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monaboyd Dec. 6th, 2005 07:39 pm)
cheekyluv28.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Dec. 6th, 2005 07:39 pm)Title: Lost- 2/?
Author: Jen
Pairings: Monaboyd (eventually), Billy/ofc, liberal sprinkling of Losties throughout. (Possible other future pairings there, since I tend to slash anything that moves. *rolls eyes*)
Rating: PG13 at the moment, but knowing me, we'll get up to NC17 before too long. ; )
Summary: Dom mourns the loss of Billy while Billy tries to forget the past.
Warnings: WIP, mentions of het, angst
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The author does not know, and is in no way affiliated with the persons mentioned in this work. No disrespect is intended to the persons mentioned in this work. No money is being made from this in any way.
A/N: This part's short, basically an all-around angst fest. : ( Sorry 'bout that...I'll try to make things a little happier next go-round.
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
~Faith No More
Epic
"I asked Ali t' marry me, Dommie. She said yes."
A sea change occured in Dom at that moment. The breath was knocked out of him in a whoosh and a terrible, sickening vertigo came over him that had nothing to do with drunkeness.
'So this is the way it feels when your world collapses.', he thought numbly. He looked up at Billy in mute desperation, unable to find words.
A liqoured-up Jorge was still wedged under Dom's computer desk, groping around in the dark for the dog, when he heard Billy's announcement. He bolted upright in surprise, realizing two seconds later that it had probably been a very bad move.
The desk gave an alarming creak, tilted dangerously on two legs, defied gravity for a moment, trying valiantly to remain standing, then toppled on its side with a house-shaking crash, detritus flying every-which-way. Sharpies shot through the air like missiles, a globe spun wildly across the floor to land at Billy's feet, while Dom's I.B.M. rocketed down and imploded in a rainstorm of sparks.
When the dust finally settled, Jorge was crouching on the floor in the spot where the desk had been, Griffin cradled in his arms. "Got him.", he grinned sheepishly, wincing a little.
Jorge had just cost him a shitload of money, but Dom could have kissed him anyway, for giving him time enough to bury his devastation and put on his game face. When Billy turned back to him, eyes wide in disbelief of what he had just witnessed, Dom was standing and smiling brightly, reaching out to gather his friend into a warm hug. "Congratulations, mate.", he murmurred against Billy's neck.
"Thank you, Dom."
Billy was stiff and unyielding in his embrace, and the last bit of hope within Dom evaporated. He stepped back from Billy, mind reeling. But he let nothing show on his face. "You know Jorge, right, Bills?"
"Aye. Hello, Jorge.", Billy nodded in Jorge's direction, giving him a small smile. Jorge smiled back, but it looked forced.
"We're getting thoroughly, utterly pissed together.", Dom said tightly, pointing at the nearly-empty tequila bottle sitting on the coffeetable. "That's our goal for the evening."
"Ah, well...always good t' set goals, Dommie."
Dom thought for just a moment that he saw a twinkle of Billy's old grin, but it was there and gone so quickly he figured it must have been his imagination.
Billy spotted Griffin lying in Jorge's arms, and went over, crouching down to take the dog. He hugged Griffin to his chest warmly, giving him a genuine smile. "You being a good lad, eh?" Griffin waggled enthusiastically and Billy kissed him fondly on the nose.
Dom would have given anything to trade places with Griffin in that moment.
"I've got t' get going, Bridget's waiting in th' cab. We're going t' dinner. Do y' mind watching Griffin a wee bit longer, Dommie?"
"Not at all.", Dom answered, voice not his own.
"Alright, catch y' later then, yeah?", Billy said, rising.
"Yeah, Bills. Later."
As Dom watched Billy walk out the door, he wondered to himself if it was possible to mourn someone while they were still alive. Billy might still be breathing, but the best part of him had died.
Dom was in love with a ghost.
He remained where he was for a moment, stunned and lost, then walked over to the sofa on unfeeling legs, falling onto it and curling into a ball.
Jorge hesitated for a minute then followed, setting Griffin down on the couch beside Dom. The dog whined a little then licked Dom's hand, nuzzling it. Dom raised his arm to allow the dog access and Griffin nudged underneath, snuggling close. Dom wrapped both arms around him tightly, his tears soaking Griffin's fur.
"Want me to stay?", Jorge asked quietly.
"No, you don't have t' do that.", Dom choked out, voice muffled against the dog.
"Know I don't have to. I want to, man."
"Yeah? Stay, then. Don't really wanna be alone right now, y' know?"
"I know. And you're never alone, Dom. Not really.", Jorge said quietly. He reached out an unsure hand, hesitating with it hovering over Dom's back. He finally settled for laying it on Griffin, petting him gently. Jorge knew his touch would be no comfort to Dom now- Billy was the only one who could take away this pain.
Dom was silent for so long that Jorge thought he'd fallen asleep. He was just getting ready to move into the other room when Dom spoke his name.
"Jorge?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks, mate."
"Anytime, bro. Anytime." Jorge paused a moment, then asked in a whisper, "Dom...what're you gonna do?"
"Th' only thing I can do.", Dom whispered back. "Let him go."
Jorge's mouth dropped open in surprise, then he rose to his feet, voice uncharacteristically harsh. "Bullshit! Bullshit, Monaghan! You don't just give up on somebody you love, even if it seems completely, totally hopeless. Not if you really care about 'em, man! Love doesn't work like that."
But Dom was already passed out cold, face buried against Griffin. Jorge smiled sadly, covered Dom with a blanket from the back of the sofa, and got up, headed to the kitchen for a snack. He paused in the doorway for a moment then turned back, voice soft.
"You don't see me giving up on you."
*********************************************************************************
"William...where are you?"
Billy and Bridget were dining out in celebration of their upcoming nuptuals. Bridget had chattered gaily all through the meal, weaving wedding plans in between bites of tortellini, while Billy valiantly attempted to be the dutifully attentive fiance. He'd made a fairly good show of it until she'd gotten off on a spiel about the history of bridal trains. At that point, his mind had wandered away in self-defense.
"Right here, love.", Billy answered Bridget with a soft smile, reaching across the table to take her hand. But it was a lie; his arse might be parked in the middle of Bistro a'la Fratelli, but the rest of him was with Dom.
He couldn't get away from the look in Dom's eyes when he'd announced his engagement. The light had gone out of them in a blink, black stealing away beautiful blue/grey, like storm clouds enveloping the ocean. Billy had felt the old familiar ache within, the one that had been with him so long it was now an integral part of him.
And, as always, he'd resolutely pretended it away.
Billy knew what the look had been about- not the jealousy part of him even now still wished for, but fear. Dom feared Billy's new relationship would break up their friendship, feared the marriage would be the end of Dom-n-Billy. He was right, but it wasn't Bridget that would wield the murder weapon.
It was Billy himself.
The death-knell had begun last May 17th, the day which he'd thought might very well be his last.
He'd been alone in his flat, rehearsing lines for a play, when the pain had hit. He'd been driven to the floor with the intensity of it, had lay gasping for air like a grounded salmon, unable to catch his breath. Everything had gone black and fear had overtaken him, a fear so dreadful he had almost wished for death to put an end to it. It had turned out to be not a full-blown heart attack, only a mild warning, but the result was the same...a wake up call that hit him like a slap across the face. If he had died, he'd have done it alone, a springer spaniel the only witness to his passing. Billy was nearing forty years of age, a childless bachelor. The Boyd bloodline was not reknowned for longevity- it was quite possible that the majority of Billy's days on earth had already gone by. He could not afford to waste any more time on a dream.
That's all Dom had ever been, ever would be; a beautiful ghost of a dream. It was time to come back to reality, time to live his life while he still had the chance. Time to manufacture his life. If he could not have what he truly wanted, he'd create something that was as close as he could make it. He was an actor, after all, at his best when playing a part.
And what was life, but just another role?
"D' you love me, Billy Boyd?" Bridget was looking intensely at him, eyes shining with happiness.
Billy squeezed her hand tenderly. "Aye, I love ye." It wasn't a lie- he did love her. Granted, it wasn't the earth-shattering, all-encompassing, desperate love he had for Dom. But Bridget was a sweet, gentle lass, she'd make a good wife and mother. Moreover, she was willing- thrilled, even- to step into the role, would fit perfectly into the world Billy was creating for them. And, he told himself, that was all that really mattered in the end.
"D' you love me more than anything?"
"More than anything, Bridget." That was a lie, at the moment, but not for long. Billy intended to bury the past so deep that soon, only the farthest corner of his heart would be allowed to remember the truth.
Billy hadn't traveled to Dom's to surf or drink or rehash old memories.
He'd come to say goodbye.
tbc.....
Author: Jen
Pairings: Monaboyd (eventually), Billy/ofc, liberal sprinkling of Losties throughout. (Possible other future pairings there, since I tend to slash anything that moves. *rolls eyes*)
Rating: PG13 at the moment, but knowing me, we'll get up to NC17 before too long. ; )
Summary: Dom mourns the loss of Billy while Billy tries to forget the past.
Warnings: WIP, mentions of het, angst
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The author does not know, and is in no way affiliated with the persons mentioned in this work. No disrespect is intended to the persons mentioned in this work. No money is being made from this in any way.
A/N: This part's short, basically an all-around angst fest. : ( Sorry 'bout that...I'll try to make things a little happier next go-round.
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
~Faith No More
Epic
"I asked Ali t' marry me, Dommie. She said yes."
A sea change occured in Dom at that moment. The breath was knocked out of him in a whoosh and a terrible, sickening vertigo came over him that had nothing to do with drunkeness.
'So this is the way it feels when your world collapses.', he thought numbly. He looked up at Billy in mute desperation, unable to find words.
A liqoured-up Jorge was still wedged under Dom's computer desk, groping around in the dark for the dog, when he heard Billy's announcement. He bolted upright in surprise, realizing two seconds later that it had probably been a very bad move.
The desk gave an alarming creak, tilted dangerously on two legs, defied gravity for a moment, trying valiantly to remain standing, then toppled on its side with a house-shaking crash, detritus flying every-which-way. Sharpies shot through the air like missiles, a globe spun wildly across the floor to land at Billy's feet, while Dom's I.B.M. rocketed down and imploded in a rainstorm of sparks.
When the dust finally settled, Jorge was crouching on the floor in the spot where the desk had been, Griffin cradled in his arms. "Got him.", he grinned sheepishly, wincing a little.
Jorge had just cost him a shitload of money, but Dom could have kissed him anyway, for giving him time enough to bury his devastation and put on his game face. When Billy turned back to him, eyes wide in disbelief of what he had just witnessed, Dom was standing and smiling brightly, reaching out to gather his friend into a warm hug. "Congratulations, mate.", he murmurred against Billy's neck.
"Thank you, Dom."
Billy was stiff and unyielding in his embrace, and the last bit of hope within Dom evaporated. He stepped back from Billy, mind reeling. But he let nothing show on his face. "You know Jorge, right, Bills?"
"Aye. Hello, Jorge.", Billy nodded in Jorge's direction, giving him a small smile. Jorge smiled back, but it looked forced.
"We're getting thoroughly, utterly pissed together.", Dom said tightly, pointing at the nearly-empty tequila bottle sitting on the coffeetable. "That's our goal for the evening."
"Ah, well...always good t' set goals, Dommie."
Dom thought for just a moment that he saw a twinkle of Billy's old grin, but it was there and gone so quickly he figured it must have been his imagination.
Billy spotted Griffin lying in Jorge's arms, and went over, crouching down to take the dog. He hugged Griffin to his chest warmly, giving him a genuine smile. "You being a good lad, eh?" Griffin waggled enthusiastically and Billy kissed him fondly on the nose.
Dom would have given anything to trade places with Griffin in that moment.
"I've got t' get going, Bridget's waiting in th' cab. We're going t' dinner. Do y' mind watching Griffin a wee bit longer, Dommie?"
"Not at all.", Dom answered, voice not his own.
"Alright, catch y' later then, yeah?", Billy said, rising.
"Yeah, Bills. Later."
As Dom watched Billy walk out the door, he wondered to himself if it was possible to mourn someone while they were still alive. Billy might still be breathing, but the best part of him had died.
Dom was in love with a ghost.
He remained where he was for a moment, stunned and lost, then walked over to the sofa on unfeeling legs, falling onto it and curling into a ball.
Jorge hesitated for a minute then followed, setting Griffin down on the couch beside Dom. The dog whined a little then licked Dom's hand, nuzzling it. Dom raised his arm to allow the dog access and Griffin nudged underneath, snuggling close. Dom wrapped both arms around him tightly, his tears soaking Griffin's fur.
"Want me to stay?", Jorge asked quietly.
"No, you don't have t' do that.", Dom choked out, voice muffled against the dog.
"Know I don't have to. I want to, man."
"Yeah? Stay, then. Don't really wanna be alone right now, y' know?"
"I know. And you're never alone, Dom. Not really.", Jorge said quietly. He reached out an unsure hand, hesitating with it hovering over Dom's back. He finally settled for laying it on Griffin, petting him gently. Jorge knew his touch would be no comfort to Dom now- Billy was the only one who could take away this pain.
Dom was silent for so long that Jorge thought he'd fallen asleep. He was just getting ready to move into the other room when Dom spoke his name.
"Jorge?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks, mate."
"Anytime, bro. Anytime." Jorge paused a moment, then asked in a whisper, "Dom...what're you gonna do?"
"Th' only thing I can do.", Dom whispered back. "Let him go."
Jorge's mouth dropped open in surprise, then he rose to his feet, voice uncharacteristically harsh. "Bullshit! Bullshit, Monaghan! You don't just give up on somebody you love, even if it seems completely, totally hopeless. Not if you really care about 'em, man! Love doesn't work like that."
But Dom was already passed out cold, face buried against Griffin. Jorge smiled sadly, covered Dom with a blanket from the back of the sofa, and got up, headed to the kitchen for a snack. He paused in the doorway for a moment then turned back, voice soft.
"You don't see me giving up on you."
*********************************************************************************
"William...where are you?"
Billy and Bridget were dining out in celebration of their upcoming nuptuals. Bridget had chattered gaily all through the meal, weaving wedding plans in between bites of tortellini, while Billy valiantly attempted to be the dutifully attentive fiance. He'd made a fairly good show of it until she'd gotten off on a spiel about the history of bridal trains. At that point, his mind had wandered away in self-defense.
"Right here, love.", Billy answered Bridget with a soft smile, reaching across the table to take her hand. But it was a lie; his arse might be parked in the middle of Bistro a'la Fratelli, but the rest of him was with Dom.
He couldn't get away from the look in Dom's eyes when he'd announced his engagement. The light had gone out of them in a blink, black stealing away beautiful blue/grey, like storm clouds enveloping the ocean. Billy had felt the old familiar ache within, the one that had been with him so long it was now an integral part of him.
And, as always, he'd resolutely pretended it away.
Billy knew what the look had been about- not the jealousy part of him even now still wished for, but fear. Dom feared Billy's new relationship would break up their friendship, feared the marriage would be the end of Dom-n-Billy. He was right, but it wasn't Bridget that would wield the murder weapon.
It was Billy himself.
The death-knell had begun last May 17th, the day which he'd thought might very well be his last.
He'd been alone in his flat, rehearsing lines for a play, when the pain had hit. He'd been driven to the floor with the intensity of it, had lay gasping for air like a grounded salmon, unable to catch his breath. Everything had gone black and fear had overtaken him, a fear so dreadful he had almost wished for death to put an end to it. It had turned out to be not a full-blown heart attack, only a mild warning, but the result was the same...a wake up call that hit him like a slap across the face. If he had died, he'd have done it alone, a springer spaniel the only witness to his passing. Billy was nearing forty years of age, a childless bachelor. The Boyd bloodline was not reknowned for longevity- it was quite possible that the majority of Billy's days on earth had already gone by. He could not afford to waste any more time on a dream.
That's all Dom had ever been, ever would be; a beautiful ghost of a dream. It was time to come back to reality, time to live his life while he still had the chance. Time to manufacture his life. If he could not have what he truly wanted, he'd create something that was as close as he could make it. He was an actor, after all, at his best when playing a part.
And what was life, but just another role?
"D' you love me, Billy Boyd?" Bridget was looking intensely at him, eyes shining with happiness.
Billy squeezed her hand tenderly. "Aye, I love ye." It wasn't a lie- he did love her. Granted, it wasn't the earth-shattering, all-encompassing, desperate love he had for Dom. But Bridget was a sweet, gentle lass, she'd make a good wife and mother. Moreover, she was willing- thrilled, even- to step into the role, would fit perfectly into the world Billy was creating for them. And, he told himself, that was all that really mattered in the end.
"D' you love me more than anything?"
"More than anything, Bridget." That was a lie, at the moment, but not for long. Billy intended to bury the past so deep that soon, only the farthest corner of his heart would be allowed to remember the truth.
Billy hadn't traveled to Dom's to surf or drink or rehash old memories.
He'd come to say goodbye.
tbc.....
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Oh my God... That's so beautifully angsty... It's breaking my heart :(
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Poor Dom, poor Billy.
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.___. Poor Bills and Dom *sobs*
Gaah... >.< More...please...ugh. *sighs deeply*
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From: (Anonymous)
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All that being said, I'm really enjoying this story and will be looking for future installments.