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monaboyd Jul. 8th, 2004 08:48 pm)
jade--paper.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Jul. 8th, 2004 08:48 pm)Title: "The Proposal"
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jade__paper
Email: rice_kristi@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: BB/DM
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and mean no disrespect in writing this. <3
Author's notes: I'm sorry this took so long. I had a battle with myself, of whether to end it or not. And the truth is, there is no place else to take this story -- at least no place that I can see. Thanks to all of you. I have gotten an absolutely outstanding reaction from this, one I couldn't have even dreamed of. For all your lovely comments, thank you. You made little 14-year-old me very (almost unnaturally) happy. Unlike when I ended "Faking the Steps," I don't have any more plot bunnies attacking me at the moment. I will probably post little ficlets here and there, one-shots with no point. Maybe something will bite me in the butt and give me another stroke of genius.
Thank you to everyone who commented on "The Proposal" for you comments and support:
irish_cocktail
trash_puppet
kolywoble
aire_blair
dash_of_flair
gabsy
natureofme
hobbits_r_cute
cool_like_dom
crysty1961
glorfinniel
queenrayven
moonlight_spike
yanks02
hobbitgwen
jellybean
piratesorka
I posted this once before, but now that you've read all of "The Proposal," please, please fill this out -- honestly. Post anonymously if you have to or wish to. <3
01. What did/do you enjoy most about my writing?
02. What did/do you enjoy least?
03. Did you lose interest at any point during the story or stories? If yes, where?
04. Would you be interested in seeing more of my writing? Why?
05. What was/is most memorable about how/what I write?
Thank you so very much. Any additional critiques or criticisms are highly welcome.
You do not have to answer any questions you don't want to.
And finally... I even made you guys a present. :D
Love to you all,
jade__paper, also known as Kristi.
The trip progressed slowly, as some things do. I checked my watch more often than every five minutes, maybe every two or three.
My thoughts rocketed along at a breakneck speed as I relived, or tried to relive, every moment I had spent with him. I asked myself again what I was doing. I tried to explain. But I couldn't. All I knew was that it was the right thing.
Some things cannot and will not be avoided, no matter how hard you try. The epiphanies I had made in the past few days stung my skin like I'd just been whipped, and had I been driving I would have stopped.
I did stop right then, though not of my own doing. I was thinking too hard and almost didn't pay the driver when I got out of the car.
Silly me, I said to him with a sigh. His expression didn't change. So I left.
It was a very nice reception, outdoors, in those sparkling, pristine tents, extrordinary, a perfect setting for a perfect reception for a perfect couple.
Was I about to wreck this?
Perhaps not.
I stride in, and am not noticed. The Maid of Honor, she finishes her speech but I don't hear any of it.
I grab a drink off a passing tray and drink to whatever she's just said.
Everyone is all smiles but me. I don't give the chatter a chance to start again, I pick up a shiny silver spoon and rap on my glass.
My hand is shaking and I am very surprised I don't break it.
I can feel their eyes on me now. The eyes that ask questions, that wonder what I'm doing here. Similar thoughts are running through my own mind.
It is now or never, and I cannot back down.
"Sorry to interrupt, yeah?"
And I know he's looking at me but I can't look at him, otherwise I'll just run away like I always do, run away and start over. I know what look he's giving me. I've given it a lot of thought. It's that confused look, when you don't know if you're supposed to be happy or angry or surprised or nonchalant.
It's hard to stop thinking
"Sorry I'm late and all, I just..." I try not to falter but it's hard.
It's hard to stop breathing
"Well, the groom and I, we're best mates, very close."
When all I do is think about you
"Closer than you might think, actually."
And the radio is screaming your name
"It's hard to go a day without him."
And the radio, it's all the same
"Very hard, excruciatingly painful..."
And the radio, it's hard to stop
"I know I'm rambling..."
And the radio is all I've got
"...that's not what I came here to do."
It's hard to stop wishing
"I came here because I have something to say."
It's hard to stop sighing
"Very important thing, this is."
When all I do is wish I'm with you
"To the new missus, I have news."
And the radios have broken down
"You are taking someone very dear from me."
And the radios have lost their sound
"And... and..."
And the radios are hard to top
"And I hope he annoys you as much as he annoyed me." Laughs from all around and I paint on my smile.
And the radios are all I've got
"May you grow old together -- well, may you grow old, and may he grow older." More laughs.
Yes, it's true
"The best of luck to you both." I raise my glass.
I've not even got you
"Cheers."
01., 02., 03., 04., 05., 06., 07., 07 1/2., 08., 09., 09 1/2.
Author:
jade__paper Email: rice_kristi@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: BB/DM
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and mean no disrespect in writing this. <3
Author's notes: I'm sorry this took so long. I had a battle with myself, of whether to end it or not. And the truth is, there is no place else to take this story -- at least no place that I can see. Thanks to all of you. I have gotten an absolutely outstanding reaction from this, one I couldn't have even dreamed of. For all your lovely comments, thank you. You made little 14-year-old me very (almost unnaturally) happy. Unlike when I ended "Faking the Steps," I don't have any more plot bunnies attacking me at the moment. I will probably post little ficlets here and there, one-shots with no point. Maybe something will bite me in the butt and give me another stroke of genius.
Thank you to everyone who commented on "The Proposal" for you comments and support:
irish_cocktailtrash_puppetkolywobleaire_blairdash_of_flairgabsynatureofmehobbits_r_cutecool_like_domcrysty1961glorfinnielqueenrayvenmoonlight_spikeyanks02hobbitgwenjellybeanpiratesorkaI posted this once before, but now that you've read all of "The Proposal," please, please fill this out -- honestly. Post anonymously if you have to or wish to. <3
01. What did/do you enjoy most about my writing?
02. What did/do you enjoy least?
03. Did you lose interest at any point during the story or stories? If yes, where?
04. Would you be interested in seeing more of my writing? Why?
05. What was/is most memorable about how/what I write?
Thank you so very much. Any additional critiques or criticisms are highly welcome.
You do not have to answer any questions you don't want to.
And finally... I even made you guys a present. :D
Love to you all,
jade__paper, also known as Kristi.The trip progressed slowly, as some things do. I checked my watch more often than every five minutes, maybe every two or three.
My thoughts rocketed along at a breakneck speed as I relived, or tried to relive, every moment I had spent with him. I asked myself again what I was doing. I tried to explain. But I couldn't. All I knew was that it was the right thing.
Some things cannot and will not be avoided, no matter how hard you try. The epiphanies I had made in the past few days stung my skin like I'd just been whipped, and had I been driving I would have stopped.
I did stop right then, though not of my own doing. I was thinking too hard and almost didn't pay the driver when I got out of the car.
Silly me, I said to him with a sigh. His expression didn't change. So I left.
It was a very nice reception, outdoors, in those sparkling, pristine tents, extrordinary, a perfect setting for a perfect reception for a perfect couple.
Was I about to wreck this?
Perhaps not.
I stride in, and am not noticed. The Maid of Honor, she finishes her speech but I don't hear any of it.
I grab a drink off a passing tray and drink to whatever she's just said.
Everyone is all smiles but me. I don't give the chatter a chance to start again, I pick up a shiny silver spoon and rap on my glass.
My hand is shaking and I am very surprised I don't break it.
I can feel their eyes on me now. The eyes that ask questions, that wonder what I'm doing here. Similar thoughts are running through my own mind.
It is now or never, and I cannot back down.
"Sorry to interrupt, yeah?"
And I know he's looking at me but I can't look at him, otherwise I'll just run away like I always do, run away and start over. I know what look he's giving me. I've given it a lot of thought. It's that confused look, when you don't know if you're supposed to be happy or angry or surprised or nonchalant.
It's hard to stop thinking
"Sorry I'm late and all, I just..." I try not to falter but it's hard.
It's hard to stop breathing
"Well, the groom and I, we're best mates, very close."
When all I do is think about you
"Closer than you might think, actually."
And the radio is screaming your name
"It's hard to go a day without him."
And the radio, it's all the same
"Very hard, excruciatingly painful..."
And the radio, it's hard to stop
"I know I'm rambling..."
And the radio is all I've got
"...that's not what I came here to do."
It's hard to stop wishing
"I came here because I have something to say."
It's hard to stop sighing
"Very important thing, this is."
When all I do is wish I'm with you
"To the new missus, I have news."
And the radios have broken down
"You are taking someone very dear from me."
And the radios have lost their sound
"And... and..."
And the radios are hard to top
"And I hope he annoys you as much as he annoyed me." Laughs from all around and I paint on my smile.
And the radios are all I've got
"May you grow old together -- well, may you grow old, and may he grow older." More laughs.
Yes, it's true
"The best of luck to you both." I raise my glass.
I've not even got you
"Cheers."
01., 02., 03., 04., 05., 06., 07., 07 1/2., 08., 09., 09 1/2.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
From:
Wow <3
I've loved this fic from beginning to end. I read on your site, somewhere, that you were 14 years old. Your talent puts many writers twice your age to shame.
I'm glad you didn't take the road of "happily ever after" with this ending. You had me seriously guessing what he was going to do for a moment (great suspense). Don't laugh at me :) but I had goosebumps by the time I was finished reading. It was, in my opinion, a perfect ending--one that packed emotion the reader couldn't ignore.
Absolutely lovely ma' dear. I will let others fill out the questionnaire (sorry), because I, quite honestly, have become too biased to find or look for fault in your writing.
From:
no subject
1. Enjoy most? You kept me guessing.
2. Enjoy least? It ended!
3. Lose interest? Nope, never, not once!
4. More? You betcha baby! Keep it coming!
5. Most memorable about your writing? The voice you give to the characters. Very realistic and heartfelt.
Erin
From:
just to clarify...
From:
no subject
btw this is
I LIKE me present!!
From:
no subject
i feel so... i don't know, proud of this fic, or something. you didn't cop out on the ending, and i agree with you that it had nowhere else to go. and that's what makes it so BEAUTIFUL- painful, but beautiful. and so like life. it's one of those quiet pains.
i'm horrible at critiquing, really... because i can never see faults.
BUT, i adore your style of writing- it seems very unique somehow. you manage to mix just the right amount of dry humor with actual sarcasm, with just Real Emotion. you make it all so, so believable.
yes. i am gushing. ^_^;
i feel like a fool, but you asked for it! *shakes fist* i blame you. ;)
and don't worry too much about the plot bunnies- i'm confident that you'll keep writing. cuz you're too good to let go. *MWAH*
happy huntings dear!
From:
no subject
thanks for the fic and the pressy
From:
no subject
*hugs*
I feel blond.
From:
no subject
01. The lovely realism. The pictures that are painted in focus so sharply, it's painfully gritty.
02. Nothing! No complaints! Well, it's over, and I could complain about that...
03. Never. I was constantly guessing, waiting on the edge of my seat gasping.
04. The word definitely is not strong enough.
05. The courage to give a real story with a real ending without making it fairytale because it's easier. The ambiguous characters that are so flawlessly in-character you never need their names.
Have I talked your ear off enough, love?
From:
no subject
Oh my gosh, I feel so sad now! But it's good. Oh so good too! :)
Right, these questions:
01. It is so unique. You get into the minds of the characters so well and you understand them perfectly.
02. I honestly can't think of anything...except that they didn't get together at the end :-P
03. I don't think so...
04. Yes, absolutely. Because it's so well done. You're very talented.
05. Um, the realistic scenarios. It's not all happy endings...you've written us the ending that none of us really want to read...but we still do. Does that make sense to you?
From:
no subject
Wow, I wish I was as talented as you at that age!
From:
This prolly sounds really cheesy....but......
<3
From:
Re: This prolly sounds really cheesy....but......
01. It's so realistic and flowing, like a stream of consciousness.
02. The didn't end up together. But it would have spoiled it, I guess, if they had.
03. I honestly didnt ^_^
04. Defo. Because of the resons I stated in question 1
05. It seems so honest (yes I realise it's fiction) and true. Like, it could really happen at any time. I didnt find that, at any point, it stopped flowing in that way.
From:
no subject
On with the question now...
01. I believe my favourite thing about your writing is how it flows naturally. How real it seems. Your concept is one of the most original I have ever read.
02. Nothing. Your creativity (by never DIRECTLY stating the character's name) drew me into your story after the first line.
03. No never. The rythm never slowed down, I always had something to look forward too!
04. Yes, your style is unique and I'd love to see what other idea you have!
05. Like everyone said, the realism of the events, the ending that felt true and not fairy-tale like. How you managed to write it all in first person WITHOUT mentionning names.