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monaboyd Feb. 17th, 2004 10:06 pm)
desire-billy.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Feb. 17th, 2004 10:06 pm)Title: A Life Without Billy Part 1 of ?
Author: desire_billy
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: R
Feedback: Please
Author's Notes:
Summary: How can Dom live without Billy? Told from Dom’s POV.
What did he just say? I was having a hard time breathing. Two minutes ago I was overjoyed to hear Billy’s voice, now all I wanted to do was throw the phone against the wall. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Dom, did you hear me?”
Yeah, I guess I did. “Yes, sorry just a bit of a hock. I didn’t realized that you..”
I could hear Billy’s laugh. Oh, how I had longed to hear that laugh. I missed him so much. I immediately began to curse myself for ever moving to the states. If I had at least stayed in England, maybe.. God, what was I thinking.
Billy was in the middle of a sentence when I realized he was talking, “…it just hit me, you know? We get on real good, and let’s face it I’m not getting any younger!” More laughing. I felt like I was turning inside out.
I heard myself choking out a laugh. “Well, when is the big day?” I didn’t want to know. I wanted to hang up and try to forget he ever told me.
“She wants a June wedding. What is it with June? Anyway I agreed. Gives me six months for my friends to talk me out of it!” Billy laughed heartily.
I slid down the wall. Why was my heart breaking? We had talked about when we got married, and how our kids would be best friends. I knew he would one day get married, didn’t I? I would get married and have kids. That’s what I wanted right?
“Listen, Dommie,” my heart sank at the sound of my nickname rolling off his tongue, “I want to ask you something. I mean you already know of course, but I wanted to do this right.”
My head was swirling; he wanted to do what right? Break my heart? Well, he was making fine work of that.
“Be my best man, OK?”
I’m not sure for how long, but I know I did stop breathing. Best man? Stand there and smile while you pledged your life, love and soul to another? Watch as she took my Bills from me? Watch my life and happiness walk down the aisle and out of my life?
“Sure, I will, Bills.” Who the hell said that? Shit, it was me!
Billy sighed and said, “I knew you would, I mean who else is there right? Couldn’t have the biggest day without you. Guess that means when our first child is born I’ll have to sneak you into the delivery room, huh?!” Billy’s laughter was filling my head. Shit he was happy. “Our first child,” he had said. He loved her.
It was at that moment I felt my heart crumble. I loved Billy. I knew that. He knew that. Hell we told each other everytime we parted ways for extended periods of time. But, this, this was different. I was jealous of her. I hated her at that moment. She had taken him from me. Suddenly I realized I was shaking.
“Dom? Are you still there?”
“Oh, yea, sorry, just lost in thought.”
Billy’s chuckle rang threw me as he said, “Planning my bachelor party already, eh? Well, just don’t let Lij get so drunk he proposes to the stripper!” Billy rang off his laughter burning my ears.
I sat there holding the phone and glaring at it. It was hard enough realizing you were in love with your best mate, and this more than likely went against everything you had ever known, but to find out because he told you he was getting married was torture.
I threw the phone down the hall with all my might and began to weep as it splintered into pieces. This couldn’t be happening. At that moment I wasn’t concerned with the fact that I was in love with Billy. It didn’t really matter now. He was getting married. He was gone. No more weeklong surfing trips. No more staying up all night drinking and talking. No more Billy.
He would fall into the role of dutiful husband and soon father. My heart ached so badly. How was I to live without him? Did I want to?
It had only been four months since I last saw him. We had spent a week at his house. I knew he was seeing her, but she never came around. I never asked; didn’t really care you know. He never told me he loved her that’s for sure. How could things have gone so wrong in four months?
I lay there in the hall curled around myself rocking as I sobbed. A life without Billy, was not a life.
It was hours later when I woke. I had lain in the hall crying until I had no more tears. I feel asleep from exhaustion. The pounding on the door woke me. I sat up, my body cramped from being on the floor so long. I glared at the door. If it wasn’t Billy I didn’t care. I knew it wasn’t Bill.
I leaned against the wall listening to the pounding. It finally ceased. I rolled back into my fetal position wishing the world away.
The next three days were pretty much the same only difference was I had managed so how to pick myself off the floor and make it to my bed. The days and nights ran into each other. Time had no meaning anymore. June was six months away. I had been given a death sentence of six months.
I heard the pounding on the door every once and a while. I just put a pillow over my face. Maybe I would suffocate. No such luck. As I lay in bed I looked around my room. Pictures of me and Billy everywhere. I was so blind. No pictures of the girls I had been dating, no, just Billy. When I wasn’t with him, I would surround myself with his photo. A smarter man would have realized what was going on. I thought we were just friends. I thought we’d always be together. Laughing, sharing, living.
I had never thought of a man romantically before, but then again I had never met a man like Billy before. He consumed me. His laughter, his smile, oh God, his eyes. I held a picture of him in my hands. It was a close up that I had taken one day surfing. He had looked over at me and smiled. I held the camera up and for a moment just looked at him through the lens. When I finally took the picture the look on his face was soft and his eyes twinkled.
I raised my hand to the picture so I was touching his cheek. If he had actually been there I would have kissed him, I know I would. That didn’t seem repulsive to me at all. The thought of touching Billy seemed right. My body ached to be near his. My lips quivered at the thought of touching his.
I lay there in my bed holding that damn picture my body racked with sorrow for the man I had lost. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I realized laying here was not going to help anything. It would take weeks to waste away in there. No, I needed a faster means of escape. My only answer was alcohol.
~
It had been four days since Billy told me my life was over for the most part. I had spent three days in bed, and now I was working on drowning myself with alcohol. I had gone threw all the beer and was working on the bottle of whiskey Billy had given me for Christmas. We swore we’d save it for Christmas the following year. We always spent Christmas together, but last year he was filming as was I. We vowed to be together this year. Yeah, right. Not now. Think the little mrs is going to want her husband’s drunk, loud friend there?
I sat on the floor still holding his picture as I drank myself into oblivion. I vaguely heard the pounding on the door. It wouldn’t be Billy, so who cared. I lay back on the floor praying for the ceiling to fall and take me. As I heard a large crack I thought my prayers were being answered. I closed my eyes awaiting the welcome darkness of death.
“DOM! Jesus Dom, are you OK?” I felt hands on my shoulders shaking me. I opened my eyes to see a terrified Orlando looking down at me. He grabbed my arms and pulled me off the floor sitting me on the sofa. I saw the door off kilter. He must have busted in and that was the noise I heard.
“Fuck, Dom what’s going on? Your agent has been trying to get you. She’s been over here pounding on your fucking door, calling and the phone just rings. Do you realize you were supposed to be at a shoot for the last few days?”
Oh yeah, oh well. Who cares?
Orlando looked down and saw the picture of Billy in my hand. He sat next to me on the sofa and put an arm around me. “He asked me to be in the wedding. I’m sure you were asked to be best man, right?”
I couldn’t answer I just leaned into my friend for support.
“I’m sorry Dom. It must be terrible for you.”
How did he know? I looked at him. He looked into my eyes with a knowing look. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. He tightened his hold on me and just held me as I cried. He rocked back and forth with me and told me I was going to get through this. He would be there for me.
I asked him how he knew.
“I saw it in the way you were with him. When Billy wasn’t around you were different, but as soon as he returned you were much happier. The twinkle in your eyes told me.”
“Does anyone else know?” I wanted to know.
Orlando smiled slightly, “I think everyone who was on set in New Zealand knew, with the exception of you and Billy.”
I hung my head and let Orlando hold me. “How am I supposed to live without him?”
Orlando sighed, “You will, Dom. It will be hard, but I will help you. We all will. Lij, Viggo Sean. All of us.”
I couldn’t stop the flow of tears. A life without Billy was not a life.
To be continued….
Author: desire_billy
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: R
Feedback: Please
Author's Notes:
Summary: How can Dom live without Billy? Told from Dom’s POV.
What did he just say? I was having a hard time breathing. Two minutes ago I was overjoyed to hear Billy’s voice, now all I wanted to do was throw the phone against the wall. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Dom, did you hear me?”
Yeah, I guess I did. “Yes, sorry just a bit of a hock. I didn’t realized that you..”
I could hear Billy’s laugh. Oh, how I had longed to hear that laugh. I missed him so much. I immediately began to curse myself for ever moving to the states. If I had at least stayed in England, maybe.. God, what was I thinking.
Billy was in the middle of a sentence when I realized he was talking, “…it just hit me, you know? We get on real good, and let’s face it I’m not getting any younger!” More laughing. I felt like I was turning inside out.
I heard myself choking out a laugh. “Well, when is the big day?” I didn’t want to know. I wanted to hang up and try to forget he ever told me.
“She wants a June wedding. What is it with June? Anyway I agreed. Gives me six months for my friends to talk me out of it!” Billy laughed heartily.
I slid down the wall. Why was my heart breaking? We had talked about when we got married, and how our kids would be best friends. I knew he would one day get married, didn’t I? I would get married and have kids. That’s what I wanted right?
“Listen, Dommie,” my heart sank at the sound of my nickname rolling off his tongue, “I want to ask you something. I mean you already know of course, but I wanted to do this right.”
My head was swirling; he wanted to do what right? Break my heart? Well, he was making fine work of that.
“Be my best man, OK?”
I’m not sure for how long, but I know I did stop breathing. Best man? Stand there and smile while you pledged your life, love and soul to another? Watch as she took my Bills from me? Watch my life and happiness walk down the aisle and out of my life?
“Sure, I will, Bills.” Who the hell said that? Shit, it was me!
Billy sighed and said, “I knew you would, I mean who else is there right? Couldn’t have the biggest day without you. Guess that means when our first child is born I’ll have to sneak you into the delivery room, huh?!” Billy’s laughter was filling my head. Shit he was happy. “Our first child,” he had said. He loved her.
It was at that moment I felt my heart crumble. I loved Billy. I knew that. He knew that. Hell we told each other everytime we parted ways for extended periods of time. But, this, this was different. I was jealous of her. I hated her at that moment. She had taken him from me. Suddenly I realized I was shaking.
“Dom? Are you still there?”
“Oh, yea, sorry, just lost in thought.”
Billy’s chuckle rang threw me as he said, “Planning my bachelor party already, eh? Well, just don’t let Lij get so drunk he proposes to the stripper!” Billy rang off his laughter burning my ears.
I sat there holding the phone and glaring at it. It was hard enough realizing you were in love with your best mate, and this more than likely went against everything you had ever known, but to find out because he told you he was getting married was torture.
I threw the phone down the hall with all my might and began to weep as it splintered into pieces. This couldn’t be happening. At that moment I wasn’t concerned with the fact that I was in love with Billy. It didn’t really matter now. He was getting married. He was gone. No more weeklong surfing trips. No more staying up all night drinking and talking. No more Billy.
He would fall into the role of dutiful husband and soon father. My heart ached so badly. How was I to live without him? Did I want to?
It had only been four months since I last saw him. We had spent a week at his house. I knew he was seeing her, but she never came around. I never asked; didn’t really care you know. He never told me he loved her that’s for sure. How could things have gone so wrong in four months?
I lay there in the hall curled around myself rocking as I sobbed. A life without Billy, was not a life.
It was hours later when I woke. I had lain in the hall crying until I had no more tears. I feel asleep from exhaustion. The pounding on the door woke me. I sat up, my body cramped from being on the floor so long. I glared at the door. If it wasn’t Billy I didn’t care. I knew it wasn’t Bill.
I leaned against the wall listening to the pounding. It finally ceased. I rolled back into my fetal position wishing the world away.
The next three days were pretty much the same only difference was I had managed so how to pick myself off the floor and make it to my bed. The days and nights ran into each other. Time had no meaning anymore. June was six months away. I had been given a death sentence of six months.
I heard the pounding on the door every once and a while. I just put a pillow over my face. Maybe I would suffocate. No such luck. As I lay in bed I looked around my room. Pictures of me and Billy everywhere. I was so blind. No pictures of the girls I had been dating, no, just Billy. When I wasn’t with him, I would surround myself with his photo. A smarter man would have realized what was going on. I thought we were just friends. I thought we’d always be together. Laughing, sharing, living.
I had never thought of a man romantically before, but then again I had never met a man like Billy before. He consumed me. His laughter, his smile, oh God, his eyes. I held a picture of him in my hands. It was a close up that I had taken one day surfing. He had looked over at me and smiled. I held the camera up and for a moment just looked at him through the lens. When I finally took the picture the look on his face was soft and his eyes twinkled.
I raised my hand to the picture so I was touching his cheek. If he had actually been there I would have kissed him, I know I would. That didn’t seem repulsive to me at all. The thought of touching Billy seemed right. My body ached to be near his. My lips quivered at the thought of touching his.
I lay there in my bed holding that damn picture my body racked with sorrow for the man I had lost. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I realized laying here was not going to help anything. It would take weeks to waste away in there. No, I needed a faster means of escape. My only answer was alcohol.
~
It had been four days since Billy told me my life was over for the most part. I had spent three days in bed, and now I was working on drowning myself with alcohol. I had gone threw all the beer and was working on the bottle of whiskey Billy had given me for Christmas. We swore we’d save it for Christmas the following year. We always spent Christmas together, but last year he was filming as was I. We vowed to be together this year. Yeah, right. Not now. Think the little mrs is going to want her husband’s drunk, loud friend there?
I sat on the floor still holding his picture as I drank myself into oblivion. I vaguely heard the pounding on the door. It wouldn’t be Billy, so who cared. I lay back on the floor praying for the ceiling to fall and take me. As I heard a large crack I thought my prayers were being answered. I closed my eyes awaiting the welcome darkness of death.
“DOM! Jesus Dom, are you OK?” I felt hands on my shoulders shaking me. I opened my eyes to see a terrified Orlando looking down at me. He grabbed my arms and pulled me off the floor sitting me on the sofa. I saw the door off kilter. He must have busted in and that was the noise I heard.
“Fuck, Dom what’s going on? Your agent has been trying to get you. She’s been over here pounding on your fucking door, calling and the phone just rings. Do you realize you were supposed to be at a shoot for the last few days?”
Oh yeah, oh well. Who cares?
Orlando looked down and saw the picture of Billy in my hand. He sat next to me on the sofa and put an arm around me. “He asked me to be in the wedding. I’m sure you were asked to be best man, right?”
I couldn’t answer I just leaned into my friend for support.
“I’m sorry Dom. It must be terrible for you.”
How did he know? I looked at him. He looked into my eyes with a knowing look. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. He tightened his hold on me and just held me as I cried. He rocked back and forth with me and told me I was going to get through this. He would be there for me.
I asked him how he knew.
“I saw it in the way you were with him. When Billy wasn’t around you were different, but as soon as he returned you were much happier. The twinkle in your eyes told me.”
“Does anyone else know?” I wanted to know.
Orlando smiled slightly, “I think everyone who was on set in New Zealand knew, with the exception of you and Billy.”
I hung my head and let Orlando hold me. “How am I supposed to live without him?”
Orlando sighed, “You will, Dom. It will be hard, but I will help you. We all will. Lij, Viggo Sean. All of us.”
I couldn’t stop the flow of tears. A life without Billy was not a life.
To be continued….
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From:
quote-backs, wheeeeeee
When I read this, I said aloud, "Oh no!" - haha
“Be my best man, OK?”
I’m not sure for how long, but I know I did stop breathing. Best man? Stand there and smile while you pledged your life, love and soul to another? Watch as she took my Bills from me? Watch my life and happiness walk down the aisle and out of my life?
“Sure, I will, Bills.” Who the hell said that? Shit, it was me!
Billy sighed and said, “I knew you would, I mean who else is there right? Couldn’t have the biggest day without you. Guess that means when our first child is born I’ll have to sneak you into the delivery room, huh?!” Billy’s laughter was filling my head. Shit he was happy. “Our first child,” he had said. He loved her.
Awwwwww, Dom!!
June was six months away. I had been given a death sentence of six months.
DOMMMMM!! *squeezes him*
How did he know? I looked at him. He looked into my eyes with a knowing look. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. He tightened his hold on me and just held me as I cried. He rocked back and forth with me and told me I was going to get through this. He would be there for me.
I asked him how he knew.
“I saw it in the way you were with him. When Billy wasn’t around you were different, but as soon as he returned you were much happier. The twinkle in your eyes told me.”
Aww, isn't Orlando sweet?? This is so sad! Poor, poor Dom...
From:
Re: quote-backs, wheeeeeee
From:
Poor Dommie!
From:
Re: Poor Dommie!