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monaboyd Aug. 16th, 2004 10:40 pm)
ceartas.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Aug. 16th, 2004 10:40 pm)I bring you a new story. (Or an old one?) The first part of this has been posted separately as "Mirror". If you'll all remember, I said that there was some parts taken out and that they would show up as their own ficlet. Well, with MUCH help that was MUCH appreciated (I heart you, Sarah!!), I was finally able to bring both sides together the way I had originally intended.
Title: All I Wanted
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ceartas aka loadedsixstring
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG, I guess
Summary: Angst.
Feedback: Is framed and hung on my walls.
Disclaimer: As real as swiss cheese is solid. (And the lyrics are Michelle Branch's "All You Wanted")
Beta/Handholder/Cheerleader/Inspiration: my lovely, wonderfulnickelsandcoats. I must give her partial writing credit because she gave me a few lines in the last paragraph that helped me finish it. ::GLOMP::
All I Wanted
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
I always loved how you could be so calm under pressure. “Cool as a cucumber," that’s what Elijah and Sean always said. I thought it was a dumb expression, but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. I always loved how cheerful you were in the morning and I desperately wanted to be like that too. I tried so very hard, bouncing around the kitchen making your oatmeal. Never could figure out why you liked that crap, but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. I always loved your musical talent. I would stare, entranced with the graceful way that your delicate fingers would strum familiar chords and your soft, angelic voice whispering the words on the wind. And even though my passion for music is deep, I’ll never be able to do what you do, as effortlessly as you can do it. I told you this once but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. Then one day I woke up and remembered.
I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
I was impressed when, for the first time, you decided to try yoga breathing to calm yourself down instead of running to the bathroom to vomit. The second and third times it happened, I thought you had finally managed to overcome your anxiety attacks. But you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. The first time you got up before me and started making breakfast I thought it was sweet. The second and third times, I thought you might be making fun of me, just a little. But you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. The first time that those grey eyes of yours made me feel transparent while I played my guitar, I was more than a little unnerved. The second and third time times, it was comforting to know that you admired my talent. You told me that once, and I would have answered, but you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. So one day I took you by the hand and I promised to make everything better.
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I noticed early on that you carry a large amount of nervous energy wherever you go. At least, I interpreted it as nervous; though I’m not sure anyone else quite grasps that. You’re always talking or bouncing around, smiling cheerfully and full of giddy laughter. But inside, there’s a scared little boy, tucked away so far from the surface that I don’t think even you remember that he is there. But I’ve always known what you crave most in the world, more than laughter or applause or recognition. All you’ve ever wanted was someone to hold you close and love you.
I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
In the beginning, everything was perfect. Because there you were; and there I was. And we were. Together. But somewhere along the way it became Youme instead of Us. And now that I can see this for what it really is, it scares me to death. How did I get here? How could I let it go so far? How could you let it go so far? No, wait. I’m not blaming you; this is not your fault. I’m just scared because I love you so much and I feel like I’m drowning. I’m sorry that I’m using you as my personal floatation device but your hand is my anchor as much as it’s my ice burg.
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
When we stood on that beach and you held my hand, I knew then what you would say. And even so, I prayed that you wouldn’t. I thought I could be strong enough for the both of us, I promised to be strong enough for the both of us. Then you said it anyway and it tore me apart inside, though I knew it must have been a hundred times worse for you. ‘I have to leave, Bills.’ I nodded dumbly and said I understood. You kissed me softly and then turned to go. I watched as your shadow faded into the distance, but my eyes couldn't see where your heart had gone.
Title: All I Wanted
Author:
ceartas aka loadedsixstringPairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG, I guess
Summary: Angst.
Feedback: Is framed and hung on my walls.
Disclaimer: As real as swiss cheese is solid. (And the lyrics are Michelle Branch's "All You Wanted")
Beta/Handholder/Cheerleader/Inspiration: my lovely, wonderful
nickelsandcoats. I must give her partial writing credit because she gave me a few lines in the last paragraph that helped me finish it. ::GLOMP::All I Wanted
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
I always loved how you could be so calm under pressure. “Cool as a cucumber," that’s what Elijah and Sean always said. I thought it was a dumb expression, but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. I always loved how cheerful you were in the morning and I desperately wanted to be like that too. I tried so very hard, bouncing around the kitchen making your oatmeal. Never could figure out why you liked that crap, but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. I always loved your musical talent. I would stare, entranced with the graceful way that your delicate fingers would strum familiar chords and your soft, angelic voice whispering the words on the wind. And even though my passion for music is deep, I’ll never be able to do what you do, as effortlessly as you can do it. I told you this once but you just smiled in that slow, lazy way of yours and I forgot about it. Then one day I woke up and remembered.
I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
I was impressed when, for the first time, you decided to try yoga breathing to calm yourself down instead of running to the bathroom to vomit. The second and third times it happened, I thought you had finally managed to overcome your anxiety attacks. But you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. The first time you got up before me and started making breakfast I thought it was sweet. The second and third times, I thought you might be making fun of me, just a little. But you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. The first time that those grey eyes of yours made me feel transparent while I played my guitar, I was more than a little unnerved. The second and third time times, it was comforting to know that you admired my talent. You told me that once, and I would have answered, but you just looked at me in that needing-to-please-everyone way of yours and I knew. So one day I took you by the hand and I promised to make everything better.
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I noticed early on that you carry a large amount of nervous energy wherever you go. At least, I interpreted it as nervous; though I’m not sure anyone else quite grasps that. You’re always talking or bouncing around, smiling cheerfully and full of giddy laughter. But inside, there’s a scared little boy, tucked away so far from the surface that I don’t think even you remember that he is there. But I’ve always known what you crave most in the world, more than laughter or applause or recognition. All you’ve ever wanted was someone to hold you close and love you.
I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
In the beginning, everything was perfect. Because there you were; and there I was. And we were. Together. But somewhere along the way it became Youme instead of Us. And now that I can see this for what it really is, it scares me to death. How did I get here? How could I let it go so far? How could you let it go so far? No, wait. I’m not blaming you; this is not your fault. I’m just scared because I love you so much and I feel like I’m drowning. I’m sorry that I’m using you as my personal floatation device but your hand is my anchor as much as it’s my ice burg.
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
When we stood on that beach and you held my hand, I knew then what you would say. And even so, I prayed that you wouldn’t. I thought I could be strong enough for the both of us, I promised to be strong enough for the both of us. Then you said it anyway and it tore me apart inside, though I knew it must have been a hundred times worse for you. ‘I have to leave, Bills.’ I nodded dumbly and said I understood. You kissed me softly and then turned to go. I watched as your shadow faded into the distance, but my eyes couldn't see where your heart had gone.
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From:
no subject
that was fabulous.
I’m sorry that I’m using you as my personal floatation device but your hand is my anchor as much as it’s my ice burg.
that was such a good line. as was the last... and well, ever single line in this fic.
fantastic job. i loved it.
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That's all I can say. So beautiful and heartfelt and lovely, it killed me.
I watched as your shadow faded into the distance, but my eyes couldn't see where your heart had gone.
*dies more* Perfect. Just...Perfect.
From:
no subject
Eeeee!!! I love, LOVE what you did with the last paragraph- it's so heartbreaking! And I really can't hardly tell where my lines were, you did such a great job of incorporating them!
*hearts you*
*adds to memories*
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::blushes and scuffs ground:: I think I love you. We should get married. Oh wait. We already did. ::snogs madly::
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thanks! well, im just doing my civil lj duties... this seriously rocked
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lovesyoutopiecestoo because you are teh bestest cheeleader ever!
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"Ra, ra, sis boom ba! Look out world, here comes Sarah!"
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