Love (eighth piece of the Life collection)

[metal-mummy.livejournal.com]

Title: Love
Author: merryscott
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG (R for collection)
Disclaimer: F-I-C-T-I-O-N ... look it up.
Summary: Dom gets news he's been dreading.

This is the eighth of sixteen pieces in a collection called Life. They are all stand alone pieces, with no clear connection. Each piece is based on one of sixteen words, all found in the lyrics of Good Gharlotte's Moving On.
The words are: Life, Hope, Truth, Trust, Faith, Pride, Love, Lust, Pain, Hate, Lies, Guilt, Laugh, Cry, Live, Die

Completed: Life, Pride, Lust, Pain, Lies, Guilt, Faith



Love

"So will you?"

Dom grips the phone tighter, trying to control his voice. You can know something is going to happen, just know it is inevitable, no matter how much you pray and wish and hope and dream ... and God knows he's done his share of it all, even pleading and making deals with any power that might be listening ... and still be utterly blown away when the time actually comes. No, he's not surprised at the news, not surprised at the question that follows, but he still feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, like God and Satan joined forces to smote him a blow and are sitting back and laughing, like everything beautiful and green and lush in life has suddenly turned black and dead and cold and with that cold comes numbness.

"Dom?"

"Bill ... I ... I just can't." His voice is whispered and soggy with tears that haven't yet fallen and he doesn't try to hide it, he can't, because he doesn't have any will left in him. He has nothing left in him, he's just empty.

"It's okay Dom. I understand. I just wanted to tell you, before you found out from someone else."

He feels no guilt to offer an apology, he feels no strength to offer congratulations, and he feels no gratitude to offer thanks. He feels nothing, he has nothing and so he makes no effort to speak, no effort to hold the conversation.

"Dom ... I just want you to know that you’re my best friend and I love you and there's no one else I want for this more than you ... but, I understand why you can't. It’s probably for the best, I know."

Of course Billy understands why, he's known all this time. Dom's never spoken it out loud, not to Billy, not to anyone except his brother, but Billy knows. Billy knows and Elijah knows and the entire cast and crew know. His parents know and Billy's sister knows and both their publicists and all their friends and anyone who has been in the same room with them for more than three seconds know. Everyone knows because you can't hide something like that, something that true and complete and powerful.

"Yeah." And that's all Dom offers, that's all he can find the will to say beneath the numbness. You feel something with your entire being and it's suddenly ripped away and that's all your left with, nothing. Dom feels nothing and is terrified he will never feel anything again, but when he hears a sniffle on the other end of the line, traveling thousands of miles over cables and wires to reach his ears, to sound like Billy's inside his head, he feels the shock begin to wear off. Everything rushes back and he feels it all, everything, and dear God how he hurts. He hurts for himself and he hurts for Billy and he hurts for what will never be. He hurts so bad that he prays for the numbness again, because a lifetime of that would surely be Hell, but a moment of this is so much worse. He fails to stifle his own sob as the first of the hot tears spill over his lower lids.

"Dom? I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."

If Dom still had a heart, if it hadn't been taken and smashed on the floor, bursting into millions of tiny glittering fragments, it would have broken in two at the tears and pain and regret in Billy's voice. Dom wishes Billy were here with him now, wishes he could reach out and pull Billy into his arms and hold onto him until they both had quieted and their pain had gone ... no, until their pain had ebbed, because Dom knows his pain will never truly be gone. Billy's not here though, and Dom wants to assure him with words, tell him everything is alright, tell him it's okay and he understands and 'please don't cry' and 'please don't be sorry', but those words just won't form on his lips, because though he means them, they're still lies. What about love and soul mates and destiny? How can he love Billy so completely, so devotedly that Billy has become his life, his very existence, while Billy doesn't love him ... at least not the same way? No, he doesn't understand and it's not alright.

"I'm sorry too." Dom presses the button to end the call, and considers turning the phone off completely, but then doesn't bother. Billy won't call back. Billy will call Lij or Orli or Viggo, whichever is in town at the moment, to come check on him, but he won't call back.

~*~*~*~*~

Billy doesn't call back, because he can't help Dom through this and they both know it, because as much as Dom loves him, Billy's just not good for him right now, he’s just not what Dom needs. Dom needs a friend, the kind of friend Billy can’t be, not just now and maybe never again. So Billy calls Orli, who is kind and patient and loving and rushes over to Dom’s and beats on the door frantically.

~*~*~*~*~

Orli wraps Dom into his arms as soon as he opens the door and leads him to the bedroom, lays him down and cuddles up to him. He lets Dom cry against his chest as he traces lazy circles over his back and whispers soothing words into his ear and places tender kisses in his hair.

And, yes, Orli is the friend he needs and, after a while, Dom is okay or as okay as anyone in his situation can be. So, no, Billy doesn't call back, because as much as Billy isn’t what he needs, Dom isn’t what Billy needs, and that of course has been the problem all along. So while Orli’s piecing him together, Dom knows that across land and ocean and too many time zones to count, she’s mending Billy. She’s doing it, because she’s what Billy needs.

Dom sobs at the thought of her with Billy, the Billy that will never be his, and feels tears fill and soothe his burning eyes, before spilling onto Orlando's wet shirt. Orli pulls him closer and rubs his back until he quiets and they both fall asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

"Don't go Bills, please don't do it ... I love you. That has to mean something. I’ll try harder …" Dom’s words are pleading and desperate.

Billy looks at him apologetically. "I'm sorry Dom, I really am, I wish I could return your feelings and I pray you believe that. Don’t you understand Dom? You can't make someone love you, no matter how hard you try."

Dom watches Billy turn and open the door, soft music from another room filling the silence. “Billy!"

Billy stops and waits.

"You can't make someone stop." Dom whispers to his back.

Billy doesn’t speak, but lowers his head and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Dom in the silent and empty room.

X-posted @ fellow_shippers, monaboyd, and merryscott