Anything If Not Nostalgic

[hobbits-r-cute.livejournal.com]

Title: Anything If Not Nostalgic
Pairing: BB/DM, Karl
Rating: PG-13, maybe R for language
Disclaimer: I saw it happen. I really did. And then, I woke up.
Summary: Returning to NZ for reshoots, Karl remembers some Billy-Dom blowouts
Feedback: I love it. I really do. I thrive for it.

Thank you to aire_blair and loadedsixstring for the beta and for reassuring me by laughing at all the right moments.

Bunny from a lotrpschallenge meme.

LOTRPSchallenge Meme by booshgal33
Livejournal username
Character 1	Karl Urban
Character 2	Billy Boyd
Character 3	Dom Monaghan
Mood	Nostalgic
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Karl was anything if not nostalgic. He walked into the food tent for the first time in a year. Once they were done with the reshoots, he would never walk into it again. The lingering smells of the various kinds of cuisine the caterers cooked up knocked him back in time. He remembered the time that Viggo had walked in and been the unsuspecting victim of a hobbit prank. There was a rope strung across the entrance that, once its victim tripped over it, caused three buckets of orange soda to fall to the ground and Viggo. Needless to say, Viggo got back at the hobbits with a vengeance, filling their glasses with pure lemon juice and nothing else. They had to drink nearly a gallon of water each, to rid their mouths of the nasty sour taste.

Karl glanced around the tent and saw Billy, seated in the far right corner. Dom, who was usually stuck to his lover and best mate like a cat in heat, sat in the nearby left corner, as from Billy as humanly possible. Karl figured they were having a trademark ‘Billy and Dom Blowout’, a fight that usually involved the cast taking sides. Elijah and Orlando usually sided with Dom while Viggo, and both Seans usually sided with Billy. Karl remembered being told once about how Dom had nicked Billy’s bowl of porridge and dumped it in the trash. Karl had laughed at first until he saw the looks on the faces of the rest of the fellowship and decided that ‘Billy Boyd In the Morning Without Porridge’ was a horror movie of the worst kind.

Karl remembered the first ‘Billy and Dom Blowout’ he witnessed firsthand. Dom had taken pictures of Billy sleeping with Hank the Teddy Bear. For a week Dom plastered said photos all over the set, some were out in the open, but mostly hidden in unlikely places. Cast and crew would pull out drawers and open boxes only to find the intrepid Scot and his bear curled up under a blanket. Billy didn’t speak to Dom or anyone else for that matter for the rest of the day. In fact, Dom received the silent treatment for nearly a week. When Dom finally got Billy to talk to him, it was at volumes surely heard out in L.A. consisting of Billy calling Dom everything from a ‘git’ to a ‘fucking asshole’. It took Dom standing on Billy’s doorstep dressed in a pink tutu, daisies in hand, while dancing the mambo for Billy to forgive him and allow his lover to move back in.

Karl also remembered the time Dom had bought a talking fishing pole simply because it existed for Billy as a birthday present. Billy had chuckled and asked for his real gift, sending an insulted and pouting Dom to their bedroom, where he locked himself in for an hour. It took Billy using the ‘Annoying Pole From Hell’ to catch their dinner for Dom to forgive him.

Then there had been the time that Dom and Elijah had gotten piss drunk and peed in a fountain. Dom had giggled with glee over the ‘conquering of the fountain’ and eagerly told everyone the story. After hearing it seventy-three times, Billy had hit Dom with a wet rag, telling the younger man that drunken exploits are embarrassments down the road especially when certain elves have photos.

The biggest blowout had been one witnessed by 98% of the cast and crew. Dom had stolen, or ‘liberated’ as Dom put it much later when Billy had threatened to run over his CD collection with his car, Billy’s clothing, then pushed a decidedly naked Scot out into the cold of a New Zealand winter. Dom left Billy out in the cold for nearly half an hour, struggling to open the trailer door, calling Dom every name in the book. So pleased with himself over Billy’s dilemma, Dom failed to notice Billy had started coming down with pneumonia, resulting in Billy was bed ridden for over a week.

Most of the younger members of the cast sided with Dom and his crazy, outlandish behavior, while the older members sided with the calmer, more rational Billy. It was easy to tell when a ‘Blowout’ was happening; heading shaking and giggling were commonplace. Lucky for Pete, Billy and Dom had enough professionalism about them to put their blowouts on hold when they were filming. It was funny to see them acting friendly and lovey while the camera was on, only to have Devil Dom and Brow Furrowing Billy appear once it was switched off.

Karl wanted this last filming session to be happy so he gauged the looks on the two men’s faces, deciding that Billy looked like he was ready to eat whoever walked near him. Dom would be much safer to approach in the long run.

“Hey, how’s my little hobbit?”

Dom shot his head up and glowered slightly at Karl. “Fuck off, Urban.”

Karl smirked. “Now, is that any way to talk to your king?” He sat across from Dom. “So, what’s up with you and Billy shooting death looks at each other?”

“He’s a dick that’s what’s up. He...we...I asked him last night, what will happen to us now that we’re done filming. He asked me what I wanted to happen. I told him I wanted him to move to L.A. with me. He just glared at me and said ‘No.’ Didn’t even think it over.” Dom chugged back his drink, swallowing nearly the whole can in a few short gulps.

“Well, fuck Dom, you don’t just ask someone to up and leave their home for good, especially Billy. You know how much he loves Scotland.”

“More than me?” Dom lifted his head up and Karl could see the twinkly spark ofhis favorite cheeky Brit missing from those blue-grey eyes.

“Dom, I think you know the answer to that.” Karl stood up and walked away, heading toward Billy and the Boyd Look of Death.

Billy sighed as Karl approached. “What do you want, Karl?” he asked exasperatedly.

“Just to talk. You and Dom are having a famous blowout, I see.”

“One for the record books.” Billy pushed his soda can back and forth between his hands. Occasionally a small bit of soda would fly out and land on Billy’s hand but he failed to notice. “What did he tell you?

“That he asked you to move to L.A. with him and you said ‘No.’ Fuck, Billy, you couldn’t at least have thought about it?”

“Like he thought about moving to Scotland when I asked him?” Billy scoffed as he sucked the soda off the back of his hand. “He just laughed and said ‘Why the hell would I do that?’ At least I didn’t laugh. I don’t know what his problem is.”

“You’re both scared, that’s the problem. Scared to commit to a relationship well enough that you would move halfway across the world. Billy, as much as you guys have your moments where you want to kill each other, more than anything you love each other. You’ll work something out. You two always do.” He squeezed Billy’s shoulder, stood up, and walked away, heading towards the costume trailer.

As Karl left the tent, he turned and watched as both Billy and Dom stood up and walked towards each other. He leaned against a pole and watched with interest as a compromise was made and the pair began going at it like jackrabbits on a hot summer day. He chuckled at their very public display of affection right in the middle of the food tent as he pushed away the tent flap and headed off again when something small hit him on the head. He bent over and picked up what appeared to be a small piece of paper. As he turned it over, he smiled.

Karl pounded up the steps of the costume trailer and flung open the door. He dug through his box of Eomer clothes. Lifting the heavy, ugly Rohan helmet out of the way, he pulled out a box. It was filled to the brim with photos of Billy and Dom shooting glares at each other, video tapes of one or the other doing something embarrassing, including the only known copy of Dom’s pink tutu mambo, a piece of the talking fish pole, a small purple bowler hat Dom had bought because, like the fishing pole, it existed, and every photo of Billy and Hank the Teddy Bear. He looked down at the photo in his hand. Billy had his thumb in his mouth, Hank tucked in the crook of his arm. Leaning into the photo was Dom, a huge grin on his face as he placed a soft kiss on Billy’s check. Karl chuckled as he stuck the photo in with the rest. After all, Karl was anything if not nostalgic.

cross-posted to fellow_shippers