest once, running his other hand through Orlando’s hair – hanging in curls lately with Orlando’s refusal to pay it any attention. Orlando kissed Sean fiercely in a sort of Pavlovian reaction to the iteration while unbuckling Sean’s belt and working to unzip Sean’s jeans in the process. Their feet battled together – both bare – as Sean’s jeans found their way past his ankles and onto the floor by the foot of the bed.
Sean’s ankles pushed at the sheets, effectively tangling them. Sean insistently pushed down Orlando’s khakis, giving a little grunt of enthusiasm. Orlando felt a thrill run through him at the way that sex seemed to make Sean go primitive. Orlando bit his lip until his trousers were down, and risking a quick glance, was content to see that the bruise was behaving.
“Mine,” Sean repeated again, one knee pushing insistently at Orlando’s thighs, sliding between them and fitting into that perfect place just under Orlando’s growing erection. Sean nipped at Orlando’s shoulder before pulling off his shirt and guiding Orlando’s hands towards his nipples to occupy Orlando’s more than willing fingers.
“Yes,” Orlando encouraged with a growl, the speed of his breathing increasing a little as his blood rushed through his veins, his body twitching with desire and anticipation. “Take,” he began, “take me.”
“Oh, I will,” Sean agreed, undressing them the rest of the way and pulling out protection from the night table. Orlando allowed himself to be gently turned. Sean straddled his hips, a familiar position that felt perfectly natural. Orlando’s hips slid into a comfortable rhythm as Sean straddled him. His long, dexterous fingers were hard at work inside Orlando while Sean’s lips – warm, slick, and insistent – glided over the base of Orlando’s neck. He shivered.
When Sean eased Orlando onto his back again, Orlando hooked his legs over Sean’s shoulders and closed his eyes tightly at the feel of Sean pushing into him, the feel of it inducing temporary memory loss.
For a moment, Orlando couldn’t think.
And for that one moment, that moment when he cried out in supreme pleasure, he forgot anything was ever wrong.
Sean was sleeping, his face relaxed and open, making him look young and innocent and untouched by anxiety of any sort. Orlando wondered if he looked like that when he was sleeping. He somehow doubted it. Just lately, he’d been waking with tense, sore muscles after a full night of enduring nightmares. He figured he looked akin to the damned while he slept. It made him wonder if Sean would ever find that sort of sleeping form attractive in any way – lines around his mouth and shadows haunting his eyes. He was still staring at Sean and musing when someone knocking on the door startled him. He blinked and sat up, confused for a moment. Finally, he pulled on a t-shirt and made his way to the door, which was still being abused by a persistent hand.
When Orlando pulled the door open he found an irate Dom on his doorstep, glaring at him with heat. Orlando pulled at the hem of his shirt a little while anticipating a move on Dom’s part – a blow perhaps by the look on Dom’s face.
“Dom,” Orlando greeted him, and felt a little strange at the tension thrumming in the air between himself and his best friend.
“Orlando,” Dom stressed every syllable, making the name longer than it ever should have been in the first place. Orlando shuffled his feet against the concrete of the porch, throwing a casual look back inside every now and again to make sure that Sean hadn’t woken up from the noise.
They stood in uncomfortable silence while Orlando leaned against the house, his eyes never leaving Dom. On the other hand, Dom wouldn’t look Orlando in the eye. Dom finally lowered his head and shook it with a disdainful scoff.
“You know Billy will barely talk to me when we’re alone?” Dom growled quietly, not looking up. His voice made Orlando think of the wicked-bright gleam of a razor blade. “Won’t say a word, and spends his time on the phone with Viggo talking about me. And you know why?”
Orlando shifted his eyes away. “Me,” he murmured, feeling guilt creep into his voice.
“You,” Dom agreed, his voice entrenched in deep anger. “Because Orlando, you have this problem, and you won’t go to anyone to see if you even have it. And you know what happens? You skip your fucking appointment, and I wind up with the worry.”
“I’m sor…”
“Don’t say you’re fucking sorry,” Dom warned. “I get worried to all hell, and Billy wants to know why, and guess what happens then?”
“You can’t tell him,” Orlando murmured.
“I can’t say anything,” Dom said at the same time.
“I never meant to…” Orlando began before his voice trailed off.
“You did,” Dom accused, taking advantage of the silence Orlando had provided. He finally turned to look Orlando in the eye. Dom’s eyes were burning with fury. “You did, and now we’re stuck. Orlando, if you don’t go to a doctor soon, I don’t…fuck, I don’t even know what to do.” He swore under his breath and stormed back to the car. He threw one look back to Orlando before he slid into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind him.
Orlando watched him go and felt the world seem to float away from him, panic and remorse lapping over him in giant waves. He held on a little more tightly to the house, and he watched his world spin out of control – colours melting together – before he got a good grasp on it again. He turned a little so that he could see just into to the bedroom, and caught a glimpse of Sean sleeping. The sheer promise of that comfort was overwhelming, and he focused on one thing only; get back into that bed before his guilt could suffocate him or his chest exploded because his heart was beating too fast.
He made his way inside – every step seeming like emotional agony coupled with the very real pain that had renewed itself in his back – until he curled up against Sean, taking deep breaths to calm himself while simultaneously consoling himself with the fact that he hadn’t lost everything. Things could still be fixed.
tbc
Pairing: Bean/Orlando, Dom/Billy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened.
Summary: Orlando's life goes through quite a bit in the course of twelve months.
Notes: So, thanks to
captnobvious and beizy for hand-holding in the early days and to shaenie who completely ripped the first draft of this apart. Many thanks. Couldn't have done it without you. Previous parts can be found here.July 22nd
“No, Dom, I promise.” Orlando balanced his bag as he leaned his shoulder against his ear to be able to hear Dom’s distorted voice through the phone. He rolled his eyes a little while one hand absently went down to brush against his leg and test out his bruise to see how bad it was. To his relief, it was better. “I’m on my way!” he reiterated.
Dom chattered on and on, stopping every now and again when the sounds of what he assumed to be Billy’s footsteps entered the room. For a moment, Orlando felt extremely guilty for giving Dom and Billy a burden that they didn’t need. He, of all people, knew how bad secrets were. He frowned as someone knocked at the door – Sean was supposed to be out for the night.
“Look, Dom, I have to go,” he said distractedly while heading towards the door. “I’m on the way out! Stop worrying!” he ordered.
When the frantic voice on the other end of the line finally rang off, Orlando pocketed the phone and took a deep breath before opening the door to find Elijah sitting – literally – on his doorstep. Orlando gave him a curious look as Elijah stood up. “Hi,” Orlando said slowly, confused as to his presence. Something had happened and someone had not been kind enough to fill him in on what exactly was going on.
“Hi!” Elijah cheerfully greeted him while pushing into the house.
“What are you doing--” Orlando began, “--in this country?”
“See, I need a favour.” Elijah shrugged apologetically as he paced back and forth. “And since Sean isn’t here, and Billy and Dom told me very kindly to fuck off…not in those exact words, but I can read between the lines…anyway, because of those outside factors, it falls to you! Franka is having her party just around your neighbourhood and I can’t really go alone, so…”
“No,” Orlando cut in.
“Orlando! Best bud! My favourite elf!” Elijah pleaded. “I need you, come on!”
“I have an appointment!” Orlando protested a little, still feeling a bit overwhelmed at how quickly the words seemed to be spilling out of Elijah’s mouth. He could feel himself faltering under the promise of a party though. He wasn’t an idiot and he wasn’t about to deny that he was terrified to go to the appointment. Elijah was offering him the perfect opportunity to avoid it and have a good time instead.
Having a good time definitely rated higher than being scared as hell on Orlando’s list.
“You can reschedule!” Elijah insisted, grabbing Orlando by the cuff of his shirt and dragging him out the door. “Come on, lock the door. We’re going to a party, and I am not going to take no for an answer. The only way you’re getting out of this is death.” He set his jaw in a determined manner and smirked as Orlando locked the door. “Are we going?”
Orlando paused for a moment in the foggy night and considered his options. Missing the one appointment wouldn’t hurt him much – especially if Dom never even found out about it. All he had to do was reschedule the appointment and everything would turn out just fine. He cast another look at Elijah’s eager face and smiled a little.
“We can go,” he informed Elijah, to which he gave a little jump of delight.
“Thank you!” Elijah beamed. “I just got the invitation for her birthday the other day, and she won’t care that I bring you at all, and did I mention you were the best elf the entire earth has ever seen? Not counting the cookie elves, of course, but that’s because they make the best…”
“Elijah,” Orlando cut in with a little amused smile, “I’m going. You can stop rambling.”
“Oh!” Elijah giggled nervously. “Oops!”
“Yeah,” Orlando commented as he got into the car. He took a deep breath. All he had to do was continue to convince himself that everything would turn out fine in the end. One missed appointment wouldn’t hurt. It wouldn’t. “Oops,” he repeated.
“I hope Franka brings that friend of hers she introduced me to that one time,” Elijah mused as they began to drive, “I heard she’s an Aries.”
As they drove away, the bruise on Orlando’s leg began to itch.
“Was that Orlando?” Billy raised an eyebrow at Dom. Dom turned around and restrained himself from biting the nail on his index finger in worry. Billy was settling down on the couch to read a newspaper, and for some reason, Dom couldn’t take his eyes off of the clock. “Dom?”
“Yeah,” Dom remembered to speak. “He just rushed off…I thought I heard someone at his door though.”
“Visitors,” Billy chided in a mocking tone before giving Dom a dubious look. “The man can live his own social life without us interfering. I think we ought to just be grateful that he isn’t holding a grudge against us.”
“The Sean thing?” Dom commented.
“The Sean thing,” Billy confirmed.
“Yeah,” Dom laughed nervously, “we did get lucky.”
“Oh well,” Billy shrugged. “So, what’s going on with our favourite elf?”
Dom paused for a moment, wanting to let everything out – wanting to tell Billy everything about the situation and how nervous he was. He wanted to tell Billy why he had spent so many nights the past month lying awake and how guilty it made him because he couldn’t tell anyone. Couldn’t tell Billy because he swore to Orlando. Couldn’t tell Orlando because it would make him feel worse.
His nerves had begun to fray.
“Billy,” he began to speak. “There’s something that you need to…”
Before he could say anything else, the phone in his hand rang and cut him off. He held up a hand. “Hold on,” he muttered grumpily. “Hello?”
The voice that came from the phone had no human characteristics to it. The words came out of a machine, but that didn’t soften the blow at all. Dom’s felt himself growing more and more irate as the words went on until he was so pissed off that he was glad that he wasn’t facing Billy.
‘Bastard,’ his brain began, ‘all those nights, all those sleepless nights. Everything I did and he throws it all away.’
“Mr. Bloom has failed to arrive for his appointment,” the machine parroted on its second loop. “Please reschedule with the office...”
Dom hung up and exhaled – his breath shaking with anger as he did. He turned around and found Billy watching him curiously.
“Dom, what’s going on?” Billy asked softly with a concerned edge to the words. Dom wanted to collapse then and there. He wanted to fall to his knees – maybe to the ground – and let everything go.
But he didn’t.
Instead he walked away without saying a word; straight out the door and onto the street. His breath came in short and ragged shifts and he heard Billy following him out into the night. In the distance there was music, and it only served to remind Dom of the issue at hand.
“Bloody bastard,” he muttered under his breath as Billy trailed a few feet behind him.
“DOM!” He heard Billy shout angrily. Dom even thought it might not have been the first time Billy had yelled it since they arrived outside by the vehemence of Billy’s tone. He stopped and turned around, feeling morose and lost.
“Billy, I can’t,” Dom whispered into the night.
“Can’t what?” Billy demanded with confusion; looking every bit as lost as Dom felt. Dom didn’t say a word; he merely sauntered over to Billy and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. Dom’s arms trembled, and soft – almost invisible – shudders of breath escaped him.
“I can’t,” Dom repeated, revealing nothing else.
Dom felt Billy hold him tightly. Dom knew that neither of them knew what to do, and holding on to each other seemed to be the best solution for the time being. It felt safe, and right.
“Please don’t leave me,” Dom begged as Billy began to lead them back inside.
Billy nodded, and Dom saw confusion exploding all over Billy’s face while they worked their way back to the warmth of their home. “I promise.”
When Orlando arrived back home – having had entirely too much to drink, and feeling too woozy for his own good – there was someone waiting for him. Orlando blinked a few times and tried to gauge the expression on Sean’s face.
“What’s going on?” he murmured softly, frozen in place. The look on Sean’s face was so mixed that Orlando couldn’t really pick out all the varying emotions that appeared there. Orlando thought he saw a hint of rage and somewhere in there he saw – or possibly only imagined – a fractional bit of concern lurking around the lower lip.
“You spoke to Dom again today,” Sean said quietly. “For the fourth day in a row.”
“How do you know that I…” Orlando began to protest before Sean pointed to the answering machine and the blinking light that showed there was a message. “That’s Dom, then?”
“It is. Orlando…” Sean began and Orlando closed his eyes. He didn’t like the sound of Sean’s voice coming out all low warnings and shielded words. Orlando felt tension coursing between the two of them as he simply waited for something more to be said. “You won’t tell me what you’ve spoken about, after the fact. I thought that you and I had a policy about secrets.”
“This is different,” Orlando swore vehemently, his voice deep and desperate, relieved to have the subject to at least argue. “Sean, I really need to get out of…”
“You won’t speak to me,” Sean cut in. Orlando felt sick to his bones. Sean wasn’t moving, and the forthcoming talk felt inevitable, like it or not. “Orlando, we need to talk,” Sean’s voice was grave. Orlando felt his stomach turning, and if it were possible, he felt even sicker than he had ten minutes prior.
“I can’t,” Orlando snapped, unknowingly repeating Dom’s motto of late. “Sean, please, I need to walk out that door. I can’t do this. I can’t handle this right now.”
There was a pause, and silence claimed the room. Finally, Sean spoke up. “If you walk out the door,” he turned around and pointed to the knob, “then when you come back, my things will be packed and ready to go.” Orlando felt his heart about to stop beating. “You know I hate secrets,” he added gently.
“No,” panic gripped Orlando fiercer than he had ever felt before. His eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. “No, don’t do that…just…no! I’ll stay, I’ll stay and we can talk!”
“Talk about what you and Dom do?” Sean asked, looking doubtful.
Orlando hesitated before speaking to confirm Sean’s suspicions. “That’s private. Not secret, but just…private.”
Orlando felt desperation coursing through his blood, as Sean seemed to be making up his mind – promptly decided to leave Orlando’s life. He took quick steps closer to Sean and gave a weak and desperate smile.
“Hey,” he said for lack of a better thing to say, and the word seemed to tremble. “Sean, I love you. You know I do. I love you so much it hurts me, and I…” he gave up on the quest to find proper words, and decided to try a more physical approach. Orlando ran a single finger down the side of Sean’s face. Sean’s eyes closed at the touch before his face lit up with a smile – his eyes crinkling just the way Orlando loved. Soon, Orlando figured it out. This was the key. He added another finger, and then there were two fingers running from Sean’s brow down to his chin.
“I love you, there is no doubt of that,” Sean said quietly, speaking right into Orlando’s ear. Orlando’s fingers hooked onto the hem of Sean’s shirt and pulled it off slowly. “Orlando, we really need to…”
Orlando quickly kissed him and prevented any further discussion. For a moment, Sean seemed to resist him, but the sheer desperation of the kiss – pushing at Sean’s lips with full force – seemed to make the conversation at hand disappear. Sean closed his eyes and after a moment of fighting the kiss, he returned it.
“Sean, do you want this?” Orlando pulled away and played the distraction as best he could. He made himself look like the most devastated beggar child by widening his eyes and pouting minutely.
“Yes,” Sean admitted quietly. “But we have to…”
Orlando cut him off once more with a kiss. This time he felt himself getting lost in the scent of Sean’s cologne wafting up his nose. It smelled of apples and cinnamon – a familiar blend seeing as Orlando had personally bought it. In the midst of the kiss, Orlando heard a tiny whimper from Sean and he knew he had won.
“Sean?” Orlando pulled away, feeling Sean’s breath on his upper lip – warm and constant.
“I love you, and you know that,” Sean said, apropos of nothing Orlando could understand.
“I know,” Orlando replied, praying silently that the bruise on his leg wouldn’t be noticeable today. He got lucky on some days – some days it would be blistering red, other days an angry purple. He closed his eyes tightly and decided to chance it all. “Take me,” he pleaded.
Sean kissed him then, and Orlando knew then he had achieved success. It had been so long since their lips had touched, and it felt like some kind of divine ecstasy coursing through Orlando as he let out an unbidden cry.
“I’ve missed those lips.” Sean pulled away and purred like a satisfied cat. Orlando grinned giddily in childish relief at having escaped further questioning on the subject of Dom and secrets. A part of him was even more thrilled that he was getting to touch Sean – an activity he had been missing out on lately thanks to panic and nerves.
“I know,” Orlando repeated, on autopilot as Sean spun him a little so that they could stumble into the bedroom without hitting anything in the process. Sean flicked on the light, but Orlando’s hand quickly covered Sean’s, snapping it off again. “Lamp,” came from deep in Orlando’s throat.
Sean pushed Orlando on the bed, and Orlando crawled over to the side and turned on two dim lamps – the light of which would never reveal bruises – before pulling Sean on top of him. Orlando lay flat on his back, pleased that the pain was gone.
“You’re mine,” Sean poked him in the bare chest once, running his other hand through Orlando’s hair – hanging in curls lately with Orlando’s refusal to pay it any attention. Orlando kissed Sean fiercely in a sort of Pavlovian reaction to the iteration while unbuckling Sean’s belt and working to unzip Sean’s jeans in the process. Their feet battled together – both bare – as Sean’s jeans found their way past his ankles and onto the floor by the foot of the bed.
Sean’s ankles pushed at the sheets, effectively tangling them. Sean insistently pushed down Orlando’s khakis, giving a little grunt of enthusiasm. Orlando felt a thrill run through him at the way that sex seemed to make Sean go primitive. Orlando bit his lip until his trousers were down, and risking a quick glance, was content to see that the bruise was behaving.
“Mine,” Sean repeated again, one knee pushing insistently at Orlando’s thighs, sliding between them and fitting into that perfect place just under Orlando’s growing erection. Sean nipped at Orlando’s shoulder before pulling off his shirt and guiding Orlando’s hands towards his nipples to occupy Orlando’s more than willing fingers.
“Yes,” Orlando encouraged with a growl, the speed of his breathing increasing a little as his blood rushed through his veins, his body twitching with desire and anticipation. “Take,” he began, “take me.”
“Oh, I will,” Sean agreed, undressing them the rest of the way and pulling out protection from the night table. Orlando allowed himself to be gently turned. Sean straddled his hips, a familiar position that felt perfectly natural. Orlando’s hips slid into a comfortable rhythm as Sean straddled him. His long, dexterous fingers were hard at work inside Orlando while Sean’s lips – warm, slick, and insistent – glided over the base of Orlando’s neck. He shivered.
When Sean eased Orlando onto his back again, Orlando hooked his legs over Sean’s shoulders and closed his eyes tightly at the feel of Sean pushing into him, the feel of it inducing temporary memory loss.
For a moment, Orlando couldn’t think.
And for that one moment, that moment when he cried out in supreme pleasure, he forgot anything was ever wrong.
Sean was sleeping, his face relaxed and open, making him look young and innocent and untouched by anxiety of any sort. Orlando wondered if he looked like that when he was sleeping. He somehow doubted it. Just lately, he’d been waking with tense, sore muscles after a full night of enduring nightmares. He figured he looked akin to the damned while he slept. It made him wonder if Sean would ever find that sort of sleeping form attractive in any way – lines around his mouth and shadows haunting his eyes. He was still staring at Sean and musing when someone knocking on the door startled him. He blinked and sat up, confused for a moment. Finally, he pulled on a t-shirt and made his way to the door, which was still being abused by a persistent hand.
When Orlando pulled the door open he found an irate Dom on his doorstep, glaring at him with heat. Orlando pulled at the hem of his shirt a little while anticipating a move on Dom’s part – a blow perhaps by the look on Dom’s face.
“Dom,” Orlando greeted him, and felt a little strange at the tension thrumming in the air between himself and his best friend.
“Orlando,” Dom stressed every syllable, making the name longer than it ever should have been in the first place. Orlando shuffled his feet against the concrete of the porch, throwing a casual look back inside every now and again to make sure that Sean hadn’t woken up from the noise.
They stood in uncomfortable silence while Orlando leaned against the house, his eyes never leaving Dom. On the other hand, Dom wouldn’t look Orlando in the eye. Dom finally lowered his head and shook it with a disdainful scoff.
“You know Billy will barely talk to me when we’re alone?” Dom growled quietly, not looking up. His voice made Orlando think of the wicked-bright gleam of a razor blade. “Won’t say a word, and spends his time on the phone with Viggo talking about me. And you know why?”
Orlando shifted his eyes away. “Me,” he murmured, feeling guilt creep into his voice.
“You,” Dom agreed, his voice entrenched in deep anger. “Because Orlando, you have this problem, and you won’t go to anyone to see if you even have it. And you know what happens? You skip your fucking appointment, and I wind up with the worry.”
“I’m sor…”
“Don’t say you’re fucking sorry,” Dom warned. “I get worried to all hell, and Billy wants to know why, and guess what happens then?”
“You can’t tell him,” Orlando murmured.
“I can’t say anything,” Dom said at the same time.
“I never meant to…” Orlando began before his voice trailed off.
“You did,” Dom accused, taking advantage of the silence Orlando had provided. He finally turned to look Orlando in the eye. Dom’s eyes were burning with fury. “You did, and now we’re stuck. Orlando, if you don’t go to a doctor soon, I don’t…fuck, I don’t even know what to do.” He swore under his breath and stormed back to the car. He threw one look back to Orlando before he slid into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind him.
Orlando watched him go and felt the world seem to float away from him, panic and remorse lapping over him in giant waves. He held on a little more tightly to the house, and he watched his world spin out of control – colours melting together – before he got a good grasp on it again. He turned a little so that he could see just into to the bedroom, and caught a glimpse of Sean sleeping. The sheer promise of that comfort was overwhelming, and he focused on one thing only; get back into that bed before his guilt could suffocate him or his chest exploded because his heart was beating too fast.
He made his way inside – every step seeming like emotional agony coupled with the very real pain that had renewed itself in his back – until he curled up against Sean, taking deep breaths to calm himself while simultaneously consoling himself with the fact that he hadn’t lost everything. Things could still be fixed.
tbc