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monaboyd Sep. 30th, 2005 12:39 am)
jira-rd.livejournal.com posting in monaboyd Sep. 30th, 2005 12:39 am)Started because ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sucuri told me to write a fic in which Billy wanks off thinking about Dom, and I added into it that he should be on his 5th anniversary with Ali, and then after a ton of stuff that happened recently, my angst-o-meter has gone into overdrive and snapped, it got even worse. And this is definitely not one of my best fics ever.
Also. Becausethe1elf wanted to see if I could make her cry. *snort* Doubtful> But here it is.
Title: Reminisce
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Billy+Ali, Billy/Hand/Domfantasy
Summary: On Billy and Ali’s 5th anniversary, memories come back to haunt Billy. Angst. VERY angst.
Notes: Well, this was supposed to be depressing, and then I actually had something very depressing happen to me. So this is going to be like, incredibly depressing. And Dom’s actually straight in this. And Billy loses both people that he loves.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food – Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it’s good enough, just let me know at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away!
He felt like a complete asshole. He was out with Ali. And it was their fifth anniversary together. And he should be happy. But he wasn’t. Instead, he was inside the bathroom, pushing frantically at his pants.
His fingers were undoing a slippery button that did not want to come free after taking five minutes to button. He almost screamed as he pushed it frantically sideways, and almost ripped a seam yanking at the slick fabric of his dress pants.
When he finally did get it out, he pulled the zipper down, his boxers going with the pants, and he grasped his erection, almost moaning with relief as he felt the instant shuddering shock go through him.
Fuck. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He’d been with Ali for five years. And he loved her. But she wasn’t who he wanted to be with anymore. Hadn’t been for two years. But he also knew Dom was straight. And with Evey. And he knew Dom was straight because he’d kissed Dom one night.
Only to have Dom push him away. It had broken his heart and he’d almost ruined a friendship that had been very tenuous afterwards for a couple of months. Then, Dom got drunk and started to flirt with Billy quite publicly. But Billy couldn’t do a thing about it. Dom had told everyone how Billy had come onto him, and that Billy was a sweet guy, but there was nothing he could do because he just didn’t love Billy that way.
Nobody had said a word during it all. Or the day after. Or ever again. Not even Billy. And Dom had no recollection of it. Because he’d been so fucking pissed that he could have walked into a brick wall without realising it, backed up, and gone right back into it.
That had hurt almost as much as Dom’s rejection. But Billy was past that now. Except he wasn’t. Because he was still in love with Dom and it fucking ripped his heart apart knowing that it would never be returned.
Every time he had to hear about Evey or think about Dom kissing her and touching her, he wondered if a heart really could just stop beating and stop hurting. He’d realised a long time ago that it couldn’t. Because once he got past the whole “death” thing, he knew if it could, his would have stopped the day Dom rejected him.
Of course, he just had to torture himself on nights like this when he missed Dom so much that he wanted to call him up and ask him for just one chance and see if he liked it. Instead, he would disappear somewhere quiet and jerk off, touch himself, picturing Dom the night Billy’d kissed him. And imagine if it had gone further.
Sometimes it was no more than a handjob, hard and fast or slow and sweet, eyes meeting and smiles curving as they worked at each other’s erections until one of them came, head falling back as he released a silent cry.
Or it was a blowjob, picturing himself with his lips wrapped around Dom’s cock, sucking and tasting, hearing Dom beg him and whimper and groan low in his throat, until Billy was aching with hardness himself.
Or, and he’d only done this once before, he’d finger himself, slipping two or three or even four wet fingers between his thighs, one leg in the air with his foot propped against something for better angling, and he’d work his fingers into himself, letting out soft sighs and feeling the stretch, the burn, and wishing it was Dom’s cock. Letting himself get lost in it.
And that was what he was doing at the moment. His left hand was stroking at his cock, squeezing, and his body was tensing already as he rocked upwards into the pumping motion, while his third finger pushed into him and he let out a louder gasp. “Fuck, Dom!” He cried out. Because it was Dom’s fingers in him that pushed and sought to find his prostate.
Dom’s lips were on him, making him beg, fucking plead for more, because it wasn’t enough. He could feel the phantom kisses along his throat and chest, reminiscing about times he’d shagged Ali and pretended it was Dom, everything she did. And made sure he didn’t do anything to give away his secret.
He withdrew his fingers nearly all the way, and then added the fourth into himself and winced, moving slow as he accustomed himself. Because three was hard enough but four, it hurt. And it felt so fucking good once he really got into it.
”Yes, Dom, Dom… Oh god, yes, please.” He gasped, lifting his leg higher, leaning into the wall and stroking his cock harder and faster than ever. “Oh god, please please please, fuck me.”
He was lost in his fantasy. Dom’s eyes, glittering in darkness as he pushed his cock deep into Billy, and his fingers exploring while his tongue tasted; it was a fantasy that would ruin Billy one of these days.
And then he found his prostate. He’d been deliberately holding himself away from that for this, wanting to be able to hold out, to come with the image of Dom’s lips on his as he buried himself inside Billy, moaning and-
”Oh, fuck, yes Dom!” He cried out helplessly as he came, his palm catching the milky fluid as he pushed back onto his fingers and felt his legs almost give out as he went boneless. He let out a whimpering sigh as he came down from his orgasm and cleaned himself up.
And then he heard a sob. A familiar sob. Ali’s sob. He froze. Don’t open the door. He wanted to listen to his head. Because that would make it easier to deal with. His hands, of course, betrayed him so that his heart could endure more anguish because on days and nights like this, he had no way to stop hurting.
And there she stood, staring at him. “Ali.” He said quietly. He could feel the shameful heat rising to his cheeks. His pants were still down around his ankles and there was no way that she could not believe what he’d been doing.
And it seemed like forever, but was only probably ten or fifteen seconds, passed before she stumbled backwards out of the room. When he’d zipped himself up, cleaned himself up, and waited a good fifteen minutes to pull himself together before using all of his willpower to go outside, she was gone.
And his cell phone rang not ten minutes after. “Ali!” He gasped into the phone, praying it was her.
A long silence that only reinforced his gut instinct made him continue. “I’m so sorry. I wish you hadn’t-“
”Billy.” Dom’s voice cut him off. “It’s true?”
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckinghellno
”Billy.” Dom sounded angry. “Ali just called me. And told me that you were in the bathroom on your anniversary, jerking off and saying my name. Tell me this isn’t true.”
Billy closed his eyes and headed out of the restaurant, tossing more than enough money for bill and tip on the table. “Yes. It’s true.” He finally said.
”Fucking hell!” Dom was not angry. No. He was fucking exploding at Billy, hissing about wrong and he was dating Evey and he had never felt about Billy that way and that he didn’t enjoy Billy using him in his fantasies like that.
Billy stayed silent. Even when Dom hung up, he stayed silent, outside. As he’d always done, he stayed silent.
sucuri told me to write a fic in which Billy wanks off thinking about Dom, and I added into it that he should be on his 5th anniversary with Ali, and then after a ton of stuff that happened recently, my angst-o-meter has gone into overdrive and snapped, it got even worse. And this is definitely not one of my best fics ever. Also. Because
the1elf wanted to see if I could make her cry. *snort* Doubtful> But here it is.Title: Reminisce
Author: Sonata Night
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Billy+Ali, Billy/Hand/Domfantasy
Summary: On Billy and Ali’s 5th anniversary, memories come back to haunt Billy. Angst. VERY angst.
Notes: Well, this was supposed to be depressing, and then I actually had something very depressing happen to me. So this is going to be like, incredibly depressing. And Dom’s actually straight in this. And Billy loses both people that he loves.
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food – Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from my imagination.
Archive: If you think it’s good enough, just let me know at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away!
He felt like a complete asshole. He was out with Ali. And it was their fifth anniversary together. And he should be happy. But he wasn’t. Instead, he was inside the bathroom, pushing frantically at his pants.
His fingers were undoing a slippery button that did not want to come free after taking five minutes to button. He almost screamed as he pushed it frantically sideways, and almost ripped a seam yanking at the slick fabric of his dress pants.
When he finally did get it out, he pulled the zipper down, his boxers going with the pants, and he grasped his erection, almost moaning with relief as he felt the instant shuddering shock go through him.
Fuck. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He’d been with Ali for five years. And he loved her. But she wasn’t who he wanted to be with anymore. Hadn’t been for two years. But he also knew Dom was straight. And with Evey. And he knew Dom was straight because he’d kissed Dom one night.
Only to have Dom push him away. It had broken his heart and he’d almost ruined a friendship that had been very tenuous afterwards for a couple of months. Then, Dom got drunk and started to flirt with Billy quite publicly. But Billy couldn’t do a thing about it. Dom had told everyone how Billy had come onto him, and that Billy was a sweet guy, but there was nothing he could do because he just didn’t love Billy that way.
Nobody had said a word during it all. Or the day after. Or ever again. Not even Billy. And Dom had no recollection of it. Because he’d been so fucking pissed that he could have walked into a brick wall without realising it, backed up, and gone right back into it.
That had hurt almost as much as Dom’s rejection. But Billy was past that now. Except he wasn’t. Because he was still in love with Dom and it fucking ripped his heart apart knowing that it would never be returned.
Every time he had to hear about Evey or think about Dom kissing her and touching her, he wondered if a heart really could just stop beating and stop hurting. He’d realised a long time ago that it couldn’t. Because once he got past the whole “death” thing, he knew if it could, his would have stopped the day Dom rejected him.
Of course, he just had to torture himself on nights like this when he missed Dom so much that he wanted to call him up and ask him for just one chance and see if he liked it. Instead, he would disappear somewhere quiet and jerk off, touch himself, picturing Dom the night Billy’d kissed him. And imagine if it had gone further.
Sometimes it was no more than a handjob, hard and fast or slow and sweet, eyes meeting and smiles curving as they worked at each other’s erections until one of them came, head falling back as he released a silent cry.
Or it was a blowjob, picturing himself with his lips wrapped around Dom’s cock, sucking and tasting, hearing Dom beg him and whimper and groan low in his throat, until Billy was aching with hardness himself.
Or, and he’d only done this once before, he’d finger himself, slipping two or three or even four wet fingers between his thighs, one leg in the air with his foot propped against something for better angling, and he’d work his fingers into himself, letting out soft sighs and feeling the stretch, the burn, and wishing it was Dom’s cock. Letting himself get lost in it.
And that was what he was doing at the moment. His left hand was stroking at his cock, squeezing, and his body was tensing already as he rocked upwards into the pumping motion, while his third finger pushed into him and he let out a louder gasp. “Fuck, Dom!” He cried out. Because it was Dom’s fingers in him that pushed and sought to find his prostate.
Dom’s lips were on him, making him beg, fucking plead for more, because it wasn’t enough. He could feel the phantom kisses along his throat and chest, reminiscing about times he’d shagged Ali and pretended it was Dom, everything she did. And made sure he didn’t do anything to give away his secret.
He withdrew his fingers nearly all the way, and then added the fourth into himself and winced, moving slow as he accustomed himself. Because three was hard enough but four, it hurt. And it felt so fucking good once he really got into it.
”Yes, Dom, Dom… Oh god, yes, please.” He gasped, lifting his leg higher, leaning into the wall and stroking his cock harder and faster than ever. “Oh god, please please please, fuck me.”
He was lost in his fantasy. Dom’s eyes, glittering in darkness as he pushed his cock deep into Billy, and his fingers exploring while his tongue tasted; it was a fantasy that would ruin Billy one of these days.
And then he found his prostate. He’d been deliberately holding himself away from that for this, wanting to be able to hold out, to come with the image of Dom’s lips on his as he buried himself inside Billy, moaning and-
”Oh, fuck, yes Dom!” He cried out helplessly as he came, his palm catching the milky fluid as he pushed back onto his fingers and felt his legs almost give out as he went boneless. He let out a whimpering sigh as he came down from his orgasm and cleaned himself up.
And then he heard a sob. A familiar sob. Ali’s sob. He froze. Don’t open the door. He wanted to listen to his head. Because that would make it easier to deal with. His hands, of course, betrayed him so that his heart could endure more anguish because on days and nights like this, he had no way to stop hurting.
And there she stood, staring at him. “Ali.” He said quietly. He could feel the shameful heat rising to his cheeks. His pants were still down around his ankles and there was no way that she could not believe what he’d been doing.
And it seemed like forever, but was only probably ten or fifteen seconds, passed before she stumbled backwards out of the room. When he’d zipped himself up, cleaned himself up, and waited a good fifteen minutes to pull himself together before using all of his willpower to go outside, she was gone.
And his cell phone rang not ten minutes after. “Ali!” He gasped into the phone, praying it was her.
A long silence that only reinforced his gut instinct made him continue. “I’m so sorry. I wish you hadn’t-“
”Billy.” Dom’s voice cut him off. “It’s true?”
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckinghellno
”Billy.” Dom sounded angry. “Ali just called me. And told me that you were in the bathroom on your anniversary, jerking off and saying my name. Tell me this isn’t true.”
Billy closed his eyes and headed out of the restaurant, tossing more than enough money for bill and tip on the table. “Yes. It’s true.” He finally said.
”Fucking hell!” Dom was not angry. No. He was fucking exploding at Billy, hissing about wrong and he was dating Evey and he had never felt about Billy that way and that he didn’t enjoy Billy using him in his fantasies like that.
Billy stayed silent. Even when Dom hung up, he stayed silent, outside. As he’d always done, he stayed silent.
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And this line: As he’d always done, he stayed silent.
That was just the perfect line to end with.
Thank you so much! Guess it's my turn now, eh?
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And that angsty Billy? Is NOTHING compared to what I'm writing now. Just you wait.
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Heee, I have Bio class now, with a teacher who is literally insane, I swear to god. I should post all my Bio class stories online.
But then I'm coming back and writing angst all weekend long.
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And thank you. I really can say with total honesty that this is NOT one of my better writings. But I'm still glad you enjoyed it and think it's good. I'll wow you with my next chapter of "Lolly", promise.
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I'm just going to say that your icon both amuses and disturbs me.
And I shall try to keep that emotion there. It really does strike me as them and I love to write it.