Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 7/9

[perfect-oasis.livejournal.com]

Title: Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 7/9
Author: The Phantom Writer silentnumbsmoke
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: See, it's a happy cycle: You comment on my story, I become intrigued, I check out your livejournal and a) add your AIM s/n to my buddy list (if you have it), and b) check out your stories that I've never noticed before! Then I'll more than likely comment on your stories! See? You'll just be doing good things for yourself! ;)
Disclaimer: 'Tis all fiction...
Notes: 1) As always, many thanks to airlia_vega!!!

2) Only two more parts after this... It's definitely going to be hard for me to leave this story behind and continue on with others, especially considering how much I've obsessed over this one!

3) Before you read this, I would definitely suggest reading Parts I, II, III, IV, V and VI!



Part VII

It rained in Wellington on the day of Dominic’s funeral. If I weren’t already numb from the last few days of tears, telephones and traveling, I would have felt the cold chill rush up my bare legs; I was wearing my kilt. Of course, it wasn’t black, but Dom always got a kick out of seeing me wear it. If only he were here to make a joke right now (“If you’re going to wear a skirt, the least you could do is shave your bloody hairy legs!”)… Well, at least the kilt wasn’t bright blue and orange, like Dom wanted for his own. (“Bill?”

“Yeah, Dommie?”

“Will you get me a kilt?”

A smile. “Sure, what clan?”

A blank look. “Clan?”

“Yes, Dom. Different colors are different Scottish clans.”

He blinked. “Which clan has the colors blue and orange?”

“…”

“What?”

“Dom, I may be wrong, but I don’t think there is a Scottish clan – even a barbaric one – that is crazy enough to choose the colors blue and orange.”

Damn. The puppy dog eyes. A sigh. “I’ll try my best, Dom.”

A large, sloppy kiss. “Yay! I love you, Billeh!”

“I love you too, Dommie.”) The colors still fit into the black-clothed community I found myself forced in the middle of. I avoided the sympathetic glances that I knew surrounded me and gazed at the coast that was laid out before me, the waves crashing against the rocky shore. The anger of the waves and the tears that fell from the sky matched just two of the many emotions that I’d gone through recently. My sore eyes raised to the sky; the stormy gray clouds reminded me of Dominic’s eyes. The swirling storm clouds were exactly what I used to see when I looked into Dom’s eyes. Filled with emotions, but unreadable – you never knew what was going to happen next. Staring at the clouds, it felt like Dom was staring down at me from the sky.

“Billy…” I started and tore my eyes away from the clouds that were Dom’s eyes and found myself staring at the brightest, biggest pools of blue I’d ever seen. Elijah. I nodded, unable to force a smile onto my face for one of my best friends.

“How long, Billy?” Orlando was standing to Elijah’s right, his voice thick with tears.

“We…” I had to stop and clear my throat – I hadn’t spoken in over twelve hours. I’d slept, gotten up, and busied myself with work before leaving the hotel and arriving here for the memorial. “We found out about three years ago.” (Correction: I knew the exact date when Dom told me – I would never forget it. Dom had known for a week before he finally came out with the news that changed my life.)

Elijah gawked. “Only three years? I mean…” He took a deep breath, struggling. “Doesn’t it take longer?”

“It was acute leukemia, Lij,” I droned, repeating the words that Dr. Emmons told me almost three years ago… when I still held hope in spending the rest of my life with Dominic Monaghan. “It works faster than chronic leukemia.”

“…oh,” Elijah spoke lamely.

“No one told us,” Orlando said, his eyes clearly displaying the hurt that he felt. “None of the fellowship knew until three days ago.”

“I know.”

“Well?” Orlando hissed, using anger to deal with his grief. “You had three years – why didn’t you tell us?” I was silent, gulping. Maybe I hadn’t used up all my tears as I had previously thought. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe we wanted to say goodbye too?”

“Of course it did,” I spoke slowly, clenching my jaw – a Dominic characteristic. “But…” I glanced at the muddy ground. “We planned on his getting better, Orli.” Any anger I began to feel dissipated quickly. “We didn’t tell anyone because he was going to get better.” Tears filled my eyes as I watched the frustration fade from Orlando’s.

“Jesus, I’m sorry, Billy…” Orlando rushed forward, his arms opening wide to attack me in an embrace. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed, “so fucking sorry.”

Through the tears that leaked out onto my cheeks, I offered Elijah a strained smile – he definitely looked like he could do with a hug. Pulling from the elf, I sadly opened my arms for Elijah, who no less than leapt into my hug, his arms holding tight. Elijah’s beautiful blue eyes let loose then, his tears soaking my jacket.

~~~

“Thank you all for joining us here today in Wellington for this mournful event.” I sat, flanked by Elijah and Orlando on one side, Dom’s parents and brother on the other. Looking up absently, I noticed that Dom’s cloud eyes could hardly be seen past all the black, pointed umbrellas. Figures. “There will be no burial, as Dominic, prior to passing, offered his body to scientific purposes.” I shuddered at the memory of it. (“Bills?”

“Yeah, Dom?”

“I don’t want to be buried.”

I froze. “Cremated?”

“No. I think my body should be given to science.”

“Even then I don’t think we’ll be able to find out what planet you came from, love.”

A smirk. “No, I mean… for experiments.”

My insides froze as well. “Experiments?”

“Yeah. I know that first year medical students have a class called Gross Anatomy. My friend Anthony told me about it. It’s their first class, and they have pods and… well, each pod has a cadaver. They dissect the corpse to learn, hands on, about the anatomy.”

I shuddered at the thought of a scalpel even coming close to marring Dom’s perfect, beautiful skin. “Are you sure you want to do that, Dom?”

“Yes.” His voice was firm, and I was crushed. “I may not be able to keep saving trees, but… I can still encourage knowledge.”

A gulp accompanied by a tear. “Whatever you want, Dominic.”) I realized that the man’s voice was still floating through the cold, empty air. “Although not a member of the religious group himself, Dominic also requested a Quaker service. For those of you unfamiliar with it, a Quaker eulogy consists mainly of silence. If any of you think of a story to tell, or just a few words to say about Dominic, feel free.” With that said, the Quaker clerk took a seat beneath the tree that loomed over us.

Silence. I should’ve objected when Dom brought up the idea of a Quaker service. All the silence made me think of him. Of course, that’s the point of a memorial, but Dom had been in my thoughts 24/7 for the past week, and I really figured that my tear ducts deserved a rest.

I looked up in surprise as someone behind me stood up. “I remember when Dominic came to me and told me he was in love.” Sir Ian McKellen’s piercing eyes were staring directly into mine. “I was surprised that he had come to me. Surely the other hobbits and elf would be better to hear about this? That’s when he told me he was in love with one of those furry-footed creatures. I had always felt a connection between young Dominic and myself, both of us being blessed with beautifully large noses, but, as he came to me for advice and answers, that is when our friendship truly bloomed.” He sent me a smile before sitting, taking Sean Mathias’ hand as he did so.

We sat in at least another five minutes worth of silence.

“Dommie was always a persistent little tyke,” Dom’s father spoke from my left. “When I taught him how to ride a bicycle, he didn’t have the hang of it for more than an hour before he demanded the training wheels be taken off. I tried to explain that it would be much harder, but the obstinate little bugger wouldn’t give up,” he smiled past the tears that streamed down his cheeks. “He was riding into brick walls, blackberry bushes and the dogs all afternoon.”

“My daughter fell in love at first sight. She usually has to move past her awkward, shy stage, but Dom came right over, tickling her, pulling her pigtails and telling her jokes. At first I stood in shock, surprised that Dom even knew jokes that were appropriate for my Ali. After she gave him an engagement ring, which I never saw him without, I marveled at how well he interacted with children. Maybe it was because he was still a kid at heart himself.”

An hour passed, and over half the people spoke kind words and of fond memories. I smiled, realizing why Dom had wanted a Quaker service. That way, it didn’t end with frowns and tears, but with smiles, weak chuckles and odd anecdotes that hadn’t been shared until then.

The hour had passed, and although the entire fellowship and PJ had spoken, I still hadn’t risen to my feet. I couldn’t go without, but what could I say that was meaningful enough… that I could say without breaking down? ‘I loved him more than anything. I… I miss him.’ Wow, that’d be weak and dull. Anyone there could stand and say that. But Dominic was my life. My boyfriend. My lover. My soul mate. My best friend. He was everything to me… how could I put that into words?

Finally, I stood, no plan in my head as of what to say. It stayed silent, the only sounds were the beating of the rain upon the umbrellas and the occasional thunder roar. I glanced up at the sky. Dom… Dom’s eyes were staring at me.

In musicals, songs are inserted instead of words because, whatever emotion a song portrays, the emotion cannot be shown by mere words. It takes the music to display the strong enough emotions needed.

Thinking back to a song that Dominic had pleaded with me to sing to him as a lullaby many nights after making love, I knew. The emotion was too strong for mere words. I love you, Dom. I began to sing, looking out into the dark, raging sea.

“Home is behind
The world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow,
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight

Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall...fade.”

Wellington often got cold, but it usually warmed my heart to be in such a beautiful place. This time was different. Dom was dead, and Wellington had no affect on my numbed heart.