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monaboyd Oct. 31st, 2005 12:01 pm)
dylan-dufresne.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Oct. 31st, 2005 12:01 pm)Title: Mistake Number Three - 14/19
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, maybe.
Summary: Time for some painful secrets, hiding in the dark, to be brought out into the open.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. It’s like the ultimate comfort food.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality.
A/N: Warning of angst. Beta'd by the fabulousfrojane. Thanks bunches sweetie.
A/N 2: Happy Halloween !
Previous Parts: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Frantic to escape, Dom pushes himself up and off of Billy, averting his eyes and scrambling to his feet as he quickly pulls away.
“I can’t.”
Scrambling with surprising speed to raise himself up off the floor, Billy reaches out and grabs one of Dom’s hands, holding it firmly as he gets to his knees.
“Wait just a second, Dom. What don’t you want me to see?” Billy asks, looking up at Dom, eyes filled with concern.
Allowing himself to be pulled back so he’s sitting on the couch, Dom watches Billy crawl over to him and kneel between his sock clad feet.
“Talk to me. Please,” Billy requests, reaching up with his free hand to cup and caress Dom’s cheek.
“I don’t want to take my shirt off, and I don’t want you to touch my back,” Dom whispers hoarsely, staring at a spot on Billy’s chest, just south of his chin.
“Can I ask why not?” Billy inquires, releasing Dom’s hand so he can squeeze Dom’s knee gently. “It doesn’t hurt, does it? Not anymore. Dom?”
“I don’t want you to see,” Dom explains softly, closing his eyes, struggling to control his emotions as shame overwhelms him. “I don’t want you to see my scars.”
Realization hits him like a sledgehammer and Billy’s stomach churns painfully as his eyes fill with tears. “Dommie-”
“They’re mine. Nobody else needs to see them,” Dom continues, a little louder, not hearing or seeing Billy as he’s lost in his own pain, guilt and self damnation. “I don’t want anyone else to see them. Ever.”
“Dommie, can we-”
“They’re my punishment for what I did,” Dom says, words tumbling out so fast that it’s difficult for Billy to understand. “For what I allowed myself to become. What I chose to do. How careless I was and abused my body. The scars are there to remind me of what I did, so I never, ever forget. I deserve them.”
“No, Dom. No,” Billy says firmly, cupping Dom’s face in his small hands. “Please don’t say that. What happened to you was a crime. A vicious, terrible crime. People go to jail for that. And it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your life, nobody deserves to be treated that way. Nobody.”
“I can’t tell you how many there were, or their names,” Dom chokes out, watery eyes meeting Billy’s gaze for an second and then looking away. “I have no idea how many there were. Do you understand that? I could walk by someone tomorrow and have no idea that I’ve been with them because I didn’t like to look at their faces.”
Burying his face in his hands, Dom feels himself breaking apart inside, and tries to curl into a ball, to pull away from Billy and hide until he can control himself again.
“Please, Dom,” Billy begs, fingers stroking Dom’s hair. “Will you look at me and listen for a minute?”
Reluctantly, Dom lifts his tearstained face from his hands and meets Billy’s gaze. “I’m damaged goods, Billy,” he says softly, biting down on his lip. “Used up and torn to bits. You don’t want me.”
“Dommie, you are not damaged,” Billy replies firmly, fingers of one hand sliding through Dom’s mussed hair and down to the base of his skull in an attempt at comfort. “You were beaten down and bruised, but you didn’t stay that way. Those wounds are healing, and you’re stronger than ever. That shadow, standing on the corner, isn’t who you are anymore. It’s a part of your past, not your future.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I sold my body for money,” Dom says, eyes downcast. “Over and over again. For years.”
Glancing away for a moment, Billy feels the guilt rip through his frame. He doesn’t like to think about all the times he used Dom, for his own pleasure.
“I am so sorry, Dom,” he says unsteadily. “So very sorry.”
“For what?” Dom asks, frowning in confusion.
“For being weak,” Billy replies, looking up at Dom, intense green eyes filled with sadness. “I knew from the first time that we were together what I was doing to you was wrong. I knew in my heart that you couldn’t possibly want that for your life, but I couldn’t make myself stop coming to you. I’d dream about your beautiful eyes, your sweet skin, and your goofy smile. Everything about you. Day after day, I was drawn to you, and the more I saw you, the more I wanted you. I convinced myself that because we were friends, because I cared about you, it wasn’t as bad. I told myself that it was better because I wanted you. Not just sex with some faceless stranger. You.”
“Billy-”
“One day, when I’ve earned the right, I will ask for your forgiveness for that,” Billy says hoarsely, eyes bright. “And I promise you that I will never, ever intentionally hurt you, ever again. I am so, so s-”
“I never faked it with you,” Dom blurts out, unable to stay silent any longer.
“What?” Billy asks, eyes wide with surprise.
“From the very first time we were together, at the pub. I never faked it.”
“You mean-”
“That night, when I followed you into the loo, I told myself I was looking for a new customer, but honestly, I came to you because I wanted you,” Dom admits. “I saw you, earlier that night. On the sidewalk. You were so close you almost touched my shoulder. I wanted to reach out and touch you.”
Billy’s jaw drops. “Really?”
“I didn’t make a habit of getting to know potential customers, because I didn’t want to think about them when I was, you know,” Dom says, shifting awkwardly, not wanting to say the words. “There’s just something about you, Billy, and I couldn’t help myself. Just the thought of you made me hard,” he confesses softly.
“You didn’t pretend-”
“No, I didn’t,” Dom interrupts. “Not with you. See, I had a system. Get the money. Get it done. Get going. I wasn’t interested in their pleasure, only the release. Nobody cared what I looked like. Who I was. All they cared about was what they wanted. And I gave it to them, as fast as I could, so it was over, and I could get away from them.”
“Dom, you don’t have to-”
“No,” Dom says firmly, cutting Billy off. “I need to say this. I want to.”
“Okay.”
“You were always so gentle with me. Did you know that?” Dom asks, almost shy as he meets Billy’s gaze. “I always looked forward to seeing you, because I felt safe when you were touching me. I didn’t have to worry about you hurting me. We were friends, early on, and I liked spending time with you. I can’t say that I let myself go completely, when we were together, but for as much as I allowed myself to feel, it was all true. I liked being with you. A lot.”
Small hands sliding back and forth over Dom’s knees, Billy looks up at him, green eyes soft and intimate. “Dommie, I don’t know what to say.”
“I always tried to make it last with us, because I wanted it to be really good for you.” Tilting his head to one side, Dom blushes to the tips of his ears. “I wanted you to stay with me for as long as possible and I’d never felt that way before. Ever. Only with you. I always hated it when you left.”
Eyes meeting, Dom and Billy share a long, quiet moment, not needing to speak.
“Do you trust me, Dommie?” Billy asks softly.
Giving Billy an odd look, Dom’s mouth turns up in an almost bemused smile. “Billy, you saved my life. Of course I trust you.”
“I didn’t-”
“Yes, you did.” Scrubbing away the tears on his face with the back of his hand, Dom sits up a little. “I called Viggo a couple of days after my test results came in and I asked him to give it to me straight. I wanted to know how close he thought I came to dying, and he told me the truth.”
Billy’s eyes widen. “Dom-”
“I was in shock when you found me,” Dom continues, pressing a fingers to Billy’s lips to quiet him as their eyes meet. “I wasn’t thinking right. I’d been out there for hours and I probably would’ve stood on that corner, in the cold and rain, all that night and the next day, too, until I collapsed. For Christ’s sake Billy, I was bleeding and I tried to tell you to keep going. That you could finish.”
Wordlessly, Billy waits for Dom to continue.
“And then there was my back. If you hadn’t done what you did, I very likely would’ve gotten an infection,” Dom says, shaking his head. “There’s no way I would’ve gone to see a doctor. I wasn’t eating. I was barely sleeping. I would’ve been homeless in a couple of days. It would’ve killed me,” Dom finishes, the truth of his words weighing heavily on his slim shoulders. “It was just a matter of time.”
“Dommie,” Billy whispers, fresh tears forming.
“So yes, I do trust you,” Dom says softly, his own eyes glistening. “Why do you ask?”
“Come with me,” Billy requests, rising to his feet, taking Dom’s hands in his to pull him up from the couch. “Please?”
Obediently, Dom follows Billy away from the couch and over to a mirror hanging on the wall just outside of the kitchen. Brow furrowing on confusion, Dom’s eyes widen when he feels Billy’s hands at his waist, gently tugging his t-shirt up a few inches.
“Billy, no!”
Dom starts to struggle, only to stop when a soft kiss is pressed to his cheek, at the corner of his mouth.
“Just the t-shirt,” Billy whispers, turning so his back is to the mirror, eyes focused on Dom’s face. “Please? I promise you, I won’t touch. I won’t look. I won’t do anything until you say I can.”
Exhaling a ragged breath and closing his eyes tight for a moment, Dom nods and lifts his arms, a shudder rippling through his lean body as the cotton is peeled away and dropped soundlessly to the floor. Hands coming to rest on Dom hips, Billy keeps his word, his eyes locked with Dom’s, not looking at his bare shoulders or the skin exposed by the lower cut of the undershirt.
“In the kitchen, you said you knew that I didn’t want you,” Billy says quietly, eyes cloudy as his fingers fidget with the hem of the cloth hugging Dom’s slender frame. “What made you so sure of that?”
“That night?” Dom begins hesitantly, fingertips trailing over the bend of Billy’s elbows. “After we went shopping for clothes. When I tried to thank you, and you said no.”
“Dommie-”
“I heard you in the shower,” Dom continues, shushing Billy with a shake of his head. “Scrubbing me off of you. Because I touched you.”
Billy can’t help the short burst of shocked laughter that pushes past his lips as he stares at Dom, incredulous.
“You think- Dommie, I wasn’t-”
Confused by the smile Billy is trying to hide, Dom frowns. “What’s so bloody funny?”
“I wasn’t washing you off, Dommie. I was as hard as a rock and needed to wank rather desperately,” Billy confesses, his cheeks pinking. “I didn’t want you to hear me, and that was the safest place I could think of.”
“You needed to wank?” Dom repeats, eyes wide.
“I’ve been doing quite a bit of it in the last couple of months,” Billy adds, giving Dom a pointed look. “I think the last time I wanked this much was when I was about sixteen or so.”
“Is that why you’ve been showering morning and night?” Dom asks, putting the pieces together.
Billy laughs. “Yes. And many of those showers have been cold ones.”
“All this time- You’ve wanted me, all this time,” Dom whispers, shaking his head in disbelief. “And you never-”
“Dommie, I couldn’t have you come to me out of obligation,” Billy replies quietly, leaning close and tenderly kissing Dom’s forehead. “I couldn’t use you like that. I couldn’t let you.”
“I know. Thank you.”
Billy finds himself trying to stifle a smile. Pulling back so their eyes can meet, Dom traces the soft bow of Billy’s upper lip.
“I know,” Dom repeats, the corners of his mouth turning up. “It seems weird to thank you for not having sex with me, when it’s all I’ve wanted, pretty much since the day I moved in.”
“Things are different now,” Billy says, kissing Dom’s finger before he can pull it away.
Dom nods slowly and tentatively wraps his arms around Billy’s waist. “Yes, they are.”
“So, will you tell me what they look like?” Billy says softly, his thumbs stroking the close fitting white undershirt where it’s hugging Dom’s flat belly. “The scars.”
“I only looked once,” Dom admits. “I couldn’t after that. I didn’t want to.”
“When?”
“I woke up on the floor the morning after. The sun was up, overcast, but still shining through the window, and I was cold. Stiff. Sticky,” Dom tells him, tensing as the unpleasant memories wash over him. “I’m not sure how I got into the shower, but I remember wanting to scream when I turned the water on. It hurt so fucking bad.”
Pulling Dom closer to him, Billy places a feathery kiss on each of Dom’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I would’ve been there sooner if I’d known.”
“I know, Billy,” Dom says with the barest hint of a smile of comfort before it disappears again. “I took a look at my back in the mirror when I got out of the shower. I could smell the blood and it made me want to throw up. I tried to dry off, but it hurt too much and there were some spots that didn’t want to stop bleeding.”
“You know, it was healing up well, the last time I saw it,” Billy offers quietly, one hand moving up to cup Dom’s cheek. “The worst was that first night.”
“I can’t, Billy,” Dom whispers. “I just can’t.”
“Would you let me look for you?” Billy asks, looking deep into Dom’s expressive, pain-filled eyes. “Can you trust me to look and tell you truth?”
“Billy-”
“You don’t have to. I’m just offering.”
Biting down on his lower lip, Dom watches Billy’s soft and tender expression as he continues to silently comfort Dom in soothing, yet non-sexual touches. Patient and understanding, Billy waits as Dom struggles mentally with the decision, so afraid and unsure, clearly battling with himself.
“It’s okay, Dommie,” Billy soothes. “You don’t-”
“Okay,” Dom interrupts softly, barely above a whisper. “Okay.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”
Taking a deep breath, Dom nods and lays a trembling hand against Billy’s cheek as their eyes meet and hold.
“I trust you.”
“We’ll take it slow,” Billy promises, his hands sliding around the nape of Dom’s neck and bringing their lips together for a tender kiss as Dom’s arms tighten around his waist.
“Touch me?” Dom asks shyly, looking at Billy through a curtain of dark blonde hair and long eyelashes.
Smiling, Billy slides a hand slowly down Dom’s chest, petting the snug white cotton wrapped around his slender frame. Breath catching, Billy’s fingers linger over the smooth skin of Dom’s pectoral muscles, tugging the material down several inches before moving lower so both of his hands are resting on Dom’s narrow hips.
“This looks really good on you, by the way,” Billy says with a small smile. “You should wear something like this when the weather gets warmer.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely. Especially now that you’re not so thin.” Ducking his head, Billy places a tender kiss to Dom’s throat. “You were always lovely to look at, but now you just . . . shine. You’re so beautiful, Dommie. I love to look at you.”
Billy wants to say more, but can’t because Dom is pressing closer, their lips meeting in a long, soft, nibbling kiss.
“Take it off,” Dom requests quietly when they part.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Billy asks, eyes sympathetic.
“No,” Dom replies, a bit shakily. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be, so . . .”
Billy presses a kiss to Dom’s cheek. “Take a deep breath and just keep your eyes on me, okay?”
Submissively lifting his arms above his head, Dom nods. “Do it.”
Moving slowly and keeping their eyes locked, Billy carefully draws the sleeveless undershirt over Dom’s head and lets it drop to the floor, taking Dom’s ringed hands in his and giving them a reassuring squeeze.
“Okay?”
“So far.”
“Now, when you’re ready, I’m going to close my eyes, and then we’re going to turn around together,” Billy says, sliding the fingers of one hand through Dom’s hair and rubbing the tense muscles at the nape of his neck. His other hand comes to rest on Dom’s hip, carefully avoiding touching bare skin. “I’m not going to open them until you say I can.”
Slowly, Dom nods his assent. “Okay. Go ahead.”
“One. Two. Three.”
Closing his eyes as promised, Billy guides Dom closer so their bodies are pressed together and carefully reverses their positions so Billy is facing the mirror, and Dom’s back is towards it.
Taking slow, measured breaths, Billy keeps his eyes shut tight, fingers continuing to stroke Dom’s hair, feeling Dom’s hands tighten around his waist. The clock hanging on the wall above the fireplace ticks loudly, joining the faint humming from the refrigerator in the kitchen.
“Open them,” Dom says finally, nervous breath hot and moist against Billy’s neck.
All too aware that Dom is very likely watching closely for his reaction, Billy slowly releases the air in his lungs, praying for the best, yet preparing himself for the worst. Opening his eyes, Billy begins his examination at the nape of Dom’s slender neck, his gaze sliding ever so slowly along Dom’s spine, over his shoulder blades, across his ribs, down to the small of his back and finally stopping where the waistband of Dom’s blue jeans rest, low on his narrow hips.
“Well?” Dom whispers hoarsely, fearful, glistening eyes locked on Billy’s, unable to read the older man’s expression.
“I really think you should look for yourself, Dommie,” Billy replies, unable to look away from the mirror.
“I don’t know if-”
Pressing his cheek to Dom’s forehead, Billy kisses him and adds, “Trust me.”
Hesitantly, Dom closes his eyes and snuggles further into Billy’s arms as he turns his head to look over his shoulder at the mirror.
“I promise it’ll be alright,” Billy whispers. “I’m right here with you, Dommie. Always.”
Lips clamped together and body tense with fear and uncertainty, Dom takes a deep breath, and reluctantly opens his eyes. The silence in the room seems never-ending. The longer Dom looks, the bigger his blue-grey eyes grow, and then relief is weakening his legs and stealing his strength. Nearly falling into Billy’s arms, Dom buries his face in Billy’s neck, arms tightening around his waist as a sound that can only be described as joyful exuberance fills the air.
Cradling Dom’s slender body to his, Billy looks at the mirror, drinking in the beautiful sight, the hand at Dom’s waist sliding up to stroke the smooth, healed skin of Dom’s lower back.
“Is it alright if I touch you?” Billy asks softly, prepared to move his hand if necessary.
Wordlessly, Dom nods, fisting handfuls of Billy’s shirt as he struggles to control the emotions rushing through his body. It’s unbelievable. After the vicious beating, intense pain and resulting wounds, time and Billy’s gentle care has given Dom’s back the chance to knit itself back together, leaving only a few thin, pale scars, where the whip had cut Dom’s tender flesh especially deep. With a bit of luck, they’ll continue to fade, and all of the evidence will soon disappear completely, first from Dom’s skin, and then his memory.
“Are you alright?” Billy asks quietly, both hands sliding up and down Dom’s back in gentle caresses, eagerly exploring the warm, soft skin, relishing in every last, lovely inch. “Dommie?”
“How did you know?” Dom asks quietly, laying his head on Billy’s shoulder. “That it was all better? That-”
“I didn’t,” Billy replies, tenderly kissing Dom where his neck and shoulder meet. “I just knew that it couldn’t be as bad as you remembered. And I wasn’t about to leave you alone to look.”
Sinking into Billy’s embrace, Dom sighs, his long, elegant fingers playing with the belt loops of Billy’s trousers as their bodies rock together gently.
“And when you love someone,” Billy adds softly, kissing Dom’s cheek, “You’ll do anything to help ease their pain. Anything.”
Eyes wide, swollen lips parted, Dom pulls back a few inches, meeting Billy’s reassuring gaze.
“You love me?” he whispers, eyes shining with happiness.
Billy smiles, leaning in and nudging Dom’s nose with his. “Yes, I love you, Dommie. More than anything. I’m so in love with you.”
“Do you want to be with me?” Dom asks softly, the vulnerability achingly naked in his soulful, expressive eyes.
“Very much so,” Billy replies lovingly, fingers sweeping up and down the spine of Dom’s lean back in long, slow, comforting strokes. “But not until you’re ready, Dommie. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long it takes.”
Wrapping an arm around Billy’s shoulders, Dom pulls their bodies firmly together, lips meeting in a hungry, wet, passionate kiss, tongues tangling messily. Fingers carding though Dom’s thoroughly mussed hair, Billy smiles when Dom sighs and whimpers into his mouth. Nibbling and sucking on Dom’s pouty lower lip, Billy inhales sharply when he feels Dom’s hands at the front of his shirt, fumbling to open the buttons and expose the flesh beneath. Before he can offer to help, Billy’s shirt is pushed open and all of Dom’s fingers are trailing through the soft, ginger chest hair, eagerly exploring.
“Oh Billy,” Dom pants between kisses, pulling Billy’s shirt out of his trousers and slipping the material off of his strong shoulders. Letting the wrinkled cotton drop to the floor to join his undershirt, Dom snuggles into Billy’s body, petting his furry chest and teasing Billy with playful, warm kisses. “God, I’ve missed touching you.”
Finally breaking the kiss and pulling back a little, Dom nuzzles his nose into Billy’s neck, shivering pleasantly at the sensation of Billy’s hands sliding sensuously over his bare skin.
“Are you alright, Dommie?” Billy says softly, fingers stroking the silky, dark blonde hair at the nape of Dom’s neck. “Do you want to slow down? Take a break?”
“You want to be with me. Is now a good time?” Dom asks, meeting Billy’s gaze and tentatively smiling, recalling the words Billy used before their first time, all those months ago. A lifetime ago.
Recognizing the phrase, Billy laughs gently and slides his fingers through Dom’s wild hair in an intimate caress before bringing their lips together in a tender kiss. “Now works for me.”
Arms cuddling Dom protectively to his bare chest, Billy slowly leads the way down the dimly lit hallway to his bedroom, arms wound around one another and lips meeting in warm, passionate kisses.
* * * * *
Chapter 15
Author:
dylan_dufresne Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, maybe.
Summary: Time for some painful secrets, hiding in the dark, to be brought out into the open.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. It’s like the ultimate comfort food.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality.
A/N: Warning of angst. Beta'd by the fabulous
frojane. Thanks bunches sweetie.A/N 2: Happy Halloween !
Previous Parts: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Frantic to escape, Dom pushes himself up and off of Billy, averting his eyes and scrambling to his feet as he quickly pulls away.
“I can’t.”
Scrambling with surprising speed to raise himself up off the floor, Billy reaches out and grabs one of Dom’s hands, holding it firmly as he gets to his knees.
“Wait just a second, Dom. What don’t you want me to see?” Billy asks, looking up at Dom, eyes filled with concern.
Allowing himself to be pulled back so he’s sitting on the couch, Dom watches Billy crawl over to him and kneel between his sock clad feet.
“Talk to me. Please,” Billy requests, reaching up with his free hand to cup and caress Dom’s cheek.
“I don’t want to take my shirt off, and I don’t want you to touch my back,” Dom whispers hoarsely, staring at a spot on Billy’s chest, just south of his chin.
“Can I ask why not?” Billy inquires, releasing Dom’s hand so he can squeeze Dom’s knee gently. “It doesn’t hurt, does it? Not anymore. Dom?”
“I don’t want you to see,” Dom explains softly, closing his eyes, struggling to control his emotions as shame overwhelms him. “I don’t want you to see my scars.”
Realization hits him like a sledgehammer and Billy’s stomach churns painfully as his eyes fill with tears. “Dommie-”
“They’re mine. Nobody else needs to see them,” Dom continues, a little louder, not hearing or seeing Billy as he’s lost in his own pain, guilt and self damnation. “I don’t want anyone else to see them. Ever.”
“Dommie, can we-”
“They’re my punishment for what I did,” Dom says, words tumbling out so fast that it’s difficult for Billy to understand. “For what I allowed myself to become. What I chose to do. How careless I was and abused my body. The scars are there to remind me of what I did, so I never, ever forget. I deserve them.”
“No, Dom. No,” Billy says firmly, cupping Dom’s face in his small hands. “Please don’t say that. What happened to you was a crime. A vicious, terrible crime. People go to jail for that. And it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your life, nobody deserves to be treated that way. Nobody.”
“I can’t tell you how many there were, or their names,” Dom chokes out, watery eyes meeting Billy’s gaze for an second and then looking away. “I have no idea how many there were. Do you understand that? I could walk by someone tomorrow and have no idea that I’ve been with them because I didn’t like to look at their faces.”
Burying his face in his hands, Dom feels himself breaking apart inside, and tries to curl into a ball, to pull away from Billy and hide until he can control himself again.
“Please, Dom,” Billy begs, fingers stroking Dom’s hair. “Will you look at me and listen for a minute?”
Reluctantly, Dom lifts his tearstained face from his hands and meets Billy’s gaze. “I’m damaged goods, Billy,” he says softly, biting down on his lip. “Used up and torn to bits. You don’t want me.”
“Dommie, you are not damaged,” Billy replies firmly, fingers of one hand sliding through Dom’s mussed hair and down to the base of his skull in an attempt at comfort. “You were beaten down and bruised, but you didn’t stay that way. Those wounds are healing, and you’re stronger than ever. That shadow, standing on the corner, isn’t who you are anymore. It’s a part of your past, not your future.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I sold my body for money,” Dom says, eyes downcast. “Over and over again. For years.”
Glancing away for a moment, Billy feels the guilt rip through his frame. He doesn’t like to think about all the times he used Dom, for his own pleasure.
“I am so sorry, Dom,” he says unsteadily. “So very sorry.”
“For what?” Dom asks, frowning in confusion.
“For being weak,” Billy replies, looking up at Dom, intense green eyes filled with sadness. “I knew from the first time that we were together what I was doing to you was wrong. I knew in my heart that you couldn’t possibly want that for your life, but I couldn’t make myself stop coming to you. I’d dream about your beautiful eyes, your sweet skin, and your goofy smile. Everything about you. Day after day, I was drawn to you, and the more I saw you, the more I wanted you. I convinced myself that because we were friends, because I cared about you, it wasn’t as bad. I told myself that it was better because I wanted you. Not just sex with some faceless stranger. You.”
“Billy-”
“One day, when I’ve earned the right, I will ask for your forgiveness for that,” Billy says hoarsely, eyes bright. “And I promise you that I will never, ever intentionally hurt you, ever again. I am so, so s-”
“I never faked it with you,” Dom blurts out, unable to stay silent any longer.
“What?” Billy asks, eyes wide with surprise.
“From the very first time we were together, at the pub. I never faked it.”
“You mean-”
“That night, when I followed you into the loo, I told myself I was looking for a new customer, but honestly, I came to you because I wanted you,” Dom admits. “I saw you, earlier that night. On the sidewalk. You were so close you almost touched my shoulder. I wanted to reach out and touch you.”
Billy’s jaw drops. “Really?”
“I didn’t make a habit of getting to know potential customers, because I didn’t want to think about them when I was, you know,” Dom says, shifting awkwardly, not wanting to say the words. “There’s just something about you, Billy, and I couldn’t help myself. Just the thought of you made me hard,” he confesses softly.
“You didn’t pretend-”
“No, I didn’t,” Dom interrupts. “Not with you. See, I had a system. Get the money. Get it done. Get going. I wasn’t interested in their pleasure, only the release. Nobody cared what I looked like. Who I was. All they cared about was what they wanted. And I gave it to them, as fast as I could, so it was over, and I could get away from them.”
“Dom, you don’t have to-”
“No,” Dom says firmly, cutting Billy off. “I need to say this. I want to.”
“Okay.”
“You were always so gentle with me. Did you know that?” Dom asks, almost shy as he meets Billy’s gaze. “I always looked forward to seeing you, because I felt safe when you were touching me. I didn’t have to worry about you hurting me. We were friends, early on, and I liked spending time with you. I can’t say that I let myself go completely, when we were together, but for as much as I allowed myself to feel, it was all true. I liked being with you. A lot.”
Small hands sliding back and forth over Dom’s knees, Billy looks up at him, green eyes soft and intimate. “Dommie, I don’t know what to say.”
“I always tried to make it last with us, because I wanted it to be really good for you.” Tilting his head to one side, Dom blushes to the tips of his ears. “I wanted you to stay with me for as long as possible and I’d never felt that way before. Ever. Only with you. I always hated it when you left.”
Eyes meeting, Dom and Billy share a long, quiet moment, not needing to speak.
“Do you trust me, Dommie?” Billy asks softly.
Giving Billy an odd look, Dom’s mouth turns up in an almost bemused smile. “Billy, you saved my life. Of course I trust you.”
“I didn’t-”
“Yes, you did.” Scrubbing away the tears on his face with the back of his hand, Dom sits up a little. “I called Viggo a couple of days after my test results came in and I asked him to give it to me straight. I wanted to know how close he thought I came to dying, and he told me the truth.”
Billy’s eyes widen. “Dom-”
“I was in shock when you found me,” Dom continues, pressing a fingers to Billy’s lips to quiet him as their eyes meet. “I wasn’t thinking right. I’d been out there for hours and I probably would’ve stood on that corner, in the cold and rain, all that night and the next day, too, until I collapsed. For Christ’s sake Billy, I was bleeding and I tried to tell you to keep going. That you could finish.”
Wordlessly, Billy waits for Dom to continue.
“And then there was my back. If you hadn’t done what you did, I very likely would’ve gotten an infection,” Dom says, shaking his head. “There’s no way I would’ve gone to see a doctor. I wasn’t eating. I was barely sleeping. I would’ve been homeless in a couple of days. It would’ve killed me,” Dom finishes, the truth of his words weighing heavily on his slim shoulders. “It was just a matter of time.”
“Dommie,” Billy whispers, fresh tears forming.
“So yes, I do trust you,” Dom says softly, his own eyes glistening. “Why do you ask?”
“Come with me,” Billy requests, rising to his feet, taking Dom’s hands in his to pull him up from the couch. “Please?”
Obediently, Dom follows Billy away from the couch and over to a mirror hanging on the wall just outside of the kitchen. Brow furrowing on confusion, Dom’s eyes widen when he feels Billy’s hands at his waist, gently tugging his t-shirt up a few inches.
“Billy, no!”
Dom starts to struggle, only to stop when a soft kiss is pressed to his cheek, at the corner of his mouth.
“Just the t-shirt,” Billy whispers, turning so his back is to the mirror, eyes focused on Dom’s face. “Please? I promise you, I won’t touch. I won’t look. I won’t do anything until you say I can.”
Exhaling a ragged breath and closing his eyes tight for a moment, Dom nods and lifts his arms, a shudder rippling through his lean body as the cotton is peeled away and dropped soundlessly to the floor. Hands coming to rest on Dom hips, Billy keeps his word, his eyes locked with Dom’s, not looking at his bare shoulders or the skin exposed by the lower cut of the undershirt.
“In the kitchen, you said you knew that I didn’t want you,” Billy says quietly, eyes cloudy as his fingers fidget with the hem of the cloth hugging Dom’s slender frame. “What made you so sure of that?”
“That night?” Dom begins hesitantly, fingertips trailing over the bend of Billy’s elbows. “After we went shopping for clothes. When I tried to thank you, and you said no.”
“Dommie-”
“I heard you in the shower,” Dom continues, shushing Billy with a shake of his head. “Scrubbing me off of you. Because I touched you.”
Billy can’t help the short burst of shocked laughter that pushes past his lips as he stares at Dom, incredulous.
“You think- Dommie, I wasn’t-”
Confused by the smile Billy is trying to hide, Dom frowns. “What’s so bloody funny?”
“I wasn’t washing you off, Dommie. I was as hard as a rock and needed to wank rather desperately,” Billy confesses, his cheeks pinking. “I didn’t want you to hear me, and that was the safest place I could think of.”
“You needed to wank?” Dom repeats, eyes wide.
“I’ve been doing quite a bit of it in the last couple of months,” Billy adds, giving Dom a pointed look. “I think the last time I wanked this much was when I was about sixteen or so.”
“Is that why you’ve been showering morning and night?” Dom asks, putting the pieces together.
Billy laughs. “Yes. And many of those showers have been cold ones.”
“All this time- You’ve wanted me, all this time,” Dom whispers, shaking his head in disbelief. “And you never-”
“Dommie, I couldn’t have you come to me out of obligation,” Billy replies quietly, leaning close and tenderly kissing Dom’s forehead. “I couldn’t use you like that. I couldn’t let you.”
“I know. Thank you.”
Billy finds himself trying to stifle a smile. Pulling back so their eyes can meet, Dom traces the soft bow of Billy’s upper lip.
“I know,” Dom repeats, the corners of his mouth turning up. “It seems weird to thank you for not having sex with me, when it’s all I’ve wanted, pretty much since the day I moved in.”
“Things are different now,” Billy says, kissing Dom’s finger before he can pull it away.
Dom nods slowly and tentatively wraps his arms around Billy’s waist. “Yes, they are.”
“So, will you tell me what they look like?” Billy says softly, his thumbs stroking the close fitting white undershirt where it’s hugging Dom’s flat belly. “The scars.”
“I only looked once,” Dom admits. “I couldn’t after that. I didn’t want to.”
“When?”
“I woke up on the floor the morning after. The sun was up, overcast, but still shining through the window, and I was cold. Stiff. Sticky,” Dom tells him, tensing as the unpleasant memories wash over him. “I’m not sure how I got into the shower, but I remember wanting to scream when I turned the water on. It hurt so fucking bad.”
Pulling Dom closer to him, Billy places a feathery kiss on each of Dom’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I would’ve been there sooner if I’d known.”
“I know, Billy,” Dom says with the barest hint of a smile of comfort before it disappears again. “I took a look at my back in the mirror when I got out of the shower. I could smell the blood and it made me want to throw up. I tried to dry off, but it hurt too much and there were some spots that didn’t want to stop bleeding.”
“You know, it was healing up well, the last time I saw it,” Billy offers quietly, one hand moving up to cup Dom’s cheek. “The worst was that first night.”
“I can’t, Billy,” Dom whispers. “I just can’t.”
“Would you let me look for you?” Billy asks, looking deep into Dom’s expressive, pain-filled eyes. “Can you trust me to look and tell you truth?”
“Billy-”
“You don’t have to. I’m just offering.”
Biting down on his lower lip, Dom watches Billy’s soft and tender expression as he continues to silently comfort Dom in soothing, yet non-sexual touches. Patient and understanding, Billy waits as Dom struggles mentally with the decision, so afraid and unsure, clearly battling with himself.
“It’s okay, Dommie,” Billy soothes. “You don’t-”
“Okay,” Dom interrupts softly, barely above a whisper. “Okay.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”
Taking a deep breath, Dom nods and lays a trembling hand against Billy’s cheek as their eyes meet and hold.
“I trust you.”
“We’ll take it slow,” Billy promises, his hands sliding around the nape of Dom’s neck and bringing their lips together for a tender kiss as Dom’s arms tighten around his waist.
“Touch me?” Dom asks shyly, looking at Billy through a curtain of dark blonde hair and long eyelashes.
Smiling, Billy slides a hand slowly down Dom’s chest, petting the snug white cotton wrapped around his slender frame. Breath catching, Billy’s fingers linger over the smooth skin of Dom’s pectoral muscles, tugging the material down several inches before moving lower so both of his hands are resting on Dom’s narrow hips.
“This looks really good on you, by the way,” Billy says with a small smile. “You should wear something like this when the weather gets warmer.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely. Especially now that you’re not so thin.” Ducking his head, Billy places a tender kiss to Dom’s throat. “You were always lovely to look at, but now you just . . . shine. You’re so beautiful, Dommie. I love to look at you.”
Billy wants to say more, but can’t because Dom is pressing closer, their lips meeting in a long, soft, nibbling kiss.
“Take it off,” Dom requests quietly when they part.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Billy asks, eyes sympathetic.
“No,” Dom replies, a bit shakily. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be, so . . .”
Billy presses a kiss to Dom’s cheek. “Take a deep breath and just keep your eyes on me, okay?”
Submissively lifting his arms above his head, Dom nods. “Do it.”
Moving slowly and keeping their eyes locked, Billy carefully draws the sleeveless undershirt over Dom’s head and lets it drop to the floor, taking Dom’s ringed hands in his and giving them a reassuring squeeze.
“Okay?”
“So far.”
“Now, when you’re ready, I’m going to close my eyes, and then we’re going to turn around together,” Billy says, sliding the fingers of one hand through Dom’s hair and rubbing the tense muscles at the nape of his neck. His other hand comes to rest on Dom’s hip, carefully avoiding touching bare skin. “I’m not going to open them until you say I can.”
Slowly, Dom nods his assent. “Okay. Go ahead.”
“One. Two. Three.”
Closing his eyes as promised, Billy guides Dom closer so their bodies are pressed together and carefully reverses their positions so Billy is facing the mirror, and Dom’s back is towards it.
Taking slow, measured breaths, Billy keeps his eyes shut tight, fingers continuing to stroke Dom’s hair, feeling Dom’s hands tighten around his waist. The clock hanging on the wall above the fireplace ticks loudly, joining the faint humming from the refrigerator in the kitchen.
“Open them,” Dom says finally, nervous breath hot and moist against Billy’s neck.
All too aware that Dom is very likely watching closely for his reaction, Billy slowly releases the air in his lungs, praying for the best, yet preparing himself for the worst. Opening his eyes, Billy begins his examination at the nape of Dom’s slender neck, his gaze sliding ever so slowly along Dom’s spine, over his shoulder blades, across his ribs, down to the small of his back and finally stopping where the waistband of Dom’s blue jeans rest, low on his narrow hips.
“Well?” Dom whispers hoarsely, fearful, glistening eyes locked on Billy’s, unable to read the older man’s expression.
“I really think you should look for yourself, Dommie,” Billy replies, unable to look away from the mirror.
“I don’t know if-”
Pressing his cheek to Dom’s forehead, Billy kisses him and adds, “Trust me.”
Hesitantly, Dom closes his eyes and snuggles further into Billy’s arms as he turns his head to look over his shoulder at the mirror.
“I promise it’ll be alright,” Billy whispers. “I’m right here with you, Dommie. Always.”
Lips clamped together and body tense with fear and uncertainty, Dom takes a deep breath, and reluctantly opens his eyes. The silence in the room seems never-ending. The longer Dom looks, the bigger his blue-grey eyes grow, and then relief is weakening his legs and stealing his strength. Nearly falling into Billy’s arms, Dom buries his face in Billy’s neck, arms tightening around his waist as a sound that can only be described as joyful exuberance fills the air.
Cradling Dom’s slender body to his, Billy looks at the mirror, drinking in the beautiful sight, the hand at Dom’s waist sliding up to stroke the smooth, healed skin of Dom’s lower back.
“Is it alright if I touch you?” Billy asks softly, prepared to move his hand if necessary.
Wordlessly, Dom nods, fisting handfuls of Billy’s shirt as he struggles to control the emotions rushing through his body. It’s unbelievable. After the vicious beating, intense pain and resulting wounds, time and Billy’s gentle care has given Dom’s back the chance to knit itself back together, leaving only a few thin, pale scars, where the whip had cut Dom’s tender flesh especially deep. With a bit of luck, they’ll continue to fade, and all of the evidence will soon disappear completely, first from Dom’s skin, and then his memory.
“Are you alright?” Billy asks quietly, both hands sliding up and down Dom’s back in gentle caresses, eagerly exploring the warm, soft skin, relishing in every last, lovely inch. “Dommie?”
“How did you know?” Dom asks quietly, laying his head on Billy’s shoulder. “That it was all better? That-”
“I didn’t,” Billy replies, tenderly kissing Dom where his neck and shoulder meet. “I just knew that it couldn’t be as bad as you remembered. And I wasn’t about to leave you alone to look.”
Sinking into Billy’s embrace, Dom sighs, his long, elegant fingers playing with the belt loops of Billy’s trousers as their bodies rock together gently.
“And when you love someone,” Billy adds softly, kissing Dom’s cheek, “You’ll do anything to help ease their pain. Anything.”
Eyes wide, swollen lips parted, Dom pulls back a few inches, meeting Billy’s reassuring gaze.
“You love me?” he whispers, eyes shining with happiness.
Billy smiles, leaning in and nudging Dom’s nose with his. “Yes, I love you, Dommie. More than anything. I’m so in love with you.”
“Do you want to be with me?” Dom asks softly, the vulnerability achingly naked in his soulful, expressive eyes.
“Very much so,” Billy replies lovingly, fingers sweeping up and down the spine of Dom’s lean back in long, slow, comforting strokes. “But not until you’re ready, Dommie. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long it takes.”
Wrapping an arm around Billy’s shoulders, Dom pulls their bodies firmly together, lips meeting in a hungry, wet, passionate kiss, tongues tangling messily. Fingers carding though Dom’s thoroughly mussed hair, Billy smiles when Dom sighs and whimpers into his mouth. Nibbling and sucking on Dom’s pouty lower lip, Billy inhales sharply when he feels Dom’s hands at the front of his shirt, fumbling to open the buttons and expose the flesh beneath. Before he can offer to help, Billy’s shirt is pushed open and all of Dom’s fingers are trailing through the soft, ginger chest hair, eagerly exploring.
“Oh Billy,” Dom pants between kisses, pulling Billy’s shirt out of his trousers and slipping the material off of his strong shoulders. Letting the wrinkled cotton drop to the floor to join his undershirt, Dom snuggles into Billy’s body, petting his furry chest and teasing Billy with playful, warm kisses. “God, I’ve missed touching you.”
Finally breaking the kiss and pulling back a little, Dom nuzzles his nose into Billy’s neck, shivering pleasantly at the sensation of Billy’s hands sliding sensuously over his bare skin.
“Are you alright, Dommie?” Billy says softly, fingers stroking the silky, dark blonde hair at the nape of Dom’s neck. “Do you want to slow down? Take a break?”
“You want to be with me. Is now a good time?” Dom asks, meeting Billy’s gaze and tentatively smiling, recalling the words Billy used before their first time, all those months ago. A lifetime ago.
Recognizing the phrase, Billy laughs gently and slides his fingers through Dom’s wild hair in an intimate caress before bringing their lips together in a tender kiss. “Now works for me.”
Arms cuddling Dom protectively to his bare chest, Billy slowly leads the way down the dimly lit hallway to his bedroom, arms wound around one another and lips meeting in warm, passionate kisses.
Chapter 15
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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*is dead*
You REALLY ARE trying to kill me!
SO UNFAIR TO STOP RIGHT THERE! i mean yes, good stopping point but COME ONNNNNNN!!!!
/childish fit
great as usual! and happy halloween!
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woah. worth the wait...
“For being weak,” Billy replies, looking up at Dom, intense green eyes filled with sadness. “I knew from the first time that we were together what I was doing to you was wrong. I knew in my heart that you couldn’t possibly want that for your life, but I couldn’t make myself stop coming to you. I’d dream about your beautiful eyes, your sweet skin, and your goofy smile. Everything about you. Day after day, I was drawn to you, and the more I saw you, the more I wanted you. I convinced myself that because we were friends, because I cared about you, it wasn’t as bad. I told myself that it was better because I wanted you. Not just sex with some faceless stranger. You.
you've been so good at keeping the details close to the vest this time out (damn you)(j/k) that you haven't given a hint on whether billy would feel guilt because he'd paid dom, had been a part of the cycle that kept dom on the streets, or how he'd justify it to himself..
“Things are different now,” Billy says, kissing Dom’s finger before he can pull it away.
Dom nods slowly and tentatively wraps his arms around Billy’s waist. “Yes, they are.”
YEA!!! :woot woot:
“And when you love someone,” Billy adds softly, kissing Dom’s cheek, “You’ll do anything to help ease their pain. Anything.”
:big smoopy smile:
Arms cuddling Dom protectively to his bare chest, Billy slowly leads the way down the dimly lit hallway to his bedroom, arms wound around one another and lips meeting in warm, passionate kisses.
this is a cliffhanger i can handle. i don't mind at all, thinking of them being together, like that, for the next 24 hours. nope. not a problem for me!
hmmm. 5 chapters left...at least one of those should have some delightful interaction between these two. yum!
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Ack! *cluthes at my heart*
“And when you love someone,” Billy adds softly, kissing Dom’s cheek, “You’ll do anything to help ease their pain. Anything.”
I feel all snuggly now, what a lovely chapter.
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So beautiful! To know that Billy would've been perfectly accepting even if Dom's back was in tatters, but to have him mostly physically healed will help him so much down the road to recovery.
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I can't wait to have it tomorrowFrom:
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this was just perfect. i love the vunerability and the love.
i also think how backwards this all is is rather cute. i mean let's see? slept together before the knew each other. lived together before they kissed each other. aand yet they loved each other from the beginning. hee.
then of course you're evil again. i think your cliffhanger button is stuck on your muse.
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Thank you very much. Happy you enjoyed.
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Glad you enjoyed. :)
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I can respect that. :) Thank you very much.
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Yeah, I thought so, too. Happy you're enjoying. Thank you.
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You want to be alive for the next chapter. Trust me.
And blame my Muse for stopping right there. He's very mean.
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I don't know where I should start, so much happend:
Dom came home.
Dom taking care of Billy
Billy trusting Dom - Dom trusting Billy
I missed there first kiss! *swears*
Dom's fear and pain made me want to cuddle him, thank god he has Billy!
Your Billy's an angel!!!
And they declared their feelings for each other!!!
My parents think I'm completely crazy now. I cried, laughed, 'awwwed' and sometimes did everything at once while reading this.
And finally: You can't stop there!!!
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Glad it was worth the wait. And yes, I've been very tight-lipped and will continue to be, as there is still of story to be told. 5 chapters to go . . .
In this case, I hinted at Billy's issues with coming to Dom early on, but I wanted Billy's guilt and justification to be revealed to Dom and the readers at the same time. Make sense? It also meant I had to keep my mouth shut. Bah.
Yes, this is a nice cliffhanger - for change. Enjoy it. Thank you very much.