(no subject)

[rebel-blue.livejournal.com]

Title: Maybe
Author: me!
Pairing: Monaboyd
Rating: PG-13 to R for language
Disclaimers: Angsty and dark...yeah. OH! And I don't own these men though I think we all would love to and this, to my knowledge, is all in my dirty little mind =]
[It's just a ficlet I wrote in five minutes, so pardon it's length.]

We made love. It was the best experience of my life. I just wished it would've lasted longer...that I could've had him as part of me for just a while more. All good things come to an end, though, and that was one. For the first time, I was happy.

 

I made him mine. I'd sling my arm 'round his waist in public, leave marks on his body that only we knew about...he was mine. No one tried to take him from me and I'd always wished they had. Then, I would've shown him how much I was willing to give him.

 

I watched him. Every night while he slept, I'd watch. I'd whisper to him in the dead of night, watching his eyelids flutter with some dream behind them. He never heard me. If he did, I wouldn't be here, would I?

 

I asked him. He said it wasn't me, that it was him. Ha! That's what we all say when we don't want to tell the truth. I don't want the truth, I want the lie, so I was satisfied with that answer.

 

I told him. He just shook his head and went into the bedroom. I could've sworn I heard him crying. I know I hurt him that night, but how? I could feel it. I didn't say anything wrong, did I? I just told him I loved him and he went off like that.

 

I held him. I didn't know what else to do. He told me he loved me, but we couldn't be together. The story of my life, that. I should've yelled, I should've screamed, but I couldn't. I just sat there, motionless, arms around Billy's waist. I think he held me more than I held him.

 

I lost him. All I got was this note telling me that he was with Ali and they were serious...that they had a baby on the way. Part of me was happy for him, the other hated him with a passion that I was sure would take a while to die. And it did.

 

I lied to him. I said it was only lust due to my coming into manhood. He laughed, but I didn't. Well, I did on the outside, but on the inside, I was screaming. I was screaming at him and telling him I'd never be over him, but I didn't get around to. Ali came and that was that.

 

I got back at him. I can't believe I stooped so low and made a fool of myself like that. I mean, I fucked an innocent boy into tomorrow, knowing Billy was watching from across the club. Why? Because he hurt me and deserved to see my pain. He deserved to see me suffer. So, I showed him.

 

I hurt him. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I left bruises along his hips and crushed his lips with mine 'till they bled. I think he wanted it just as badly as I did, but if he did, he never showed it. He only knocked me out and when I woke, I was alone in my flat.

 

I cried. I sobbed alone, throwing things around my bedroom until Elijah knocked on the door and set me straight. I know he meant well, telling me Billy would never come back, but I didn't believe him. I couldn't. Not after everything we'd been through.s

 

I drank. It didn't help me get over him. Just made me angrier, made me rough. I didn't show up to work for days, but I didn't care. I just wanted my Billy back.

 

I hurt. I really did. And it was mostly self-inflicted. Some was because I was nursing a broken heart and the rest was from me beating myself into the wall. I thought, 'Hey. Maybe he'll care if I'm hurting badly. Maybe he'll save me."

 

I died. For him. I gave him everything I could and it wasn't enough for him. Maybe now he'll see how much I love him and how much I care. Maybe I'll get him back now. Just maybe.

Comments

[rainbowcobweb.livejournal.com]

Oh my, this was amazing and so sad. I loved the structure - the way you started each paragraph with a short sentence - it was really effective and attention-grabbing. And I don't know whether or not it was intentional, but the way the first paragraph started with 'we' and all the others with 'I' really magnified Dom's sense of loss, his loneliness. Am I reading too much into this?

...I don't want the truth, I want the lie... I loved that, i really did. I can't explain it well enough. But yes.

The whole thing was great. Wow. Just...yes.

[rebel-blue.livejournal.com]

I wrote it intentionally, yes =] I thought it would make it a better emotional tale, y'know?

I'm glad you liked it, though!

[silentdescant.livejournal.com]

I was going to say the same thing about the first sentences in each paragraph. Cool technique. The last three paragraphs in particular really blew me away. Five minutes, you said? Nicely done. *hearts you*

[rebel-blue.livejournal.com]

AWW! Thanks. Yeah I whipped this up in five minutes. It's the easiest thing for me to write [angst and Monaboyd, I mean XD]. Thanks. I liked the technique, too. Thought it fit appropriately with what I was trying to say =]

[babydazzle.livejournal.com]

WAAAAAA!!!!!! Oh...poor Dommeh!!! So sad!!!

I liked how at first I couldn't tell who was talking. I had a feeling that it was Dom (getting to know your style now), but it could've been Billy...it was fun to guess for a little bit.

I like how Dom is so blind and yet so justified with his anger. Poor Dommie. Just heartbreaking.

I think I need to go comfort Dommie. ;D

[rebel-blue.livejournal.com]

Hehe, yeah...I can relate more to Dom, so I usually end up writing in his POV *blush*

I'm glad you liked it, though!

[shirerock.livejournal.com]

Wow! Very very nicely written!
I love that style, something different.
I like that you wrote it just down without much thinking!
Lovely!
*scrambles off to read more*

One question: I really really want to know where you got that nice little pic of Charlie & Liam kissing?
I adore this!!

[rebel-blue.livejournal.com]

My friend, Jen, made it for me, so I wouldn't know...