With A Little Help From My Friends

[dylan-dufresne.livejournal.com]

Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 44/47
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-ish
Summary: Dom gets a visitor, and truths are revealed.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane.
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Trust me, you don’t want to miss this chapter. :) Kleenex warning!
A/N 2: I like to sleep in Saturday mornings, so you get this early. Enjoy. Thank you and good night.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43


Chapter 44

After giving himself some time to feel sorry for himself and mourn the loss of the future he once thought he was going to have with his beloved Billy, Dom then forces an end to his tears and wipes his face with the bed sheet, since the box of kleenex is too far away. An even heavier ache than before is beginning to build in Dom’s chest; one that he knows will be with him for the rest of his days, because he’ll never get over losing the love of his life. Dom wonders what’s the point of going on? What quality of life will he have? Perhaps it would’ve been better had he not survived the surgery, he muses. Right now, that’s looking to be a more welcoming alternative.

Growing more depressed by the minute, Dom’s gaze moves back to the window, and he’s staring aimlessly at the falling snow when he hears noise at the end of the hall. Almost immediately, he chalks it up to another patient in urgent need of attention and nothing more because he’s been in the hospital long enough that he’s become familiar with the routine of the nurses in this ward. So lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t hear the squeak of wet, rubber soles on the linoleum floor as they grow closer and closer.

“You didn’t let me finish,” a breathless voice announces from the doorway.

At the sound of the familiar, Scottish lilt that his heart knows so well, Dom turns his head and then can only stare in stunned silence as Billy steps inside the room. Wordlessly, Billy closes the door behind him, ensuring privacy and no interruptions, his cheeks flushed, and chest heaving from exertion, winter coat held loosely in the fingers of his good hand.

“What are doing here?” Dom finally manages to whisper.

“If you hadn’t hung up on me, I would’ve told you that I couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” Billy explains, his eyes locked on Dom’s. “I’ve been waiting for you to call and tell me that I could see you again.”

“Oh.”

“So, you called and I’m here,” Billy adds, moving over to the bed, dropping his coat over the back of the chair and gingerly settling into it, informing Dom that he’s still recovering from his injuries.

“You didn’t have to,” Dom says weakly, guilt twisting in his belly. “It could’ve waited until tomorrow. S’nothing that important.”

“I hear you’re doing okay,” Billy tells him, and then glances away. “Maggie’s gotten some limited updates from a couple of the nurses. I hope you don’t mind.”

“It’s fine.” Dom draws in an unsteady breath to summon his courage, and pray for the strength to get through the next few minutes. They’ll be the hardest of his entire life, but at least then it’ll be done. Billy will be free of him. “I, uh, I wanted to let you know that I’ll be leaving the hospital soon.”

“That’s wonderful,” Billy replies, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “Do you know when?”

“A fortnight or so,” Dom says. “Mum’s working on the paperwork to get me into a facility that’s not too far from the hospital where she works."

Billy's smile vanishes. “What?”

“It’s a good place for rehabilitation,” Dom adds, attempting to keep the mood light, like he’s unaffected by the idea of moving away from Billy. “It's to teach me all I’ll need to know for my wheelchair and whatnot. They have a strong focus on independent living. It’ll be good for me.”

“You’re leaving?” Billy asks, completely shocked. “But that’s so far away. There has to be a place closer to home.”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll be living with Mum and Dad, after,” Dom explains hesitantly, swallowing hard. “In Manchester. Right now the plan is that eventually I’ll get a place of my own. A small flat somewhere.”

“Just like that? It’s over?” Billy wonders aloud, unable to comprehend what he’s being told, it seems so impossible, like his nightmare is continuing. “You’re leaving me?”

“Mum and Dad will take some of my things with them when they head back to get the house ready for me,” Dom continues, unable to answer Billy’s questions, as they are far too painful. “The rest we can get on another trip or you can post them; whichever you prefer.”

Rising to his feet, Billy begins pacing back and forth, striding the length of the room and shaking his head, looking over at Dom at regular intervals, but not moving any closer.

“I don’t understand,” he announces, halting abruptly and turning to face the younger man. “Five years together and it ends like this?”

“I’ll sign whatever documents you want, relinquishing any rights to the book shop,” Dom tells him, pressing on as the pain in his chest begins to radiate out to his arms, threatening to overwhelm him. “I remember that you had papers to do with that.”

“Why are you doing this?” Billy demands, his tone heated, his one good hand closing into a tight fist as it grips the footboard of Dom's hospital bed. “Why?”

“We had a good run, Billy,” Dom tells him, his heart breaking as he valiantly prevents his eyes from filling with tears. “Isn’t it better to let things end before they get so bad that we hate each other?”

“I put a ring on your finger, and I promised you for better or worse,” Billy fires back, reaching inside his shirt and pulling out the silver chain that hold the wedding rings he’s held close to his heart, like a lifeline. “In sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

“Thank you,” Dom says calmly; while internally he’s cringing, wishing that he had done this over the phone instead of in person. Watching Billy is far too painful. “But I release you of the obligation.”

“Obligation?” Vehemently, Billy shakes his head, unable to believe his ears. “That’s not how marriage works.”

“It’s not like it was a legally binding union,” Dom points out, casually shrugging his shoulders. “There’s nothing keeping us together.”

“Except love,” Billy argues. “I love you, Dominic Monaghan, and I thought you loved me.”

“Things change,” Dom says quietly, looking down at his hands as he can’t bear to see the pain in Billy’s now tormented eyes. It’s almost over. He just has to hold on a wee bit longer.

“You’re trying to tell me that between the time that you were shot and today, you’ve fallen out of love with me?” Billy says incredulously. “You don’t want us to be together?”

“I don’t want anything from you,” Dom adds, biting on the inside of his lip when a wave of pain washes over him. “It’s just better this way. We can still be mates, yeah? If you want.”

Turning so his back is to Dom, Billy takes several long, unsteady breaths, taking in all that has been said; every last, excruciating detail. While he had feared losing Dom, it was not like this. Never like this. It’s as through he’s been savagely punched in the stomach without warning, his heart is being brutally ripped away, and he’s powerless to stop it. Summoning his strength, Billy then turns and stares intently at the younger man, carefully choosing his words before speaking them aloud.

“You want things to be over,” he begins. “Sever all ties between us. Just like that. Do I understand you correctly?”

“Billy-”

“Aye, I’ll do that,” Billy interrupts tightly, his tone silencing Dom. “I’ll do what you've asked. I’ll dissolve our partnership, pack your things, and let you leave.”

“Thank you,” Dom whispers, trying to appear calm, even though his heart is shattering into a million pieces. Part of him hoped that Billy would fight harder for them, but it seems that deep down, this is what Billy wants. Since Dom has given him the option, he’s taking it, and will be free of the burden. He won’t have to deal with a cripple.

“You only have to do one thing for me,” Billy continues, his tone now surprisingly mild. “You do that, and I’ll take care of the rest. I won’t fight you.”

“What’s that?” Dom asks, hiding his misery as best he can.

“Convince me that you don’t love me anymore,” Billy says firmly, his right hand settling on his hip. "You claim there’s nothing between us. Prove it."

The air in Dom’s lungs is expelled in a rush, he’s suddenly dizzy, and is forced to lay his head back on the pillow for a moment while he struggles to catch his breath.

“And I’ll have you know, I can promise to let you go rather easily,” Billy explains, taking two steps closer to Dom. “Because I know there’s no bloody way that you will ever convince me that the last five years meant nothing to you.”

“I didn’t say that,” Dom protests weakly, trying to lift his head up a few inches. “It’s just time to let go and move on. Our lives are moving in very different directions now.”

“You think it’ll be easy to just go on without you?” Billy asks as his eyes grow cloudy with confusion. “I’ve wanted to be here every single day since-” Pausing abruptly, Billy draws in a ragged breath. “I don’t want us to end. More than ever, you need me. I know you do. You’re being stubborn, like you’ve been since the day we met.”

“You just don’t understand,” Dom whispers as he starts to shake, the emotions too great to hold inside any longer.

“What don’t I understand?”

“Billy, it’s looking pretty much definite that I’ll be like this permanently,” Dom says shakily, his eyes glistening. “I’m going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.”

“Aye, I know that’s a possibility,” Billy replies, nodding slowly. “And it’s also possible that when the swelling goes down, some sensation will return. You could go to physiotherapy, work to regain your mobility; there’s even a chance that you could walk again. I’ve been researching at the shop late at night, after Maggie goes to sleep, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s books. I’ve read the statistics, the best courses of treatment, and how things would need to change at the flat, in the event you don’t walk.”

Unable to give himself permission to hope, Dom shakes his head. “There will be things that I won’t be able to give you, even if I wanted to. Things that I know you’ll want. Important things.”

“Other couples manage,” Billy tells him, moving another step closer. “I think we can have a good life together, Dom, whether you walk again or not.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“I know you mean sex,” Billy states, knowing he needs to be blunt with Dom at this point. “I’m aware that would change.”

“Change? Try none. At all. Do you really believe you could give up sex that easily?” Dom asks cynically, completely unconvinced. “After all the shagging we’ve done in the past?”

“Dommie, just three weeks ago I was so scared that I almost lost my mind, because I was afraid that you were going to die, and I’d lose the man I love,” Billy chokes out, his eyes bright with tears. “Forever.”

Shame rips through Dom, and he averts his gaze, unable to bear to look at the intense pain in Billy’s expression.

“Will I miss making love with you? Of course I will. But you’re here,” Billy adds tenderly, his voice hoarse with emotion. “You’re alive. You are still capable of expressing love, even if it’s not in the physical way that we’re used to.”

“Billy, it’ll be hard, and it’s not fair to you,” Dom protests, his resistance wearing dangerously thin. “I don’t want to be a burden-”

“Shut it, yeh daftie,” Billy orders softly, relief rushing through him as he closes the distance between them, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “Loving you could never be a burden.”

“But-”

“You're it for me, Dominic Bernard Patrick Luke Monaghan,” Billy tells him, a hopeful joy that he hasn’t felt in far too long surging back through his body. “I don't want anyone else. Ever.”

“No, Bills. Don’t,” Dom begs, his body betraying him and his chin lifting as Billy approaches, inviting the touch that he has missed so much.

When their lips meet, it’s more than a kiss; it’s a hungry, passionate claiming, where Billy worships Dom’s mouth like an addiction. The intense desire barely contained in the kiss is as though Billy’s been deprived of his lover for months, and not just over a week.

At the touch of his beloved Dominic after such a long time apart, Billy’s heart skips a beat, and a protest pushes past his lips when Dom tries to pull back. “Don’t, love,” he breathes.

“I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth,” Dom whispers. “I’m sure I taste-”

“I don’t bloody care,” Billy interrupts, and then dives in for another kiss.

Whimpering at the sensuous caress of Billy’s pointy tongue as it delves between his parted lips, Dom wraps a shaking arm around Billy’s torso to hold him close, his other hand cupping Billy’s scruffy cheek for a long moment before coming to rest lightly on the heavy plaster cast covering Billy’s broken arm. When the sound that Dom made finally sinks in, Billy allows their mouths to part.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispers.

“No,” Dom replies on a sigh, and tips his head to one side, welcoming Billy to continue, even as he adds, “Why is your nose so cold?”

“I was outside,” Billy explains, pulling back so he can meet Dom’s gaze. “When you called I was at the park, looking up at my star and making a wish.”

Dom’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “You were?”

“Aye,” Billy confirms. “I didn’t know what I was going to do without you, and I was making a wish in the hopes that you’d that you’d make contact, so I could explain and apologize.”

Shame causes Dom to avert his eyes. “You don’t-”

“I’ll make you a deal,” Billy interjects gently, brushing a tender kiss to Dom’s temple, inhaling his scent. “You forgive me for not telling you the truth as soon as I knew, and not being here when you found out about your back, and I’ll forgive you for not having enough faith in us, that I’d want to be with you, no matter what.”

“Deal,” Dom replies, and tugs Billy closer. “C’mere.”

For long minutes they kiss, petting one another’s hair and skin, whispering words of love and devotion, and it’s only when someone clears their throat that the couple finally parts.

“Hi Angie,” Dom says in greeting, brushing at his damp cheeks.

“Are you finished with your dinner tray?” the nurse asks as she moves from the doorway to the end of the bed.

Sheepishly, Dom averts his gaze, and at his reaction, the brunette woman lifts the lid, only to frown.

“This hasn’t been touched. Again. And you haven’t taken your meds, either.”

“Dommie,” Billy scolds gently, shifting so he can look at the nurse. “Angie, is there somewhere I can warm up the plate? I’ll make sure he eats, and takes the pills.”

“Bills-” Dom starts to protest.

“Shut it,” Billy interrupts, punctuating his words with a firm kiss to Dom’s lips.

Raising an eyebrow at the two men, fingers laced together and lips rosy, Angie slowly nods and takes the tray. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When they’re alone again, Billy turns and nudges up Dom’s chin so their eyes meet. “You haven’t been eating?”

“Haven’t been hungry,” Dom admits reluctantly. “And tonight Orli brought some Thai. I ate a little bit of it, just so he wouldn’t feel bad. I just haven’t felt like eating since you-”

“Shhh, it’s alright, love,” Billy soothes, leaning down to press a kiss to Dom’s forehead, both of his cheeks and then finally a lingering one to his sweet mouth. “I’m right here.”

“I’m sorry,” Dom whispers hoarsely, guilt causing fresh tears to spring to his eyes, a feeling that’s become all too common lately. “I’m sorry I got so caught up in work, and was distant. I’m sorry I stopped putting us first, and that I wasn’t there when you got hurt. I’m sorry that Aaron died. I’m so, so sorry. That part of my life was never supposed to touch you.”

“Oh, Dommie,” Billy croons, shifting so their bodies are as close as possible, but taking care not to allow his weight to press down on Dom’s tender, healing abdomen. “It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you. Never, love. I know Aaron wouldn’t either. He was grateful for all you did, trying to help him.”

“I love you,” Dom murmurs against Billy’s bow-shaped lips, his chin trembling. “Always have, always will.”

“Love you, too.”

Clinging to one another, the couple nuzzles and kiss until Angie returns with Dom’s warmed dinner.

“Thank you,” Billy tells her.

“You’re welcome. I’ll be back in a little while to turn you, Dom, before you go to sleep,” she replies, then slips out of the room.

“Turn you?”

“It’s to avoid bedsores,” Dom explains. “I can’t feel any pressure in my legs, so every few hours or so they shift me into a different position with pillows; on my left side, on my back, on my right side. Because of my incision, I can’t sleep on my belly.”

Nodding in understanding, Billy busies himself guiding the rolling table closer, perching on the edge of the bed and arranging Dom’s dinner tray.

“Bills, I’m not-”

“I’ll make you a deal. For each bite of food you have, I’ll give you a kiss,” Billy proposes, smiling when Dom’s eyes brighten, recalling how those exact words were uttered in the past. “You remember how that worked for us before, don’t you, love?”

“Yeah, but-”

“What?”

Reaching out, Dom gently cups Billy’s cheek with his left hand. “You’ve lost weight, Bills. I can see it.”

Knowing that Dom’s right, Billy looks down at the blanket covering the younger man and swallows hard. “I’m all right.”

“Tell you what: I’ll eat if you do,” Dom suggests as a compromise. “I’m guessing Maggie already tried to feed you tonight.”

“Okay, then,” Billy agrees with a nod and then picks up a fork. “Open up. You first.”

Obediently, Dom accepts the food and chews quickly, and once his mouth is empty, he purses his lips. Eyes locked on Billy’s lush mouth, Dom waits for the reward kiss, which Billy happily obliges him with. When they part, Dom takes the fork and then guides a mouthful of food towards Billy’s waiting lips. In no time, the entire meal is ingested, the pills swallowed down with some water, and the frown Angie had earlier is replaced with a smile.

“Much better,” she tells Dom. “Are you ready?”

“Can you teach me?” Billy asks her. “How to turn him, I mean?”

“Certainly, but all you can do for now is watch, because of your cast.”

“I know. I just want to know how to move him without hurting him,” Billy explains, meeting Dom’s eyes and exchanging a tender look. “The cast will be coming off in few weeks.”

“Okay.”

In just a few minutes, Dom is settled on his left side, lithe body cushioned with pillows to ensure he’s secure and relatively comfortable. Although it’s well past visiting hours, Angie doesn’t insist that Billy leave, but instead changes Dom’s IV bag, and lowers the lights in the room before closing the door behind her.

“Can you stay a little longer?” Dom asks shyly. “Please?”

“Of course, love,” Billy replies, settling into the chair beside the bed, fingers laced with Dom’s.

“And will you come back tomorrow?”

“No,” Billy says, watching as Dom’s face falls. “I-”

The sound of Billy’s mobile shatters the quiet and he scrambles to pull it out of the pocket of his jacket, pressing the small object to his ear as he answers the call.

“Hello?” A moment later, he winces. “I’m sorry, Mags. I didn’t mean to make-”

Watching Billy face cringe as he receives what Dom can only guess is a bit of a tongue-lashing for making his sister worry; Dom gnaws his lower lip for a moment and then makes a decision. He wordlessly holds out his hand, palm up, silently requesting that Billy give the mobile to him.

“Maggie, hold on a second,” Billy asks, and then acquiesces to Dom’s wishes.

“Hello Maggie? It’s Dom.” He grins at her cry of surprise, and gives Billy a tender look. “I’m the one you should be upset with because I’m the reason for your brother’s disappearing act tonight. I called him, and he was kind enough to make some time to come see me.”

“Daftie,” Billy murmurs under his breath, gripping Dom’s free hand and bringing it to his lips so he can kiss the soft skin.

“Would you be able to come to the hospital tomorrow?” Dom says into the mobile, smiling at her reply. “Yes, I know I’ve been a stubborn bugger. I’m sure I’ll hear about it for the rest of my life.”

“Bloody right, you will,” Billy retorts fondly. “Until we’re both old and grey.”

“Thank you,” Dom continues quietly, his voice suddenly unsteady and eyes bright. “Thank you for taking care of him for me.”

Several moments pass as Dom listens to Maggie’s response, and then he passes the mobile back to Billy.

“She wants to talk to you.”

“Hello?”

Dom can tell that Maggie’s tone has gentled by the way Billy’s features relax as he listens to his sister, the tension leaving his body, deep green eyes never leaving Dom’s face.

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay, Mags?” Billy says quietly. “Get some sleep.”

He smiles, and then adds, “Good night.”

As Billy hangs up the phone and tucks it back into the pocket of his jacket, he realizes that Dom is staring at him, rather intently.

“What?”

“You’re staying here tonight?” Dom asks shyly, clearly pleased by the revelation. “With me?”

“Of course I’m staying, yeh daftie,” Billy replies with a raised eyebrow, almost surprised by the question. “I haven’t seen you in over a week. I’m not about to let you out of my sight.”

A smile turns up the corners of Dom’s mouth, and he draws back the soft, blue blanket and white sheet covering him. “C’mere, Bills.”

“I’ll be fine in the chair, Dommie,” Billy tells him, carefully tucking the material around his lover’s slender body as best he can with his one good hand. “You need your rest.”

“But Bills, there’s room for both of us, and you know I’ll sleep better with you beside me,” Dom presses hopefully. “Holding me.”

“Dommie-”

“You know I love having your heartbeat close,” Dom adds, growing desperate. “And I know this hospital gown is lacking in sex appeal, but-”

Dom’s words are silenced by Billy’s sweet mouth covering his in a lingering kiss, and after they part, Billy glances down before starting to heel off his shoes.

“Keep going,” Dom murmurs, eyes trailing down his lover’s body. “You won’t be comfortable in those trousers.”

“Dommie, someone could walk in at any moment-”

“I know,” Dom interrupts. “But I want to be as close to you as I can.”

“Alright.”

Moving as quickly as possible, Billy unzips his trousers and steps closer so Dom can touch him as he slowly unbuttons his shirt, the task taking longer than usual since his left arm is useless in that capacity, thanks to the cast. Together, they slide the rumpled cotton off Billy’s shoulders and over the hard plaster, and after piling his clothes on the chair, Billy eases onto the hospital mattress. With a bit of careful maneuvering, Billy gets settled under the blanket, facing Dom, his good arm sliding into the space between his lover’s neck and the pillow they now share.

Mindful of Dom’s injury, Billy ensures that some space is left between their bellies so he doesn’t accidentally put any pressure on the healing incision. Needing to touch his lover, after far too long a time apart, Dom tucks his head under Billy’s chin and lays a hand on his t-shirt clad chest while Billy rests his cast on his own hip. A feathery kiss is brushed across Dom’s hair, and Billy can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips.

“I’ve missed this,” he whispers. “Missed holding you.”

“I’m sorry,” Dom rasps, his eyes damp. “I’m so sorry, Bills.”

Attempting to soothe the younger man, Billy nuzzles his nose into the spill of silky, mussed hair, placing several soft kisses to the blonde strands.

“It’s okay, love. All is forgiven. We’re going to be all right, as long as we’re together,” Billy tells him. “Now close your eyes and get some sleep.”

“Happy New Year, Bills,” Dom replies, his lover’s soothing heartbeat already starting to lull him off to dreamland.

Resting his cheek against Dom’s hair, Billy smiles to himself and sighs with contentment.

“It is now.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Aureen takes a moment to collect her thoughts before entering Dom’s hospital room, steeling herself for another difficult day. As Dom had asked, she and Austin had given him privacy last night, and Aureen is willing to bet it was because of the memories associated with the day. She’s never forgotten that Billy proposed to Dom on New Year’s Eve, and the joyful phone call the couple had made to tell them the news. Sadly, this year isn’t very likely to be a happy one, but then again, it could’ve been so much worse. Dom is alive, and that means there is hope.

Knowing that she can’t put it off any longer, Aureen gently pushed down on the handle, and nudges the door open with her shoulder. She’s halfway through the entryway when she stops short, mouth falling open in shock, and then a smile is bringing tears of joy to her eyes.

Unaware that they now have an audience, the couple continues to kiss and cuddle, Dom’s long, elegant fingers stroking Billy’s throat and dipping beneath the collar of his t-shirt. At the same time, Aureen can see that Billy’s hand has slipped between the panels of Dom’s hospital gown and is slowly caressing the bare skin of her son’s back. The beautiful sight causes Aureen to inhale sharply, touched by the intimate moment she’s witnessing, and the sound registers with Dom, because he gently breaks the kiss and looks over to meet her gaze.

“Hey Mum,” he says quietly, eyes dark and glittering, the hard edges of stress that he’d had yesterday easily cut in half, faded in the warmth of Billy’s love.

“Good morning,” she replies with a smile. “It’s good to see you Billy.”

“It’s good to be seen,” he tells her, not embarrassed in the least to be caught snogging his lover senseless.

Before Aureen can say another word, someone behind her clears their throat and she moves to the side so the nurse can enter the room, carrying Dom’s breakfast tray.

“I should get up,” Billy murmurs quietly, brushing a kiss across Dom’s temple.

“No,” Dom protests with a pout. “Stay.”

“Love-”

“How about I go to the cafeteria and get you a tray, Billy,” Aureen suggests as the nurse leaves the room, hiding a smile. “I trust that you’ll be presentable when I get back?”

He watches as her eyes glance pointedly over at the pile of clothing on the chair next to the bed, and his cheeks flush slightly. It’s clear that she’s happy to see him, and wants to give him some privacy while he gets dressed.

“I will.”

“All right then.”

Clearly disappointed at the idea of the loss of intimate contact, Dom allows Billy to carefully shift back off the mattress and get to his feet, watching as his lover gets dressed. For a little while, Dom had managed to forget why he’s in the hospital, and had simply fallen into the protective circle of Billy’s arms.

“Hungry?”

“Not really,” Dom replies mildly with a careless shrug.

Suspicious, Billy’s eyes narrow. “You just want me to feed you again, don’t you?”

Giving his best, wide-eyed innocent look with a wee bit of cheek, Dom bats his long, dark eyelashes. “Did I say that?”

“I know you,” Billy retorts.

“Yeah, you do,” Dom tells him fondly, but his smile fades when he looks down at his lower body, reality setting in.

“Dommie-”

“There’s a lot we need to talk about,” Dom interrupts before Billy can begin. “What’s going to happen when I get out of here.”

“When you come home,” Billy corrects gently.

Silently, Dom nods.

“Love, look at me,” Billy requests, a crooked finger nudging Dom’s chin up until their eyes meet. “You are coming home.”

“Eventually,” Dom concedes. “After a few months of rehab.”

“I’ll be there to visit you every single day, I promise.”

Closing his eyes, Dom nods unsteadily, not trusting his voice.

Before the conversation can be continued, Aureen bustles into the room with a tray from the cafeteria; complete with tea, a bowl of porridge and a container of orange juice.

“Here you are, Billy,” she announces. “Eat up while the oatmeal is hot.”

Knowing better than to argue with his mother-in-law, Billy obediently takes a seat, his eyes locked on Dom’s, trying to reassure him that things will work out. Somehow.

“Dom, you need to eat,” she tells the younger man, sliding the rolling tray over to the end of the bed and then helping him to shift onto his back. “The therapist will be here in twenty minutes or so, and you can’t take your pills on an empty stomach,” she adds while carefully raising the head of the bed.

“Therapist?” Billy repeats, his brow furrowed in thought.

“Massage for his back,” Aureen explains, removing the tray covering Dom’s breakfast and shooting him a look when he wrinkles his nose at the meal. “It’s so tense right now, and the hope is to relax the muscles so the vertebrae will move back into a more natural position.”

“I don’t need it,” Dom mutter under his breath, averting his eyes. “Don’t want it.”

Softening, Aureen slides her fingers through his silky hair in a comforting caress. “I know it hurts, love, and I’m sorry for that. You know it has to be done.”

“What’s the point?” Dom replies stubbornly.

As Aureen opens her mouth to respond, Billy rises to his feet and sets his tray down on the chair he’s just vacated. There’s something eerily familiar in Dom’s eyes, and it reminds Billy of a morning long ago. A lost soul with a broken spirit, in unimaginable pain.

“Aureen, can we have a minute?” he requests.

She sighs and nods. “I’ll be right back,” she says and then slips out of the room.

“Dommie-”

“Don’t start.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re in pain?” Billy asks tenderly, his tone surprising Dom when he was expecting a rebuke for the way he spoke to his mother. “I can see it your eyes.”

“I’m okay,” Dom says quietly.

“We’ll never make it if you’re not honest with me, love,” Billy adds, perching on the edge of the bed and stroking Dom’s hair with his good hand. “Tell me. Please. All of it.”

“It hurts,” Dom admits after a long, quiet moment. “A lot. All the time. Feels like I’m put together wrong.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? A nurse? They would’ve upped your medication.”

“Didn’t want it. When my back stopped hurting so much, all I could feel was my heart,” Dom explains sadly. “And that was so much worse.”

“Oh, Dommie,” Billy whispers as he leans down and kisses his forehead.

“It was something else to focus on, so I didn’t have to think about you, and how much I missed you,” Dom finishes, hot tears glistening in his eyes and threatening to fall any moment.

“How bad is the pain right now?” Billy inquires, his fingers rubbing small circles on the nape of Dom’s slender neck. “On a scale of one to ten.”

“When you were holding me? Kissing me? Maybe a five or so,” Dom says quietly. “Manageable. Now? Seven. And a half. After that bloody massage? Pushing past ten.”

“Will you please let me take care of you?” Billy requests. “I don’t want you to be in pain.”

“Part of me thinks I deserve it,” Dom says under his breath. “After all, I hurt you.”

“You don’t deserve pain, Dommie,” Billy tells him. “You’ve dedicated yourself to helping others and have saved lives, including mine.”

“I didn’t-”

“The bullet that did this to you was meant for me,” Billy interrupts. “Have you forgotten that? You didn’t hesitate. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“But it was because of me that-”

“Stop.” Billy says firmly. “Today the blame ends. No more.”

“But- ”

“No, Dommie. I mean it. No more.”

The protest that Dom had busily been putting together in his mind all but crumbles when he sees the truth in Billy’s eyes. A journey that began more than five years ago, a love that neither had expected, and the knowledge that it had somehow saved them both.

“It’s a new year,” Billy says, gentle now, and with a hopeful smile. “And I think we’ve both earned a new start.”

Thinking back, Dom can remember so many obstacles they’ve overcome throughout the years. The one thing that never changed was that they were together.

“You’re crazy, Bills,” Dom softly, recalling the familiar phrase, and the long standing endearment that it represents.

“In love with you,” Billy adds simply.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Chapter 45