Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 5/9

[perfect-oasis.livejournal.com]

Title: Reincarnation and Postage Stamps, Part 5/9
Author: The Phantom Writer silentnumbsmoke
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: See, it's a happy cycle: You comment on my story, I become intrigued, I check out your livejournal and a) add your AIM s/n to my buddy list (if you have it), and b) check out your stories that I've never noticed before! Then I'll more than likely comment on your stories! See? You'll just be doing good things for yourself! ;)
Disclaimer: 'Tis all fiction...
Notes: As always, many thanks to airlia_vega!!!

Before you read this, I would definitely suggest reading Parts I, II, III and IV!



Part V

The sound of the front door opening made Billy smile: Dominic was home. “I’m in the pantry, love!” he called out cheerfully. Never moving his eyes from the laundry he was pulling from the dryer, he continued on. “Did you pick up anything to eat?”

“Yeah,” was the quiet reply. Billy could hear his boyfriend plodding into the kitchen to drop a couple bags on the counter. “I got some Chinese, I hope that’s okay.”

“I hope you remembered the fortune cookies,” Billy spoke with a grin, briefly looking up at Dom, who was now leaning against the doorframe of the pantry.

“I did.” There was a moment of silence that Billy didn’t bother to fill. He could tell that Dominic was working up to speaking. After being so quiet and solemn since arriving home, the older man knew that Dom had something on his mind.

“I got a call from Dr. Emmons while I was out.”

“Oh?” Billy’s voice was strong, although he could feel his hands shaking slightly as he neatly folded Dom’s multi-colored bandanas. “What’d he want?”

“He wanted to see me.”

A long silence. “Why?”

Billy had stopped folding, looking at Dominic, who diverted his eyes (The look in Billy’s eyes is too strong… the vulnerability shining through… I can’t even force myself to look into his eyes to see the pain and the fear of what I’m about to say.). “Dominic…” The bandana in his hand fell to the ground. “Why did he want to see you?” (Oh, no… please… What’s going on now?)

Dom fidgeted nervously. (I can’t. But… I have to. I need to.) “To inform me of my options.”

A gulp. “Options?” Billy walked over to Dominic, taking his hands.

Dom nodded curtly and took a deep breath. “My first round of chemotherapy hasn’t made any progress.” He looked up, correctly interpreting Billy’s blank look. “It’s not working.” (There. I said it. …Why don’t I feel any better?)

The grip on Dom’s hands tightened. “What do you mean, it’s not working?” His voice rose several pitches in panic. “The chemo’s causing you pain and making you tired… It’s gotta be doing something!”

“No, Bill,” Dom spoke, his hazy eyes looking tired as he stared into Billy’s intense eyes, willing him to accept it. He gulped and licked his lips uncomfortably, wishing the situation would disappear. “It hasn’t done much other than make me go bald at an early age.” (Please, Bills… accept it. I can’t keep this brave face on much longer…)

Billy looked down, clenching his jaw uncharacteristically. (I can’t do this…) “So…” He took a deep breath to calm down and sort out all of the emotions that were running through his head. “All of the pain, the exhaustion and nausea that you got from chemo, all the patience spent… none of it was worth it! Because it didn’t do anything anyway!” He threw up his hands in frustration before turning and placing his hands on the dryer, palms down, knuckles white. After months of being with Dom during all of this, holding him as he sobbed, rubbing soothing circles on Dom’s back as his breakfast joined the toilet water, not once did he let his hope fade. ‘Dom is going to get better, he is, no question about it. He’s strong already, but with the two of us linked together by our love, we’re unstoppable, even from the fight of a bloody disease like this.’ These thoughts were forever floating through his mind. Then, without warning, they disappeared without a trace. The hope took the nearest plane to Argentina to run and hide. Dominic was sick. Billy loved him more than words could say, but their love wasn’t strong enough not to be broken by this fucking disease!

As he glared at the bandanas, he realized that his current rage had temporarily deafened him, and sounds were now filtering through his barrier of fury.

“Billy…” Dominic was sobbing. “Bills, I’m sorry… I tried… I… I don’t think there was anything else I could do, otherwise I would have done it. I… I love you, Billy… I’m sorry!” Dom’s hand, which had settled on Billy’s shoulder, suddenly pulled away. Billy turned, his tear-filled eyes wide with shame. (Fuck, Billy! Yes, you’re upset, but… look at Dom! He’s only fucking 29 years old and he’s been told he’s going to die! This is tearing him apart in every meaning of the word! Yet you fucking blow up at him. He doesn’t need a lecture, he knows what he’s gone through. He needs support. …We both need support.) A tear slipping down his cheek, Billy kneeled beside Dom, who had slid down the wall and pulled his knees to his chest.

“Oh, Dommie…” Billy moved to sit beside his boyfriend, whose shoulders were shaking. “Don’t be sorry. I know you did everything you could. I’m just mad at the chemo for failing, and at the leukemia for targeting you in the first place.” A thought occurred to him. “You say the doctor told you that you have options?”

Sniffing, Dom nodded. (Not many bloody options…) “Yeah.”

“What are they?” Billy spoke softly. (I’ve scared him enough for one day.)

“Well,” Dominic cleared his throat, raising a hand to wipe his tears away. “For starters, I’ve been raised up on the list for a bone marrow donor. But the chances of finding a donor are still slim to none,” he admitted as Billy grasped his hand protectively. “Then… uh, either I start in on another round of chemotherapy, or…” he sighed, looking down. “Or I just throw in the towel and admit defeat.”

Billy swore his heart stopped. “Which…” He gulped nervously. “Which is your plan?”

Dom raised his eyes, staring into Billy’s solemnly. “I’m so tired, Billy. Yet, as much as I feel like just giving up… I can’t. This is my life, and… I love life so much. I…” (Damn it… This is… so important, yet… I fucking can’t put it into words!) “I can’t just give up. “ He squeezed Billy’s hand. “I’m going to stay with you for as long as I can, Billy. I won’t be leaving you, Billy.”

Billy’s green eyes closed briefly. (I don’t even want to think about that… I don’t know what I’d do… No, Billy! Don’t think about it!) “When are you starting the next set?”

Dom let out a weak, anxious smile. “As soon as possible.”

“We’ll get through this, Dommie,” Billy whispered.

“I know.” A nod, followed by a gentle kiss. “I love you.”