365 Days to Forget

[smlark.livejournal.com]

Title: 365 Days to Forget (Part 3/6)
Author: smlark
Pairing: Monaboyd
Rating: PG-13 (Language)
Summary: Billy's birthday (sorry I missed it by a few days)
Feedback: Appreciated as always.
Disclaimer: All totally made up...I do that when I'm bored.

Author’s Notes:  Thanks again to hobbitgwen  for her speedy beta skills and kind comments...*your suggestions helped immensely!*

Previous parts can be found here:

(1/6)-(2/6)

 

365 Days to Forget

(Part 3/6)

The sun creeping in through the blinds woke Billy. He closed his eyes quickly, shutting out the brightness. Turning his head he opened them again; that's when the cold hard reality of what they'd done hit him. He saw Dom lying next to him. His back raising and falling, breathing in a slow steady rhythm.

"This isn't right,"

he thought. "Please don't tell me I did this!" He shut his eyes again as a voice in his head kept cadence saying over and over, "No, no, no." Suddenly, he heard a loud yawn next to him. Jumping slightly, he opened his eyes and saw Dom, a very naked Dom, getting up out of the bed, stretching his arms out in the process.

"Morning Bills." Dom said in a voice groggy with sleep as he made his way into the bathroom. He shut the door half way but it was enough for Billy to have a little privacy while he assessed the situation. They weren't drunk, they knew full well what they were doing so there is no use trying to pretend it didn't happen. He tried to think about what exactly they'd said to each other. Were there words of love, promises, commitment? He didn't think so. No, he was sure there wasn't. Okay, so maybe he could pass this off as an experiment. Yeah, he'll tell Dom he was getting older and feeling a little stifled. He need to expand his horizons, explore a little and who better to do that with than his best mate, right?

Dom came back into the room, this time with a towel wrapped around him. Stopping at the bed, he looked across at Billy, a bright smile spreading on his face.

"What a sight he is."

The thought both overwhelmed and frightened Billy. The panic he was fighting back must have reflected in his face because Dom's smile slowly receded.

"Aw, Bills, please don't…," and before he could finish, Billy jumped out of the bed, clinging to the bed sheet as if for dear life. He didn't say a word as he ran out of the room. Dom paused a moment then followed. The door to the guest room, Billy's room was closed. He tapped on the door, "Billy, please talk to me." He pleaded. Silence was his only reply.

When it was apparent that Billy wasn't coming out, Dom went into his room, took a quick shower and got dressed. Nothing had changed in the fifteen minutes he'd been gone. The door to Billy's room was still shut. Dom tapped again, still no reply. "Billy, I'm coming in." he said as he turned the knob. Opening the door slowly he peeked in. Billy was sitting on the edge of the bed, still grasping the white sheet around him, looking forlorn and lost, his head hanging down.

Dom walked in and stood there for a second before approaching the bed. He knelt down on the floor in front of Billy taking both his hands gently in his. "Billy," Dom whispered. "Look at me." It wasn't a question.

Billy lifted his head and fixed his eyes on Dom's. "Oh, Dom, what’ve we done?" he asked fearfully.

"Billy, we're grown people. We both wanted this, there is nothing wrong with that. You did want this didn't you?" Dom implored.

"Yes. I mean, yes but…Christ!" Billy said exhaling noisily.

Dom closed his eyes and begged, "Billy, please, please, don't be upset!"

Billy saw what this meant to Dom; that it was tearing him apart having Billy was so distressed over it. This was his gift and for Billy to dismiss it like it never happened would be wrong, not when he wanted it as much as Dom did, maybe even more.

Choosing his words carefully, Billy reached out and grasped Dom's shoulders and said gently, "It's okay, Dommie. It really is. I've no regrets and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything last night. It was wonderful, you were wonderful, but it's not who I am. I'll need to find a way to continue on as if it didn't happen. Please understand that, and please say that you'll try to as well. I need to know that you’ll still be my best mate because I don't think I could go on if I lost you over this."

Dom opened his eyes and looked at Billy. Unshed tears shimmered in them as he said sadly, "Sure, I understand." He stood up, bent down and spoke softly as he placed his lips gently on Billy's, "Happy birthday." He turned around and left the room.

Billy's fingers raised to his mouth, touching where Dom's lips had just been. He closed his eyes as that image burned into memory. How could he do this? How could he forget something so wonderful. He had to, it could ruin them both. But then, if he forgot, would it ruin them as well? He was so unsure. He knew in his mind he'd made the right decision, not just for him but for Dom too, but his heart wouldn't concede. What was he going to do?

He sat there for a full hour before going to take a shower. Dom was in the living room sitting on the sofa when he came in. Billy sat down next to him, probably a little too close but it felt right all the same. They didn't look at each other. They didn't say anything. He's not sure how much time had passed when Dom finally said, "What time is your flight?"

"Not until two. I have a few more hours before I have to be there." answered Billy.

Another awkward pause.

"Billy, I…" "Dom, I…"

They were doing it again, talking at the same time. Completely out of tune with each other.

"You go first." "You go first"

Once more, at the same time.

Billy stopped and let Dom talk.

"Billy, I've been thinking and I understand now why you said we should put this behind us and move on. I don't want to, I don't think you want to either, but I'll try…for you."

Billy put his arm around Dom, looked directly at him said gratefully, "Thank you."

They talked a bit more and made an implicit vow to remember last night for what it was, a gift. One to be cherished and stored with other such wonderful memories in their lives only to be mused over when a need for such remembrances arrive.

The time for him to leave came much too fast for Billy. Dom drove him to the airport and walked him as far into the terminal as was allowed. They hadn't said much the whole way and continued with the semi-silence while waiting for his flight to depart. When the time came, with murmurs of "goodbye", "thanks" and "I'll miss you", they hugged tightly, neither wanting to let go. As the last boarding call was announced, Dom pulled Billy away and said, "Your plane. You need to go."

Billy nodded and smiled, "Thanks Dommie...for everything." He turned and walked away.

They didn't speak at all to each other for several weeks after that. Billy didn't know why, it just happened that way. Dom called first, catching Billy at rehearsal for a play he was doing. They had nothing particular to say to each other and didn't talk long but it felt good and natural. After that, Billy knew they'd be alright.

Who would've thought that after all this time he'd still feel all the confusion that he felt back then. His mind torn between trying hard to forget yet trying even harder to remember.

The cab pulled up in front of Dom's house. Billy paid the driver, walked up the steps and knocked just once before entering.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" they all yelled. Looking around, it seemed everyone he knew was there. He smiled and must have said "Thank you" at least a dozen times to well wishers as he wedged his way through the crowd, seeking out the only one he truly wanted to see.

Elijah stopped him in his tracks by practically jumping into his arms, spilling his drink a little in the process but didn't seem to notice. Billy could tell it wasn't the first he’d had that evening.

"Billy, Billy, Billy! Happy God Damn Birthday to you!" said Elijah as he planted a big sloppy wet kiss on Billy's cheek. Holding onto him, mainly to keep him from falling down, Billy smiled at Elijah and laughed as he said, "Hey monkey boy, I've missed you! Now, get the hell off me you idiot."

Billy felt someone's gaze on him. He looked over Elijah's shoulder and met the eyes he'd sought since he walked in the door.

Dom was leaning up against the far wall with a look of sadness on his face. His arms crossed in front of him as he watched Billy. Their eyes locked, neither looking away for a second or two before Dom mouthed silently to him, "Happy Birthday." Then, without so much as a glance back, he turned and walked out of the room.