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monaboyd May. 10th, 2005 11:05 pm)Title: Tears
Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
msmollusk
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: hard R for emotionality (see warning)
Summary: Billy learns something about Dom
Warnings: Rape depictions (not detailed)
A/N: The last thing I intend is to take serious matters lightly so if it comes across that way I deeply apologise.
Feedback: omg please, how am I supposed to get better if I don’t know what I’m doing wrong?
Disclaimer: Not an iota of truth in this little fic. To sue would be an exercise in futility
I screwed the post up again (surprise surprise). So for the last time hopefully...
L.A sometime around 2003
Crying was something that Billy rarely indulged in. He hated it. Thought it made him “weak”. He guesses that has something to do with growing up in one of the tougher Glaswegian suburbs. He cried when his father died, then around a year later when his mother died too of course, that he couldn‘t help. Billy had not cried since he shed his last tear over his mother, not even when his grandmother died.
But Billy cried tonight. He cried after Dom sobbed himself to sleep in his arms. He cried after Dom told him what had happened one night after walking home alone one night from the local theatre when he was sixteen. Dom told him of the three men who had followed him from the theatre, shouting obscenities like ’Fucking faggot!’, and ’Hey fairy! Why don’t you act out some Linda Lovelace you poofter!’. He told Billy he tried to walk faster so as not to provoke them, but that they only sped up until both Dom and the men were running. Dom was fast but not as fast as one of them who crash-tackled Dom to the ground and then the others were on him, dragging him into a nearby alley.
Dom had said he didn’t really remember what happened after that. He had had brief flashbacks over the years but he does remember being forced down face-first on the ground with one of them sitting on his hands so he couldn’t move, and his pants being shoved down. He remembers cold air on his buttocks then pain, and then he was punched in the back of the head, slamming his forehead into the concrete, knocking him out cold.
Dom said he woke up a few hours later with blood on his pants and his whole body feeling like one great big bruise. Stumbling home, he managed to escape the attention of his parents and brother by saying he was going to stay with a mate from school for a couple of days. He instead went to one of his actor friends’ place, a mate who he knew would not ask any questions.
Billy then asked Dom if he’d ever told anybody what had happened, to which Dom replied no, and to be truthful, hadn’t thought of it the entire time in New Zealand. Unfortunately the depression he endured the year after Rings finished principle photography, brought all those unsavoury memories to the fore again.
Then as Dom was snapping out of his funk, he told Billy that he figured if he wasn’t going to be depressed anymore, then he wasn’t going to let those guys win, and that was why he deliberately camped it up every time they went out for premiers or functions or interviews and the like. But it didn’t end up working out that way. Billy asked him what he meant by that and Dom said that the more flamboyant he was, the more attention was placed on that and Dom started having doubts, thinking that maybe it was his fault in the first place, that maybe he did have it coming for being so “out there”.
Billy asked Dom if he knew that that was a ridiculous notion and that nobody ever deserves what Dom went through. Dom said he knew in his head but not in his heart.
Dom said that for years after the rape, he would just take home random men. Even men he wasn’t attracted to in the least, just because he felt he needed some semblance of control. He said he wasn’t even sure if he was really gay, sure he did experimental schoolboy stuff before the rape but that was it. He just really loved the theatre and acting, not even caring about the other actors sexual proclivities. But that since the rape he felt like he must be gay if those men saw something in him that he himself did not really see.
At this point, Dom lifted his head slowly and told Billy that the only man he had ever loved whom he was not related to was Billy. He was not in-love with Billy, but given the right situation, Billy would be the only man Billy would love in a non-platonic way, and this was another reason why he didn’t think he was truly gay. Billy told him that he loved him too and that he would do whatever in his power to do to help Dom get better because obviously Dom had never really dealt with it properly.
Dom started to cry saying ‘Bill I need your help, please help me get through this?’ to which Billy replied ‘Oh Dommie of course’ pulling Dom into his arms and Dom then began to sob uncontrollably for about half an hour until he just got so exhausted and collapsed back against the couch cushions, still within the circle of Billy’s arms.
It was then that Billy finally allowed himself to cry, and cry he did, quietly, softly, until his eyes were red and there was tear streaks down his face.
Oh Dommie, he thought, why couldn’t I have been less wrapped up in my own problems to pay attention to something I really should have seen?
Deciding to do something about it rather than just bemoaning it, he started forming an idea in his head. Nodding to himself, he thought it was a good idea. So carefully extricating Dom, he stood up, stretched, then leant back down to pick the sleeping Dom up (thanking the sweet merciful Lord he was stronger than he looked) and carry him to Billy’s bed in the spare room of Doms house, where they both slept peacefully with Billy wrapped around Doms back, spooning him, still fully clothed because Billy was just too buggered to bother undressing either of them.
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When Dom awoke the next morning, he was assaulted by the dual scents of Billy and food cooking. Ah he was in Billy’s bed, that’s where the Billy-smell came from. Then he remembered that he’d told Billy what had happened and that he’d fallen asleep in Billy’s arms. So Billy must have not have been that freaked out by what Dom had said if he’d carried him back to his own bed (he was a strong little shite!).
Groaning with post crying headache, he lifted himself out of bed and made his way down the hall to the kitchen where Billy was standing at the stove with a metal spatula in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.
Stunned at the at the assortment of food in the frying pans, Dom just stood dumbly for a minute until Billy turned around and grinned at him. ‘Hungry Dom?’ he asked.
‘Fucking hell Bills! Do I look like Oprah circa 1994?’
‘No you look like you haven’t eaten enough in the last couple of weeks and you used to have the appetite of fat-Oprah ya git.’ Bill said looking Dom up and down. ‘So hon’ what you want fo’ breakfast?’ he said in his best Texas Diner waitress voice.
‘Hmm, what’s on the menu…’ pretending to squint at an invisible nametag ‘…Whilemina?’ asked Dom in his best truckers accent.
Not bothering with any accent Billy replied ‘Eggs benedict, Canadian bacon, sausages, toast, hash browns, and last but most certainly not least, your very special favourite, sliced fried Strasbourg which I managed to scrounge from a specialist delicatessen’
‘Strasbourg??? Oh Bill you’re my hero!’ said Dom only mock-kidding, then proceeding to demand everything on the menu.
‘So Dom, do you think you could get used to this?’ asked a slightly hesitant Billy after he‘d finished dishing up Doms breakfast and poured tea into his cup.
‘You mean breakfast?’ asked Dom around a mouthful of Eggs Benedict and sausage.
‘No you ijit! Me, here, staying. What do you say if I move in with you? I’ve kind of wanted a change of pace from Scotland for a little bit.’ And when Dom just looked at him he continued ‘I mean if you don’t want me here I understand but I meant what I said last night, I want to help you but if you don’t want me here I can find somewhere else to stay’ Billy finished and looked up to see that doms face had acquired a face that they both like to call “cats-arse” and Billy flinched.
‘You pity me? Is that it Billy? Can’t leave poor Dom alone now that he knows that Doms been bad. Ali will understand.’ He spat out, slamming down his knife and fork.
‘Dom, listen to me carefully, it’s not about pity, I would never do that to you. You know that. Also I don’t care if Ali understands or not, we split up 2 weeks ago, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now but to tell you the truth I haven’t really been able to think about anything else but that I was going to see you soon. Which is, incidentally, a large part of why we split up, she couldn’t compete with you. You said last night that given the right circumstance, you could fall in love with me. Well I didn’t fully understand until you fell asleep and I started thinking that I feel the exact same way. And if it’s alright with you, I would very much like to give things a go and make the situation in our favour. But only after we get you properly dealing with what’s happened, because you should be concentrating on yourself right now, without having to deal with other things like possible relationships.’ Billy took a sip of his now-cold tea and looked at Dom to gauge his reaction.
‘Billy, what did I do to deserve you?’ he asked with a soft smile.
‘I dunno, did you pull the wings off flies when you were a little boy?’ asked Billy, wanting to lighten Doms mood a little. He was rewarded with a chuckle from Dom.
‘Let’s do this Bills, you and me’ said Dom, before reaching across the table and taking Billy’s outstretched hand.
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Billy finally realised that he could cry around Dom and not feel weak. He realised that when you’re in love and the person you’re in love with loves you back just as fiercely, then silly things like crying in front of other people don’t matter much in the grand scheme of life.
Billy also realised that apart from the couple of highly emotional times he accompanied Dom to the psychologist, life with Dom would never be a cause for tears. Not even when Dom died holding Billy’s hand fifty-odd years later, because he knew soon enough he would be reunited with his Dommie and they can be in love again for all eternity.
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Wish I could be more coherent. . . but that's all I got. . .
Aww.
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I love you.
*hugs*
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Noooo, I love you!!!
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Nyah.
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But I so love you for the thought.
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Ooo! Posting a sad drabble tonight, so hopefully le fans will like it. Maybe even love it, I dunno. But I want some tears!!!
*gets ready to poke people in the eye*
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Somehow I don't think you'll need to resort to blinding people to get them to cry...
Also, le fans will love it, bien sur.
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;P
I never did post it, now did I?