Chapter TWO of my crack fic

[piratesorka.livejournal.com]

Sorry it has taken me so long...it tain't easy being funny!
I present Chapter TWO:

Title: His Inner Self
Pairing: Monaboyd 100%
Rating : PG(bad words&nudity)
Warning: IS 100% crack and has the gay boys.You no likey crack or pretty gay boys,you go elsewhere.Maybe the Pokemon fandom is your speed?
Feedback: My drug of choice. Bring it.
Disclaimer: There is no chemical high in my crack. My crack breaka yer face, maybe a rib. Sadly I do not know Dom and Billy but I would like a headstart running before they send their hitmen after me.




His Inner Self:Chapter 2

Dom looked up, grinned hugely and wagged his tail “BILLY! LETS EAT! LETS EAT! FEED ME NOW! YES! HUH BILLY? HUH? FEED ME NOW! NOW!!”

Billy blinked. “Emmm….lets not be shoutin Dommie…Quiet yerself… be a …be a good lad!”

“Yes! Yes! I’m a good lad! Good lad! Good lad Dom! Feed me now, okay Billy?” Dom sprung off the bed and ran back and forth from bedroom door to Billy.

*****
Billy prided himself on being able to cook a tasty breakfast for the two of them. He took great pleasure in creating breakfast treats but somehow this morning he realized that he could have opened up a can of beans and been rewarded with the same vision before him. Watching Dom dive face first into his carefully scrambled ham and eggs didn’t exactly help his digestion. Dragging Dom away from the garbage didn’t help matters either. He made a critical error when he smacked Dom’s paw, er hand. Dom reacted by emitting a sharp yip and then whined piteously as he backed away from Billy.

“Sorrysorrysorrysorry…Bad Dom, bad.” Despite his words he looked reproachfully at Billy, his eyes brimming with tears. For extra effect his tail was tucked between his legs.

Billy had never felt so small in his entire life than when he saw Dom look at him. He smacked himself on the forehead. “Oh for Christ on a crutch…Oy…nae, yah be a Good lad…now lets…”

“Gotta pee! GottapeeGottapeee. Peeeeeeeee! Now! Now nowwwwwwwwwww!” Dom’s voice took on a new pitch as he darted over to the door and scratched at it.

“Okay, don’t have ta be telling me. Just go pee why doncha…” Billy stopped, horrified at the thought of the neighbors watching Dom lift his leg on the rosebushes. “Nooo, nooo, wait, wait Dommie! Wait! No! STAY, Yes that’s it…STAY!”

“Stay?” Dom’s voice quavered with doubt “Gotta peeeeeeeeee….”

Billy silently promised himself a stiff drink if he just lived through the next few minutes as he found himself guiding Dom into the bathroom “ Come on ya daft pup, here ya go, pee in here…”

Dom idly scratched his left ear and gazed blankly around at his surroundings “Pee? Here?” He sniffed the shower stall before moving over to brand new bamboo hamper from Thailand. . He gave it a sniff and began to lift his leg….

Billy had begun walking to the closet when something just nagged at him about the situation. He dashed back to the bathroom to see Dom lower his leg and begin to sniff Billy’s aftershave bottle.

Billy took one look at the expensive new hamper, no, make that the stained new hamper and moaned.
‘Oh shite”

Dom stopped sniffing, looked at Billy quizzically “Peed. Bad Dom? Not Bad Dom.”
Billy didn’t even stop him when he began to chew on a sock.

After Billy finished mopping up he led Dom back to the bedroom.

“Look Dommeh, I’m gonna make a phone call and I want you to go lay down and be…be Good.. You can do that can’t yah?”

Dom jumped onto the bed and rolled around it tangling himself up in the sheets and blankets. He crouched on the bed, head down and rump up, big tail wagging away…. “Play now? Huh Billy? Play with me? Play, yes, lets play!”

“No play…Uh…sleep! Stay! Oh just be a good…a good…Good Dom!” He sighed heavily as he shut the door behind him. It did not help him any to hear Dom whine about playing. How do you play with your best mate when he is a dog? Will he shoot pool with the cue stick in his mouth? Billy giggled as he visualized himself beating Dom at all the games on Playstation.

He had to talk to someone. Of course, they would probably think he was off his nut but he had to give it a chance. Someone to talk to….someone…someone close… Ahh yes, call Elijah, good mate Elijah. Maybe Elijah would be able to come over and help him with Dom. Brilliant idea.

“Hello Elijah!

“Heyyyy, Billy, how’s it hanging dude? You and Sblomie still going surfing today or does he have to do that ABC gig still?”

“Look mate, its, er, about Dom…” He bit his lip, how could he describe Dom?

Silence

“Billy…hey…Billy…what about Dom? Come on, talk to me man”

“Its, well...uhmmm…Dom is a dog.”

Elijah giggled.

“Duuude, are you just now catching on to that? Dom’s always been a dog. We all knew that in New Zealand. You, of all people should have known that, but then…true love and…”

“Doodle, no, that’s not it. Listen: DOM. IS. A. DOG.”

“Wow, you two must have really had some sort of bad fight if this is what…”

“No, no. fook. That’s not it.”

“Its not?”

“Noooo,no…Elijah I am telling you, Dom is still Dom. Errr. Mostly…But this morning he woke up as a dog.”

Elijah could be heard gasping with laughter on the other side.

“Oh I knew you’d think me a nutter but it’s true. Dom is a dog and …and…HE HAS A TAIL! A big fucking tail! On his arse! A tail!”

“Ohhh fuck, I get it now…”

Billy breathed a sigh of relief.

“…this is another one of those games you and Dom have invented. You know, Tig was a great game, you two fuckers got me good with it too. Buuuut, I’m not going for this one. Fuck no you two are not going to sucker me in the latest game. Dom is a dog. Oh that’s good, you guys are nuts. Well, hey, hate to disappoint you now but I really do need to get movin’. Give my best to Dom, errrr, Fido. Buhbye!”

Billy softly banged his head against the desk. He had forgotten about the important ABC party he and Dom were going to that night. Dom really needed to be there. At this moment Dom was naked with a tail out his arse doing God knows what in their bedroom. Probably trying to lick his bits again. That would be such a Dom thing to do. Ah, well, no way about it, he had to be the man, the only man in this duo, and set things right. Somehow.

An hour and two stiff drinks later Billy was ready to reenter the world that had his lover locked into a dogs mind and tail. He paused at the door and rested his forehead against it…was that growling he heard?

He opened the door warily… Dom was on his back on the bed, legs and arms waving happily about. He was growling yes, but it sounded playful, apparently he was chewing on something. Billy fervently hoped it was the sock. Dom heard the door open and sat up in bed with a shoe in his mouth.

‘Bifffffffffffffthy,Biffffthy! Leeeessspay! Paaaaaaaaayyyy!” He did a small growl as he shook his head and the shoe and trotted over to Billy.

“Dom, give me the shoe…Come on now…Give me the shoe”

As all dogs like to do, Dom began to tease Billy with the shoe. He’d get close then duck his head away or turn his shoulder as Billy would try and reach for it. Frustrated, Billy chased Dom around the bedroom trying vainly to get hold of that shoe. His shoe. One of his best shoes. One of the pair he loved to wear with his kilt. The most expensive pair he ever owned.

Billy then did something he had never done with his own dog; he grabbed Dom by the tail and pulled. Dom yelped in surprise and dropped the shoe giving Billy the opportunity to kick the shoe out of Dom’s reach. Dom turned toward Billy and stared at the hand that pulled his tail then back up at Billy.

“Scratch, huh Billy? Itchy. Scratch me, huh? Billy. Love you Billy. Scratch me? Itchy…itchy…scratch me?”

Billy suddenly was struck by a crafty idea, one that would make Dom happy and help him get Dom dressed. He began to croon softly at Dom as he began to scratch up along the tail and up his back.

“Aye, I’ll give ya a good scratch, ayeee…that’s me Dommeh. That’s an itchy place aye, that’s me good boyo….Bet ya want a good scratch behind yer ears doncha Dom?”

“Oooooooyeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss…Good scratchin,…Good…Good Billy, Goood Billy.”

Dom’s left leg began to thump.

Billy stopped his scratching to step over to Dom’s dresser where he quickly pulled out a t-shirt and pair of jeans. No use pulling out anything more, he figured it might be a right bit of work to get Dom into this outfit as it was. Dom followed him and began to nudge Billy’s arm with his head.

“More? Huh Billy? More scratches? Scratch my ears? Huh Billy? More, more, more, more…”

“Hush now Dom, be a good lad and work with me here. You have to get dressed. I need you to get dressed so we can go…”

“Go? Go? Where? Billy? Where huh, where? Let’s go now! Let’s gooo!”

Billy sighed once more, he should have known better. He was going to have to take matters into his own hands and dress Dom. He reached out and began to scratch Dom under his chin before swiftly throwing the t-shirt over Dom’s head and through the neck. He resumed scratching Dom behind his left ear. He found it damn difficult not laughing out loud at Dom’s expression of surprise mixed with pleasure as he worked his fingers down from ear to stubbly bearded jaw. It was a good thing Dom was known for keeping a beard in various stages, he didn’t fancy having to shave him today.

“Scratch Billlllllllllyyy…..scraaaaaaaaaatcchhh…..”

“Gotta help me here mate, Give me your hand…er paw. Come on…that’s a good lad.”

Dom obediently offered his right hand, which Billy quickly accepted and worked it down the sleeve of the t-shirt. So far, so good. Unfortunately, Billy made a serious error when his hand accidentally grazed Dom’s bare ribs, his most ticklish spot. Dom gave a yip and suddenly darted away from Billy.

“Play! Yes, yes! Let’s play! Lets Play! Catch me! Catch me!”

Off went Dom with Billy in hot pursuit around and over the furniture of their bedroom. Billy winced when Dom knocked over their new lamp, gone yet another expensive item from their trip to Thailand. In desperation he made a flying tackle and knocked Dom down to the floor. As he sat on the squirming playfully growling Dom he managed to grab his left arm and by some miracle stuffed it into the left sleeve. He gave a sigh as he got off of Dom’s prone body.

“JayzusfookinChyrst but ya take it out of man. How am I ever going to manage those jeans? Ohhh, shite, how am I gonna hide that tail?” He absent-mindedly stuck his hands into his pockets as he considered the jeans.

“Treat? Huh? Gotta treat? Gimme a treat? Gotta treat? Treat?” Dom stared at Billy’s pocket.

‘Uhh no, wait. YES! Dommie wants a treat? Come on then, let’s go get you a nice yummy treat.” He grabbed the jeans and led the way to the kitchen.

Dom scampered around Billy as he rummaged through the kitchen. So far he had found one lonely Oreo, some stale Nutter Butters, Mama Bianca’s Healthy Cranberry bars, and Goldfish crackers. Where were the wonderful British biscuits they both loved?

Dom snuck up behind Billy to lick and slurp on Billy’s neck. “Looooove Billy, yes, yes…gonna gimme a treat! Imma good lad!” Before Billy could grab it he snatched the Oreo up and crammed it into his mouth, chewing it with great gusto.

“Triffth! Bifffthy, triffth. “ Dom swallowed “ More? More treat Billy?”

Billy unwrapped a Mama Bianca’s Healthy Cranberry Bar; why Dom insisted on buying such shite instead of good Scottish shortbread was beyond him. He broke a piece off and offered it to Dom who sniffed it and then wrinkled his nose. Dom as a dog rejected health food but enjoyed chewing his best mate’s shoes. Interesting. That left the Goldfish crackers. He picked one up and looked at Dom who opened his mouth wide and looked expectantly at him. Billy laughed as he tossed one right into Dom’s mouth. Dom went into an ecstasy of tail wagging, wiggling his butt and whining for more. Billy could make Dom cross his eyes as he waved a goldfish under his nose before popping it in his mouth. It was apparent that Pepperidge Farms Goldfish crackers were going to be the doggie numnums for Dom.

Once more Billy and Dom returned to the bedroom to face the real problem, getting Dom into his jeans and hiding that bloody sodding tail. Billy decided that his best plan to hide Dom’s tail was to duct tape it down one of his arse cheeks. However, each time he tried to connect tape to tail Dom turned around to see what Billy was doing behind him. Billy managed once to tape Dom’s arse but it was without the tail. No good. The situation was made even more difficult when Billy had to rip the duct tape off of Dom. Dom yelped in pain then growled as he snapped at Billy’s offending hand.

“Watch it lad, ya know I didn’t mean to hurt ya. Let’s just calm down and let yer Billy take care of this tail for ya, eh?”

Dom growled and backed away. Billy tried to get closer, but found himself hopelessly tangled in duct tape. Discouraged, he flopped down backwards onto the bed and ran his hand through his hair. What was he thinking, trying to duct tape his lover’s arse? He of all people knew what it felt like to have a small amount of tape ripped off, removing some vital chest hair.

‘Billy? Billllyyy? Dom bad? Not good lad? No treat?” Dom sounded very subdued.

Billy sighed “No Dommie…its not…You’re a good lad”

Dom lay next to Billy on the bed and snuffled his hair before he took a tentative lick of Billy’s ear. “Looove my Billy….Looooooove Billy….Billy Good. Gooood Billy”

“Dom…Dommmm….Oh fook, Doncha be humpin my leg!” Billy rolled on the bed and knocked Dom over. He quickly straddled Dom and grabbed a leg. He was going to get these jeans on one-way or the other. The tussle began in earnest with Dom wiggling and flailing away beneath Billy. Billy did manage one leg in but the next leg was not cooperating.

“Dom? You want a treat? Numnum?” He held up a tiny goldfish cracker. Dom quit moving and watched Billy wave the cracker in front of him. Billy grinned as he popped the cracker into his own mouth. Dom whined.

“Alright, that was mean of me…but you give me that leg and I’ll let you have two treats, yes?”

Dom nodded happily and munched away as Billy eased the leg into the jeans. A few more doggie numnums and Billy carefully maneuvered the tail into the jeans. He took off his own belt to use to secure Dom’s jeans and keep the tail in check. The last tussle on the bed was over getting the trainers on Dom’s feet but he managed to accomplish this with about ten minutes of quality scratching time and a couple more goldfish.

Dom was dressed. Billy was exhausted.